Kang Hyeonjoo said out of the blue. Joo Seonghan silently looked at the gently flowing river water.
“Everyone’s thoughtless, you see. First of all, the team leader is an idiot who just goes around grinning.”
“…Is that so?”
So that accident wasn’t that accident. Joo Seonghan arbitrarily imagined the idiotic face of Team 3’s team leader, whom he’d never seen. Kang Hyeonjoo stretched out his thick arm and pulled over the clothes he’d taken off. He took out a high-calorie biscuit from among the food supplies and put it in Joo Seonghan’s hand. It was today’s first meal.
“Sunbae-nim is simple and speaks without filtering, and our team’s youngest is full of passion without thinking ahead. Also, I’m a selfish person who doesn’t think of others, and the backup team member has no worries and no tact. That’s why the Accident-Free Team can’t speak honeyed words. Rather, we’re straightforward and sometimes even rebellious.”
Having nothing to say in response, Joo Seonghan awkwardly nodded while eating the biscuit. The powder that fell from the biscuit dropped into the river water. If there were fish, they would have rushed to it, but the river water was only calm. Feeling it was a waste, he scooped up the powder with his finger and put it in his mouth.
“If you felt bad earlier, I’m saying don’t worry too much about it.”
“…Did Han Jaejun-ssi speak badly to me earlier?”
Kang Hyeonjoo stared at Joo Seonghan intently. Unable to withstand the gaze, Joo Seonghan subtly averted his eyes.
“It wasn’t exactly speaking badly, but it wasn’t speaking prettily either. Didn’t it bother you? He blatantly said he’d erase your memories, that you’d live with side effects for life. Even without any real excuse?”
Joo Seonghan revisited the conversation he had with Han Jaejun on the way. Even thinking about it two, three times, it didn’t really bother him. Wasn’t it rather kind? He hadn’t done anything wrong, yet he even apologized.
“I don’t really like honeyed words.”
It was better to be honest from the start than to whisper hopeless hopes to be considerate. Actually, erasing memories or whatever, he didn’t even think deeply about it. Whether he could survive from here. That’s what concerned Joo Seonghan the most.
“I felt it from the beginning, but Joo Seonghan-ssi isn’t ordinary either.”
Kang Hyeonjoo, who spoke as if muttering, took a bite of the biscuit he couldn’t eat while talking. Though he didn’t particularly refute it, Joo Seonghan didn’t agree with his words. Could there be anyone else closer to ordinary than Joo Seonghan? Ah, there were a few unique points. Being an adoptee and having no friends.
“You said you’re selfish, but you don’t seem that way. You came to talk to me separately because you worried I might have felt bad.”
He spoke in a small voice and licked the biscuit powder on his hands. Kang Hyeonjoo, who had finished off the biscuit in an instant beside Joo Seonghan, casually threw away the trash and washed his mouth with the river water.
“Since you said you hate honeyed words, can I speak comfortably?”
“…Yes.”
“When two people fight, it’s incredibly annoying for me caught in between.”
Kang Hyeonjoo tapped Joo Seonghan’s shoulder with a smiling face. Joo Seonghan looked at him for a moment, then put the remaining bit of biscuit in his mouth. He didn’t know about being accident-free, but Kang Hyeonjoo being selfish seemed right.
“You have a lot of moles.”
Kang Hyeonjoo, who quickly changed the subject, looked at Joo Seonghan’s shoulders and back. Joo Seonghan nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I didn’t know, but people said so.”
“Your girlfriend?”
“Yes. Precisely, my ex-girlfriend.”
There was one on the back of his neck, and three on the back of his right shoulder. Besides those places, he had many moles throughout his body. The most noticeable among them was probably the mole on his face. The mole on the left side of his lower jaw was dark in color, so even though it wasn’t big, it caught the eye quite well.
“It suits your face well. My younger sister deliberately put a mole in that position.”
Kang Hyeonjoo said while pointing at Joo Seonghan’s jaw. Should he say thanks? Since it seemed like a compliment anyway, he said, “Thank you.” “Don’t mention it.” Kang Hyeonjoo, who answered lightly, did neck exercises and swam to the middle of the river. It looked refreshing, but Joo Seonghan didn’t enter the water and massaged his thighs and calves. He’d eaten food for once, so he didn’t want to deplete his stamina with swimming.
“But is Joo Seonghan-ssi originally that dull in personality?”
Kang Hyeonjoo, who approached cutting through the current, asked while running his hand down his face. Joo Seonghan, who had been diligently moving his hands, stopped wondering whether to get out of the water or not and looked at Kang Hyeonjoo. Kang Hyeonjoo continued.
“Your colleagues at the karaoke all died, semi-humans, ghost gates…. Even though unfamiliar things keep happening, you seem fine.”
