Chaehun blinked several times then turned his head to check the digital clock glittering on the nightstand.
6:10. His eyes opened earlier than his usual wake-up time. Normally he woke up to the alarm sound, but today he woke up about 10 minutes early. Chaehun blinked a few more times then turned his head to look around the studio.
In the interior filled with the bluish light of early dawn, no sign of human presence could be felt. He had repeatedly fallen asleep and woken up while suffering from a high fever, then at some point fell into a deep sleep. So he didn’t know when Seunggeon had left. In the empty studio, there was no trace that he had been there. Perhaps it might have been a dream.
“For a dream, it’s pretty realistic though.”
Chaehun frowned and raised his left hand. The needle mark from where the IV had been inserted and the tape traces were proof that last night’s events weren’t a dream. Seunggeon had really come here.
Chaehun looked around the empty interior once more, then covered his eyes with his hand and closed them. The conversation from last night came to mind all jumbled up. Some were clear like video footage, but others were hazy and he couldn’t remember them properly.
He was certain they had done something like reconciling. However, that didn’t make everything better.
*’Usually they give cards.’*
Chaehun knew exactly which words had hurt his feelings and made him angry. Seunggeon had carelessly mentioned that it was a one-sided relationship contracted with money.
If Seunggeon had been a stranger, he probably would have just let it go.
The relationship had been fine for the past 3 months. Though it was a relationship of only sex, a bond had built up. They shared snacks and laughed while chatting about trivial things. They had grown emotionally close.
Chaehun was the type to give affection to people he saw often. He treated Seunggeon on the border between friend and sex partner. But Seunggeon said that wasn’t the case.
Then what’s with coming to find him because he collapsed from a cold?
Chaehun grumbled inwardly like a sigh. He didn’t know how to react to Seunggeon’s attitude of not hesitating to take trouble saying he was worried, when he had turned his insides all upside down. Seunggeon, who didn’t want to get emotionally entangled, would be fine, but he was different.
He couldn’t get a grasp on what distance to maintain with Seunggeon, who was his first love, his high school classmate, and now no longer a friend.
This was why human relationships were complicated.
“It’s okay.”
He was murmuring the magic words that it was originally like that when the alarm went off. The cell phone showed off its presence from under the bed with sound and vibration saying it was here. It was the alarm for work time. Chaehun slowly got down from the bed, grabbed the cell phone in his hand, and turned off the alarm.
He had no strength but his body felt lighter. Chaehun considered it fortunate and prepared for work. Because he had sweated a lot, he showered and got dressed.
While drying his hair, Chaehun thought about what to do for breakfast. His mouth felt parched so it didn’t seem like rice would go down. The best option was to buy porridge from a convenience store on the way to work and eat it in the hospital break room.
Having made that decision, Chaehun was just putting on his coat to leave early. The sound of the password being pressed at the entrance came. Chaehun was flustered. Since the inner door was open, he couldn’t mistake it for the next-door apartment. He took a stance thinking it might be a thief when what appeared through the door that swung open was Seunggeon.
Seunggeon’s eyes also widened as if he was as surprised as Chaehun.
“You’re already up?”
“Yeah, yeah. But what brings you here?”
“To check if you’ve improved. The Director came too.”
While conversing, Seunggeon took off his shoes and entered the studio. And Shim Jeongmin appeared following behind.
Seunggeon put the paper bag he brought on the dining table. Chaehun found the identity of the paper bag suspicious.
“What is it?”
“Porridge. To eat for breakfast. But you’re going to work?”
“Yeah. I’m better now.”
After getting seriously ill for one night, his fever had gone down and he felt livable. But Seunggeon came close and pressed his forehead. Strangely, his hand had been cool since last night. Then he also remembered saying something strange about poor blood circulation, so Chaehun’s face turned red.
“You still have a fever.”
Seunggeon, who had removed his hand, became serious.
“This much is no problem.”
“Your complexion doesn’t look good either. Director. Please check him.”
Treated like a patient, Chaehun wondered why Seunggeon was being like this. Still, he sat in the dining table chair as Shim Jeongmin told him to.
