As if proving that, he gave no answer. He only sent a quiet gaze. As if stubbornly insisting on something.
Even so, no change of heart occurred, and just as he was chewing on his inward difficulty, the phone on the table started vibrating with good timing.
It was a call from Gu Haebin. Eunha, who had tilted his phone to check the caller, asked for understanding with a look. After Yeonjun nodded his head shallowly, he answered the call. While slightly twisting his shoulder to the side.
“What.”
– Don’t you have anything you lost?
At the main point that flew at him right away, something immediately came to mind. Right around dawn, just before leaving the hotel room, there was something he had noticed. He hadn’t known, but when he tried to gather his things, his wallet was nowhere to be found.
At a time when he was already distressed, his stress level shot up upon learning this unseemly fact, so he had dismissed the major incident as nothing and deleted it from his memory.
But. It seemed Gu Haebin had found it well somehow. Relief rose for a moment at the unexpected good news. He had thought it was completely lost.
“You picked it up?”
– Yeah, you bastard. What’s this? I went to see if you’d sobered up a bit, but only your poor wallet was lying there and the owner had gone off somewhere.
“……”
– What the hell did you disappear to do. Without a fucking trace, like a mouse.
“……What. What would I be doing.”
He grumbled even while knowing it wasn’t just a case of a guilty conscience. The sound of him muttering briefly, “Idiot,” came through.
– You knew Park Hyeonji would be fucking pissed, right?
“Ah. ……Was she really angry?”
– I said she was fucking pissed. She says she’s going to kill you. For leaving without saying anything.
“……First, I’ll contact her separately and try to smooth things over. That.”
– Well. Handle it yourself. The wallet, how do you want to get it.
“I’ll match your schedule. I can come get it anytime. It’s not urgent.”
– Or we could meet briefly today. I have something to talk about too.
“Something to talk about?”
As the call lengthened, he glanced at Yeonjun and asked back. When the sight of him waiting quietly with an expressionless face came into view and bothered him, Eunha quickly made a time arrangement with Gu Haebin who was saying let’s meet up, and ended the call.
After that, there was silence for a while. Eunha kept his gaze somewhere on the table, silently watching Yeonjun who showed no intention of reacting, then turned his head toward the window. The sky that had still had dim dawn light when they came here was now completely bright.
He gazed at passersby meaninglessly while worrying, then soon cleared his head cleanly.
What more could he do?
If he’d done this much, he should have understood enough. After a light sigh, he suggested they get up now. Then he stood up first. Assuming he would naturally follow him out.
His heart was endlessly uncomfortable, like wearing clothes that didn’t fit.
* * *
On the way home, they took a taxi just like they had when coming. Considering they would be drinking, they had taken a taxi to the party the previous day too.
Eunha, who had said offhandedly that they should ride together since they lived in the same place, belatedly realized that while he knew where Yeonjun lived, Yeonjun didn’t know where he lived.
However, when Yeonjun heard those words and just nodded quietly without showing any sign of surprise, he naturally guessed. It seemed he had witnessed him coming and going from the officetel at some point.
“…Hyung, are you okay physically?”
Yeonjun, who had been silent the entire ride, suddenly asked that as they got out of the taxi and walked toward the officetel. In a casual tone as if nothing had happened.
It was an out-of-the-blue worry, but it wasn’t surprising. After having sex, when they had stayed briefly at the hotel until before dawn, he had kept asking only that without being able to stay still. As if it weighed on his mind. Going further, even revealing self-blame.
Self-blame. That was something completely undeserved for him to have. Eunha replied jokingly.
“How many times are you going to ask?”
“…You keep looking uncomfortable.”
“You don’t need to worry about it.”
“Does that mean you’re okay?”
“It means it’s not your business.”
His physical condition—there was no way it could be okay. Between his legs stung consistently, and his body that had overexerted itself well beyond its limits trembled in his limbs here and there. A consistently chilling sensation circulated inside his face. It seemed to be because he had cried too much the whole time yesterday.
Crying like he was dying, until his voice was completely hoarse…… The memory of being held and shaken roughly occupied his mind in one sweep before he could stop it.
Eunha offhandedly made the assessment that he might have quite a talent for a first time, then casually extended the thought that it seemed better than usual, then suddenly snapped to attention in shock and cut off the utterly immoral stream of consciousness. It was a moment of self-deprecation that his usual habits hadn’t gone anywhere.
“……Why wouldn’t it be my business? I’m the one who made you like that.”
For some reason, Yeonjun spoke in a stiff voice. Eunha replied lightly.
“It’s ridiculous. Even receiving worry from a kid eight years younger.”
When he couldn’t even be the opposite…… It was unseemly. Responsibility. Self-blame. Those things were this side’s share. Yeonjun just needed to criticize and badmouth this side. Though the person in question didn’t seem to think so.
He reflexively stopped walking at the gesture that suddenly blocked his path. He raised his head.
The pupils he looked at were rippling, darkly scorched.
“I don’t understand what’s ridiculous about it.”
“……”
“If you’re young, you’re not allowed to worry either?”
As if his feelings were hurt, at the questioning tone, Eunha raised an ambiguous smile. Rather than that, he had only wanted to raise the issue of dignity.
Since he thought they had already finished talking about this part, he substituted silence for an answer. Giving him time as if to think it over well again, he stepped diagonally to pass by.
However, Yeonjun blocked that path, and even the steps trying to go in the opposite direction, he followed with another step and blocked the way forward.
Finally, Eunha, who stopped with a sharp sound, raised his eyebrows.
“What’s wrong?”
“When I think about it, it seems a bit too much.”
“What is.”
“I mean, I right now.”
After saying that much, he bit his lower lip firmly and released it.
“……I just got rejected, didn’t I?”
It was a tightly closed voice. Eunha raised his eyes ambiguously.
“But the person in question didn’t even confess in the first place.”
“……”
“To begin with, I never even thought about doing something like that. Hyung says sorry with words but your actions are the complete opposite……”
“……Mm.”
“If you’re so sorry, shouldn’t you be thinking about treating me well from now on? Not pushing me away like this.”
What did I even do wrong…… At the heavily subdued voice, Eunha, who had been standing and just listening, finally hurriedly relaxed his eyebrows.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who did wrong.”
“Exactly.”
“……Huh?”
“If we’re being precise, hyung is the one who did wrong.”
“……”
At the unexpected reproach, Eunha subtly opened his mouth.
“But why is the conclusion again going in the direction of hyung cutting me off, I really…… no matter how much I think about it, I don’t understand.”
“……”
“Even that conclusion, hyung made it by yourself. I never agreed to it. You didn’t even ask for my opinion in the first place, doing everything however you want……”
“……”
“As if my feelings are nothing. Back then too.”
Back then. Even while flustered by the protest pouring out suddenly, Eunha easily recalled the point in time Yeonjun was mentioning.
‘Shall we substitute this for a meal?’
‘……’
‘As for the number I gave you before, I’d prefer if you didn’t contact me separately.’
Come to think of it, back then too.
It had been an unusually calm and quiet feeling. Different from before when he would openly reveal his pleased mood just from making eye contact, as if trying to pretend he wasn’t.
