Bernard couldn’t refuse Rubens. He held too many things in his hands. Bernard pressed the call button with trembling hands. After a moment, the call was switched to speaker.
– Hello. Bernard?
“……”
– I thought you wouldn’t answer. I… was a bit harsh to you. Right?
There was still no answer, but Rhino didn’t care. His voice continued.
– I know you’re a good kid. Sorry for making you say such painful things. It’s just… I think it was all my fault. Making you say such things. How pathetically must I have acted.
The trivial apologies that followed after, awkward emotions, and then silence again. Rubens was listening to all of it while holding Bernard’s shoulder. Every time he tapped Bernard’s shoulder with his index finger, Bernard felt like his lifespan was shortened by ten minutes each time.
– Bernard?
When no answer came back for a long time, Rhino finally called out again. Rubens’s body was completely leaning toward Bernard. Because he was pressing down on Bernard’s thigh and holding his shoulder, Bernard was sitting almost crumpled in the passenger seat.
“How devoted.”
A chilling silence descended at the voice close to mockery. Tendons bulged near Rubens’s jaw. Bernard trembled with anxiety and gripped the phone tightly.
‘Should I hang up even now…’
Rhino was silent. He had clearly heard Rubens’s voice. Hic, a hiccup popped out. The sound was very clear, but since he was holding the phone near his thigh, it didn’t seem like it would be caught in the call.
– Bernard, answer me.
“Ah…”
– Do you need help?
A piercing gaze stabbed down. Bernard rather wanted to faint. His chest ached because of the hiccups that wouldn’t stop. Rhino’s voice became calm. The awkward and apologetic emotion that had been richly steeped evaporated immediately, and it became like a calm lake.
– Are you suffering right now?
“N-no…”
Bernard reflexively denied without realizing it. Rubens’s hand was caressing Bernard’s Adam’s apple. With his seatbelt undone, he was almost pouring over and occupying Bernard from above, pressing him down in the car with the engine off.
– Then can I continue talking?
This time he couldn’t answer. Bernard glanced at Rubens in the tense tension. When their eyes met, goosebumps rose all over. He was clearly angry. But he couldn’t understand why he was so angry. Did he think he had deceived him? However, it was true that he had sorted out the relationship. It just wasn’t a ‘perfect cutting off.’
“Really, I, I didn’t… didn’t lie.”
– Bernard.
“It’s true. Please, believe me… Please.”
A frail voice burst out between Bernard’s lips. Begging was easy. Because it was what he had done all his life. The crying sound rattled in his throat and suppressed the hiccups. Bernard clasped both hands together and begged desperately. The fear of not knowing what harm might come to Rhino was heavily crushing him.
“Ha.”
Rubens snorted briefly. However, he didn’t release the hand gripping Bernard’s neck. Without Bernard knowing, tears were wetting his cheeks. Right now, Bernard wasn’t in his right mind. Driven by the situation and atmosphere, he was thinking of the worst assumptions. And Rubens had no intention of awakening such a Bernard.
“I don’t think you’re in a relationship to be calling.”
– There’s nothing wrong with friends calling each other.
From the phone that had fallen into the gap of the car seat, endless calls of “Bernard?” could be heard. Rubens, who picked up the phone, said coldly. The answer that came back was also icy. Only Bernard was restless.
Rubens was angry, but his mind was surprisingly cold. He was angry that ‘someone like Bernard Weil had deceived him, and the reason for daring to deceive was for Rhino McPherson’s safety.’ However, he didn’t discern that he was more angry about the latter of the two reasons.
“Give it back, give it back.”
“Why?”
“It’s my, my phone…”
“You don’t have free will.”
Bernard had an expression like his breath was blocked. Rubens liked that he was trembling pale-faced and couldn’t move at all.
– Bernard, where are you right now?
“You’re nothing more than a whore who has to spread your legs whenever and wherever I want.”
– You fucking bastard.
“Because you like me.”
Bernard couldn’t shake or nod his head. He might just be grateful that Rubens’s hand wasn’t strangling his neck. Rubens was aware that he was excessively angry. He just couldn’t stand it. But why?
“You seem to want to beg for mercy…”
A cruel light fleetingly crossed Rubens’s face. Bernard’s glasses became stained with tears. Blinking his dark green eyes, he tried to breathe. The hand that had been gripping his neck moved up a bit and stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. At that slowly stroking sensation, Bernard convulsed.
“Then suck like a whore.”
Bernard’s lips trembled and then stopped. Because he realized that nothing could retract the order given. Rubens was enjoying cruel pleasure while caressing Bernard’s face. What should he call this sensation of sticking thickly inside his mouth?
“Ah… that…”
– Rubens Hurt!
