It’s a fact we all know—that such a natural everyday life, the hope that had bloomed before one knew it, shattered to pieces overnight. And then four years of emptiness. Was it because it had become a memory that was “just that” thanks to Do Yeonjae? The face now asking about first impressions was distinctly cold.
Do Yeonjae calmly met Kwon Isoo’s eyes. First impression… Come to think of it, back then, when Kwon Isoo suddenly asked why he was bothering him, had he said it was because he was sorry?
He knows now that wasn’t it. The truth was, the reason his past self gave him a water bottle, the reason he handed him an umbrella after watching him—
“I wanted to become close with you.”
In an instant, Kwon Isoo’s face hardened coldly.
“Ha, fuck. And after doing that…”
“I still do.”
“……”
Words handed over as suddenly as an umbrella struck heavily somewhere in his chest. He stared blankly at that resolute face that seemed to hold not a shred of lies. But that was only for a brief moment. As if by instinct, Kwon Isoo clenched his jaw firmly.
“Ah, is that so?”
His loosely rising lips formed a cold sneer. A languid voice mixed with laughter rang out tediously.
“What should I do about this? I don’t feel the same.”
The hand he’d placed under the table suddenly trembled. Ah, it seemed those fucking withdrawal symptoms were acting up.
* * *
The space without a single light turned on was endlessly dim.
Kwon Isoo was leaning crookedly against the sofa, staring only at the ceiling, when he spat out what was in his mouth. The cigarette that had worn away from chewing only on the filter fell powerlessly downward.
Was it chocolate flavor? He couldn’t even remember what kind of cigarette it had been anymore. He was planning to throw them all away anyway since they tasted fucking terrible. He lazily reached out, grabbed a random cigarette pack, and stared at it intently. The tiresome warning phrase caught his eye. ‘Smoking causes lung cancer! Will you still smoke?’
Fuck off. Kwon Isoo chuckled and threw the cigarette pack like a toy. The square paper box hit the living room window hard and slid down, spilling out white cigarettes. After throwing everything he could get his hands on randomly, there was nothing left now.
He turned his head with an expressionless face. He could see the four slices of pizza completely cold and looking unsightly. The face of the person who had eaten them so deliciously immediately came to mind.
Do Yeonjae.
How much time had passed since Do Yeonjae left?
He didn’t know. He tried to check his phone but gave up, knowing only annoying messages would be piled up. Of course there wouldn’t be anything from Do Yeonjae. That expensive person was harder to get a response from than plucking stars from the sky.
Right, that’s how it was.
The reason he accepted the variety show offer was simple. Seeing Do Yeonjae subtly avoiding him, saying they were nothing to each other, twisted his insides. The words about not interfering irritated him terribly. He couldn’t shake off the thoroughly unpleasant feeling.
If anyone’s going to ignore someone, it should be me, fuck. Does he make it a hobby to touch first then pull away like that? His twisted mood turned into rebelliousness in an instant. If that’s what Do Yeonjae wanted, all he had to do was create a situation where he couldn’t avoid him.
Best friends or whatever—it wasn’t even funny, but once they were tied together through the variety show, he felt like he wouldn’t have to see that kind of bullshit anymore. Then he could cleanly ignore him first and feel a bit relieved.
Of course, such crooked contrarian spirit was separate from his enthusiasm for the program. From the start, he had no intention of working hard on filming, and no desire to genuinely create chemistry with Do Yeonjae. Project song? He planned to just give him whatever was in the trash.
Right, even so though. He’d accepted an offer for a program that didn’t even look particularly fun. He’d even gone to the trouble of finding his number and contacting him.
Then shouldn’t he at least contact him once?
Kwon Isoo naturally thought so. Because he could have publicly ignored Do Yeonjae and made him look like a terminal liar, but he didn’t.
He’d already forgotten that he’d acted like a little shit in front of the staff when filming the challenge. Well, to Kwon Isoo, that level didn’t even count as ignoring him. Either way, didn’t they film the challenge safely?
