# Chapter 64
It was a vast reed field where nothing existed except reeds. In this space divided into brown and blue like the world itself, with nothing else visible, there was also no sign of human presence.
In the quiet reed field, occasionally birds would come to rest, nothing more.
Step— Step—
Suddenly, footsteps began to echo through the endlessly quiet reed field. The figure of someone who had walked through the reeds, stepping on dried grass, was revealed. Long silver hair, gently shimmering in the sunlight, seemed to dance in the air.
It was Zenon, walking with no expression on his face. His glass-like golden eyes were floating calmly.
Unlike the gray shirt he usually wore, Zenon was dressed in a white shirt and black jacket. His usual black dress pants and different upper garments reminded one of someone attending a funeral.
Perhaps it was even more so because of the bouquet in Zenon’s hand. Except for one flower, the bouquet was entirely white chrysanthemums. The flowers were in full bloom without any fragrance.
His weighted footsteps continued. They did not stop until reaching deep into the reed field.
After walking for a long time, Zenon stopped abruptly. Strangely, no reeds grew around where he stood. But it wasn’t empty either.
Instead of reeds, white chrysanthemums were piled up abundantly. They were the same kind that Zenon was holding. The ground, invisible beneath the chrysanthemums, evoked a world completely different from the reed field.
As soon as he arrived, with a familiar gesture, he plucked only the chrysanthemum flowers from the bouquet. Then Zenon scattered his chrysanthemums among the flowers that were already there.
The scene looked as if he was commemorating someone. Only when the bouquet became meaningless with just one flower remaining did his actions stop.
Then Zenon slowly opened his lips, which had remained closed all this time.
“I hope you’ll be eternal there.”
Guilt settled in his eyes, which had been devoid of any emotion. What he had been doing was a commemoration. A commemoration he could only perform like this.
This was where the people he had killed were buried. Among bodies decomposed by bombs, not a few had only their heads barely recovered.
Originally, all of these should have been disposed of. But Zenon had buried those he had killed here.
This was the only atonement he could offer to those who were innocent. It was a grave that only Zenon could remember, without even a tombstone.
That’s why he occasionally came here to commemorate. Even though his commemoration was nothing more than throwing artificial flowers.
The reason the flowers were artificial rather than real was so they wouldn’t decay. These were lives already lost. So he wanted at least what was placed here to be eternal.
Zenon scattered artificial flowers with that sentiment. Though he couldn’t arrange them neatly to avoid revealing the grave.
While commemorating like this, he had once thought of finding a proper place for those buried in this poor location. But with countless more bodies added afterward, he had eventually given up.
Wasn’t that the reason he came today as well? The flower in his hand was gripped so tightly it almost crushed. Had he not noticed and loosened his grip, it might have been ruined.
After carefully handling the flower, Zenon walked to a small empty space next to the white chrysanthemums. Then he began digging into the barren ground.
This time, he couldn’t recover even a part of the body, let alone the entire remains. Therefore, all that was placed here was a burnt bracelet.
It was something he had given hoping it would protect Kay, but in the end, it couldn’t shield him. Zenon lowered his trembling hand and placed the bracelet into the hole he had dug.
The bracelet, barely recognizable in form, gave some insight into the pain Kay had endured. After staring at it for a long time, Zenon finally covered it with soil.
On top of the fully covered soil, he placed the single flower he had been holding all along.
But that flower was a blue rose that had been hiding among the white chrysanthemums Zenon had scattered. The fully bloomed rose was extraordinarily splendid, mismatched with the location.
Looking at the small grave with eyes full of longing, he eventually uttered one sentence.
“To me, you were a miracle.”
The reason Zenon placed a blue rose on Kay’s grave was simple. Because to him, Kay had been an impossible miracle. Not just Kay. All the executives of “Alice” were miraculous beings to him.
Thanks to them, he could find meaning in living and feel happiness. Though now they were just memories, these memories kept him going. Even in this moment without him.
The blue rose, with its flower language of “miracle,” suited Kay very well. So much so that he would have wanted to give it to him if he were alive.
