Singing wasn’t just about how well you vocalize, how you carry rhythm, or how you produce sound. The most important core was emotional expression. To understand the song you have to sing, you first need to fully immerse yourself in the lyrics.
For Do Yeonjae, who was indifferent to all worldly matters and not particularly delicate, this process was the first difficulty and wall.
He was originally the type who would let go without regret if something didn’t work out, and would silently accept it if he clashed opinions with someone. Here, accepting meant only that he wouldn’t forcefully push his perspective onto the other person, but it was far from empathy. If the relationship became annoying enough to exceed that limit, his feelings cooled quickly.
He always had more things he wanted to throw away than things he wanted to have. He was naturally without greed in everything but… strangely, he didn’t want to give up singing alone. He wanted to accomplish that difficult thing. Every time he moved the audience with his voice, an indescribable thrill arose.
Because he loved those 3 minutes of time deeply immersed in a sea of sound.
What indifferent Do Yeonjae had poured his heart into most in his entire life was undoubtedly singing. That one-directional yearning resembled unrequited love, and perhaps was also like competitive spirit. No matter how many songs he sang, the fact that countless new stories remained sparked a definite sense of challenge. Characteristics differ according to genre, and the world differs for each song. It was the reason music didn’t get boring even after years.
That’s why Do Yeonjae’s face when singing contains far more emotion than usual. Free and abundant expressions you can’t usually see, corners of his mouth rising naturally, a neck with tendons showing.
The satisfaction, happiness clearly appearing as he expresses the lyrics…
That sincere face is what Kwon Isoo watches now from outside the camera.
Expressionless Kwon Isoo’s face was like a castle wall in midwinter. Any emotion miserably crumbled without being able to rise to the surface. Kwon Isoo just captured Do Yeonjae’s appearance for a long time with deeply sunken eyes.
“…”
From a very long time ago, Kwon Isoo would feel an inexplicable sense of defeat whenever he saw that face of Do Yeonjae’s. Ugly emotions with nowhere to shake off and no clear target filled up abundantly, making his insides churn. The sense of defeat that came after a long time made him feel like retching, yet it wasn’t unfamiliar.
So Kwon Isoo…
It seemed like at some point he wanted to grab hold of the things contained in that face. No, everything not contained too, all of it. Sometimes dizzying rage would rise because the reason those emotions rippled wasn’t himself.
Since he’s in a position where he can’t even get attention.
Miserable possessiveness accumulated like a lump and rotted away until now it had reached the point of bursting out as dirty desire.
Looking at Do Yeonjae made him unbearably angry. Looking at Do Yeonjae made an unknowable thirst surge up. Looking at Do Yeonjae. Looking at Do Yeonjae… He could rephrase what comes after this hundreds of times. It continued endlessly, so at one point he even thought it was fortunate that ties with Do Yeonjae were cut.
Actually even at this moment, if he could avoid looking at Do Yeonjae, he wanted to. If only he could. The song ended while he was ruminating on the hatred that made his chest boil. Do Yeonjae, who had been immersed until the moment all the notes disappeared, dropped the mic from his mouth and looked at Kwon Isoo with a calm face.
“…Ha.”
A fucking sense of powerlessness approached larger than the crooked thought that he only looks after the song is completely over. The moment their eyes met, even the lighting cord separating Do Yeonjae and himself became terribly annoying.
Ah, fuck. On that subject, what…
Kwon Isoo, who muttered a curse quietly, crumpled his face and stretched out his foot widely. His long legs crossed the lighting cord without hesitation. He approached Do Yeonjae and held out a water bottle.
“Thank you.”
Do Yeonjae, who seemed briefly surprised, received the water bottle. Then he asks with a slightly flushed face. Was the song okay?
“…”
Kwon Isoo remained silent without any words. Do Yeonjae, who was watching his sunken face, soon opened the cap and drank water. Until the water in the bottle decreased by half, Kwon Isoo’s mouth remained firmly closed and didn’t open. Looking down coldly at the face with a blush from the lingering heat of the song, Kwon Isoo mocked himself inwardly.
He didn’t know what this damn twisted emotion was, but at least it was certain it wasn’t the form of friendship Do Yeonjae wanted.
Just looking at how he absolutely didn’t want to say what Do Yeonjae wanted to hear right now.
* * *
Looking at the monitoring, it seemed like a quite satisfactory result would come out. Only after recording several more times did the cover content filming end.
