Bernard’s such thoughts didn’t continue for long.
“Excuse me. I brought the ties you mentioned—would you like to try tying one?”
Not long after, a strange voice cut through the silence. The shopper who had returned soundlessly smiled brightly and shrugged her shoulders with three ties draped over her forearm.
“The blue one.”
At the unhesitating choice, Bernard only blinked his eyes. He thought she would hand over the tie, but Rubens gestured for him to come closer while holding the tie in his hand. A man who seemed like he’d never tied another person’s tie in his life volunteered to attend to Bernard.
Right in front of his nose, at a distance so close their eyes would meet if he lowered his gaze, he could see the man’s downcast eyes completely. Long hanging eyelashes, beneath them blue eyes that looked different from usual. Bernard floundered, not knowing where to look at all. He lightly touched the man’s shoulder and lowered his gaze.
“Much better.”
“Right? You have a nice build, so I think other clothes will suit you well too. Would you like to try them on?”
“Shoes first, rather than that.”
“These are shoes with an overall sleek line.”
At Rubens’s satisfied voice, the shopper naturally added her words. As if she’d been waiting, she brought two pairs of shoes that looked high quality at a glance. Rubens chose the lighter-colored shoes among them. Bernard hesitated to try them on while estimating the price range of the things draped on his body, but Rubens picked up one shoe nonchalantly.
“W-wait, wait a moment.”
“There’s no ‘wait a moment.'”
He knelt on one knee in front of Bernard and grabbed his ankle without hesitation. Bernard, who staggered momentarily at the strong force, reflexively touched Rubens’s shoulder. His center of gravity tilted, but Rubens didn’t push him away or shove him off. He just removed the indoor shoes he’d been wearing and put on one of the dress shoes. His ankle bone was pressed by his thumb.
Rubens recognized that his feet were smaller than he’d thought. When he grabbed his ankle, he felt the hand touching his shoulder tremble.
“Ah, it hur……”
A very faint voice about nothing. Words that needed no attention or reason. Rubens was feeling an incomprehensible emotion toward someone who couldn’t protest even once no matter how arbitrarily he acted. Various thoughts flooded in, but he cleared his thoughts at the light weight that carefully leaned on his shoulder.
“Would you like to look in the mirror?”
Whether she’d read the subtle atmosphere, the shopper pushed the full-length mirror forward. Rubens, who had been putting on the shoes, also stepped aside.
Bernard only rubbed the back of his neck, unfamiliar with his drastically changed atmosphere. These things had always been Elliot’s portion. Flashy and expensive things. Luxury goods that passed through many hands. Wearing clothes he’d never once thought would become his and standing in front of the mirror, his own appearance felt exactly like someone else’s.
“It suits you well. If you just fix your hair a bit, it’ll be more perfect.”
The shopper added her comment in a drawn voice. Bernard just stared blankly at the mirror without even thinking to push up his slipped glasses.
Perfect. A word strange enough to make his heart churn. Bernard had lived his whole life far removed from the word perfect. It was a modifier that could never become Bernard’s. It felt like indigestion tangling inside him.
But then, Rubens came to stand behind Bernard. He realized anew the difference in their physiques. Someone a whole head taller than Bernard swept Bernard’s shoulders as if gauging something. Their gazes met as he looked down into the mirror.
“Straighten your shoulders.”
Rubens’s hand that had been touching his shoulders slowly stroked down his back. The hand that slid down as if pressing his waist line firmly pressed his concave waist area.
“Good.”
He didn’t want to understand the base desire embedded in Rubens’s gaze as he muttered with satisfaction. Bernard, unable to bear that gaze, turned his eyes away first, but the blue eyes in the mirror were still thoroughly examining Bernard’s face. Slightly flushed cheeks, pupils that looked brighter green than usual because of the lighting, pale golden hair.
“Shouldn’t you be looking forward?”
Bernard’s brow furrowed slightly at the force of the hand gripping his chin. His gaze was forcibly turned and their eyes met again. Rubens had a very satisfied expression.
“Please wrap everything up and send it.”
“Yes, which address should I send it to?”
“To the address I sent to today.”
“Shall I send them together?”
