After that day, Bernard received steady contact. The contact from Rubens always carried a clear intention.
“Come in.”
Under the pretext of interviewing Rubens Hurt, their meetings became steady. Meeting him several times, Bernard was guided on his sexual preferences and the behavior he should take in the house. He was mocked a couple of times for being unable to hide his humiliated face.
He had just finished showering, as he brought out water wearing a bathrobe. Bernard only fidgeted with the water droplets on the surface of the glass.
“That stalker will receive appropriate punishment.”
“Elliot… you’re certain he doesn’t know?”
“That’s right. I recovered all the malicious letters too.”
Rubens answered calmly while sipping his coffee. Sitting with his legs crossed, he looked extremely peaceful, and only Bernard sat before him like someone who had committed a sin.
“And that article that appeared in the newspaper at that time…”
“I needed to cover up the kiss.”
He didn’t hide that he was the one who revealed the love affair of the famous actor. His gaze slowly examined Bernard’s complexion.
“I thought you’d say thank you.”
“…Since Elliot shouldn’t know, I thought it was a natural handling.”
“Well, there was nothing bad in it for you.”
“If anyone notices…”
“That won’t happen.”
Cutting Bernard’s words off cleanly, he smiled thinly. Running his thumb along the rim of the coffee cup, he whispered nonchalantly.
“Because I don’t want impurities getting into what I’ve decided.”
The coffee cup was set down with a clinking sound. Even the coffee cup placed perfectly aligned with the saucer looked so luxurious here that Bernard couldn’t carelessly touch it. The word “impurities” roughly swept across the tip of his tongue. Bernard realized without difficulty that it was a word referring to himself.
“Then shall we do what we intended to do?”
“……”
“Stand up and take it off.”
The man’s tone was light. There was even a glimpse of pleasure in his voice that had risen a tone. Bernard ground his molars. At that moment, Bernard thought of Elliot. His hesitation was long and Rubens’s patience was short. By the time the man’s toes slowly pushed the carpet, Bernard threw off his top.
Embarrassing clothes fell to the floor one by one. Hand-me-down clothes received from here and there because he didn’t have money to buy clothes often didn’t fit his size. Whenever Bernard got money, he desperately saved it. The money he had saved while dreaming of a future of independence someday cruelly disappeared repeatedly for Elliot or for his family.
The one time he spent it as he wished was when he bought Rhino’s tie pin. Even that was of a quality that would have been cheap to the other person.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking so hard about while taking off your clothes.”
At Rubens’s words tinged with subtle laughter, Bernard’s face reddened once more. His hesitating hand caught on the waistband of his underwear. As if urging the hesitating him, Rubens slightly raised his head. Finally… the last underwear slid down his thighs.
The feeling of being naked wearing only socks was quite a strange sensation. In broad daylight, in the middle of the well-sunlit living room at that, Bernard didn’t know what to do and tried to cover his center with his hands, but it was a useless act. Rubens emptied his coffee cup while leaving him standing.
“Your body hair is light.”
Rubens’s gaze headed toward his center. Bernard flinched and trembled involuntarily, hunching his shoulders. At the pitiful gesture of covering his genitals, Rubens’s laughter deepened. Bernard felt like a corner of his heart was crumpling dryly. It was a feeling like becoming a completely useless existence.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t move your hands even a bit without permission.”
“…But.”
“Don’t argue.”
At the merciless words, Bernard’s head bowed lower. Even his exposed white nape was flushed. His toes inside his socks flinched. His hesitating hands couldn’t find a place to go and only wandered around his thighs. Perhaps it was a not-bad choice, as no further scolding followed.
“There’s not even a corner worth looking at favorably.”
“…I’m sorry.”
Though he thought it wasn’t something he should be apologizing for, the answer flowed out naturally. It was surreal that he was showing his naked body in every detail before Rubens. Of course, he wouldn’t do this in front of anyone else either…
“So. Have you masturbated to my face?”
“Ah.”
“Haven’t you?”
At the direct question, Bernard couldn’t find words to answer and stammered. All sorts of words boiled up inside. He wanted to ask if he was in his right mind, but swallowed it inwardly.
“…Once.”
That face that clearly and obviously knows. As if confident that it couldn’t not exist. At that, Bernard scratched his thighs repeatedly, finally dragging out a single syllable with the tip of his tongue. His deeply bowed head had no place to bow further, yet continued toward the floor, further toward the floor.
