Today, Saturday, I went in front of the flower shop before nine o’clock. Saturday was the only day I could sleep over at Kkotmoa’s house. First of all, Kkotmoa’s house was empty because Samyukshippal slept at his aunt’s house, and I, who couldn’t miss that opportunity, struggled by any means to sleep over. It was even better that Kkotmoa didn’t say anything in particular.
I stopped in front of the flower shop with the hazard lights on. Sitting in the driver’s seat, I gazed endlessly only at the flower shop. Inside, I could see Kkotmoa cleaning. And exactly at nine o’clock, Kkotmoa came out of the flower shop. In his hands was a flashy and large flower basket. I quickly got out and approached Kkotmoa.
“What’s with the flower basket?”
“Today is your mother’s birthday, isn’t it? You probably already bought a gift, but take this as a gift too.”
My mom’s birthday was in autumn, but now in April, I wondered what he was talking about. The flower basket Kkotmoa held out to me was pretty and elegant, clearly showing the care put into it. My mom would really like it if she saw it.
“Actually I wanted to make it myself, but I’m not skilled enough yet. I talked to the boss and bought it at half price. Still, I personally stuck in a few flowers myself. Of course, I did it as the boss instructed. Tell your mom you bought it. Here, take it.”
“…But my mom’s birthday is in autumn?”
“…Huh?”
We both stood there staring at each other with stupidly bewildered expressions. Then Kkotmoa first let out a hollow laugh and glared at me. I don’t know why even his glaring is this cute. The moment my expression was about to crumble into a smile, I froze at the words that came out of Kkotmoa’s mouth.
“A long time ago when you first came to our flower shop, you said you came to buy flowers because it was your mom’s birthday. That was five years ago today, you know?”
“Ah…”
“But your mom’s birthday is in autumn?”
“Well…”
“The cafe card too, just how many lies did you tell me back then?”
In front of Kkotmoa scolding me like disciplining Samyukshippal, I stood like a child who committed a crime, unable to say anything and reading the atmosphere. What should I do, he seems angry, what should I do. Across the street, I could see a police car passing by with siren sounds. For now, I wanted to avoid the crisis.
“I’ll get a ticket. Get in first.”
I quickly snatched the flower basket, loaded it in the back seat, then put Kkotmoa in the passenger seat. Actually, it was an area with so much illegal parking and stopping that there was no chance of getting a ticket, and also I didn’t care even if I had to pay a few tens of thousands of won in fines, but Kkotmoa, who didn’t have his own car, wouldn’t know that.
Because my lie was exposed, I fidgeted and watched Kkotmoa’s mood throughout the drive. I couldn’t say anything even when we arrived in front of the villa. I even worried what if he doesn’t let me sleep over today.
“Are you very angry?”
“Yes.”
“…What do I have to do for you to stop being angry?”
“Tell me all the lies you told me.”
Even if he said that, there was no way I could remember. Most of the lies I told were things I said because I wanted to be with Kkotmoa, and they were impromptu quick thinking, so there was no way I could remember. If there had been no gap between us, I would have remembered to avoid getting caught, but the gap of several years was too big. Moreover, back then I had absolutely no awareness that I was doing something wrong by lying to Kkotmoa. What I remembered wasn’t the lies but the feelings I had for Kkotmoa.
“I don’t remember.”
“Haa, you…”
Kkotmoa, who was about to say something, ran his hand through his hair and then shut his mouth tight. Then he turned his head to face me directly. He still looked angry. I flinched at his firm and upright gaze. This was the first time my flower showed such an appearance.
“Take the flower basket and go home.”
“Huh? I’m going to sleep with you today though.”
“No. Take that and go tell your mom happy birthday.”
“…I already did that five years ago, so doing it again is embarrassing.”
“Do Hyeondo! You really…”
“I already told them I’m staying out so I have nowhere to go. You know I have no friends besides Kang Junwoo. Junwoo said he has a date today and checked into a hotel. If you don’t let me sleep over, I have to sleep in the car.”
I acted as pitiful as possible, hoping Kkotmoa would stop being angry. Kkotmoa was weak to sympathy-inducing tactics. Having figured that out, I’d already used it several times. But if you use it often, the effectiveness runs out.
“Yeah, sure. Then sleep in the car.”
Answering cheerfully, Kkotmoa got out of the passenger seat and entered the villa alone. Since this was the first time this happened, I was flustered and troubled about what to do. I made Kkotmoa angry. Unable to just stay still, I took out the flower basket from the back seat and entered the villa. I already knew the entrance password and Kkotmoa’s house password. However, in this situation, if I pressed his house password and entered on my own, it seemed like it would only make him angrier.
Ding dong, ding dong.
I pressed the doorbell and waited. There was no response from inside. So I kept pressing the doorbell until he opened the door. When I’d pressed about five times, the door opened and I could see Kkotmoa standing with his brows furrowed.
