Though Seoheon didn’t show it, he was very flustered at Yoon Taeho’s attitude of coming to the classroom with Kwak Junhee and suddenly apologizing, whatever his feelings were. And finding the somehow embarrassed attitude both funny and amusing, Seoheon had to hold back laughter.
He also really liked the sincere attitude of speaking honestly. At least he wasn’t slippery like the other bastards.
He was just surprised at himself for accepting the apology and unconsciously speaking playfully at the excitement he was feeling for the first time in a while.
Was that why? When Kwak Junhee said he’d invited Yoon Taeho, who kept showing interest in the club, Seoheon readily accepted without replying for that reason.
But the enjoyment was brief—that day when the High Class idiot bastards made all kinds of garbage food and fed it to him saying they’d bully him, and he ate it well, the way he chewed food indifferently instead of his usual deathly pale face was strangely irritating to the eyes.
From that time on, Seoheon kept being bothered by Yoon Taeho’s strange attitude. Though his face was the same, he was only confused that the atmosphere and behaviors he gave off seemed to have suddenly changed as if he were a different person.
Like being late when he’d never done that in his life, and seeming to act dazedly like someone who’d eaten something wrong, yet then acting sharply.
Yoon Taeho had originally been contradictory.
A guy who acted lively to get along with people, but actually liked being alone, had no fashion sense and no interest in dressing up, yet tried to do everything others said was good or seemed okay. Even with him, pretending to be indifferent as if it didn’t matter that their relationship had gone wrong, yet it was plainly visible that he was fretting about it really getting worse.
Not everyone was like that, but originally at that age, whether from youthful rashness or not, there were many kids completely different from their actual selves—moving their bodies violently to avoid being looked down on, or dressing up with expensive and luxurious things to show themselves off due to superficiality.
Yoon Taeho was exactly that kind of guy. Just an ordinarily hateable little kid to the extent of being seen as cute. But this time he’d changed in reverse. Moreover, while expressing all sorts of compliments and interest saying he was sorry and handsome, his actions only showed reluctance as if detesting someone he disliked.
Seoheon knew he wasn’t soft or good-natured like others thought. In another sense he was contradictory too, but since it was hard to either reveal his angular personality as is or completely hide it, he’d lived maintaining exactly the proper line.
Having experienced all sorts of things since childhood, he’d been indifferent to everything, but this time it was hard to just let pass. Though there were many bothersome matters, to the extent that having gotten by without major discomfort until now was a concern. Jaewon, who noticed such a nephew, asked if something had happened at school.
“It’s about Yoon Taeho.”
“Taeho? From what I hear, it seems you’re getting along well again, is there another problem?”
“It’s not that there’s a problem…”
Though he knew that his uncle, who had even gotten a job at the school for the reason of protecting him, was now mostly just going around dating, he knew well that his uncle genuinely worried about him.
It was also kind of cool as a teacher that he’d volunteered to be in charge because the club he’d been active in during his school days had weakened a lot now. Though it was coincidence that Yoon Taeho was active in that club, he wondered if he should carelessly talk about him in front of his uncle, who was also a teacher, with ambiguous feelings.
To put it clearly, he was worried that Jaewon, who didn’t view Yoon Taeho very favorably, might take it badly again. Not yet aware of what emotion that was, Seoheon vaguely confided the worries he’d been holding.
“Something must have happened because he’s gotten a bit strange. Like eating food he originally didn’t eat well, or the kid who was terrible at math suddenly became good enough to teach someone. He completely changed drastically.”
“…He must have resolved to change somehow. If he changed for the better, that’s fortunate. …Since you’re a second year now too, study a bit and try to get along with other kids… where are you going?”
“I finished eating.”
Seoheon, who stood up before the nagging could continue further, quickly headed to his room. Jaewon narrowed his brow at the obvious trick, but soon let it pass with a bland smile. Instead, he just made a puzzling expression while recalling Yoon Taeho, whose atmosphere had softened lately as his nephew said.
* * *
“You were being particularly rough with Taeho, wasn’t that matter finished?”
“You never know. Did you forget? Even before, there were more than one or two guys who acted friendly then pounced when they thought the time was right.”
“So you’re worried?”
“…Yeah.”
A building behind the school. The empty lot connected to the mountain with quite good scenery was a place where The Four and Seoheon gathered when they wanted to rest quietly. These days there was no reason to come since they just stayed stuck in the classroom, but today was Kwak Junhee’s grandmother’s birthday, so they’d decided to meet for the first time in a while.
So they’d decided to gather one by one and all depart together since they attended the same school anyway.