At the heat faintly emanating from the hesitating voice, Rubens sneered briefly. The blue gaze crawled up as if fumbling over the white skin. The pale skin was slightly pallid as if it hadn’t seen light. The scars remaining here and there on his body were somewhat puzzling, but the thin body evoked a somewhat heterogeneous impression. A desire arose to leave more marks on top of it.
At his gesture, the steps that had been advancing hesitantly one step at a time stopped right in front. Their knees touched. The hand that had been stroking up his thigh stopped at a scar near Bernard’s waist.
“That’s not a place to get burned.”
“It’s an insignificant scar.”
“Well. I’m curious.”
Bernard’s lips only repeated opening and closing. Reading that hesitation, the man’s eyes curved roundly. He licked his own lips with a honey-laden tongue.
“So tell me.”
“Such a thing isn’t valuable enough for Mr. Hurt to be curious about.”
“I decide the weight of value.”
The blue eyes glinted ominously under the pouring sunlight. The hand that had slowly stroked up Bernard’s thigh crawled further and gripped both wrists. Bernard’s hands that had been staying awkwardly on his thighs shook with a clatter. His bare nape tensed sharply.
“Can’t I even ask about flaws in traded goods?”
At the tone without elevation, Bernard became aware of his position. He had made a deal over Elliot’s happiness. All the perfectly bad luck should come to him, and if so, he would fulfill his necessary use. Then Rubens had said. What would you offer when I don’t even need your use? To that question, Bernard had said he would give everything. Yes, everything.
“In 8th grade, a sunbae.”
“A sunbae?”
“Said it was disgusting…”
“Elliot?”
“…Doesn’t know.”
“You two are rather funny to call intimate.”
At the mumbling, fading speech, water droplets eventually formed. Rubens was silent. It was a face where one couldn’t know what he was thinking. The blue eyes moved slowly and looked up at Bernard’s face. A faint smile spread across the man’s face. As he smoothly stroked up the flesh made of fragile bones and flesh with his palm, he felt warm heat. Considerable flaws and such were bothersome, but not something he couldn’t ignore.
He slowly rubbed the bumpy scar with his thumb. Bernard’s thigh flinched and tightened. Sunlight stealthily crept down to below his socks. His pale skin looked only white under the light. As Rubens’s head bent down, a blue wave was glimpsed below his black eyelashes. Hot flesh touched the scar.
At that moment, Bernard intensely wished. That he wanted to run away. Ah. This is, I mean, this is. The sensation of licking over the scar was absolutely, no more…
“You’re hard.”
Could there be another beast so shameless? Rubens’s Adam’s apple rolled. Due to his next action, Bernard urgently grabbed his shoulder. Rough wrinkles formed on the shirt that had been without a single crease. Rubens’s hand dug inside his thigh and stroked up bare skin. Bernard’s back naturally curved roundly. The fingertips gripping Rubens’s shoulder turned pale.
“Wai—…”
The hand that completely ignored Bernard’s words rather hastily stroked his groin. As he pressed his center tightly with his palm and rubbed, heat naturally rose. Trembling his lower back with a shudder, Bernard kept muttering things like stop, no, I don’t like it, but Rubens didn’t respond.
“From now on I’ll. Show you what kind of way to masturbate.”
“Ah, ngh… hnngh…”
“Remember it clearly.”
The heated breathing crumpled on the sofa. His widely spread standing legs trembled. Rubens was staring at Bernard with a dry face. Bernard only blinked his eyes like someone who wasn’t aware of what he was doing now, then lowered his gaze at Rubens’s words.
Rubens lightly grasped Bernard’s penis. At the sensation of his penis being smoothly stroked, Bernard bit his own lips. When he stroked the tip of his penis and rubbed it with his thumb, then dug into the urethral opening with his nail, he unknowingly grabbed his forearm. The blue eyes examined Bernard as if dismantling him piece by piece.
“When you masturbate. Do it while recalling the moments I did this to you.”
The man said in a plain tone. Bernard’s head kept tilting back and bowing repeatedly. His palms filled with sweat. His wetly soaked breath scattered and seemed unable to even enter his lungs, as he kept getting short of breath.
“P-please.”
“Mr. Weil.”
Bernard couldn’t even know what he was pleading for. As he shook his head while holding the man’s forearm, he laughed coldly. Bernard’s white cheeks became stained with tears. The glasses he was wearing slid down smoothly and hung loosely on the tip of his nose. His lips swelled from being bitten multiple times.
Looking at that face, Rubens swallowed dry saliva. As much as his Adam’s apple moved slowly, his chest also stirred slowly. Such an insignificant appearance. Even though there was nothing pretty about it, the area below the man’s robe was swollen.
“When you beg, you should speak clearly.”
