First, I needed to make Seo Heejin acknowledge that he himself wasn’t in a good mood. Without this groundwork, if I just recklessly asked if he wanted to suck, he’s the type who would answer excitedly saying yes.
> You must be in a bad mood? 14:56
Seo Heejin
> It can’t be helped. It’s my fault 14:56
> If you’re in a bad mood. Want to suck? 14:56
As I expected, Seo Heejin was calm even after being scolded. I looked relatively pathetic for trembling alone every time I got scolded, but that wasn’t what was important right now.
The message clearly showed it had been read, but Seo Heejin didn’t reply.
Right. Seo Heejin also needs to experience it to realize that when you’re in a shitty mood, hearing this kind of nonsense makes you twice as angry.
My excited typing sound rang out cheerfully, clackety-clack.
> Hey. You said you feel better when you touch my chest when you’re depressed. You’d feel better if you sucked my dick that you like too!!! 14:57
The three exclamation marks at the end were expressing my blood-vomiting feelings. And I somehow knew that even if I acted crazy like this, Seo Heejin would like it.
The feelings of both pity and satisfaction at seeing Seo Heejin being scolded were real. I was excited at the thought of returning to Seo Heejin exactly what he had been saying to me all this time, but to be honest, seeing him look completely dejected also made me feel a bit sorry. Since I also recovered after sucking Seo Heejin’s dick when I was depressed, for Seo Heejin who likes me, my dick must be like a healing potion too.
However, Seo Heejin’s reply was unexpected.
Seo Heejin
> I think it’ll be difficult today 14:57
When Seo Heejin said words of rejection to me, unless he was sulking, long flowery words would usually be attached. In the style of saying he really wants to but due to such and such reasons it’s difficult.
But this reply came back saying only that it was difficult, without any such embellishments. To think he would dare refuse when I was offering my dick to cheer him up.
This made me the pathetic one who couldn’t suck dick. Did I get blocked by Seo Heejin this time too?
> Why. Are you going to meet some woman I don’t know again tonight? 14:57
Seo Heejin
> You know that’s not it, hyung 14:57
> Then why don’t you want to 14:57
Seo Heejin
> I think I have a cold. It won’t do today because I can’t let hyung catch it 14:58
Ah. Momentarily, several complex emotions flashed by. The emotion of “you’re holding back even though you want to suck because you’re thinking of me?” and the patheticness of “our fucking dog caught a summer cold that even dogs don’t get?” Those two emotions came first before the thing called worry came to mind.
> You have a cold? Does it hurt a lot? 14:58
Insincere worry existed so one could navigate social life well.
Wasn’t Seo Heejin just receiving punishment for tormenting me all this time?
Thinking about what Seo Heejin did last weekend, it was quite a plausible inference. Still, if there was a god in the world, I had hoped he would first punish Manager Park, who torments me with work, rather than Seo Heejin, who torments me with sex.
Seo Heejin
> I think I’ll take a half-day off this afternoon 14:59
> Now? That’s not right 14:59
Seo Heejin
> The team leader told me not to make mistakes while feeling unwell and to just take a half-day and go home 14:59
> You just have to endure three more hours until leaving work, what a waste of annual leave 14:59
Seo Heejin
> It can’t be helped since I made a mistake 15:00
It was already 3 PM. To be forced to take not early leave but a half-day at a time far too late for taking an afternoon half-day.
I wondered if Seo Heejin was Buddha. How can he say “it can’t be helped” even after receiving such unreasonable treatment? A message popup saying he was leaving first appeared before my eyes, which had gone blank in absurdity.
* * *
On my way home from work in front of the subway station, I fell into deep contemplation. If I took the upbound train, it was the direction to Seo Heejin’s house, and if I took the downbound train, it was the direction to my house. I was worried about Seo Heejin, who hadn’t even contacted me since the message saying he arrived home.
When you’re sick and alone, it’s miserable, so should I just go check if he’s alive? But if Seo Heejin was alive, going empty-handed would obviously become an awkward situation.