Instruments that a doctor would use came out of the leather bag Shim Jeongmin had brought. With those, he measured Chaehun’s temperature and checked his eyes and throat, then Shim Jeongmin advised that though he had improved a lot, it would be better to rest thoroughly for about a day. But Chaehun said he was fine. His condition was okay. He could move around.
“If I lie in bed all day, I get bored. There’s work I didn’t finish yesterday, so I’m planning to go to work first, then take a half-day off and go to the hospital.”
“Don’t overdo it. If you’re exposed to cold wind, it’ll get worse again. Drink lukewarm water rather than cold water, make sure to eat even if it’s a small amount, and if you can’t do that, at least have some snacks. Medicine is essential.”
“Yes.”
Chaehun answered like a good student to Shim Jeongmin who was informing him of precautions like a kind doctor. Until then, Seunggeon, who had been standing behind Shim Jeongmin, stepped forward. At the words asking him to excuse himself for a moment, Shim Jeongmin gathered his bag and went outside altogether.
When Shim Jeongmin disappeared and they were alone, Chaehun read an uncomfortable atmosphere from Seunggeon. The guy looked quite serious.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just rest for the day. Don’t overdo it.”
“I told you I’m better. It’s just a cold, there’s nothing to overdo.”
“People can die from colds too.”
Chaehun actually laughed because of Seunggeon who was incomparably serious. Though people could die from colds, almost no one worried about that.
“You’re too serious. I told you I’m fine. I’ll take a half-day off. If you keep talking, I won’t have time to eat the porridge.”
Chaehun very gently conveyed the meaning that he should make room so he could eat breakfast. He didn’t forget to smile brightly. It was a gesture that he was okay. But Chaehun didn’t know that it wouldn’t work with a face that looked pale and sick.
“Don’t just say you’re okay when you don’t know what state you’re in. Just because you can endure doesn’t mean you’re getting better. At some point, you’ll break.”
It was a sharp point. Since it wasn’t wrong, Chaehun timidly resisted.
“That sounds like a curse?”
“I’m worried, but as you said, the way I speak is bad so it might sound like a curse. I’ll go back, so eat.”
“Choi Seunggeon.”
Chaehun, who got up from his seat, called out to Seunggeon who was about to leave after saying only what he wanted to say. Then Seunggeon sent a look asking what was the matter.
“Thank you for worrying. And thank you for coming last night too.”
“Okay.”
“And that credit card you tried to give me before. If you give it again, I’ll accept it.”
“……?!”
“From now on, I won’t refuse anything you give me. So you’ll give me the card, right?”
Chaehun asked once more for confirmation. Seunggeon’s brow furrowed but he didn’t give any other explanation.
“I’ll give it.”
Seunggeon, who answered briefly, left the studio exuding dissatisfied energy.
Hearing the sound of the front door closing and automatically locking, Chaehun sat in the chair.
“This time I’m the one who’s crazy.”
Chaehun, who let out a sigh, rubbed his face with his hand. He still didn’t know whether his judgment was right or wrong. However, to avoid friction with Seunggeon, he planned to accept whatever he gave.
Chaehun wasn’t unaware that this was avoidance. But he found it annoying to argue about everything, and more than anything, he didn’t have the confidence to confront Seunggeon head-on.
Human personality doesn’t change easily. Since they weren’t going to see each other’s faces for life, it was better not to think about fixing the other person’s stiff and high-handed personality while suffering mentally. Just waiting quietly for a year to pass like this was the best option.
There were definitely times when you had to throw everything in and fight. But sometimes it was better to just let things flow quietly as they were, like water mixed with water, liquor mixed with liquor.
Chaehun took out the porridge bowl from inside the paper bag. Though he didn’t know where it had been obtained at this dawn, warm porridge was contained in a stainless steel lunch container. The spoon was also wood, not plastic. Kimchi, anchovies, sweetly seasoned kelp, and braised beef were the side dishes. To anyone, it clearly looked like care had been taken.
Chaehun began eating the porridge, grateful to Seunggeon once again. He had to eat something to gain strength.
* * *
Shim Jeongmin, who stopped the car after receiving the signal, glanced at the rearview mirror. Though Seunggeon’s appearance looking out the window was no different from usual, it wasn’t difficult to guess that his mood was quite bad. Shim Jeongmin, who had served the young master for over 20 years, knew his tendencies better than anyone.
Did they fight?
