The words people uttered had quite a complex structure. You had to identify the intention wedged between things that were like puzzles or like mazes. For reference, Saehyeon wasn’t particularly specialized in that ability. Saehyeon rolled his eyes for a moment and hesitantly opened his mouth. He didn’t like asking right away because it felt like advertising that he was stupid somewhere. But it was still better than just rolling his eyes while the awkward silence grew longer.
“What the hell are you to me?”
But the answer that came back was thoroughly unsatisfactory.
“Who knows.”
Gil Taeseo, who had only spat out fragmentary words, rested his head against the wall with a thud. Light-colored hair scattered messily over the wallpaper. His gaze followed as if entranced.
The season of summer that was fair to everyone was more of a direct hit to this shabby house. The twisted pretzel shapes that he’d never seen in Gil Taeseo’s house were floating here and there on the wall.
When something like rich wheat ears at harvest time was placed on top of it, it felt like looking at a bizarrely staged work of art. Should he say it felt like something carefully made being carelessly thrown onto the ground full of dirt and dust?
No matter how he looked at it, he was a human who didn’t fit. Whether it was this old and crumbling house, or himself who was no different from it.
‘What is he saying.’
Thinking that way naturally made him feel unpleasant.
‘If you don’t like it, say you don’t like it, if you’re going to tell me to fuck off, speak clearly and tell me to fuck off.’
Even if he’d spoken bluntly, he would have understood sufficiently. It was when Saehyeon, who had pursed his lips, was about to say something. Gil Taeseo, who had been silent, intercepted first the words that hadn’t even come out yet.
“Probably a fucking trashy and filthy human scum beyond what you’re imagining.”
In a form more unexpected than that.
No matter how lacking in social skills he was, he wasn’t an idiot. Saehyeon could easily detect the thick traces of self-deprecation and self-abuse in the man’s words that fell unusually.
If you lined up the people who had cursed Gil Taeseo in a row, Saehyeon could be certain he’d be quite near the front. Because he had a record of cursing while searching for numerous baby animals like dog bastard, cow bastard, horse bastard, fucking bastard, etc.
“I… don’t think it’s to that extent.”
But when the person in question actually said that, it was hard to readily agree. He somehow wanted to refute it too.
Though he might not know if he simply wanted to refute every word Gil Taeseo swallowed.
Even at the denial he’d brought out with some difficulty, the man had no particular reaction. It didn’t seem to resonate with him.
“It’s because you don’t know anything, Lee Saehyeon, that you can say such things.”
As if hearing naive words from a child who didn’t know a thing about the ways of the world. Yes, it was exactly that kind of reaction.
Clearly, there were several years between Saehyeon and Gil Taeseo. There was a period he’d forgotten because he was sick, and even setting that aside, there was a period when they were apart. Until Taesol was born and grew to a certain extent.
However, after they reunited like an accident, they’d also been stuck together terribly whether they liked it or not. Enough that it seemed it could roughly offset the gap in between.
Moreover, wasn’t he a proper same-age peer in the other’s eyes?
Saehyeon fidgeted his lips slightly.
“…What nonsense.”
Several words echoed around the tip of his tongue. After a hard struggle, what he spat out was only two syllables.
“So. Is that all you have to say?”
Before such a Saehyeon, a question was thrown again. A gaze as sharp as an arrowhead followed along with it. It even scrutinized thoroughly as if to dig up something hidden beneath the shameless skin covering the outside.
‘There’s… something more I should say, that kind of atmosphere.’
His spine naturally became damp with moisture. He frantically searched his brain but there was nothing particularly coming to mind. If he had to pick, maybe the full story of the runaway incident?
“Yeah. There isn’t?”
That was an uncomfortable and embarrassing topic to explain in detail. It was also disadvantageous. Saehyeon eventually mumbled an answer and buried his face over Taesol’s hair. He even slipped in an exaggerated yawn as if he were sleepy.
Whether that was effective, or whether his own mouth hurt too. Gil Taeseo didn’t continue to press further.
At that time, the relief of avoiding the situation was great. But thinking about it later, maybe he should have clearly brought out one of the words he’d swallowed.
Because the man’s strange behavior started from that day.
More precisely, it was correct to see it as an extension of before. That attitude of avoiding and swatting away as if dealing with a giant cockroach. It was because that continued on afterward, changing form.
