“Mm, the last gift is mine.”
Soyoon, who had introduced herself last, smiled weakly while gesturing at Seonwoo with her eyes. Haeyoung’s fingers resting on his knees flinched and curled inward.
Her smiling face certainly had an aspect that drew attention. If Seonwoo attracted people’s attention with his unique atmosphere, Soyoon’s bright energy continuously made gazes turn toward her. Twenty-five years old and the youngest among the cast members, Soyoon was a student attending graduate school.
“Everyone seems really amazing. Your jobs and everything.”
Toward her saying she hadn’t decided on a path like the others yet and was still thinking about it, the cast members jokingly laughed saying it was a good time for that. Haeyoung, who had been watching Soyoon’s face smiling silently, fell into thought for a moment.
The feeling that had been floating just moments ago easily sank.
Twenty-five. At that time, he too couldn’t get his bearings on which path to head toward. Though Soyoon’s situation might not be the same as his, he felt like he understood the worrying heart. Perhaps…
‘If hyung hadn’t been there.’
The moment he thought of him in his head, his gaze naturally turned to the side as if it were obvious. There, as always, was Cha Seonwoo. Revealing vivid affection in eyes that had never once left him. At that fact, he somehow felt sorrowful and at the same time felt pathetic at himself for feeling relieved.
If he hadn’t been there, he would have spent that period more difficultly. Someone who noticed he was having a hard time just from his eyes even without him saying anything. Someone who, instead of prying, would call his name all night and hold him. Because he was there, Haeyoung could smile even while wandering.
So Yoon Haeyoung wanted to be only smiles to him as well. Forever by his side.
‘You’re happy too that you paid off all the debt, what good comes from saying it? Hm? Haeyoung-ah.’
However, when presumptuous greed raised its head, the deeply buried nightmare revived and attacked his mind. As if it couldn’t be buried and lived with, as if telling him not to forget. The voice lingering in his ears kept poking at Haeyoung’s conscience.
Even at the moment of announcing their breakup, the reason he couldn’t confront or apologize to him was because he didn’t have the courage to say it with his own mouth. A trace of pride that he didn’t want to become more shabby blocked Haeyoung’s mouth. On that subject, to be happy now at his still unchanged gaze was excessively selfish.
Ding—the notification sound announcing a message had arrived cut off the thoughts that had been trailing on and on. Haeyoung, who had escaped from his locked thoughts, withdrew his gaze from Seonwoo and took out his phone.
「Please write the name of the cast member your heart leaned toward today and a message. The message will be delivered to the other person anonymously.」
Same number, same content. The name Haeyoung’s heart pointed to was also unchangingly the same. However, instead of writing the familiar name, he wrote and sent three unfamiliar characters.
The truth was, he wished someone would deliver his message to Cha Seonwoo instead. It was because the ending he couldn’t properly finish still remained piercingly with Haeyoung. He’d already thought long ago about what words to send.
The words that start with, my beloved Seonwoo hyung.
Perhaps he couldn’t let him go because the confession from that time that he couldn’t bring out was still pooled in his heart. So Haeyoung hoped that during this filming period, he could organize his feelings and tie up their relationship. And at the end…
At the end, perhaps.
***
The cast members who had sent their texts slowly stood up to return to their rooms. Haeyoung also rose from his seat with his phone gripped in his hand. However, just before entering the room, there was a voice that stopped him in the hallway.
“Will you really go? On a free day.”
It was Jaehwi. Haeyoung, who had paused briefly at the question suddenly offered, realized it was a suggestion to go together to the Chinese restaurant he’d mentioned earlier.
What’s this? Why isn’t this hyung thinking about appealing to the other women and doing this to me instead? Haeyoung, who had been looking at him with narrowed eyes as if searching for something, soon smiled broadly.
Whatever it was, it seemed he wanted to have a friend for now.
“If hyung buys, I’ll go.”
“…I’ll buy.”
“Hyung, I eat a lot, is that okay?”
“Then let me think about it.”
Jaehwi backed out with a calm voice. Though it was an expressionless face, Haeyoung knew those words weren’t sincere. How long had he even watched him, yet he could now notice that Jaehwi often joked with this kind of face.
“Can’t back out. I already cleared my schedule.”
Haeyoung showed a triumphantly cheerful smile as if there was no escape. Yoon Haeyoung, with his arm against the hallway wall, watched Jaehwi in quite a slouchy posture. Watching him brazenly blocking the way even though he knew his room was in the opposite direction, Jaehwi let out an empty laugh.
