“As if I wouldn’t even check that. I’m thorough, you know. I confirmed no one was watching.”
“……”
“Are you… mad?”
“Yeah.”
“…Stop being mad. I’m even worse at waking up in the morning than Samyukshippal, but I did a good deed from the morning. I picked up the lunchbox and drove you to school. So stop being mad, okay?”
I wasn’t the type to take credit for what I did. However, after learning that Kkotmoa would let things slide when I took credit like this when I was at a disadvantage, I’d been using it occasionally. As expected, Kkotmoa just glanced at me briefly and let me off the hook today too.
“Thank you. Jaea seemed to really like the lunchbox. When I pack kimbap or inari sushi for field trips, he’s never reacted like that even once.”
“…Are you upset?”
“No, I’m grateful. Seeing Jaea excited and happy makes me feel good too.”
“Hearing that you feel good makes me happy too. Let’s go on a date today.”
Until Samyukshippal returned from the field trip, it would be entirely time for just the two of us. Since class was canceled, I wouldn’t have to go to school and wouldn’t run into the mutt next door. Lately, there’d been almost no time when Kkotmoa and I were alone together. Since the mutt next door or Samyukshippal was always with us, I was feeling seriously parched for a date with just the two of us. If class hadn’t been canceled today, I might have skipped lecture and kidnapped Kkotmoa.
“But aren’t you pushing yourself too hard?”
“What do you mean pushing myself?”
“Just, the lunchbox and coming early even though you said you can’t wake up in the morning…”
“I’m doing it because I want to? So I’m happy.”
“Then that’s good, but… I still hope you don’t push yourself too hard. Let’s meet without disrupting each other’s daily lives.”
“Hmm… I don’t know if that’s possible, but if that’s what you want, I’ll try.”
I’m desperate to do even one more thing for him, yet Kkotmoa worries about unnecessary things. Even if my daily life crumbles, as long as Kkotmoa is by my side, I won’t wish for anything more.
“Hyeondo-ya, want to go see flowers?”
“Huh? Flowers?”
I’m already looking at my flower every day, so what other flowers could there be to see?
In my subjective eyes that had lost objectivity, there would be no flower more beautiful and lovely than you.
“Yeah, flowers. There are lots of flowers blooming these days so it’s really pretty. Until last year, no matter how hard or busy it was, I went flower viewing alone on the day Jaea went on field trips. I guess I really liked it when Daddy and Dad always took me flower viewing in spring when I was little. When I quietly look at flowers, my heart becomes calm and everything feels okay.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded. I felt like I shouldn’t pretend to know why his heart needed to become calm or what needed to feel okay. Since I hadn’t experienced it, I couldn’t presume to guess. I wouldn’t do something like digging up unnecessary wounds either.
So I thought in my head about where I should take him so Kkotmoa could view flowers comfortably at ease. Though I knew it was impossible, I wanted to hold hands and walk around looking at flowers in a place without people if possible. I wanted to properly imprint my existence on him who had been with his dads in childhood and had viewed flowers alone and lonely until last year.
That now I’m by your side.
“Aren’t you hungry? You didn’t eat breakfast, right?”
“Yeah. Jaea was so excited because it was field trip day that it was hectic from dawn. The kid who can’t wake up in the morning woke up first and woke me up. So I barely got a few spoonfuls wrapped in seaweed and fed him.”
“Then let’s have brunch. There’s a place where we can eat on the terrace while looking at cherry blossoms.”
It was the place Kang Junwoo had taken me the day before the freshman welcoming party. He’d babbled that when spring came and the cherry blossoms bloomed prettily, if you came with a girl you liked, you’d definitely end up dating—and even to me, it looked pretty plausible and nice. Back then it was before flowers bloomed on the dense cherry trees, but now there would probably be fluffy cotton candy-like blossoms blooming abundantly. I’d bitched about why I had to go all the way to Ilsan to have brunch with you when I’m not even a girl, but now I felt grateful to dating expert Kang Junwoo. Though I had no intention of telling him.
“Hand.”
Turning the steering wheel with my left hand, I held out my right hand to Kkotmoa. He smiled and silently intertwined his fingers with mine. In this state, I felt like I wouldn’t get tired even driving for ten hours. From the day Kkotmoa got in my car, I started driving as a model of safe driving and an exemplary driver. So that my flower could feel a more comfortable ride and enjoy the drive with peace of mind.
I arrived at the brunch café in Ilsan, parked, and was guided to the terrace according to my request. However, among the three tables on the terrace, there was someone who had claimed a seat before us. What rotten luck—how could I run into Kang Junwoo here? I quickly stopped Kkotmoa from trying to greet him cheerfully.
“He seems to be on a date, so leave him alone.”
Across from Kang Junwoo sat a doll-like actress who’d become the model for the new Kangsan apartment construction. I wasn’t interested so I didn’t know much, but I knew she was probably quite a bit older than us. After living as a freshman killer for years, I wondered if he’d set out to find someone older again. Honestly, whether he did or didn’t, I didn’t care. He should handle his own love life.
