Onset
Misfortune strikes without warning at the happiest of moments. I learned this truth firsthand the moment I became an adult.
November—the college entrance exam ended.
December—I got accepted into the university I wanted.
Thanks to the early acceptance notice, I even drank alcohol without a care on January 1st, and having officially become an adult, I was filled with anticipation to fully enjoy freedom and happiness.
But in February, with less than a month until university starts.
I never imagined I’d hear such words at the hospital I visited for such a minor symptom—just blurry and uncomfortable vision.
“The optic nerve is connected to the brain, and if this really is a tumor, it could even threaten your life…”
Lee Hajin, twenty years old. At this age, I might have a terminal diagnosis.
Naturally, it was these damn eyes causing trouble again. Perhaps because it was the eyes specifically, I accepted this fate in my heart relatively quickly.
Ah, so I’m going to die soon.
Without ever kissing someone I love.
Without ever truly having anything I genuinely wanted.
Destined to die after living such a dull life.
***
“Hajin! Go next door and give them these side dishes.”
Ah, why now of all times. I stopped rubbing my pitiful eyes and lowered my hand.
The eyes I met in the mirror were redder and more swollen than usual. Like someone who had clearly buried their face in a pillow and cried their heart out the night before.
Thinking it might help even a little, I pressed my cold hand against my eyes before heading to the living room.
“I just need to give them this?”
“Yeah, I stir-fried some eggplant I bought at the mart yesterday and it came out really delicious. But I’m not sure if your unnie is home? Go check, and if no one’s there, just leave it.”
Mom knows nothing about what happened to me. I haven’t found the courage to tell anyone around me yet.
“I’ll be back.”
Worried my swollen eyes would be noticed, I quickly headed for the front door holding the transparent container. I kept my reddened eyes downcast as much as possible.
Unfortunately, my ability to hide my emotions was close to ‘zero’. When I think about why, it always comes back to my eyes. These eyes that reveal everything I feel before I can even hide it.
These damn eyes have always been the problem at every moment of my life.
Large eyes are somewhat disadvantageous for hiding emotions. Regrettably, my large eyes were the most prominent feature on my face, and I deeply disliked that fact.
Looking back, even when my friends and I were all getting lectured together at school, I was the only one singled out. Even when someone else was actually at fault. Why are you opening your eyes like that, if you have any complaints, why don’t you speak up as the representative, and so on.
Being someone whose inner thoughts were easily read while also lacking eloquence, I always felt like I was drowning in a swamp whenever I was put in such situations.
That wasn’t all. Because of these damn transparent eyes, I often couldn’t look directly at faces I wanted to see. Afraid that feelings that absolutely mustn’t be discovered would be exposed. Because of that, the human Lee Hajin became someone whose specialty was stealing glances.
Moreover, once I became fixated on something, I could barely break free from it. Even when I absolutely had to break free.
Even now, it wasn’t much different from that kind of situation.
The moment I entered the house next door, I froze like ice.
“……”
When was it? There was definitely a similar situation before, and I was running an errand then too.
Having witnessed for the first time in my life an erection—not my own but someone else’s—I couldn’t easily look away.
From Jeongwoo hyung-nim’s crotch, who had just woken up.
That was before I even started high school… so it was easily over three years ago. Back then, I didn’t have time to think about how I might look.
After that, I avoided coming to this house for a month, but both sets of parents teased me saying Hajin must have finally hit puberty, so I reluctantly started coming again.
Unlike my awkward self, hyung-nim acted as if nothing had happened back then. With a subtle smile on his face. Of course, hyung-nim didn’t know then or now that my strange behavior was because of his crotch.
“I wondered who it was… it’s the baby.”
I finally came to my senses at hyung-nim’s voice. I couldn’t even look at hyung-nim’s face because I was too busy taking in that thing I was seeing for the first time in three years. Because hyung-nim’s crotch was still huge.
“Didn’t you go to school?”
“……”
I barely managed to lift my head. Belatedly observing hyung-nim, I assessed the situation. He must have been rummaging through the refrigerator.
Hands much larger than mine were holding a 2-liter water bottle as if it were a small drink.
