From the hospital to his family home took nearly an hour because of rush hour traffic. When he arrived at the family home, as Jo Mihye had said, Kang Suchan was waiting in the living room. Jo Mihye was also seated next to him.
“Let’s talk. Come here and sit down.”
Chaehun sat on the sofa that Kang Suchan pointed to.
“What did you say to Yeonghwan that made the kid change his phone?”
“I told him to apologize properly. If he doesn’t apologize, don’t come to my house.”
“I heard when you weren’t there, he called a friend over and drank. Is that something to get that angry about?”
“It’s not just that, there’s something else—”
“Whether there’s something else or not, you just need to endure it.”
Their father, and Kang Suchan too, cherished Kang Yeonghwan, the youngest. Their patriarchal father emphasized a hierarchy where older brothers should cherish younger brothers and younger brothers should respect older brothers. But in Kang Suchan’s case, he unconditionally took only Kang Yeonghwan’s side. Kang Yeonghwan was receiving marriage proposals even from quasi-chaebol families. Kang Suchan tried to show only good sides to Kang Yeonghwan.
Because of the strict family tradition, he had to unconditionally follow what his hyung said.
When he was young, even if it was unfair, he would bow first and say he was wrong. He couldn’t speak coherently and sometimes thought his father’s words were right. But as he got older, he occasionally argued to distinguish right from wrong. Because if he didn’t, it felt like everything would continue to be his fault.
But now, reaching this point, a sense of resignation came over him, wondering what meaning there was in arguing like this.
That’s why Seo Jumyeong’s nagging that he was a pushover came to mind. Seo Jumyeong, who knew each other’s family circumstances well, constantly drilled into Chaehun that enduring wasn’t the answer.
While repeatedly leaning on and being disappointed by the fantasy of family, Chaehun tried to distance himself both physically and psychologically. He still tried to fulfill his duties, but occasionally things like this happened. Things that would pass quietly without any problem if only he endured and moved on.
Chaehun briefly thought about what to do. Kang Suchan was weak to Kang Yeonghwan, but still there was one case where he didn’t take his side.
Not long after Kang Yeonghwan became a college freshman, he came to Kang Suchan’s empty studio with his lover and after playing around and having sex, ran away. Their father believed Kang Yeonghwan’s words that he’d gone into heat. And Kang Suchan exploded with anger. Because he happened to witness the messed-up studio together with his girlfriend.
Kang Suchan, who ended up breaking up with his girlfriend, resented for a long time that their father had taken Kang Yeonghwan’s side. Chaehun became curious whether Kang Suchan, who had experienced the same thing, could tell him to endure it.
“If he messed up the house and disappeared, he should at least say he’s sorry so I can decide whether to endure it or not. Hyung also—”
“Mom. I’m home. Seongho came with me too, we’re going to order chicken. We didn’t eat dinner—”
Just as Chaehun was opening his mouth saying that if nothing else, he should at least receive an apology, the sound of the front door opening rang out along with Kang Yeonghwan’s voice loudly. Chaehun, Kang Suchan, and Jo Mihye’s gazes all turned toward the entrance. Kang Yeonghwan and his friend Kim Seongho, who had been about to rush into the living room, both hesitated.
“Oh, hyung’s here.”
“Yeonghwan, you come sit here too. Seongho, go up to Yeonghwan’s room for a bit. The family has something to talk about.”
It was Jo Mihye who organized the situation. Kang Yeonghwan hesitantly stood next to Jo Mihye. When the sound of Seongho going upstairs disappeared, Jo Mihye opened her mouth.
“Your hyung says you did something else besides drinking with a friend?”
“What did I do.”
“You didn’t do anything?”
“It’s nothing major.”
“If it’s nothing major, why did you change your phone?”
“That’s because hyung kept getting angry. I’m sorry. Hyung. I shouldn’t have done that.”
At Jo Mihye’s interrogation, Kang Yeonghwan said the magic words. When Kang Yeonghwan said he was sorry, most things ended.
Chaehun swallowed a sigh while looking at Kang Yeonghwan making a pitiful expression. Kang Yeonghwan probably didn’t know things would blow up this much. No matter how angry Chaehun was, as long as they were brothers, as time passed things were bound to fizzle out. What could have been awkwardly glossed over later got all tangled up because their parents got involved.
Still, Chaehun found Kang Yeonghwan detestable for clumsily trying only to avoid.
“I won’t say anything about you messing things up and leaving. But bringing your lover into a place where the owner isn’t even there is too much. Don’t just tell me to endure when hyung got angry about the same thing.”
