“Fuck, I really must be dying to act like this…”
When Haeseong tried to forcibly pull his caught hand away, Euiju firmly pulled him in. The distance between them instantly closed.
“Didn’t you get scolded by the Director-nim for using violence against Kim Jongo-ssi? Don’t use violence against anyone, not just me.”
Saying that, he gently lowered Haeseong’s hand that was caught in his right hand. It was an affectionate action contrary to his firm tone.
“Who was the one talking shit? Do I look like I’m joking right now?”
At Haeseong’s words, Euiju looked at Haeseong with cold eyes. Haeseong didn’t back down either and glared at Euiju. A strange battle of wills ensued.
“Whew…”
The one who averted his gaze first was Euiju. Euiju pulled out a few tissues from the storage compartment and handed them to Haeseong. Haeseong irritably grabbed the tissues and threw them on the floor.
Seeing that, Euiju let out a long sigh and quietly opened his mouth.
“The person I spoke about to Seo Jiyul-ssi is not Jin Haeseong-ssi.”
Haeseong’s hand, which had been roughly wiping away tears with his sleeve, paused. Soon he glared at Euiju with a face that seemed to say it was absurd.
“Fuck, you think I’ll believe that? Who would believe you if you say it’s not true now…”
“My parents passed away.”
The firm voice carried a powerful force that made Haeseong close his mouth. Haeseong’s mouth closed just like that. Haeseong’s pupils shook faintly, but Euiju continued speaking without paying attention.
“I can’t tell you who it is, but that person betrayed my father and dragged our family into the abyss. That person wasn’t directly involved in my parents’ death, but they were at least someone who created the environment for it to happen.”
“…”
“It’s someone completely unrelated to Haeseong-ssi. Still.”
“…”
“It was enough of a situation to be misunderstood. I truly apologize for unintentionally hurting you.”
At Euiju’s resonant apology that conquered the inside of the car, cracks began to form on Haeseong’s face as he listened silently.
‘…The person he said he hated, it’s not me?’
Haeseong’s pupils, facing Euiju who was apologizing with his head bowed, shook violently as if an earthquake had occurred.
Lee Euiju’s expression didn’t show a single trace of falsehood even to young Haeseong’s eyes. He explained the circumstances and even apologized for causing a misunderstanding. Sincerely at that.
The adults Haeseong had met until now had been busy avoiding their own mistakes. They had used the immature Haeseong or treated him like a trophy without exception. Even when they committed wrongs, not a single one of them properly apologized.
“From now on, if you have any complaints, please feel free to tell me. I will also be careful.”
Euiju’s sincere apology somewhat soothed his cracked and scratched heart.
Unable to hide his shaking pupils and avoiding the heavy gaze looking at him, Haeseong bit his lip and fell into thought, then finally opened his mouth after a long while.
“Then, regardless of that person. Ahjussi must dislike me too.”
As he asked that, Haeseong’s ears turned red enough to be clearly visible even in the darkness. Just moments ago he had been excitedly charging forward, but now wasn’t he trembling like a rain-soaked mouse while his ears turned red?
Whether he was embarrassed about having misunderstood, or embarrassed about asking if he wasn’t disliked, Haeseong’s reaction to such matters somehow seemed cute.
Euiju couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Because of that, Haeseong’s face crumpled.
“Why do you keep laughing? Fuck, am I funny to you?”
Though the sensitive Haeseong raised sharp thorns, Euiju cleared his voice and slowly began to share his thoughts.
“It’s natural for someone who can’t even sleep properly because of growing pains to become sensitive. I’ve never thought I was narrow-minded enough not to accept the sulking of someone going through puberty. I don’t dislike you.”
“It’s not because of puberty. It’s not because I’m sensitive, my personality is originally, originally like this. Before too, I treated managers terribly because I hated them. I tried to hit ahjussi earlier. Even so, you don’t dislike me?”
“Why would I dis…”
“I tried to bully you through Jang Yeonguk. I badmouthed ahjussi a lot behind your back with my friends too. Throwing that milk was also on purpose to see you hurt your pride, spitting and making you bring dirt were all done with bad intentions! Even like this, even like this, you can still say you don’t dislike me?!”
At his raised voice, the car body vibrated faintly. Haeseong couldn’t hide his agitation and breathed heavily. That appearance somehow seemed wronged and also seemed to fear something, so Euiju’s eyes narrowed.
Wasn’t he being persistent as if he wanted to confirm something? For instance, as if he was anxious about what to do if he disliked him…
It was puzzling since he usually rejected and disliked him so much. Had his heart opened a little because he was saved? Euiju calmly continued speaking.