“Of course you wouldn’t have gone to school, it’s the weekend.”
Yoo Jeongyeon, hyung-nim’s younger sibling and my childhood friend, left for another city as soon as they got into college. And the ajumma and ahjussi go out early every Saturday morning.
It was a fact I had completely forgotten due to being preoccupied with my personal problems lately. When I came out to run this errand, I never imagined that Jeongwoo hyung-nim would be in this house, nearly naked, greeting me in front of the refrigerator.
Without realizing it, I was desperately tensing my hands, worried they might tremble. But focusing on my hands didn’t stop me from stuttering like an idiot.
“Th-that is, the door was open so I just came in… thinking I’d quickly leave this and go…”
Honestly, it was flustering and an unexpected situation, but I was really happy to see the busy hyung-nim. Especially since Yoo Jeongyeon, who’s usually attached to his side, isn’t here now.
Fortunately, hyung-nim seemed to regard my sudden visit as no big deal. He gulped down the water bottle as if he’d empty it completely, then asked.
“What you’re holding—is it an errand?”
I answered while glancing at a drop of water that had fallen on hyung-nim’s chest.
“Yes… It’s been a while, hyung-nim.”
“Mm, yeah.”
At my respectful form of address, hyung-nim always lets out a small laugh.
Perhaps because I’ve been in and out of this house since I was a baby I can’t even remember, hyung-nim still seemed completely unfazed even while exposing his naked body in front of me.
Even though hyung-nim is an alpha and I’m an omega.
This was exactly why I felt dissatisfied whenever I saw hyung-nim like this.
In fact, if he saw me even a little bit as an omega, this kind of behavior would be impossible in this world.
See? Even now, as a fully grown omega, I absolutely couldn’t stop stealing glances at hyung-nim’s naked body. And yet hyung-nim was this indifferent.
“You were like this before too, but this time it really feels like it’s been forever. You come over less and less.”
“…Me?”
I never really thought of it that way. If anything, it was more like I couldn’t see his face because hyung-nim was too busy. But hyung-nim seemed to be talking about even further in the past.
“In the old days, whenever you saw me, you wouldn’t let go. You’d throw tantrums saying you wouldn’t go home, that you’d sleep with hyung.”
Why is he bringing up childhood stories again? Hyung-nim’s eyebrows drooped as if he genuinely felt hurt. Come to think of it, hyung-nim often said similar things whenever we ran into each other.
Of course, I felt displeased each time.
“Because I’ve grown up a lot now.”
“You’ve grown up a lot?”
“H-hyung-nim, your clothes…”
Could he really be this oblivious? Standing nearly naked in front of me while reminiscing about when I was a baby. This was clearly like a conversation between an uncle and his grown-up nephew.
“Hm?”
Having finally noticed my awkward demeanor, he slowly looked down at himself, then tilted his head downward.
It was a gesture as if to say, “Was this the problem?” Eventually, he showed slight annoyance and loosely tied the undone robe string.
“When did this come undone.”
At his relaxed smile, completely without embarrassment, I could only grumble internally.
I had no idea how much time had passed from when I entered this place until hyung-nim finally covered himself. How on earth could an alpha be like this in front of a fully grown omega?
Only after hyung-nim’s crotch disappeared behind the gown did I take a step to give him the small container I was holding.
Actually, if you asked what I was thinking just now.
I was thinking things like, hyung-nim is this sexy even right after waking up. Despite that, he still sees me as a high school kid. As expected, hyung-nim still doesn’t know a thing about me.
My feelings for Jeongwoo hyung-nim were far from pure.
“Mom stir-fried some pep—I mean, eggplant…”
“……”
“And told me to bring it over.”
Fuck!
What kind of embarrassment is this in front of hyung-nim? At the sound of a chuckle, I unconsciously bit my lip hard.
Maybe he just laughed? I hoped he’d pretend he didn’t hear and let it pass. But hyung-nim seemed to have noticed that I was quite flustered right now.
“Sounds delicious, eggplant.”
“……”
After a brief silence came hyung-nim’s voice. My face felt like it was burning up.
“Thanks. I’ll enjoy it?”
Because that was clearly the voice of someone holding back laughter.