Chaehun didn’t say okay to the apology. Just enduring and living wasn’t the only answer. Kang Suchan scrunched up his face and glared at Kang Yeonghwan, asking if that was true. Kang Yeonghwan, who had done wrong, made excuses this time too that it was because of his heat.
Kang Suchan didn’t take Kang Yeonghwan’s side this time either. Still, it ended with just one scolding asking if he carried suppressants around as decorations. Jo Mihye soothed Kang Yeonghwan as before, saying it would be fine if he didn’t do it again from now on.
Meanwhile, Chaehun swallowed what might have been the umpteenth sigh. He was tired, and his body hurt.
* * *
“Do you have to humiliate me like that? You could have just covered it up.”
Kang Yeonghwan, who had followed Chaehun out of the house, grumbled. It was well past 9 o’clock. The sun had already set and the yard was dim.
Chaehun looked at Kang Yeonghwan pouting in the darkness and couldn’t laugh or get angry.
“You said you were sorry. Why are you raising your voice when you didn’t do anything right?”
“Aw, don’t be like that. I know I did wrong.”
“Then why didn’t you answer the phone? If you know you did wrong, you should handle it yourself.”
“I panicked. I was drinking and it happened. Well, anyway, that’s done. When I came to my senses it was a mess, and when I tried to clean up it felt overwhelming, and I was anxious you might show up, hyung. So my mind was rushed. Well, so. Once I missed the timing to apologize once, I got scared of being scolded. So that’s why. I’m sorry. I really didn’t do it on purpose. Okay?”
Kang Yeonghwan’s strengths were that he was honest and didn’t hold grudges. He ran away scared of being scolded, and put it off until the last minute, but when it actually came down to it, he cleanly acknowledged it and bowed. So Chaehun couldn’t get very angry either.
“The other person wasn’t Seongho, right?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Well, it’s fine. He doesn’t care about stuff like that.”
Their parents knew Kim Seongho as Kang Yeonghwan’s college friend, but the two had been dating for quite a while. Kim Seongho wasn’t a trait holder but a beta, so Chaehun just watched.
Chaehun couldn’t know the circumstances of the two people. But it seemed that even when Kang Yeonghwan went around meeting other partners, Kim Seongho implicitly turned a blind eye. Since Chaehun couldn’t tell his younger brother what to do about his love life, he just let that be too.
“Don’t come to the studio anymore.”
“Hyung. That’s too much.”
“Think about what you did. If you have any conscience, don’t even come near from now on.”
“Okay.”
Kang Yeonghwan, who knew his own fault, answered sullenly. He looked dejected. Still, Chaehun didn’t say it was okay. Anyway, once time passed, he would obviously show his face again like nothing happened.
He couldn’t cut ties with his younger brother who carelessly repeated the same mistakes. So he hoped to at least not see him for a while. It was narrow-minded behavior, but anyway, that’s how it was.
“Go back inside now.”
“Ah, hyung. I’ll treat you later. To something big.”
“It’s fine.”
“What about the blanket? What did you do about the blanket? I’ll buy you a new one for that too.”
“I already ordered it. I’m leaving.”
Even though Chaehun said he didn’t need it, Kang Yeonghwan boasted that he should just wait and see, he would pay it all back, then went into the house.
Left alone, Chaehun thought about family for a moment. It seemed to be resolved well, but he wasn’t entirely happy.
* * *
When Chaehun returned to the studio, it was past 10 o’clock. He’d picked up the bedding set he’d ordered on Monday from the security office, but he didn’t have the energy to organize it right away. Chaehun sat slumped on the sofa without even taking off his coat.
The days had been continuously long for several days. Needless to say about Sunday, and yesterday there was overtime. Even the exercise he’d been doing consistently had completely stopped for several days. If he continued to have no time in the afternoons like this, it seemed he’d have to do early morning exercise before leaving work. Fortunately, he was confident about waking up early.
Chaehun, who had been thinking about his plans for the future with his eyes closed, shivered. Rather than just having a fever, he was getting chills. His limbs were heavy and his throat stung. The signs weren’t good.
Only after thinking he needed to take medicine did he realize there was nothing to eat at home. There was frozen rice in the freezer, but unless he made porridge, it didn’t seem like he’d be able to swallow it. He didn’t have the energy to cook. He opened an app to order delivery, but as luck would have it, the porridge restaurant’s business hours were only until 10 o’clock.
He had barely eaten breakfast, and only had a few spoonfuls of lunch. If he skipped dinner too, it would be practically like starving all day. He had at least eaten candy, but that didn’t count as a meal.
Muttering about his bad luck, Chaehun closed his eyes with his phone still in his hand. Actually, eating was bothersome too. More than that, he just wanted to fall asleep like this.