“If I had been seriously hurt from colliding with Haeseong-ssi today, perhaps a little. Because noona’s body is uncomfortable and she can’t be in a situation where she has difficulty moving around.”
“…”
“Living while hating someone consumes more energy than you think. Except for that person I mentioned earlier, I don’t want to put anyone else in that framework, and honestly I don’t have the luxury to do so either.”
“…”
“I don’t dislike you. If you feel satisfaction from ordering me around, then do so. I was hired to handle that, and it’s actually not very difficult.”
At Euiju’s calm answer, Haeseong momentarily had a blank expression. His long eyelashes fluttered each time he blinked.
The gaze that usually carried deep ennui looked at the person in front of him while harboring an unknown confusion. It was as if he was experiencing an adult like Euiju for the first time.
Haeseong roughly bit his lower lip.
“…”
“…”
Heavy silence enveloped the car again. Haeseong sharply turned his face toward the window.
How much time had passed? A low voice flowed from him.
“…All adults are fucking terrible.”
“I thought so too back then.”
At Euiju’s calm words, Haeseong sharply turned his head to glare at him.
“Why are you so unfazed by everything? Ahjussi, don’t you have any guts?”
At the sharp point, Euiju let out a hollow laugh.
“I suppose so.”
In that moment, Haeseong’s gaze was stolen by the corners of Euiju’s mouth that held a small smile. His face instantly reddening, Haeseong turned his head in embarrassment.
“…From next time, don’t be alone with Seo Jiyul like that. I don’t want to misunderstand again.”
Though it was a slightly off-point remark, Euiju nodded without complaint.
“I’ll do that.”
As if the conversation was now over, Haeseong crossed his arms and buried his body deeply in the seat. Unlike the softened atmosphere, Euiju’s face looking at Haeseong’s reddened ears darkened.
He was a child. Jin Haeseong was.
With just a little sincerity shown, he shakes helplessly. Contrary to his title as an actor, he couldn’t even properly manage his expressions.
He acts as if he has no idea that there is proper warmth that can be exchanged between people. Just like right now.
Perhaps his current violent temperament had formed harshly and hardened because there was no one to properly see his inner self. Because there was no one who had glimpsed his sincere emotions, perhaps he hadn’t been properly refined, Euiju thought.
Looking back now, Haeseong was someone loved by everyone, but at the same time an existence trapped in solitude. Despite how difficult it was for a child actor to gain as much popularity as idols in this small country, Haeseong was an actor who received even more love than that. However, his life observed from close up was filled with severe loneliness and solitude.
Euiju raised his head and blankly looked at Haeseong, who had his eyes tightly closed.
The more he knew, the more pitiful he became.
***
A week had passed since that day.
For the children he had been distant from while working, he woke up early in the morning for the first time in a while and was spending time with the youngest. As the weather had warmed up, they rode bicycles in front of the house. They all went to the mart together and did grocery shopping too.
Euiju was sitting with the youngest between his legs, putting together a 400-piece Snow White puzzle. As he accepted all the whining she had been holding back, the cute smile never left Roun’s face.
“Hyung! Don’t forget we promised to finish this today and go to the playground again in the evening! You didn’t forget yesterday’s promise, right? Huh?”
“Okay, let’s do that. But there’s so much, can we finish it all today?”
“Yeah. Big noona said I can do anything!”
“What? Hahaha!”
At Roun’s bold answer, Euiju burst into laughter, pulled her into a hug, and kissed the top of her head repeatedly. She was too cute.
“Right. Euiju-ya. How’s Jin Haeseong these days? Have you gotten closer?”
Euiyeon asked while placing washed strawberries next to the puzzle.
“Mm…”
After that day, Jin Haeseong’s attitude had subtly changed. In a way it could look like he had become more indifferent, but since Euiju had been watching from the closest position, he keenly noticed the change.
Like before the relationship deteriorated, he still grumbled and snapped at everything, but he could often feel a gaze he hadn’t felt before.
—…Is there something on my face?
When he turned around because he felt a piercing gaze, Haeseong’s head had already turned elsewhere. As if he didn’t want to be caught staring, he was pretending to be calm while looking somewhere else, but there was no way Euiju wouldn’t notice that.
They had spent a week in a subtle atmosphere. Haeseong’s atmosphere was slightly softer than before, and having walked on thin ice once, this could really be called progress if it was progress.
Then, Euiyeon, who saw Euiju’s phone that had been pushed far away by his siblings ringing, picked it up.
“Oh my, Euiju-ya. Jin Haeseong is calling?!”
“What? Who…?”