Taking this opportunity, Seoheon said a word to Byeon Seungha, who was acting more unusually than usual. Though it wasn’t something he should say as someone who’d asked them to remove people bothering him, he didn’t like how he kept watching Yoon Taeho even when told to stop.
“What about you, Hyoin?”
Even Jung Hyoin’s appearance, different from usual, like speaking to Yoon Taeho first or asking him to model, was irritating. He thought words might come out like wanting to see if he was an okay guy like Byeon Seungha, or talk that didn’t particularly need concern, but the answer that returned was completely different from expectations.
“Because I want to get close.”
“What?”
“Just as I said, because I want to become friends.”
Jung Hyoin didn’t say more after that. Knowing he wouldn’t answer no matter how much he asked, Seoheon had to hide his somehow anxious feelings.
“Taeho is quite fun to watch. I understand too.”
Instead, he bit the inside of his lips at Kwak Junhee’s words expressing agreement. So when Maeng Moa, standing beside him, said he’d visit the classroom from morning, he couldn’t properly refuse.
* * *
The sports festival would be held soon. It was his favorite event among school events, so normally he should have been excited, but Seoheon couldn’t even focus on exercise due to the distracting thoughts tormenting his mind.
He stroked the hair of Yoon Taeho, who was sleeping with his head down on the desk, perhaps tired. After impulsively touching it because the glossy hair fluttering in the wind looked soft, it had become a habit.
Whether Yoon Taeho felt the sensation of being stroked, he gently opened his eyes. Below his sleepy eyes, drool marks on his lips were visible. Finding that cute, when he laughed, Yoon Taeho, who opened his eyes wide, jumped up. At the behavior of avoiding him, Seoheon felt his chest throb.
During PE class, he ran with all his might toward Yoon Taeho, who was running fairly hard during the soccer match. At his flustered face, Seoheon deliberately kicked the ball off course despite being on the opposing team, so Yoon Taeho could block it.
Since the hard soccer ball had hit his belly, he lifted his clothes to check. Seeing Yoon Taeho’s skin swollen red, Seoheon could finally recognize it in feelings of both apology and wanting to bite that area painfully.
I like that guy.
Only after thinking and worrying hundreds of times did he decide to confess to him. Even resolving to make the first move in case The Four constantly circling around Yoon Taeho might snatch him away.
On that confession day, he decided to tell everything about himself that Yoon Taeho had been so curious about. Would he be happy if he revealed everything about his uncle’s identity and his family? Seoheon hoped that day would come quickly.
But that didn’t happen. Or rather, it could be said it couldn’t.
When Yoon Taeho, who had been seriously injured in an accident, barely opened his eyes, the moment Seoheon saw the light-lost, empty eyes from him, he thought his own heart had stopped.
The bloodlessly pale face looked at Seoheon with a shocked expression. And the gaze that looked too coldly only clawed at his heart.
“I’m telling you I’m not that person who was with you…”
Since it was words he’d uttered several times, the voice that muttered quietly as if tired now flickered as if it would go out if he did wrong.
At Yoon Taeho’s appearance of only looking at the window without giving him a glance, Seoheon just sat on the sofa and rubbed his numb fingers hard.
He thought it was a lie. That the one who had been with him all this time was a person living in another world—it must be that Yoon Taeho had gone crazy due to his weakened mind and body.
Or maybe after realizing his true self wasn’t a very good person, he wanted to keep avoiding him. He must have noticed that he’d subtly kept distance and found him bothersome. Thinking that, he resented his past self enough to be angry.
“I’m sorry.”
He just whispered quietly. Suddenly he recalled the day Yoon Taeho had reddened his cheeks and apologized to him. He missed so much that vitality, those firm eyes that hadn’t wavered even with an aggrieved expression as if not knowing why he should apologize.
If he could return to that time, he was truly confident he’d treat him well. It was okay to be bothersome and fine to avoid him, so he wished he’d look at him like that time.
But the gaze returning from Yoon Taeho was only cold. At the pupils without a trace of warmth, as if looking at a crazy bastard, Seoheon couldn’t stroke his hair or reach out his hand like before.
Was he really a different person? Then where on earth was he? Could he even see him again?
He just gripped his frustrated chest at pain as if his whole body was being torn to shreds. At the same time as tears welled up and flowed down, rain fell from clouded skies.
When cold raindrops hit his face and he closed his eyes, warm heat was conveyed to both cheeks. When he opened his eyes with a start, clear pupils were looking down at him.
“What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”
“…Bowon-hyung?”
“Hm?”
After looking around for a moment, Seoheon realized this was the room where Bowon and his younger brother Yoon Taean lived together, and let out a big sigh.
It wasn’t that cold, chilly hospital. He felt like he’d died and come back to life.