“Does it make sense that you already cleared your schedule?”
“Of course. I’ll tell you the date I cleared, so hyung just needs to come out to match it.”
“You’re really bold for someone mooching food.”
Jaehwi said, slowly looking down at Haeyoung. Not discouraged even by the scolding that wasn’t quite scolding, he giggled as if he already felt comfortable with Jaehwi.
At Haeyoung’s attitude treating him warmly for having met just one day ago, Jaehwi also raised the corners of his lips almost imperceptibly. Then, Minho, who seemed to be heading to his room, approached this way. As if they’d been having a conversation together, Seonwoo was standing next to him.
“Huh? What are you mooching? Jaehwi hyung, what about me?”
Minho approached closer to Jaehwi with large strides. At his question mixed with aegyo, Jaehwi glanced down at him and asked,
“Does Minho-ssi want to go too?”
“Yes! I like going around to good restaurants and stuff.”
“Oh, me too.”
Watching Jaehwi talking freely with Minho, Haeyoung thought his ongoing suspicions seemed to be roughly correct. It was a moment when strength was given to the hypothesis that he’d appeared on this program to make friends.
Listening to their conversation and perhaps grasping how the situation was going, Seonwoo readily opened his mouth.
“Can I go too?”
Though it took the form of a question, it was a voice that didn’t consider refusal. At the weight carried in the gentle tone, Haeyoung blinked, Jaehwi hesitated briefly, and Minho smiled broadly.
“Oh! Then we’re all going together.”
No… fuck. What is he saying? Going all together for what? Haeyoung, who had been watching Minho with shaking eyes, whipped his head around to look at Jaehwi. He was the only remaining person to trust. He hoped that Jaehwi, who seemed sociable yet strangely had aspects where he was off-point, would uselessly put up at least a wall.
However, Yoon Haeyoung’s wish was once again silently ignored today.
“Yes, that’s fine… but I’ll only buy for Haeyoung-ssi.”
He said while pointing at himself with his hand. Though he was off-point, what wall—Jaehwi too easily let Seonwoo inside the line.
Yoon Haeyoung knew that was Jaehwi’s way of joking. But Cha Seonwoo’s face showed he didn’t know it was a joke. In reality… looking at his expression watching Jaehwi with his mouth closed for a moment, it also seemed like it didn’t matter whether it was a joke or not.
“It’s okay, I’ll buy.”
He smiled with his eye corners slightly lowered. When a smile spread across his soft-lined face, he looked endlessly good-natured, and confusion momentarily crossed Jaehwi’s blank bear-like face. It was clear he was wondering if he’d made a mistake.
“Um, Seonwoo-ssi. It was a joke.”
“I know. But I’ll still buy.”
Even at Jaehwi’s correction, he gently shook his head.
Cha Seonwoo was spending money easily again. Haeyoung, who almost said something without realizing it, hastily closed his mouth. Because Seonwoo’s gaze, smiling with a face that just wanted to do so, had settled on his face. As if some irresistible external force was at work.
“Then… let’s all go together when we have time later.”
Haeyoung awkwardly smiled and wrapped up the situation. Then he straightened his body that had been leaning against the wall to enter the room. It was also then that a familiar notification sound rang from the phone he was holding.
Ding—at the cheerful notification sound, Haeyoung checked his phone without any hesitation.
「See you on our date~ haha」
Then after reading down the message appearing on the screen, he reflexively closed his mouth. A vibration sound was also heard from Seonwoo, but he was looking at him as if he had no intention of checking it right away.
There are things one can know without necessarily showing it in one’s expression. If it was a text coming at this time, the probability it was from another cast member was high. He caught sight of him giving attention to the phone Minho was holding, then lowering it again with a quite disappointed face.
There would only be one person he was waiting for. It would be Soyoon, to whom he’d been sending glances all along. But he could tell without checking who she might have sent to. No one in this place wouldn’t know.
“Then rest well.”
Though he wouldn’t be unaware of the atmosphere seeing Minho’s face become sullen, Seonwoo still moved his steps with a gentle face. Approaching Haeyoung standing in front of the room door, he gestured as if to say let’s go in.
“Oh, then sleep well!”
As his view was blocked by Seonwoo’s body, Haeyoung stuck his head to the side and hurriedly gave a greeting to Jaehwi and Minho. At the same time, the door opened behind him.
Because Seonwoo, who had reached his arm to the side to grab the doorknob, was too close, Haeyoung quickly turned his body and entered the room.