“I… I am…”
– Bernard, Bernard… Please don’t do that. Please…
I’m not that kind of person. He should say that, but Bernard couldn’t even say those short words and just stupidly shed tears drop by drop. From the stolen phone, Rhino’s rough shouting kept coming, making his ears ring.
“You said your friend is precious.”
“…Ah.”
“If he’s a precious friend, you should protect him well before he gets hurt.”
The hand that had been stroking his cheek lightly gripped his chin. As Rubens led, Bernard was pulled along as is. His head bowed and his cheek was pressed near his crotch. The seatbelt was crushed and stretched taut. His damp breath suppressed by tears blocked his throat painfully.
“I, I’ll do it. So, so Rhino… Rhino is…”
The words were roughly cut off. The sound of slapping a cheek rang out loudly. The phone that had been held in Rubens’s grip rolled around on the car floor. At the powerful blow that shook his whole body, Bernard’s breath stopped with a thud and then slowly leaked out. His glasses twisted, his head became dazed, ringing in his ears, and at the same time, his vision went dark. Bernard floundered wanting to grab onto something, but received a couple more slaps on the cheek in succession and drooped.
– Bernard? Bernard… Bernard! Hurt, you fucking bastard!
“Good boy.”
In the buzzing noise, it seemed like he heard Rhino’s desperate cry, and it also seemed like he heard a voice that was uncharacteristically gentle for Rubens. His voice was thickly steeped with joy he couldn’t hide. When Bernard gasped and urgently opened his lips, he gently touched his lips.
“I was wrong, I was wrong. Wrong… I was wrong. I didn’t call, didn’t. I didn’t call first.”
The fear hidden under suppressed breath poured out. It was learned fear. Like someone whose judgment was paralyzed, Bernard floundered with his hands and begged while barely holding onto the seatbelt. Learned habits always jump out before reason. The easiest way to be freed from violence was obedience. Bernard’s head spun tautly and quickly to answer what he had done wrong.
“That Bernard kid looks kind of stupid.”
“His head seems good though… Who cares. His back is hunched and he looks disgusting.”
“Isn’t that because you beat him every time with a hockey stick?”
“Well, who told him to be in front of my eyes?”
Giggling laughter seemed to break from above. When his vision flashed, he didn’t even feel anything. Just, just I. I am… The thought couldn’t finish and Bernard hoped he could disappear from this place.
He shouldn’t even make crying sounds. When he made crying sounds, the other person always grabbed the chair. If he couldn’t properly say what he did wrong, they wouldn’t let him off and might beat him like Chris did. Violence was scary. Memories of being abused for a long time made Bernard an idiot.
Bernard had been abused all his life and lived in mockery, and all the violence inflicted on him had no justifiable reason. Even when there was a reason, if you actually examined it, it was absurd, but through long learning, he couldn’t distinguish right from wrong.
How insignificant the malice of all violence was didn’t matter. Every time Bernard faced a raised hand, inflicted pain, someone’s direct verbal abuse and violence, such things, he would return to the form of his younger childhood.
Single-word screams like calls came in succession from inside the phone. Rubens sneered as if it was ridiculous. For someone who crumbles with just this much to stiffly raise his head and say he loves his brother…
“I, I didn’t… I listened well. I, I didn’t disobey, didn’t…”
Bernard’s body sank more and more. Unable to even flounder, he curled up crumpled in the car passenger seat, and the more he did so, the more Rubens pressed him down and kissed him. Click, the seatbelt unlocked. Between the sound of it rolling up, Bernard’s panting breath continued. He was struggling as if he would suffocate any moment. Rubens quietly looked down at the one crushed under his heavy body, then picked up the dropped phone.
“Do you understand your place now, Mr. McPherson?”
– What the fuck are you saying? Are you even aware of what you just did?
“I don’t know what’s so problematic about slapping Mr. Weil’s cheek.”
– You fucking bastard.
“Isn’t it time to watch your language? Bernard is still within my reach.”
The words were cut off. Only trembling breathing could be heard beyond the phone. Rubens’s eyes curved narrowly. The situation itself of breaking anything excited him. Bernard was now croaking, unable to even properly hold his head up.
When he lightly hit his cheek with the back of his hand, as if even that was felt as strong stimulation, his struggling and trying to escape looked frail. However, Rubens didn’t care.
“Do you know? That the Bernard Weil you cherish so dearly clung to me first. Crying while confessing to me that he loves me… The fact that he joyfully affirmed my sex partner proposal.”
– …….
“The fact that in all those choices, neither you nor your feelings were of any concern?”
He could know the answer without hearing it. Because the breathing sound in the phone was trembling with crying sounds.
