# Chapter 47
She left those words behind and gracefully brushed past Zenon. After she departed, all that remained was Zenon, silently seething with anger.
I never expected to discover his circumstances this way. Judging by Zenon’s reaction… he didn’t want me dead. But contrary to him, Peace wanted me dead, and “that person” was at the center of it all.
Then “that person” must be the one leading this experiment. While conducting the experiment, they were simultaneously eliminating individuals who posed a threat to them.
So in the end, Zenon was the one who actually killed them? Since Peace tried to kill me too, Zenon’s reason for infiltrating “Alice” wasn’t for information, but to kill me.
But since they couldn’t determine the limits of my regeneration ability, they couldn’t easily kill me, so that’s why Zenon remained as a spy until now. These were the things I could deduce from the conversation I just overheard.
Now that I knew why Zenon had infiltrated “Alice,” I needed to find out why Zenon came to think that way and what prompted him to work as a spy for Peace.
I carefully observed Zenon, who was still standing like a statue. To learn that, it would be better to approach him now. In this situation, I could naturally extract information from him as well.
Even if I approached him in our current state of not being close, he wouldn’t easily open up, but he wouldn’t ignore me either. I’d been breaking down his defenses all this time in preparation for something like this.
Even if he didn’t tell me immediately, he would eventually talk. Thinking this, I put strength into my previously silent footsteps to create sound.
Thump— Thump—
Hearing a sound obvious enough for even the dazed Zenon to notice, he slowly turned his head. Our eyes met as I approached him. I carefully opened my mouth, pretending not to know anything.
“Did something happen…?”
“Ah… It’s nothing.”
Zenon instantly erased his distorted expression and calmly concealed his true feelings. It was what I expected. There was no way he would willingly reveal his inner thoughts to someone he barely knew.
I responded normally to his reaction. Following his attitude that told me not to ask, I started moving my feet again after having paused.
“I see…”
Pushing further at this point would be counterproductive. It was important to avoid actions that might arouse suspicion and to elicit the response I wanted.
“Wait.”
Fortunately, Zenon gave me the response I wanted. I turned around at the voice coming from behind me.
Whatever it was, he was deeply troubled about something. Something he couldn’t possibly tell someone inside Peace. But in Kane’s case, he could lower Zenon’s guard. Zenon had also been watching how I hadn’t been administering drugs to Alice.
It was a dangerous gamble. If he reported me to his superiors, I would be dead immediately. However, to get close to Zenon quickly, I needed to take this level of risk.
This was the result. Zenon stopping me, someone who, like him, didn’t follow Peace’s will. He probably thought I would be easy to monitor and wouldn’t run my mouth carelessly.
After contemplating for a long time, Zenon finally spoke.
“Have you seen a lot of people die?”
His eyes followed my reaction. Given that this wasn’t an ordinary company but Peace, it was only natural. In Kane’s case, he would have continuously witnessed test subjects dying.
“…Because I killed them.”
In my case too, I had personally killed people, so I had seen countless corpses. Either way, we were in situations where we couldn’t help but see many deaths. Plus, Kane had also been suffering from guilt because people had died because of him.
“A person who knows this continues to do this. How admirable.”
Zenon revealed a weak smile. That was probably something he was saying to himself as well.
Was he shocked by what she just said? He was probably hit right where it hurt. It was a thought anyone who had unintentionally killed someone would have had at least once.
Zenon was just following orders, but that didn’t make the killing nonexistent. Boss tells people like these to erase their emotions, but that’s not something that can be done so easily.
That’s why unspoken guilt continues to pile up. It wasn’t much different for Kane either.
“I didn’t want to run away. Even though I lack strength, I still wanted to change this place someday.”
But Kane ultimately chose not to back down. At first, I couldn’t understand his thinking, but now I sympathized with his thoughts.
It’s easy to say, but choosing not to run away requires great determination. Especially in a place like this where countless people are dying.
But Kane didn’t run away. Unlike his fragile exterior, Kane’s inner self was infinitely strong.
“You can’t change it even if you die. Neither can I.”
That’s right. Even though I agree with him, I don’t expect things to change. This experiment has continued for decades. It can’t be dismantled by one person’s efforts.
