But what’s with taking out water, drinking it, leaving half to give to someone else, then pouring water into that bottle again to drink? Is it some kind of compulsion rather than germophobia? Did he decide to drink only a certain number of water bottles per day? Because that rule was broken because of me, is he doing this strange behavior?
Whether I watched in disbelief or not, Jukyung deliciously emptied the half-filled water, even smacking his lips. Then he wiped his mouth as if satisfied and tried to leave the kitchen without even looking at me. I panicked and grabbed the arm of the guy passing by.
“Hey.”
Jukyung’s eyes looked at my eyes, then dropped his gaze down to my hand gripping his arm. He kept staring at that hand while blinking, so thinking he felt bad, I subtly let go of his arm. I shouldn’t displease Jukyung right now.
“Really nothing? I’m hungry.”
Glancing, his gaze rose to my face. An expression saying “so what” floated there. I had to make desperate efforts not to clench my fist and spit out curses—no, before that, not to show an irritated expression.
“I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday. Don’t you have ramen or something? Retort food, anything is fine.”
Was my tone too shameless? I regretted a bit after the words came out, but somehow Kwon Jukyung seemed like the more you went easy on him, the more he’d try to step on you. I decided to just go with my usual way and lifted my chin.
“If you have nothing at home, at least order something.”
But Jukyung’s reaction was indifferent. He didn’t even find my shamelessness absurd.
“I don’t keep ramen and stuff. And what are you eating at this hour? Just sleep.”
It was like treating someone who’d eaten three meals a day and was demanding a late-night snack. I was starting to get irritated little by little. Of course, if Jukyung hadn’t appeared, I would have had to sleep with a starving stomach being bitten by mosquitoes, but the moment Jukyung said to come to his place, the memory of burning with joy and gratitude as if receiving salvation was vivid, so it was too unfair. The disappointment was several times greater because I’d gotten excited. I gritted my teeth and asked, suppressing the emotions about to boil over.
“I’m too hungry to sleep. Or at least lend me some money. I’ll go to the convenience store right there and come back.”
“I absolutely hate the house getting messy because of food.”
Jukyung spoke coldly with crossed arms. I distorted my face. Come to think of it, I could understand why the kitchen didn’t feel lived-in. Normally dishes used often would be out, but aside from one glass cup, nothing was out and not even a water stain remained on the sink. It just felt like a model house. Meaning it was hardly used. If so, he’d dislike food waste or packaging trash that gives off smells being created.
But even so, the welling up accompanied by hurt feelings kept surging uncontrollably.
“I’ll eat outside before coming in. That works, right?”
“Did you deposit money with me or something? Why do you keep begging?”
“That’s why I said I’d pay it back.”
“Sure. Like a beggar bastard has the means. Unless you go back home.”
Jukyung spoke indifferently. On the other hand, my head was boiling.
Looking at the house this guy lives in or the car he drives, no matter how I thought about it, his pocket situation wasn’t so difficult that he’d tremble over one or two 10,000 won bills. What this bastard is doing right now is absolutely not because money is precious. If it was really because he had no money, I could rather understand. No, if it was because of no money, I’d be the sorry one instead.
Other things aside, deliberately starving me was too infuriating. Does one ramen cost 1,000 won? In the past, I wouldn’t even glance at money dropped on the street. I felt like the frustration I’d endured until now would burst. I felt wronged for putting up with all sorts of bullshit and absurd treatment because he was the homeowner and benefactor.
When this bastard said to come to his place, I was impressed thinking he was more compassionate than he looked, but compassion my ass—he just brought me to torment me nearby. Germophobia wasn’t the problem. Making me stand at the entrance to take off my clothes was definitely not because I was dirty, but because he wanted me to feel shame. This bastard wasn’t a germophobia patient or compulsion patient, just a sadist.
Let’s just leave. It’s not like I’ve only been homeless for a day or two anyway. It’s not winter anyway, and sleeping outside won’t freeze me to death. On my way out since I’m angry, let’s just curse at him thoroughly and leave, I thought.
“Hey Kwon Jukyung, you mother fuc—”
Ding dong.
Just as I was putting strength in my stomach to pour out curses, the entrance bell suddenly rang. In the hollow space so well soundproofed it was quiet, the sudden loud sound spread and I was startled. I almost bit my tongue while cursing. Jukyung glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was approaching midnight. He left me fuming and walked toward the entrance.