“I was wrong. No matter how much I miss you and want to be with you, I won’t lie again.”
“…What if you lie again?”
“I’ll do everything you tell me to. I’ll really swear. So please forgive me.”
“Try lying one more time. Then I’ll really get angry. I’ll get really, really, extremely angry. I’ll ban you from entering my house, won’t ride in your car, and won’t meet you.”
“Yeah, I won’t do it again.”
I answered with as much sincerity as possible. Today I learned thoroughly that lying is bad.
“…Come in.”
As soon as permission was granted, I entered the entrance, put down the flower basket, and embraced Kkotmoa. I overlapped our lips right away. I was a bit scared because he was really angry, but honestly even his angry appearance was so cute and pretty I thought I’d die wanting to kiss him. Though if Kkotmoa knew, he’d get angrier.
Kkotmoa, who had tensed up his lips and stiffened at first, had now reached the level of naturally opening his mouth when I pounced on him. Occasionally he’d pull my tongue and nibble on it, and swallow moans that could cut off reason. His every small gesture, every small reaction, all excited me.
“Mmng…”
Especially when I stimulated the soft, squishy place inside the roof of his mouth that he received most sensitively, he’d tense his body and cling to me. I liked that reaction so I deliberately attacked it more. Toward Kkotmoa who was slowly retreating backward, I was charging forward. The movement stopped only after his back hit the wall.
Sweet. So sweet I could die. His fidgeting movements, his tongue moving clumsily trying to follow me—everything was pretty and sweet, putting strength in my lower abdomen. I could clearly feel my body heating up. Though unintended, I pressed my lower body close without realizing it.
“Haah, mmh…”
Ah, I really can’t hold back. Kkotmoa didn’t seem to know that the suppressed moans he swallowed to avoid making sounds made things even hotter. That’s why he kept doing this. My lips naturally went over his cheek and nibbled on his earlobe while blowing hot breath.
“Haaht…! Wa-wait…!”
I was pushed back with a force so strong it was hard to think Kkotmoa had pushed me. His peach-colored lips were dyed red, and his face was even redder than that. He had a clearly flustered expression, wandering around not knowing where to put his eyes.
“Are, you okay?”
“You really…!”
Starting to speak then stopping, Kkotmoa ran to the bathroom with a face like he was about to cry and locked the door. The sound of the shower running immediately came out. The rushing sound of water and what Kkotmoa was doing now probably weren’t related. I knocked on the door several times, but there was no response even after a long while. To leave your lover and go into the bathroom alone to take care of it…
Kkotmoa’s face, bright red and at a loss like he was about to cry, was stuck in my mind and wouldn’t leave. I really feel like dying, but would it be a crime if I just pounced on him? Probably so—without the other person’s consent, it would be dating violence. The bulge between my legs was agonizing.
I’m going crazy, really.
Because I felt like I absolutely couldn’t hold back tonight, because I knew the reason Kkotmoa ran to the bathroom, because it seemed he still needed more time, so I had to leave a message and go home carrying the flower basket. The flower basket naturally became my mom’s. I didn’t bring up birthdays like when I was young. But when would Kkotmoa allow more than kissing? I waited helplessly for time to just pass.
* * *
When midterms approached two weeks away, there were more students visiting the library. Having worked hard to get into our school, Kkotmoa’s passion was also tremendous. From two weeks before the exam, Kkotmoa was shut up in the library, not even making eye contact with me, let alone dating. His grades were important, but being in the library with an unspecified number of people was torture for me. It was difficult because I couldn’t hold hands freely or kiss.
Moreover, that timing happened to be from the day after Kkotmoa ran to the bathroom. From my perspective, I had no choice but to think Kkotmoa was clearly doing this to avoid skinship. I thought he’d be more open than me since he had two dads, but he was much more careful with his body. Perhaps because he had two dads, he knew well, so that might be why, I thought.
Kkotmoa only bestowed his gaze upon me when it was time to pick up Samyukshippal. These days Samyukshippal, who attended taekwondo, finished in the evening. I wanted to pay for it, but the moment I tried to pay for the taekwondo fees, Kkotmoa said he wouldn’t meet me until exams were over, so even while watching Kkotmoa pay cash while I could only fiddle with my card, I couldn’t swipe it.
“Oh right, do you know what I discovered yesterday?”
The mongrel bastard who showed no sign of himself in lecture halls or the library but appeared like a ghost only at mealtimes stopped eating and rummaged through his bag. Obviously he brought something utterly useless. Yet my flower, who reacted with shining eyes, was so kind it was a problem. Honestly, at this point I was even wondering if Kkotmoa was calling Kang Junwoo every mealtime. These days Kkotmoa had signs of avoiding time alone with me.
