# Chapter 100
Just as Arden was precious to Rite, Rite was also Arden’s only one.
Having been allowed into the closest place, Rite was both Arden’s greatest weakness and his greatest threat. Only Rite didn’t know how much that could come back as a deep wound.
“Arden.”
Rite’s voice trembled slightly. It was such a small change that only Arden could sense it.
“That day. The day you picked me up from the forest.”
“…”
“Do you regret it?”
It was an ambiguous question. He didn’t specifically mention what about that day he might regret. Moreover, it didn’t seem like a fitting question from someone who had just said such things moments ago.
“No.”
Still, Arden could answer. Among all the big and small choices he made that day, Arden regretted none.
Rite took a deep breath. His face looked a bit calmer, but anxiety still lingered. He had one more thing to confirm.
“Do you love me?”
Throughout this entire journey, he had never once shown fear. He was confident he could grab the Emperor’s neck right now and complete the deal with Artalis. Whether this was arrogance or confidence, no one could tell, but Rite had nothing to fear.
There was only one thing Rite was afraid of.
“…”
Arden had been asked this question before. It seemed like he had answered easily back then. For some reason, Arden didn’t open his mouth now.
“Why can’t you answer?”
“…Do I have to?”
“…”
The color drained from Rite’s face instantly. Rite’s right hand twitched as if suppressing something.
“I don’t know.”
Arden’s eyes wavered, finding nowhere to settle. Arden did love Rite. But now he couldn’t even be certain what color his love was tinged with.
Arden’s mind returned to Rosmunt. He recalled Rite standing under the lights. He remembered how Rite narrowly dodged sharp saw blades, and how even in that moment, he habitually put on his hat.
‘Neon’s shield strikes the hunter’s back!’
‘The hunter is cornered! Neon’s right arm is still intact!’
Arden’s rough hand grabbed the small robot’s ears. Even when he shook it around and threatened it, the robot kept spitting out the same words.
‘The betting is already over…’
‘Stop it right now!’
‘This… this is difficult. Mari, if you know him, try to stop him.’
‘I’m doing my best too, Ret.’
His past self, who had been prepared to die, seemed foolish now. He questioned the meaning of this journey. Is a human shell what Rite truly desires? There was a more fundamental longing. For the first time, Arden faced the problem he had kept covered, lacking the courage to confront it.
Arden, I told you. There’s only one thing I want.
You saw it that night. Do you need any other proof?
That night when the scales stood up, squirming, with fingers in his mouth, dripping with desire.
Should I uphold common sense and morality even at the cost of Rite’s life? If I tell him now that I’ll give him the love he wants, would he stop this dangerous act?
If so, Arden could abandon his humanity again and again. If Rite wanted to become a monster like me, I could give up being human and become a monster countless times.
A summer forest where no one exists would be meaningless. If there were no Rite to stand against the background of a green forest under the hot sun, breathing and alive.
Arden remembered clearly what thoughts had crossed his mind. Even if it was a foolish emotion felt in a moment of lost reason.
He recalled himself wishing that Rite would give up everything and come down from there, and the moment when Rite, having finally found the magical device, leaned on his shoulder.
‘You can’t help looking at me like that, Arden.’
‘…You.’
‘It’s because Arden is too hot.’
What did those words mean? Why did his heart beat so fast in that moment? Arden felt distant from a problem he couldn’t solve. It was clearly a different feeling from the anxiety he had felt his entire life.
He couldn’t confidently say the reason he never wanted to experience it again was solely concern and worry for the child he had raised. It was clearly a wrong emotion. Arden didn’t welcome this instability.
“…I don’t know.”
Looking down, he saw four different feet. The shoes facing him moved. With a loud noise, the door closed, and everywhere became quiet. Arden sank down where he stood.
“If you know it can’t be done, you should give up.”
He murmured words he had once said to Rite. His face contorted. Arden felt disgusted with himself.
If he was aware that he had raised Rite as a child, why did he repeatedly think about why Rite had taken only the mobile when he left home, what that perfume was, and whether he remembered the contact made while half-asleep?
Something small and hot twisted inside Arden. A part he didn’t even know existed had broken loose and was rolling around on its own. The machine that had been functioning normally began to move differently.
* * *
Arden never managed to tell Rite what he had intended to say. A day passed in a state as thin as ice. From morning, they hadn’t properly made eye contact even once, let alone conversation. Except at mealtimes, they weren’t even together.
Arden sat in the room with Eden, waiting for Rite. The household robot had only left a message saying Rite had been in the forest behind the mansion all day and that it would go call him.
Eden was examining the palace map Arden had given him. Eden knew the current structure of the palace better than Arden, but Arden had sketched it in place of busy Eden. Eden was looking at the map Arden had drawn and correcting the changed parts.
“Arden.”
At Eden’s calm voice, Arden turned his head. Eden continued speaking, still focusing on the map.
“What do you plan to do when this is all over?”