After imagining the unfulfillable wish for a long time, Zenon slowly rose to his feet. It was time to leave.
An unusually cold wind engulfed his entire body. The surrounding flowers floated up and then settled down. Among them, only the rose seemed to have a will of its own, showing no sign of movement.
That sight resembled Kay’s steadfastness so much that Zenon couldn’t help but long for him again.
Though he thought he had grown accustomed to it, today was especially a day when he missed him more.
* * *
Since possessing Kane’s body, there was something I did every night. I pulled out a thick notebook from the bookshelf. The densely written pages turned without rest. The fluttering paper could finally stop after quite some time.
I removed the pen cap and wrote the date there. It was a diary I was keeping in preparation for the day he would return. At first, it was short because it was awkward and there wasn’t much to write, but recently, with many unexpected events, it grew longer day by day.
[I’ve become closer with security team member Tade and S-class hero Ben. If you happen to return, you should act as naturally as possible when dealing with them.]
The hand writing stopped. Though I had informed him, it seemed insufficient. While Ben might be understandable, Tade was a person Kane wouldn’t know.
After briefly pondering, I added more information below. I wrote in detail about Tade’s appearance and my attitude when dealing with them. When I thought this would be enough for Kane to handle well, I put down the pen.
This concluded what I needed to write today. Instead of closing the diary, I began to lightly skim through the entries I had written so far. The diary, which had started awkwardly with a self-introduction, now flowed quite naturally.
Among them, one particular entry caught my eye. As if I had put more emotion into it than other days, the paper was faintly crumpled.
[I tried to live as much as possible in your image, but becoming the perfect you was impossible. So I’m going to act as you in my own way.]
From that day on, I had given up on becoming Kane. That didn’t mean I was living as Kay, but I had abandoned the thought that this wasn’t my world.
Facing such determination now made me feel somewhat complicated. At that time, my strongest feeling was that I couldn’t reject those who approached me. So I probably didn’t think in detail about Kane.
But thinking about it now, Kane wouldn’t react positively. Not only was his body taken, but it was also being handled as I pleased.
Would he shout at me for escalating things when he returns? Or would he wander, not knowing how to live from now on?
But that thought didn’t last long. Not only was my current situation not one where I could sympathize with others, but this was also the answer I had found in my own way.
If I had lived only in preparation for Kane’s return, I would have been the one harmed. Kane might be confused later, but it couldn’t be helped now. So I pushed aside thoughts of him and read the diary backward until the first page appeared.
“How long will I be able to write this diary from now on……”
As I put the diary back on the bookshelf, such a question suddenly arose. But unlike before, an unapproachable anxiety didn’t approach.
There’s nothing I can do by worrying. Besides, didn’t Tade say that no one knows the future?
So who knows. Even at the moment I finish writing this diary, I might still be alive.
Concerns still remained, but compared to before, they were very minimal.
When I learned I had a limited time, I was busy suppressing it by telling myself I was fine because I couldn’t tell anyone. But confiding in someone turned out to be a bigger help than I thought.
Had I known, I would have tried to talk at least once.
The executives weren’t created for friendship but for the organization. Being an executive meant prioritizing the organization over each other. So I had continued to think they wouldn’t mourn my death.
But when I saw Zenon, I realized it was all my misunderstanding.
Even he, a spy, was so tormented by my death. Moreover, wasn’t Zenon the one who had spent the least time with me? Seeing Zenon like that, my thoughts had to change. Looking back, countless considerations I hadn’t noticed gradually surfaced. Worrying about me or helping me wasn’t for the organization.
It was simply showing kindness to me. Just as I thought about them, they were also thinking about me.
Remembering that, a faint smile formed.
It was just as joyful that the people I liked, liked me back.
If only Boss could be among those people.
“……Could he be?”
I sincerely hope my affection reaches him. Even if it’s just a little, I hope it reaches him so he would look back at me.
If so, that alone would be satisfying. If he misses me occasionally, the time I loved him wouldn’t be in vain.
Tonight, I especially missed Boss.