Do Yeonjae should obviously accept the offer. Since he’d run his mouth saying they were close. Looking at it that way, he’d helped him out. Although he intended to ignore him later, that was literally a matter for later.
So Kwon Isoo had even been willing to take special notice if Do Yeonjae was deeply grateful and moved.
But fuck, moved my ass.
He’d been radio silent for a whole week.
It was the moment Kwon Isoo, who usually didn’t even check his phone often, was downgraded to an idiot once again. Meanwhile, Do Yeonjae must have been so free he was dying, because he turned on a live stream and spent two whole hours communicating with fans. He seems to have so much fucking time, so why isn’t he contacting me? Did his fingers break?
He was so offended he couldn’t contain his anger. And after that, what?
‘I wanted to become close with you.’
‘I still do.’
Bullshit, I don’t believe it.
Maybe because he didn’t fucking believe it, the face of Do Yeonjae saying those words kept floating endlessly before his eyes. Kwon Isoo irritably closed his eyes and laid his arm over his face. The living room that had become silent just because one person disappeared suddenly grated on his nerves.
Not even funny. When was it ever so noisy? Is this also a withdrawal symptom? The kind that makes you irritable for no reason and gives you a headache.
‘What should I do about this? I don’t feel the same.’
After hearing those words, Do Yeonjae was silent for a moment, then said with an indifferent face.
‘Okay. Now let’s match our interview answers.’
Ah, such a fucking boring reaction.
Kwon Isoo dragged himself up. His expressionless face was cold. He shoved all the remaining pizza into the food waste bin. He washed his hands and headed to the bedroom.
He sat on the edge of the bed, removed his watch and put it down as if throwing it. He ran his hand through his hair with a deeply sunken face. Earlier here, he’d shown Do Yeonjae his naked body. What a ridiculous bastard. Why did he stare so intently…
The moment when the always indifferent Do Yeonjae looked at him with rarely surprised eyes remained vivid for some reason. Even the restlessly boiling sensation of his nerves.
Was that why? Following the traces of a gaze that still seemed to linger somewhere on his body, a feverish heat swept through his entire body. A tingling sensation strong enough to make his thighs flinch soon concentrated in one place.
“……”
The area where heat had gathered throbbed. Kwon Isoo exhaled a languid breath and threw his head back. He thought with hazily unfocused eyes.
Ah, fuck… I’m hard.
I need to take care of it.
With quite familiar movements, Kwon Isoo pulled out a photo. It was a photocard from RAYEON’s 7th album that he’d received when filming the challenge. Looking expressionlessly at Do Yeonjae smiling warmly in his music video outfit, he put his hand into his pants.
His thick member sprang out. He rubbed the glans in circles, then began shaking the shaft roughly.
A hot heat filled his gray-brown eyes. With a languidly flushed face, Kwon Isoo let out moans with an expression no one had ever seen.
Unlike his gaze persistently fixed on one place, the hand gripping his erect member was endlessly rough and violent. It was as if the gaze of Do Yeonjae in the photocard was watching him like that. His expression disheveled with arousal, his disgustingly twitching member and the hand shaking it up and down—
“Ha, fuck… Do Yeonjae.”
Even the heated voice calling that name.
The muscles of his split forearm clearly writhed. Low moans mixed between his quickening breaths. Kwon Isoo clenched his teeth and moved his hand quickly. He didn’t care where the fluid beading on his flesh splattered.
Veins bulged in the rough hand gripping the photo. It was truly a contradiction. While having eyes that seemed ready to devour wickedly, he was putting all his strength into his arm so that tiny photo wouldn’t crumple.
Which one was his true desire?
Before he could even fall into such thoughts, his entire body tensed and tightened. The desire that spurted out palely clung thickly over that handsome face. Even in the moment his vision burned white, his gaze tenaciously sought Do Yeonjae. There was no trace of guilt in those desire-captivated eyes.
As said before, any thought of playing friends with Do Yeonjae had long since disappeared.
[I hope you like RAYEON’s music]
So Kwon Isoo sneered for a long time at Do Yeonjae’s sincere words written on the album.