Arden laughed silently at Eden’s words. He couldn’t find a reason to call it a plan. Arden had no contingency for this affair. It was a journey undertaken with the expectation of death from the beginning. He had no intention of jumping into the fire and dying in vain, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t imagine a future where both Arden and Rite would return alive and well. Now, rather than hoping for such a future, it was time to think about how to ensure Rite’s safety as much as possible.
“I wonder. But…”
“…”
“I’m not sure if this is right.”
It was a doubt he had swallowed inside for a long time. Now he was even confused about what it meant to become human. If horns and scales disappeared, could one be called human? Is appearance the most important factor that distinguishes humans from non-humans? The more he dug, the less he understood Rite’s purpose.
“It’s surprising to hear Arden say such things.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Arden I remember was a very frightening person. There was clearly no word of it until the day before, but when I opened my eyes, I was told Arden had been taken away on charges of treason. Do you know how shocked I was?”
Though it was clearly his own story, it felt like hearing about someone else. Now he could hardly believe he had done such a thing. The current Arden had shrunk considerably, to the point where his past self felt like a distant stranger.
“I thought a lot about Arden after you left. Why didn’t you tell me too? Didn’t you trust me? While thinking about that, suddenly… if you had told me, could I have joined you? That’s what I wondered.”
“…”
“Probably, the me back then couldn’t have done it. I would have tried to stop Arden. I thought maybe Arden knew that and that’s why you acted alone.”
Am I right? Eden inquired subtly. Arden couldn’t properly remember what he had been thinking then and what reasoning had led to his actions. Everything was blurry, and memories were incomplete. The scenes that occasionally came to mind were all fragmentary.
The most vivid was the memory of the middle of the night. The sobbing of those who couldn’t escape, or had given up on escaping, was crystal clear. He waited for dawn amidst it all. He hoped the sun would rise late so those who had fled could escape safely, and at the same time, he hoped what he had done would be quickly discovered to end this anxiety and restlessness. Staying up all night anticipating the verdict was painful.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Eden. I knew your circumstances too.”
Eden had five younger siblings. Arden hadn’t heard the detailed situation, but he knew Eden was the sole actual head of the household. In a situation where the entire family was dependent on Eden alone, it was difficult to jump into such a major event.
Arden just looked down at his shoes on the luxurious carpet, listening to the scratching sound of a pencil. There was something he had wanted to ask since they first met.
“May I ask why you suddenly made this decision?”
The scratching sound slowly faded. Arden had heard Eden’s plan several times but never the reason why he started all this.
“Are your… family members okay?”
“Everyone is healthy.”
Arden, who had been worried about bringing up an inappropriate topic, felt his tension ease a bit with that answer.
“I know it’s cowardly, but I’ve moved all my family members abroad. I haven’t received word of their arrival yet, but a letter should come soon.”
Now Arden understood a little better. He didn’t think it was cowardly. Arden too would have hesitated if Plin had been around. However, questions still remained. All of this required money. Though an engineer’s salary was high, it couldn’t have been easy to support all those family members while saving up separately.
Eden continued as if reading Arden’s thoughts.
“As you may have noticed while staying here, I received some help from my fiancée. Both financial and psychological support.”
“Psychological support?”
“Everyone thinks I became more relaxed because I met a wealthy fiancée, but I think differently. It’s not the money, but meeting someone who loves me that gave me courage.”
Arden quietly recalled the equipment he had seen on the first day. With that level of economic power, such words made sense. But Arden’s surprise at Eden’s engagement news was for a slightly different reason. He couldn’t believe that Eden had planned all this with his fiancée’s help.
Eden had many similarities to Arden. He never complained and was someone who would rather solve problems himself than receive help from others.
“They said they don’t care how selfish or bad a person I am.”
‘That doesn’t matter.’
The voice that suddenly came to mind was Rite’s. Arden trembled as he vividly recalled those words and the raindrops directed at him in the rain.
“What does that feel like?”
“What…”
“The feelings you have for your fiancée. I mean… if you’ve decided to marry, you must have some certainty, right?”
Love. That simple word was so awkward and difficult to say that he had to phrase it in a roundabout way. If there was a correct answer for how family, friends, and lovers are distinguished, he wanted to hear it.
“Just… I find myself constantly thinking about that person. When I open my eyes, that person is the first thing I think of, and before sleep, I wonder what they’re doing. Whether something happens or nothing happens, it’s like that continuously…”
Eden, who had been mumbling almost to himself, scratched the back of his neck. Arden’s eyes lowered.
“It might sound foolish… but that’s just how it is. I don’t know what that person was thinking when they got engaged to me. I don’t understand what they’re thinking, promising to marry someone like me.”
“…”
“That’s why I often thought I wanted to become a better person. Since then, I’ve been looking for survivors. The people Arden released.”
“Have you found more people?”
Arden asked hastily as soon as Eden finished speaking. His voice was urgent.
“None except for Mr. Suos.”
Eden shook his head. Arden’s hands gripped the armrests. He recalled the nights when he had to shudder with frustration, wondering if he had done something meaningful.
“…Are they dead?”