“It seems like he’s avoiding something.”
At first, he thought he must have really gotten busy. But the next day, the day after the next day… until the tedious days continued, Gil Taeseo remained unchanged.
Of course, the man was always busy. He left early and came home late, and was also called here and there by phone calls or people. But even amidst that, there had never been a time when it was this hard to see his face.
Even if there was just a tiny gap, or even by creating a gap, Gil Taeseo had constantly called Saehyeon out.
‘Does this mean it’s no longer urgent.’
During this time, there had been small changes in both Saehyeon’s body and mind. The fact that he’d slightly reformed his feelings toward Taesol and Gil Taeseo, and the point that the form of his pheromone glands had improved very slightly.
The graph he’d glanced at was still crawling along the bottom, but it clearly had a difference from before. The range that had fluctuated like waves was going back and forth only within quite a narrow interval.
Thanks to that, Saehyeon was able to cautiously bring up to the doctor the question of whether he could adjust the degree of ‘treatment.’
‘Hmm… may I ask the reason?’
‘I want to… increase the time I spend with my child a bit more.’
The time Saehyeon devoted to ‘treatment’ was quite substantial, more than one would think. Once the switch turned on, the man tenaciously sucked out Saehyeon’s vitality. It was to the point where he wondered where he recharged such stamina every day.
After being tormented like that for a while, he had to lie down groaning. It was because of physical fatigue and torment, not the pheromone problem.
‘It’s still better the higher and denser the frequency and degree are, but… still, adjusting slightly should be harmless.’
Under the premise that treatment would continue steadily, a little leeway was permitted to Saehyeon.
Even during the examination, Yoon Changwook followed along like a shadow. Therefore, these words must have reached Gil Taeseo as well.
“Daddy, Daddy’s turn!”
A urging voice penetrated between the thoughts that had briefly occupied his brain. When he lifted his head, he could see Taesol looking this way with sparkling eyes.
The two people were sitting on the rug with a small low table between them. Each holding small blocks in their small, chubby hand and thin hand respectively.
“Uh huh. Should I put this one here?”
It was the block stacking that Taesol was deeply into these days. If you stacked them well, they had the expandability of becoming a castle or a dragon, but the difficulty level was quite hard, so he wondered if this was really a children’s toy. But if he just stuck by his side and taught him a little, Taesol was doing it right away.
“Yeah!”
Saehyeon tapped the faintly flushed cheek with his hand and deliberately shook off complicated thoughts. The soft and warm sensation left a long lingering feeling at his fingertips.
‘Right. What would be important.’
Saehyeon had taken on a new task from the untimely dawn runaway incident. It was a type of task that hadn’t existed before. Becoming a son not inferior to an Alpha, then escaping memory loss and a terminal diagnosis.
They were all things that fell like bombs regardless of his own will, things he was just swept up in. But this time was different.
For the first time in his life, Saehyeon was trying to establish and execute a goal according to his voluntary will.
First, he significantly increased the time spent with the child. The degree of attention he devoted also changed. Of course, he’d looked at the child before too. Having his gaze go to the child who stuck closely to his side was natural and reflexive behavior.
But he’d never looked into each and every one of those actions. Looking at the child who seemed to come alive with vitality the more he looked, he suddenly became curious. Why the child did such behaviors. And about how he should react to this appropriately.
“Parenting books?”
“That… I was wondering if there’s anything you could recommend.”
That was the reason Saehyeon suddenly asked the housekeeper a book-related question. What triggered the question was noticing that she handled the child much more skillfully than himself.
What would really be good would be learning while asking from the side, but there was a problem with this too. Saehyeon knew himself well. He had absolutely no foundation whatsoever, and he didn’t have affable social skills either.
‘If it’s books, I can memorize them to death.’
Saehyeon, who had even opened a notepad to take notes, was somehow resolute. Rather than a novice dad who would get parenting book recommendations, his face was closer to a general asking about tactics.
The woman who had covered her mouth in surprise at the unexpected words soon smiled with curved eyes. Light wrinkles naturally formed at her gentle eye corners.
“Ah, I think you should go to the study for that.”
“The study?”
To Saehyeon, who was blinking his eyes bewilderedly, the woman told him the secret location in a gentle voice.