I deliberately took a seat behind Kang Junwoo. In the meantime, our eyes met briefly with Kang Junwoo, but we thoroughly ignored each other as if we were strangers. In that fleeting moment our gazes met, there was an implicit agreement not to interfere with each other.
I ordered two Special A brunch sets and drank the beverages that came out first. It felt good watching Kkotmoa sipping mango juice through a straw. The sight of fragile cherry blossom petals falling weakly one or two at a time whenever the wind blew was poignantly beautiful. Things that would have passed by meaninglessly if I hadn’t been with Kkotmoa looked beautiful just because I was with the person I loved—it was a strange and amazing experience.
“That woman, she’s a celebrity, right?”
Kkotmoa leaned toward me and whispered in a lowered voice in case his voice might be heard.
“Probably.”
“Didn’t Junwoo break up not long ago?”
“He’s not someone who’d skip dating even if he skipped school.”
At least this time there was a bit of a gap. It was probably because he’d wasted a few days of useless time deliberately trying to interfere with our date. If not for that, judging by his track record, the horny bastard would have been meeting women without rest. Still, the good thing was that when he met one person, he absolutely never turned his eyes to another woman. If not, the mutt next door who was crazy about women might have caused quite a few problems and gotten his head shaved and been confined by his oldest hyung.
“…Are you like that too?”
“Me, what.”
“……”
“…I told you this is my first time dating. Why would I date other things when I have you? What a waste of time, energy, and money.”
Kkotmoa just stared at me with an expression like he had more to say. I couldn’t even guess what he wanted to say. I just wondered if I looked like I’d dated a lot. But I was truly innocent—I was even a virgin that Kang Junwoo teased me about every time, and I was even a solo since birth until I started dating Kkotmoa. Kkotmoa was the first and last person I’d ever liked. So I felt a bit wronged.
“You don’t date celebrities?”
“Why would I date celebrities? I’m not interested.”
“……”
“You don’t trust me? I have no intention of dating or anything like that unless it’s you. I’m not particularly interested in dating anyway. I’m dating because I want to date you. Because it’s you.”
“…You’re so skilled that I have to be able to believe you.”
Muttering in a small voice that couldn’t even be heard, Kkotmoa kept his gaze on the cherry blossoms while fiddling with his own lips. Contrary to my worry that everything would be awkward since it was all a first, I was glad it didn’t seem that way to Kkotmoa, and at the same time I felt secretly proud.
“I’m originally good at everything.”
“I know. You’re good at studying, good at fighting, good at making moves, good at running away, and good at skinship.”
“…Why does it feel like there are thorns in those words?”
“I’m complimenting you though?”
At his words while making eye contact with an innocent expression, I had no choice but to shut my mouth. I’d definitely been pricked by thorns but couldn’t say it hurt. Running away to America, to the military, was an unchangeable, unchanging past. And poking precisely with sharp thorns while wearing an innocent and naive expression of not knowing anything was also Kkotmoa’s specialty. The more beautiful the flower, the more thorns it has—I liked Kkotmoa so much I wanted to embrace even the thorns even if my body got torn.
“I want more compliments.”
“Then do things worthy of compliments. If you act cute and good, I’ll compliment you a lot.”
“…Can I? I can be good at other things besides kissing. I haven’t tried it yet so I don’t know, but I’ll probably be really good at it. Yeah, I’m good.”
“Wh-what are you saying you’re good at? You must be crazy, really.”
Kkotmoa fanned his flushed face with his hand and avoided my gaze. As a result of observing him while dating, Kkotmoa had no immunity when it came to sexual matters. Because of this, he easily became sensitive and on edge just from kissing, and didn’t know what to do with his reddened face. As much as that appearance was lovable, I wanted to see the appearance beyond that, but I had to struggle to hide my impatience in case it made him anxious.
The Special A brunch set was a combination of omelet and toast, grilled sausage and ham, bacon, eggs benedict with melted cheese on top, and salad. As soon as the food came out, I skillfully cut everything into easy-to-eat pieces and switched it with Kkotmoa’s plate.
“It’s fascinating being with you.”
“What is.”
“I keep receiving from you what I used to do for Jaea.”
“The kids are always feeding you, so I thought you’d already gotten used to it.”
“It’s different from what other kids do. They’re just thoughtlessly doting on me like a younger sibling, and honestly I just accepted it because it was convenient since it was bothersome, but you…”
“…I’m what.”
“…You’re doing it with ulterior motives.”
“Well, I should have ulterior motives toward my boyfriend, should I have them toward random people passing by?”
At my shameless and confident answer, Kkotmoa laughed as if dumbfounded, then shook his head and started eating. He ate quietly and silently while appreciating the scattering cherry blossoms. That sight looked mystical, as if he was in another world.
A flower viewing flowers. So I could freely gaze at my flower looking at the flower tree.
I love the flower that blooms in my season.
The fatal flower that blooms in my gentle season… was you.