In that case, it meant I should assume he might be alive and buy porridge or something, but since we weren’t even dating, making a fuss just because he caught a cold didn’t appeal to me at all.
After pondering for a long time, I eventually decided to take the upbound train.
If Seo Heejin died from a cold and was discovered a few days later as a heavily decomposed corpse, I felt like I’d regret it forever. Of course, I knew this thought was completely extreme, but unless I made such an assumption, it felt like I would take the downbound train.
Not knowing what kind of cold it was, I bought general cold medicine, stopped by a convenience store to buy retort porridge, and let out a deep sigh.
What kind of face should I make when giving this to Seo Heejin? Imagining myself hesitantly handing over medicine and porridge saying I came because I was worried gave me goosebumps. Maybe it would be better if Seo Heejin was dead and I called 119 instead.
While having these strange thoughts, my feet faithfully brought me in front of Seo Heejin’s house, so I pressed the doorbell and waited for a moment. ……Huh? Thinking it was strange, I pressed the doorbell once more. ……Huh? This time I pressed the doorbell repeatedly as if to break it, but.
“Seo Heejin—!”
I had imagined I wanted Seo Heejin to be dead, but I didn’t actually wish for him to die! He really can’t die! I’m not ready to let go of Seo Heejin’s dick yet!
“Seo Heejin!”
Should I call 112 at a time like this, or should I call 119? Mixed with the sound of me pounding on the door like crazy came the sound of coughing, cough.
“Yunwoo hyung, what are you doing?”
Seo Heejin’s voice came not from inside the house but from behind me.
“Hey! You were alive!?”
In my confusion, I didn’t even think that Seo Heejin, who went home because he was sick, might not be home. I didn’t even think to call him on the phone.
Seo Heejin, wearing a black t-shirt, black shorts, and a black cap pressed down, coughed instead of answering.
“Hyung…… to die, I just have a cold……”
Seo Heejin showed an absurd smile while coughing.
“It’s because you didn’t contact me!”
If you had the sense to go out, you should have contacted me. My heart was still pounding so hard that my voice wouldn’t get quieter.
“I was a bit out of it going to the hospital and buying porridge on the way back.”
Come to think of it, Seo Heejin was holding a bag from a porridge specialty shop in his hand. The general cold medicine and convenience store bag I was holding suddenly became embarrassing, so when I hid them behind my back, Seo Heejin approached abruptly.
His long arm wrapped around me as if embracing me, reaching behind to slightly open the convenience store bag.
“Mmm— did you come because you were worried about me?”
“No. I came to report you in case you were dead.”
Even I thought it was a pathetic statement. Where in the world is there someone who buys medicine and porridge when coming to report a death?
Seo Heejin stuck close to me and coughed inwardly without opening his mouth, as if forcibly holding back a cough. Cold…… I hope I catch it too so I don’t have to go to work tomorrow either.
“If I thought you were dead, I should have gone in to check. Hyung, you know my house password.”
I couldn’t remember at all when I had heard Seo Heejin’s house password. Come to think of it, Seo Heejin knowing my house password also seemed like I never specifically told him.
“How would I know that?”
“Why wouldn’t you know…… I sent it to you in a message before.”
Mm. It seemed like that might have happened, or maybe not.
“I’ll tell you again, so don’t forget. If I really die, hyung has to report it.”
Seo Heejin grabbed my shoulder and spun my body around. The body heat touching my back definitely seemed higher than usual. The thump-thump sound of his heartbeat also seemed faster than usual.
While embracing me from behind, Seo Heejin’s fingers pressed the password firmly.
“……Fuck.”
“You definitely can’t forget now, right hyung?”
As if I could forget. The 6 digits Seo Heejin pressed were my date of birth. Wondering if this was some kind of demonstration that he likes me, I got goosebumps in a different sense.
“Now, let’s go in.”
As he grabbed and turned the doorknob, Seo Heejin’s body smoothly pushed me.
“I’ve seen that you’re alive, so that’s enough now.”
Firm arms tightly embraced my waist.
