Wooyeon sat with his bent legs gathered together and watched Jeonghan eating ramen. The spicy smell pricked Wooyeon’s nose. It wasn’t that he wasn’t a bit hungry, but that didn’t mean his appetite was stirred. What he’d said about not really liking ramen wasn’t a lie. Having eaten it to the point of boredom since childhood, ramen was actually food that Wooyeon ate to fill a meal rather than because he wanted to eat it.
It was a poor side dish without even a bit of kimchi, but Jeonghan deliciously emptied the pot.
“You’re done eating, right? Now leave already.”
Wooyeon said as he cleared away the pot that had only broth remaining. He poured out the ramen broth into the narrow sink that was filled up with just one pot and filled it with water, when Jeonghan’s hand turned Wooyeon’s body around. Before the flustered Wooyeon could even catch his balance, Jeonghan, who had snatched Wooyeon’s waist, poured kisses on him.
His erected tongue was thrust into Wooyeon’s mouth, and soon as it rubbed against the roof of his mouth, a moan flowed from inside Wooyeon’s mouth. The water flowing from the faucet was overflowing from the pot filled with water until it became clear water. When Wooyeon barely pushed Jeonghan away, Jeonghan obediently retreated with a smiling face.
“Payment for the ramen.”
“Wh, who pays for ramen like this?”
He stupidly stuttered. When Wooyeon rubbed and wiped his lips with the back of his hand, Jeonghan grabbed and lowered Wooyeon’s wrist and bumped their lips again making a smacking sound.
His heart was pounding out of nowhere. Having such feelings wasn’t a good thing for Wooyeon. Wooyeon’s wavering eyes turned toward Jeonghan.
“Can I sleep over?”
“…No.”
It was soon time to go out for milk delivery. It was time to finally end the fairy tale-like playing house with Jeonghan too.
“I won’t have sex.”
“It’s not that… I said earlier too, but I don’t feel well so I want to be alone.”
Strangely, the words that he had to go deliver milk wouldn’t fall from his mouth. Even though there was nothing more to be exposed to Jeonghan, he had a strong desire not to show him down to the very bottom. If he said he delivered milk, Jeonghan might faint. Had he ever lived while even imagining such a life?
“I’ll just sleep and go, is that not okay?”
“Why sleep here when you have your palace-like house?”
“Actually, I can’t sleep without sleeping pills.”
At Jeonghan’s words, Wooyeon looked at him with surprised eyes. With an expression like a puppy in the rain, Jeonghan followed Wooyeon’s gaze. The dam of Wooyeon’s heart was already gradually crumbling down. Jeonghan also had a knack for making Wooyeon sympathize with him.
“It’s been quite a while since I couldn’t sleep without sleeping pills. Actually, after I hold sunbae, I sleep well……”
Jeonghan seemed like he’d make a whimpering sound any moment. Jeonghan lowered the corners of his eyes and pressed his large body against Wooyeon.
“What are you talking about? Insomnia?”
“That’s right.”
“Have you been to the hospital?”
“I go periodically. That’s how I get prescribed sleeping pills.”
Jeonghan reached back to turn off the water and pulled Wooyeon’s body to make him sit on the floor.
“I’m pitiful, aren’t I?”
By Wooyeon’s standards, Jeonghan was a man who had everything. He was a person he couldn’t even dare to envy. Nevertheless, Wooyeon’s pupils wavered like candlelight in front of Jeonghan. A man who lacked nothing was clinging to him asking if he wasn’t pitiful.
“I really haven’t slept properly for days so I’m really tired. Put me to sleep, sunbae.”
Jeonghan, who had a languid voice, pulled Wooyeon’s arm. Even though he knew he shouldn’t do this, Wooyeon ended up being swept along as Jeonghan wanted.
A satisfied smile bloomed on Jeonghan’s face as he embraced Wooyeon.
* * *
Making a mockery of his words about having insomnia, Jeonghan quickly fell asleep next to Wooyeon. Wooyeon lay on the narrow floor together with Jeonghan and stared at Jeonghan’s sleeping face on the old mat to his heart’s content for a while.
On skin that still showed a youthful appearance, his brow bone and nose bridge were positioned high. Wooyeon reached out toward the eyelashes that were lowered longer than expected, then withdrew his hand again.
He’s really handsome. Wooyeon thought that anew. When he read fairy tale books as a child, the princes in fairy tales seemed to have faces like this in his imagination.
Wooyeon, who carefully sat up in case Jeonghan might wake, looked at Jeonghan again. Jeonghan was deeply asleep, fallen into sleep while making even breathing sounds. Wooyeon placed his key on the small table that had been put away in the corner and unfolded the flyer that had been placed under the pot to write a memo in the empty space.
「When you leave, put the key under the flowerpot on the stairs.」
If possible, he’d return before Jeonghan woke from sleep, but it was just in case. Outside, the sun was already fully out. After finishing milk delivery, he had to go to work at the bakery, and then immediately go to school.
