“No way!”
Hajin thought that could never happen. Not giving hyung kisses—that was unimaginable.
“Hajin will kiss hyung even when he grows up and becomes an adult. I’ll definitely do that…!”
Hajin promised resolutely, eyes widening.
“Really? Can you promise?”
“Yes! It’s a promise!”
When the child nodded vigorously and grinned bashfully, Jeongwoo burst out laughing along with him. Looking at the bright child’s face, his hand reached out without him realizing it.
How can I resist when he’s this cute? He couldn’t help but ruffle his hair.
“I really hope that’s true.”
Jeongwoo muttered quietly. His hand continued to stroke the small head with soft, curly hair.
Of course, he knew that Hajin wouldn’t really continue such cute displays of affection even when he grew up. But in this moment, the affection this small, lovable child expressed to him felt incredibly precious.
“When Hajin is with hyung, I feel the happiest in the world.”
Hajin, who spoke clearly, fell into his arms and smiled brightly again. The sensation of the hand stroking his hair seemed to feel really good.
“…Huh?”
And then, a small bump was felt through the child’s hair. It wasn’t a serious injury, but there was also a bruise as if he’d hit some kind of corner.
“Hajin-ah, did you bump your head earlier?”
Since it hadn’t healed, it seemed he’d been injured today. Hajin, who flinched, shrank back. Like a child caught doing something wrong.
The gentlest child had a bad habit that wouldn’t easily go away.
It was the habit of hiding his pain tightly.
Jeongyeon and Hajin didn’t know, but he’d heard that Hajin actually had an older sister. Because the child had passed away before Hajin even entered elementary school, Hajin’s parents had an especially hard time whenever Hajin got hurt or suffered from minor illnesses.
Perhaps instinctively sensing his parents’ worry, Hajin didn’t show adults that he was hurt even while tears dripped from falling down.
“Hajin-ah, when did you bump your head?”
The child’s characteristic that first appeared around age five seemed to continue even after becoming an elementary student. His heart sank the moment he felt the bump, but Jeongwoo deliberately spoke in a gentle voice. If he was firm at times like this, the frightened child would shrink back even more.
At his question, the child rolled his eyes for a long while, then carefully pointed to the desk in the room.
“Jeongyeon’s doll was there, so when Hajin tried to take it out, Hajin went ‘bonk’ on the head…”
Yoo Jeongyeon, really. Jeongwoo swallowed a sigh inwardly. His young brother’s room always had toys scattered in all directions. Toys were often found in bizarre places too.
The child had bumped his head after going under the desk to take it out.
“I don’t think you need to apply medicine, but it must have hurt. Did you cry?”
“I cried a little…”
The scene vividly appeared before his eyes—the child wiping away tears alone in the corner under the desk while his own younger brother played, knowing nothing. Jeongwoo pulled Hajin close and patted his back.
“When things like that happen, you need to tell the adults. You might need to apply medicine.”
“But still…”
“Or I could hug you like now.”
Hajin’s eyes widened, as if the words about being able to hug him were appealing.
“If you’re doing it because you think mom and dad will be upset, next time just tell hyung quietly. I absolutely won’t tell mom and dad.”
So when you need to, act spoiled with me at least. He swallowed the sigh-mixed voice with effort.
Why does such a little thing try to endure everything alone?
“Then… next time I’ll definitely tell hyung.”
“Mm, okay.”
It seemed he’d answered after careful consideration, but Jeongwoo didn’t quite trust it. He had a feeling that Hajin would just obediently answer and then something similar would happen again.
Adults often said Hajin was a good child who didn’t require much attention.
However, in Jeongwoo’s eyes, Hajin was a child who required more attention than expected. Though well-behaved, he always needed to be watched closely, and he had to check if he’d been hurting alone today.
“But hyung, can’t we play together? Even though it’s not important business…”
“Hajin became an elementary school hyung, so this is important business.”
As if what happened moments ago never occurred, the child smiled brighter than ever. While pinching his chubby cheeks, Jeongwoo mulled over the words the child had left behind.
That he’d kiss him even when he became an adult. That being together made him the happiest in the world.
And that when something happened, he’d come running to tell him even before his parents.
The innocent promise made that day remained lodged in a corner of Jeongwoo’s heart afterward.
Of course, back then he’d simply thought they were cute words only a child could say. He’d also expected that when puberty hit, Hajin wouldn’t even remember he’d said such things.
And the remaining disappointment would be his alone. Probably, most certainly.
Because happy memories sometimes become bitter recollections.
***
What on earth did I do to hyung-nim?
I stayed up all night. I tossed and turned until dawn and finally fell into a shallow sleep. Even in my dreams, hyung-nim’s cold gaze followed me.
I opened Jeongwoo hyung-nim’s door with haggard eyes at five-thirty in the morning. Where did hyung-nim spend the night?
“Ah, Jeongyeon’s room.”
I stood in front of Jeongyeon’s room, which was empty now that he’d left for the dorms, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it.
I eventually entered my room, closed the door, and leaned my back against it. My heart raced like crazy whenever I recalled what happened last night. Even more so after the alcohol buzz had completely worn off.
I kissed hyung-nim. I really kissed him. With Jeongwoo hyung-nim, whom I’d liked since childhood. Something that seemed only possible in dreams had happened in reality.
This was nothing less than the biggest event in my entire life.
What will I become to hyung-nim after yesterday?
“…I must have looked really weird yesterday.”
No matter how curious I was about kissing, a normal person wouldn’t make such a request to hyung-nim who was practically family.
“I guess you won’t say you want to try it anywhere anymore.”
I honestly wanted to try it again if I got the chance. Of course, next time with Jeongwoo hyung-nim too.
“After being scolded like that, really.”
Maybe I’m a true pervert who has nothing to say even after receiving such a look from Jeongwoo hyung-nim.
But then hyung-nim’s hardened expression came to mind. He must have been disappointed. It probably wasn’t meant to be taken as ‘really try it.’
Besides, to Jeongwoo hyung-nim, I must be like family.
“Aaah…”
I threw myself on the bed and pulled the blanket over my head. Embarrassment and regret rushed in.
How will I face hyung-nim from now on? I thrashed about under the blanket. Because it seemed like hyung-nim would see me even more strangely now, and because everything seemed irreversible.
Everything seemed to have become a mess. My relationship with hyung-nim, and my heart.
Even if it was one-sided love, I wanted to stay by hyung-nim’s side, and I wanted to get closer even by small progress. But now it felt like I’d exchanged everything for a single kiss.
“Even I would lose all affection.”
The younger brother he’d cherished since childhood not only tried to kiss another alpha out of curiosity about kissing, but then got aroused while kissing him and he saw it all clearly.
It was certain that my relationship with Jeongwoo hyung-nim had become irreversible. Because I’d never seen such a cold look in his eyes before…
My long-held wish not to be seen only as a little baby had been fulfilled in such a miserable way.
How should I face hyung-nim now? Do mom and dad happen to have any plans to move?
It doesn’t seem like I can act naturally like before anymore.
“Should I tell mom and dad I want to live alone?”
As if a lightbulb had turned on, my vision brightened.
Anyway, my relationship with Jeongwoo hyung-nim was ruined now, and if I started living alone from now, mom and dad could get just a little used to my absence.
I immediately threw off the blanket covering my head.