“But I can’t just run away.”
Kane must know that too. Yet, even amid this reality, he chose to hold onto hope, no matter how meaningless it might seem.
“So I have to try. If I make any effort, don’t you think things could change?”
Was it to hold onto this commitment? Kane’s diary was filled with hope. A hope bordering on miracle that someday everyone could be saved.
“What a comfortable thing to say.”
That’s true. It’s the naive thinking of someone who dreams of ideals without seeing reality. But isn’t it better to move forward dreaming of ideals rather than collapsing under reality?
While reality might crumble, ideals don’t. That is, if you have conviction.
“That’s right…”
It’s a belief that’s true to his character, yet somehow admirable. Although recent Kane was on the verge of giving up, he would eventually have picked himself up. From the past traces he left behind, there was no way Kane would give up.
If he returned to this body, he would surely live with hope again. He was someone with the resilience of a weed that doesn’t die even after being trampled on countless times. So I needed to investigate Zenon before that day came.
“Zenon-ssi, are you troubled by something?”
By now, he should be ready to talk. After my cautiously extended question, another silence enveloped the space. The silence, which had been plainly showing his contemplation, finally broke after a long wait.
“…Someone precious to me died.”
His words came out as heavily as he had deliberated. Given the earlier conversation and someone who died recently… I didn’t need to continue the thought. How could I not know? The subject of Zenon’s words was none other than me. His voice, buried in guilt, lingered around me as if it refused to be forgotten.
I didn’t know he thought about me this much. I had assumed Zenon, being a spy, wouldn’t have formed attachments to “Alice.” But right now, he looked fragile, as if overwhelmed by despair.
“You must be heartbroken…”
Unable to find the right words, I uttered the best response I could manage.
“I wish I had died instead.”
This was just supposed to be about gathering information, but I didn’t expect listening to his words would be this painful. They say those left behind sometimes suffer more than the dead. That thought suddenly struck me as I watched the current Zenon. I didn’t want him to suffer because of my death.
“Isn’t it strange? I’ve killed so many people, yet I feel like this over just one person’s death.”
Zenon’s beautiful face slowly cracked like broken glass, and from within, overflowing sadness poured out.
It would have been enough if he just remembered my existence from time to time. But seeing his current state, it didn’t seem like I would remain just a passing figure to him.
What meaning did I have to Zenon?
“It’s natural.”
Now I can’t even properly comfort you.
“It shows how precious that person was to you.”
This despair is too much for me to deserve.
“…Yes, they were truly precious to me.”
Watching him crumble like this, I couldn’t think that Zenon’s feelings for me were shallow. Just as I cherished him, he cherished me as well.
That fact remained unchanged, even though Zenon was a spy.
This must be why Zenon harbored resentment towards Peace. Before, I might have thought it was arrogance, but now I couldn’t deny it.
Zenon had changed after entering “Alice.” Just as I had changed, he had changed too, and that’s why he tried to betray Peace. This was the reason why he didn’t provide information to Peace, why he didn’t kill me, and why he didn’t break the barrier until the very end.
Such a simple answer.
“Still… you have to overcome it.”
Even the faint sense of betrayal I had felt towards Zenon disappeared cleanly, as if washed away by water. He truly was the Zenon I knew.
That’s why I hoped even more that Zenon would overcome this. There was nothing more futile than holding onto someone who could never return.
As I gently patted his shoulder, his face, soaked in sorrow, looked at me.
“But I was the one who killed that person?”
“That can’t be—”
My original speech pattern slipped out unintentionally. Realizing this, I hurriedly changed my words.
“I don’t think you would have killed someone so precious to you.”
Zenon, killing me? Of course, I couldn’t say he wasn’t involved in my death. But I was destined to die eventually, and it was Peace that hastened it.
Boss might have put the bomb around my neck, but it was Peace that forced its use. I never thought he would be thinking like this.
“I might not have killed them directly, but they died because of me.”
Zenon was suffering to that extent. For someone who could kill without a second thought to become so diminished over one person’s death…
“You must resent yourself.”
When someone precious dies, even if you didn’t kill them yourself, you can’t help but blame yourself. You would be filled with regret, wishing for impossible “what ifs.”