Did he seem fine? As if someone had forcibly covered his mouth, words didn’t come out readily. Joo Seonghan released the strength he’d been putting in his hands and lowered his eyes.
He had no talent. Not in studying, not in human relationships, not in living itself. Joo Seonghan’s memories start from the orphanage. He knew nothing about his birth parents and quite naturally grew up there. He met his current parents when Joo Seonghan was 6 years old. They, who had no children, cherished him and loved him. Joo Seonghan made a resolution inwardly while receiving their affection. I should be a good son. Of course, it wasn’t easy.
During his school days, he stuck to his desk all day without rest. He had to work twice as hard as others to keep up with classes. He suffered from frequent migraines and often had nosebleeds. Still, he didn’t let go of his studies and clung to them while cutting down on sleep. As a result, he was accepted to a university with a decent name. His parents were happy. But they worried that Joo Seonghan had no friends.
Joo Seonghan belatedly tried to make friends by attending various university gatherings. The first start wasn’t bad. He introduced himself, talked, and built time with people. However, before long, he grew distant from them.
“Boring. You don’t talk and don’t know how to have fun. Honestly, it’s tedious being with you.”
Even though they told him the reasons they left Joo Seonghan’s side, Joo Seonghan couldn’t understand what he did wrong. So he just nodded while listening to their words. He dated several people who confessed they liked him, but was dumped for similar reasons.
“Inconsiderate. You don’t ask, and you don’t speak first. You’re so different from what I thought.”
The situation always flowed in unexpected directions, and Joo Seonghan didn’t have the ability to skillfully overcome those situations. So he gave up quickly. It wasn’t that he was dull. When an unavoidable situation occurred, Joo Seonghan simply gave up quickly and did what he could. Like now.
Whether close or not, those who died at the karaoke were Joo Seonghan’s colleagues, and Joo Seonghan was also at that scene. He heard the long-continuing screams and the sounds of bones breaking and flesh bursting completely. There was no way he could be fine. He was just trying his best not to think about it. Since what had already happened couldn’t be helped, since time moved forward and he couldn’t just let his mind go, Joo Seonghan was just giving up on that past event and focusing on the present. Naturally, he wasn’t fine.
“I don’t really… want to talk about it.”
“What?”
“I said I don’t want to answer.”
He didn’t want to have personal conversations with Kang Hyeonjoo. Either way, Joo Seonghan would die. Either his body dies or his memories die. He didn’t want to leave things he wouldn’t remember with others.
Splash. He left the river. When he tried to put on his shirt and suit pants again, he sighed. He wasn’t someone who sweated a lot so there was no smell, but he wanted to wear new clothes. Should he at least rinse them once? Would they not dry well because it’s humid?
“Were you sad? When your colleagues died.”
As he held his clothes and worried, Kang Hyeonjoo asked nonchalantly. Joo Seonghan pressed his lips tightly and looked at him.
“If you answer, I’ll give you a bar of soap.”
“……”
It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t tempted. He didn’t know when the river would end, and there was a possibility he wouldn’t be able to wash for several days. Which was more important: washing clothes cleanly when there was a chance, or creating memories that would be forgotten either way?
“Okay! I’ll even wash your clothes for you. I’m the god of laundry.”
Kang Hyeonjoo, whose eyes sparkled, tempted the wavering Joo Seonghan. Joo Seonghan, who looked at him for a moment, averted his eyes and opened his mouth slightly.
“…Yes.”
Kang Hyeonjoo, who lay prone with his upper body leaning on the ground, laughed. He realized it was an answer to the question of whether he was sad, not an agreement to the deal.
“But why aren’t you crying?”
He slyly asked an additional question. Having already done it once, what’s stopping him from doing it again? Joo Seonghan’s mouth opened easily.
“I’ll cry when I get home.”
“When you get home, you’ll have lost all your memories. You won’t even know unless they tell you the fact that your colleagues died.”
“Then I won’t have anything to cry about.”
Giggle giggle, Kang Hyeonjoo laughed annoyingly. Joo Seonghan threw his clothes near his face.
“Please wash them cleanly.”
“But I don’t have soap.”
Ah. He didn’t know being selfish could be this scary.
“Still, I’ll wash them for you. I’ll wash them and spray deodorant on them.”
Why does he carry deodorant around when he doesn’t have soap? Joo Seonghan looked suspiciously at Kang Hyeonjoo’s pile of clothes, then entered the river water.
The soap was a lie, but Kang Hyeonjoo being the god of laundry was true. Joo Seonghan shook off the slightly damp clothes that gave off a fragrant smell and put them on his body. After putting on the similarly nice-smelling socks and shoes, he tied the cleanly washed hem of Han Jaejun’s clothes around his palm. When he finished preparing to leave by lastly taking the knife Kang Hyeonjoo gave him, Han Jaejun returned. Kang Hyeonjoo, who had stopped putting on his shoes, looked at Han Jaejun.