Huh…
The anger and curses I was about to spit out suddenly got stuck, making me even feel choked. My energy drained completely. I sighed deeply while rubbing my face and hair. Right. Let’s just leave. Still, I got a free hot shower, so that’s something. If he tells me to take off the clothes I’m wearing before leaving, then I’ll really smash that smug face.
I left the kitchen for the living room. Jukyung was just receiving something like a paper bag with a wide bottom and square shape from someone at the entrance and coming inside.
“Hey, Kwon Jukyung. Where are my shoes?”
“Your shoes?”
“The ones I took off earlier.”
Perhaps remembering the dirtiness of the clothes and shoes I’d worn, Jukyung’s clean forehead wrinkled.
“I already threw them away, would they still be here?”
It seemed likely, but thinking about it again, it was lightning-fast action. It meant he went out to throw them away while I was showering, came back in, and even finished showering. It’s not like I washed for an incredibly long time, and on the other hand, that bastard seems like the type to wash extremely meticulously. Does he have a dokkaebi bride doing work for him? Well, whatever that is, it doesn’t matter.
“But why are you looking for them?”
“To leave.”
“Ah, really?”
Annoying bastard. He doesn’t even blink at my saying I’m leaving. Well, if he was the kind to even say empty words, he wouldn’t have told a person who’d been starving for two days to just sleep because he hates food waste.
“Unique taste. After washing so well, you want to wear those smelly things again?”
I glared at him. He was really crazy. Why does taste come up here? Of course I disliked it too. Naturally I did. To say that.
But what choice did I have? I couldn’t go out barefoot right now, so I needed shoes first. And if possible, I wanted to take the clothes too. Outside was still weather where sweat poured like rain day and night. If I at least had spare clothes, I could wash and dry them to change, so would a bit of dirtiness matter? That’s why those rich kids raised delicately are no good. Those kinds should be mandatorily homeless trained for a few months by the country so they can think more sensibly.
“I hate it, but what choice do I have? Then at least lend me your shoes.”
“Why should I?”
I knew that answer would come. Since mixing more words would only upset me, I closed my mouth and turned my body. I opened the middle door in front of the entrance and decided to just go out wearing slippers. But Jukyung’s muttering as if for me to hear caught my about-to-step foot.
“If you’re leaving, say so earlier. I ordered this for nothing? There’s no one to eat it.”
What? Eat what?
My body reacted before thought. Looking back sharply, I saw Jukyung laying out things taken from the paper bag on the coffee table. One wide earthenware bowl with a lid, three or four small round glass bowls that looked like side dish containers. And even a spoon and chopsticks.
Rather than the thought “that bastard played me,” the thought “it’s rice” overwhelmingly dominated my head. Rice. Steaming hot rice. When was the last time I saw rice? Being grateful for just one cup of ramen a day had continued for days. Even that, the day before yesterday was the last.
I forgot my pride and ran to Jukyung’s side. Though the lid was still closed so I couldn’t even see rice grains, saliva kept going down gulp by gulp. Somehow it seemed like a savory smell was leaking out too. I couldn’t settle down and circled around the table.
“Weren’t you just leaving now?”
Jukyung glanced at me and asked.
“When did I say that?”
Abandoning face wasn’t a difficult thing. Having starved for two full days, what did face matter before rice? My paltry face could be trampled and offered to Jukyung without regret. And if you really think about it, didn’t Kwon Jukyung lie too?
“You’re the one who said there’s no one to eat. You said you hate food waste too. I’ll clean it all up. I won’t leave a single grain of rice.”
Move aside, I said while pushing him. But he didn’t budge.
Finally raising my gaze from the rice, I met eyes staring intently.
“What?”
“Don’t you have something to say before eating?”
“What?”
“If you can’t think of it, you can’t eat.”
I held back the curse about to come out again. Actually, it wasn’t that I couldn’t think of it—I just didn’t want to say it.
“…Thanks.”
“Look properly at my eyes and say it.”
Ah, really.
I barely pulled up my gaze that kept dropping to the rice bowl and looked at him again.
“Thanks. Happy now?”
“Your expression doesn’t look thankful at all.”
Ah, fuck. It’s damn hard to get a meal.
I straightened my posture, raised the corners of my mouth as much as possible, and folded my eyes. I produced a gentle voice like when asking a girl I like on a first date.
“Really, thank you. I’ll eat well.”