Wooyeon, who sat up, carefully changed clothes in the corner of the room. He didn’t know why the rustling sound of the fabric sounded so loud today. He just wanted Jeonghan, who said he hadn’t slept properly for days, not to wake up.
Wooyeon, who had finished getting dressed, looked at Jeonghan’s face again before leaving the room. He’s still sleeping well. He felt relieved somehow, while also feeling regretful somewhere. Wooyeon carefully opened his studio room door.
The usual milk delivery was no different today. If there was a difference, it was Seo Wooyeon’s mental state as he went about milk delivery.
Suddenly the face of Jeonghan sleeping at his house came to mind, but Wooyeon shook his head from time to time to erase that afterimage. His heart kept becoming hasty, and he made mistakes with his hands so milk fell outside the milk bag and he even missed the elevator. Wooyeon waited for the elevator again in a daze, watching the elevator stop in order at each floor he’d pressed.
And finally, on the way back home after finishing milk delivery, Wooyeon recalled Jeonghan’s sleeping face again. At his footsteps quickening for some unknown reason, he hastily pushed open the gate and rushed down the stairs.
But when he discovered that the landlord’s dying flowerpot placed on the stairs had been pushed aside a bit, Wooyeon’s steps stopped. When he put his fingertips in a little, he touched a metallic object. When he took it out, it was the key Wooyeon had placed on the table. Wooyeon’s footsteps going down the rest of the stairs while holding the key in his hand had slowed. He already woke up. Does he really not sleep well?
Wooyeon, who reached in front of the door with plodding steps, picked up a plastic bag hanging on the doorknob. Inside the plastic bag were several medicines including cold and flu medicine.
‘I said earlier too, but I don’t feel well so I want to be alone.’
Wooyeon recalled in his head the words he’d carelessly uttered to Jeonghan. The plastic bag rustled in his hand.
Without even entering the room, Wooyeon continued to look inside the plastic bag. His heart, which had died down as if deflated by Jeonghan’s absence, filled up again.
Wooyeon knew well that to Jeonghan it was meaningless kindness and affection. He felt pathetic for continuing to harbor fleeting feelings, but he couldn’t handle the growing feelings on his own. His cheeks were really heating up as if he had a fever.
* * *
Amid the professor’s passionate lecture, Wooyeon kept trying to push up his descending eyelids. Perhaps because he’d stayed up all night, sleep poured over him as soon as he sat still. Before class, he’d received a call from the caregiver ahjumma that his mom had regained consciousness, so maybe that made his tension release even more.
His long eyelashes slowly descended, then soon his head dropped forward deeply as his body leaned forward. At the sensation of his neck bending, Wooyeon, who came to his senses with a start, opened his eyes wide for a moment.
“Sunbae, you’re sleepy because you didn’t sleep yesterday.”
When Jeonghan, sitting in the seat next to him, lowered his head toward Wooyeon and whispered in his ear, Wooyeon’s ear turned a red color. Jeonghan grinned toward Wooyeon as if nothing was wrong, then moved away again. The ear where his breath had touched was hot. It was a feeling where the drowsiness that had been rushing over disappeared completely at once. Wooyeon needlessly raised his eyes to check the professor’s notice up front.
“Then shall we look at the graph at the bottom of the textbook.”
When the professor, who had returned to the podium, lowered his head toward the textbook, Wooyeon also hurriedly turned the pages of his textbook. He didn’t even know that the page had turned while he was dozing. He didn’t have much time to study separately anyway, but he resented his body for just dozing without getting himself together.
“Is your body okay?”
Jeonghan, while keeping his gaze on the professor, leaned his body toward Wooyeon again and whispered.
Ah. Wooyeon opened his mouth slightly then closed it and nodded his head a couple of times. He recalled the medicine Jeonghan had hung on the doorknob and left.
“That’s a relief.”
Jeonghan didn’t ask more. Jeonghan straightened the body he’d been leaning and moved away from Wooyeon’s side again. Even though it was natural, Wooyeon felt regret so he needlessly scratched the tip of his mechanical pencil on the textbook.
When Wooyeon raised his eyes again to look at the professor, the professor was going on with a speech about the long-term equilibrium of perfectly competitive firms. Wooyeon stretched his arm long and wrote letters on the left side of the textbook.
「Thank you.」
Being thankful is being thankful. Wooyeon tried to write more after, but just withdrew his hand again. Jeonghan, without any particular response, just smiled after confirming the three words of thanks.
Wooyeon, who turned his head, stole a glance at Jeonghan’s expression for a moment, then lowered his head again. The letters packed densely inside the textbook were mixing dizzily before his eyes.
Before he even noticed, time had passed and the professor ended the class. Whether because of drowsiness or because of Jeonghan, he couldn’t concentrate at all, so Wooyeon was upset.
“What do you want to eat?”
At Jeonghan’s words asking as if it were natural, Wooyeon met his eyes. After the Microeconomic Theory class they took together, as if it had been implicitly decided, the two were eating lunch together and spending time together. And incidentally, sex also followed during that time.
It was when Wooyeon, whose thoughts had reached that far, couldn’t answer right away and was mumbling.
