A stillness of unknown identity flowed for a moment. In the subtle atmosphere where only the TV sound trickled faintly, Yeonjun, rolling his eyes with an ambiguously troubled face, subtly slid the gaze that met his to the side. The movement of his adam’s apple moving once clearly came into view.
Taking in that quite awkward reaction, Eunha remained silent. It was Yeonjun who broke the atmosphere that seemed like it would continue forever. In one moment, smoothing his expression peacefully as if nothing had happened, he spoke in a quite refined tone.
“Shall we go to sleep now?”
As if calmly glossing over the situation. Even at the proposal that came clearly, Eunha still showed no particular reaction and just stared blankly at Yeonjun. Because he was lost in thought. Because that series of situations that had been bringing recent Eunha that suspicious feeling from time to time had occurred again.
Let’s wrap this up and go to sleep. Like they had done until now, lying in one bed holding only hands, just bodies touching, literally going to ‘sleep.’
Eunha narrowed his eyes thinly. Actually, that itself had been questionable. Nothing else happening, only ‘sleeping.’ The maximum skinship being hugs. Engaging in such minor skinship quite well while not revealing even a bit of sexual desire.
It wasn’t just that. How should he put it…… Eunha had been detecting from Yeonjun from time to time an intention to mildly change the atmosphere like this. It was generally like that when they were alone together in enclosed spaces like the house or inside the car. The intention was readable, but the reason was completely unknowable. Why he did it every time. Inner thoughts that were otherwise impossible to infer from Eunha’s common sense.
Since it was a topic he wanted to mention once, after briefly deliberating, he opened his mouth. Still with an impassive face.
“Yeonjun-ah. I’m just curious about something.”
“Yes.”
“Are you not really inclined to do anything sexual with me?”
“What?”
A voice that shot up abruptly came back. Like someone flustered.
A troubled look also tinged the pupils he faced for an instant. As if he hadn’t expected him to speak so directly. Even at the gaze that fixed on him flustered, Eunha maintained only a calm attitude.
“I’m not saying anything, I’m really just curious.”
Why was that? Why did he act like deflecting the conversation whenever there was a sign of heading in that direction?
The rational conclusion he reached after deliberation was this. Perhaps he didn’t particularly want to go that far.
Because he said he wasn’t originally inclined this way. Because he said he’d dated a girlfriend.
They were already in a relationship where they’d slept together once. Maybe he realized something after experiencing it that one time. That vague curiosity and reality diverged.
It was logically deduced, but separately, he didn’t understand it well. Not wanting sex while liking someone—was that even possible? Platonic, was it something like that?
Platonic. It was a word that couldn’t exist in Eunha’s dictionary.
However, separately from that, of course he was willing to respect and accommodate it. The feeling of what could he do about someone who didn’t want to.
The answer didn’t come back for quite a long time. Instead, Yeonjun, who turned his gaze in a distant direction, let out a slight groan into his throat before dry-washing his face. After delaying like that, a voice finally came with a barely audible sigh.
“That is.”
“Yeah.”
“First of all.”
“Right.”
“……Of course, there’s no way I wouldn’t be inclined, right?”
It was a tone with awkwardness melted into it entirely. As if talking about such a topic was somewhat embarrassing.
Eunha turned his gaze wordlessly. Familiarly taking in the tips of the man’s ears that had reddened in the meantime, he asked as if genuinely curious. That he wasn’t disinclined?
“But why?”
“That’s……”
“Yeah.”
“I mean……”
“Right.”
“……I don’t think it’s to that extent yet.”
“……That extent?”
What extent? It wasn’t a clear answer. Eunha, who became even more in the dark, had to be momentarily dazed at the explanation that immediately followed before bursting into an involuntary laugh.
“It’s still, we haven’t been dating long……”
“……What?”
What about what?
A reason he hadn’t even thought of brought an instant of pure hundred-percent absurdity. What did I just hear?
He calmly organized his thoughts in the absurdity. So…… It’s not that he doesn’t want to, but since they haven’t been together long-.
What, was he enduring it or something?
“………”
At the truly preposterous reason, his lips crumbled helplessly. Eunha, who lost his words just like that, made an ambiguous expression as if he might or might not laugh.
What naturally occupied his mind was an old memory. A truly old past. The first day he started seeing Kim Jiwoon.
That day, Eunha slept with him right away. The relationship he experienced unprepared was only painful and had nothing physically good about it, but separately, his feelings at the time had been quite not bad. Because that hyung got excited and attached himself below like crazy. Because he faithfully revealed his desire without thinking to refine it. Like someone who accepted his confession in order to do that act.
It was something like mental satisfaction. That he liked it this much while doing it with me. That’s how he learned sex. Therefore, to Eunha, feelings belonged to a subcategory of sex. In short, it was like this. You can have relations without feelings, but if you have feelings, you inevitably must want relations.
“So-.”
“Yeah.”
“I want to follow a somewhat normal order.”
“Normal?”
So how could he not laugh? Eunha let out a soundless breath. Because the more he heard, the more absurd the reason was.
What’s normal? What does he know about that? He said I’m his first. What does he know? Isn’t this kid really funny, this……
He felt that he’d gone through various thoughts and deliberations in his own way inwardly, making laughter burst out even more. To the extent that the man before his eyes appeared not just naive but quite adorable.
In that moment, a mischievous impulse rising up was a natural result. Eunha tilted his head slightly and leaned his face in. Narrowing the gap between them while glinting his eyes meaningfully.
“So, you’ll endure it?”
“………”
“For my sake?”
“Well……”
Yeonjun pulled his neck back slightly as much as Eunha approached, drawing out his words as if mumbling. Then he soon nodded his head. Needless to say, that assent made his impish heart intensify even more.
What kind of competitive spirit was this even? Eunha, who deliberated briefly, dismissed the thought as if it didn’t matter much and put his heart into practice.
“Right. You’re saying you’ll endure it.”
“Yes.”
“That you can endure it.”
“………”
It was when Yeonjun was making dubious eyes at the repeated questions. Eunha tilted his face forward even more. This time while hooking his arm around his neck to fix it so he couldn’t retreat backward.
Before Yeonjun could properly grasp the situation, he pressed his lips to those lips just like that. While meeting gazes. Very easily and naturally. The eyes he faced widening was instantaneous. He vividly felt the entire body close by stiffen.