“Yes.”
Rubens, who had removed his hand, straightened his upper body. He looked like a man who suited such things by birth. He placed his gaze on the watch on his wrist, then looked at the shopper again. The shopper was waiting politely for the man’s answer with both hands together.
But Bernard felt as if cold water had been poured over his head for a moment. That’s right. Today was the day Elliot had said he’d go shopping with Rubens. They must have had lunch together. Perhaps they’d met the same shopper in this place. How would he appear to such a person?
“You suit them so well, it must be fun to dress you.”
“Well…… There’s fun in changing.”
Rubens smiled ambiguously while looking around at the clothes hanging on the rack. Then he turned his head and swept Bernard up and down. That sounded somehow meaningful.
The shopping continued. After quite some time had passed, the shopper saw them off with a beaming smile. There were already more than twenty shopping bags in front of her. Besides that, there were twenty boxes placed—all clothes and shoes. Even though Bernard had fretted that he didn’t need this many clothes, Rubens seemed to have no intention of listening.
“I told them to throw away the clothes you were wearing.”
“Ah……”
“Did you need them?”
“Well… not really, but.”
“Then that’s settled.”
They weren’t clothes with any special memories. He was just newly flustered by the insincerity of a man who disposed of another’s clothes like this without even asking.
When he checked the time as they left the department store, it was already almost nine o’clock. All the stores on the lower floors had their lights off. It was time to close business, but he wanted to ask how they’d continued operating, but kept silent thinking it would be a stupid question.
Bernard looked at Rubens walking ahead without looking back even once, then stood still in a daze. The underground parking lot was still dim, and the man continued to move farther away, whether he knew or not that one set of footsteps had disappeared. It seemed exactly like their relationship, and looked ideal.
“Aren’t you coming?”
But then, the man who seemed like he’d never look back even once stopped. And turned around. Bernard blinked. Because many feelings were mixed together.
“I think you bought too m-many clothes.”
“I think it’s a bit late to say that.”
“For clothes to wear on Saturday, it’s excessive……”
“I told you. To wear when you meet me.”
“……Did you have to buy them at the place you shopped with Elliot?”
Even in a cowed voice, Bernard stammered but spoke well. And Rubens didn’t deny it. Thinking his guess was right, Bernard’s vision went dark. He recalled that Elliot had asked him to tell everything honestly. Then he would have to report today’s events to Elliot as well. Should he assert that they weren’t in a suspicious relationship while doing so? Fear filled his lungs completely.
“It’s important.”
His gaze was straightforward.
“There’s nothing bad about letting that household know that I’m conscious of you in some direction.”
Why? Bernard bit his lips, feeling like the question would burst out reflexively. Their relationship had to be kept thoroughly secret. To do that, it was best not to raise any questions. Although the person who hurriedly got into the car he sent couldn’t be blamed, Bernard thought he needed to clarify the relationship here.
“I wish you wouldn’t do this.”
“Why?”
“……B-because it’s burdensome for me.”
“You’re in a position where you have to accept what’s given.”
“That’s right.”
He couldn’t deny it. Bernard blinked. He clenched and unclenched his fist, unable to fathom what emotion was sweeping through him.
“I’m your sex partner.”
“And.”
“Because I’m a pathetic guy who likes you……”
Strangely, hearing those words, Rubens felt his insides sink with a thud. Because Bernard’s expression as he whispered like that didn’t look so desperate. Like someone who had completely acknowledged something, he was looking at Rubens bleakly.
“Then is there any more problem?”
“That’s why I wish you wouldn’t give me more. Because I might expect more than the payment you give me. You h-hate things that are above one’s station.”
Though he stammered at the end, Bernard was able to finish his words quite clearly. However, Rubens didn’t give him an answer. He stared at Bernard silently, then tapped the window of the parked car with the back of his hand.
“Get in.”
That car was the sedan Bernard had ridden in before. The sedan where he’d sat in the passenger seat and gotten slapped on the cheek. The car Dale had driven was nowhere to be seen. Bernard’s face paled as he recognized this, but the man’s following words were unkind.
“Before I get rough here.”
It was as if he was foretelling that harsh things would lie before Bernard.