Do Yeonjae, who trudged into the waiting room to pack his things, muttered with a soul-departed face.
“I’m so hungry.”
It was because hunger rushed in all at once as tension was released.
The radio started from 8 PM in the evening, so there was plenty of time to go to a restaurant. Since he’d decided to meet up with Hayun hyung at the broadcasting station, he’d be eating with just Kwon Isoo.
Then the PD watching the situation cut the recording for a moment.
“Cut for a moment.”
They must be replacing the camera memory while tidying up the waiting room.
When the tidying was about to end, Do Yeonjae clutched his hungry stomach and seriously pondered the menu. What should I eat? Since it was reality, there was no pre-arranged restaurant or anything.
He opened a map app with an indifferent face and searched for nearby restaurants. Actually, he suggested just entering anywhere visible after leaving the studio, but ended up like this after hearing the daily manager’s scolding saying, ‘Are you telling me to eat just anything right now?’ Really so picky… Oh, this place looks good.
“Kwon Isoo, let’s go here. Looks delicious. Reviews are good too.”
On the screen thrust before Kwon Isoo’s eyes was displayed a sundae-gukbap restaurant with nearly 1,600 reviews. It was a neighborhood restaurant so delicious it was crowded every day. Looking at the menu photos, his mouth was already watering… Kwon Isoo glanced through a few reviews then snorted.
“If we go there, it’ll be one of two things. Either be late for radio while waiting, or the soup gets cold while giving autographs.”
“There’s a wait?”
Ugh… Well, Seoul restaurants require waiting. Even if we get filming permission, if people crowd it’ll get chaotic in many ways. Then should we just get delivery… When he drooped his eyebrows in regret for the disappeared gukbap, Kwon Isoo let out a sigh.
“What do you want to eat?”
Slight irritation is mixed in his half-hearted asking face. He seemed to be thinking something like ‘Playing manager is fucking hard.’ Ridiculous, he was the one who rejected my suggestion to go anywhere…
“I don’t care about anything. Korean food would be even better.”
As long as his stomach just gets full, he couldn’t ask for more. While answering, he glanced at Kwon Isoo. He did seem to be in a bad mood since this morning… I thought he got better around the time we arrived at the shop, but it’s low pressure again.
“…”
Do Yeonjae scratched his temple. I can’t figure him out at all. Maybe he doesn’t want to film… He tried to recall if he’d made any particular mistakes today, but perhaps because he was hungry, his head wasn’t working well.
Actually, it’s rarer for Kwon Isoo to be in a good mood in front of me. While having such sad thoughts and blankly observing his handsome face, Kwon Isoo suddenly made a phone call to someone.
“Is a room empty now? We’re filming and nearby.”
After exchanging a few more words, he hung up and tilted his head.
“Get up. Let’s go eat.”
Do Yeonjae blinked and asked back.
“Where are we going?”
“A fusion Korean restaurant a hyung I know runs. He says filming is okay.”
Oh, awesome. Fusion Korean…! When he sprang up from his seat, Kwon Isoo looked at him with eyes saying ‘Such a glutton bastard….’ Unconcerned, while packing his things, Kwon Isoo shared the restaurant address with the filming team. Some staff departed first to set up cameras.
Do Yeonjae, who finished packing his things, was also about to leave when a phone call notification appeared on his phone.
“Oh, Yuni hyung?”
At the muttering voice, Kwon Isoo’s brow immediately furrowed. When he turned his head, he saw Do Yeonjae’s expression comfortably relaxing as he answered the phone.
“…”
Look at those corners of his mouth rising. Kwon Isoo felt intense aversion toward the owner of the voice beyond the phone rising wildly. Why is he calling and acting crazy when two people are together? I want to snatch it and throw it away…
When he was fiercely glaring at Do Yeonjae with blazing eyes.
“Ah, then should we eat together? I’ll ask once.”
Their eyes met exactly.
Before he could flinch at the sudden eye contact, the content of the words sharply dug into his mind. I think I just heard some fucking nonsense.
“My hyung says he hasn’t had dinner yet either, can he come along too?”
Sure enough. Do Yeonjae, who was on the call, asked permission to dine together.
Fuck, talking like ‘my hyung.’ Doesn’t that fucking hyung know to read the room? It was the moment when Kwon Isoo, grinding his teeth, was about to flatly refuse saying no.
“Of course I don’t want…”
“Hyung says he wants to have a meal with you.”
“What?”
But at Do Yeonjae’s following words, his face froze coldly.
