And then for several weeks, not even a single strand of hair was seen.
“……At that time, I also thought I should just quit while I was at it, so I didn’t go looking for hyung.”
“……”
“Because hyung kept showing that you weren’t keen on it. Because that was so obvious. I thought what’s the point of continuing. I looked kind of pathetic to myself. Even though it’s true that I like hyung.”
“……”
“……Honestly, I wasn’t at the level of feeling like I’d die from liking you or anything like that.”
A deflated laugh colored the end of his voice as he declared that it hadn’t been a deep feeling from the start. As if even he thought such a thing was quite ridiculous.
“But.”
After cutting off his visits for a few days, he missed hyung. He thought if he kept not seeing him he’d naturally forget, but instead he ended up thinking about hyung all day long…… So he went to a place he didn’t particularly like and had never been to before, planning to see him one last time and then think about it again. And then he ended up drinking every bit of alcohol offered to him and it was so hard, and he wanted to go home right away, but after spotting hyung, everything became okay.
He was gradually receiving Yeonjun’s form in a blurred way as he continued speaking in a faintly complaining voice. In one moment, a sinking sensation rushed over him as air filled his lungs completely. Ah.
‘……I like hyung.’
Why of all times does that come to mind now.
“So I……. Just.”
‘I really like you so much…… Uh, I don’t know what to do…… I don’t know.’
‘First calm down. Eunha-ya.’
‘Hy-hyung, please somehow…… Do something…… Heu.’
It was an unwelcome auditory hallucination. One he hadn’t wanted at all.
“……Just, since it’s been a while. I just wanted to talk a bit, but hyung suddenly started sweet-talking and threatening me……”
“……Threatening?”
“You said if I didn’t sleep with you, you’d grab just anyone else and have sex with them.”
“……”
“……That sounded so awful to me. So I think it was in the heat of the moment…… But even that, I wasn’t the one who said let’s do it first…… You ki-kissed me first too. I was really, drunk. So drunk. When I didn’t know what was what at all, hyung did that……”
His voice became clouded as if he felt more wronged the more he thought about it. In short, it meant there really wasn’t a single bit of fault on his part. So how could Eunha be this cold-hearted to him again?
Eunha, who had been silently watching Yeonjun’s reddened eyes as he confessed, thought he might cry at this rate.
Like his past self who had liked someone so much but didn’t know what to do about it, so he just recklessly thrust his emotions forward until they welled up and he actually cried disgracefully.
“But hyung…… only says you’re sorry with words. While doing that, your expression is like you’re telling me to roughly understand and get lost. What is all that? Really……”
“……”
“And honestly, constantly saying you’re sorry is laughable too. Even though it was fueled by alcohol, it wasn’t forced either. Even if it was fueled by alcohol, if it had been someone other than hyung, I wouldn’t have done it. What do you mean forced…… I actually really enjoyed it.”
“……Yeonjun-ah?”
“So, because I didn’t let hyung go, your body ended up in that state, but you tell me not to even worry…… Why shouldn’t I even worry? Why do you keep talking like you’re really some criminal who violated a child who doesn’t know anything?”
“……”
“I understand what kind of feelings hyung has when saying those things. But…… if it ends like this, I’m just left in the position of being used once and thrown away.”
“……”
“Isn’t that even more too much?”
A wheezing breath burst out at the end. The voice pouring out ceaselessly was like a bombardment. Because it kept poking only at weak points, Eunha, who felt dazed as if the corners of his soul were being thoroughly shaken out, kept silent. Because he couldn’t particularly find anything to refute.
No. Perhaps in truth it was just because words wouldn’t come out. Because no words would easily slip out.
Because he happened to see himself overlapping with Yeonjun.
It was when he was subtly extending his lips with a locked expression.
Whew. A cheerful whistle sound that didn’t match the situation could be heard softly. It was a sound that once loosely ventilated the sharply tightened atmosphere.
Eunha, who reflexively turned his head, could immediately spot a familiar silhouette.
He saw Gu Haebin approaching from far away, jingling his car keys, perhaps having parked his car in the alley. At the same time, he remembered the forgotten appointment. Haebin was supposed to come here to return his wallet.
Why now…… Eunha looked back at Yeonjun with difficulty while recalling who he was with, and had to stiffen hesitantly with wide eyes in that instant.
Because Yeonjun, who had been looking back and forth several times between Eunha and Gu Haebin who would be visible behind his shoulder with dampened eyes, suddenly darkened his expression quickly.
“Really……”
He muttered and put pitiful strength into his lower lip. As if something had crumbled up from inside, moisture instantly filled his eyes. At the rapidly forming film of water, Eunha had to immediately hold his breath. He’d thought Yeonjun might cry at this rate, but he hadn’t thought his face would actually look like he was about to cry.
While he was opening and closing his mouth in confusion, Gu Haebin quickly arrived nearby.
“Huh?”
Eunha captured the moment when his friend, who had approached without much thought, uttered a word as if puzzled, then tilted his upper body while putting both hands in his pockets. That is, toward the front of Eunha, not at Eunha himself. As if he’d seen an unexpected person.
“You two know each other?”
“……How do you know him?”
“Didn’t you come to the party yesterday? You know me, right? We greeted each other yesterday.”
Finding the connection was quick. Had he said he drank whatever alcohol was offered at that mansion yesterday?
Yeonjun, who only glanced once at Gu Haebin who was greeting him, turned his eyes back to Eunha. It was a very pointed look. That silently sulky gaze somehow felt like it was protesting, asking what this man was and to get rid of him quickly, so it was the moment Eunha was about to dismiss Gu Haebin.
“More than that, why is he like this?”
Saying that first, Gu Haebin acted as if he would participate in the conversation in earnest without any hesitation. He was originally someone who had no reservations about butting into unfamiliar situations. Furthermore, he had no reservations in most cases.
Knowing well that his quite brazen and undelicate personality often brought discomfort to others, Eunha took a step. He half-inserted himself between Gu Haebin and Yeonjun. As if blocking interest early on. Though it wasn’t very useful.
“Go over there for a bit.”
“Why. What did you say to make his eyes like this? Huh?”
“Why are you being like this…… Won’t you go over there?”
“Ah, scary. Just looking at it, Lee Eunha bullied him. Right? Huh? What did he say.”
“Just. Go, you crazy bastard…… Why are you suddenly butting in?”
“Look at how you’re talking to your lifesaver.”
Lifesaver, what nonsense. Roughly sizing up the situation, Eunha knew well his intention to deliberately cause mischief because it seemed like an amusing situation. Having redefined Yeonjun from a yellow-tinged rag to a decent twenty-year-old college student in the span of a day, Eunha acted as if protecting him from his old friend. In doing so, a brief scuffle broke out.
Don’t you see we’re talking? I do see, so what. You can just let me join in. I came as a guest too. Are you kidding…? I’m kidding. You crazy bastard.
“Ah, just! Go. Don’t bully the kid.”
“This is ridiculous. What do you mean bully, me?”
After putting in all his effort, even raising his voice, he could finally chase him away. Eunha, who had been irritably glaring at Gu Haebin’s back as he retreated leisurely in the distance with both hands raised as if surrendering while saying he got it, belatedly showed difficulty as if trying to salvage the situation.
Looking at Yeonjun again like that, he seemed to have roughly composed the moisture, but the edges of the whites of his eyes were bright red.
And he had a very sulky expression.
Haah…… A sigh flowed out naturally.
