Which made him feel extremely awkward. In the sense that the heavy sense of dismay one would feel upon realizing they had thoroughly betrayed that principle weighed down heavily on the back of his neck.
Early morning. Eunha, sitting in a corner of a cafe near the hotel, moistened his drying lips. He looked across at the other side with composure.
He had just finished explaining the whole story.
About the misunderstanding he had been harboring unilaterally all this time.
“So—.”
At the end of the long, long confession he’d continued while enduring his burning face, Yeonjun, who had been listening quietly the entire time, suddenly moved his lips slowly.
“In hyung’s eyes, I looked like some pathetic rag who’s been hovering around trying to figure out how to get hyung into bed, even persistently hitting on you without any sense despite you showing signs that you’re not interested…… Is that it?”
“……”
It was a surprisingly accurate summary. Eunha subtly averted his gaze as if each word was hitting the mark precisely. As expected, his state of mind was weary and difficult.
As he remained silent, he heard a voice trailing off quietly. Wooow…….
“My image must have been really the worst all this time……”
At the murmur that was close to talking to himself, Eunha once again lifted his eyes with difficulty. Yeonjun, who filled his view like that, still had an excessively gorgeous impression. An overall delicate and pretty facial line. Large, cold eyes that particularly drew one’s gaze. An appearance so immediately striking that it made him think offhandedly that there must have been many people around him suffering heartache.
The face that he had only pessimistically accepted, thinking he must have lived taking full advantage of his looks, was now stained with bewilderment and awkward shock. The area around his cheeks was slightly flushed, not knowing what to do. Eunha no longer misinterpreted that expression where emotions showed so transparently. He had only thought it was some kind of deliberate act put on for show, but that was really his true self. It was his original personality.
With that star-like sharp exterior…….
“It’s really a misunderstanding, hyung.”
“……”
“I don’t know how you came to think that way…… but I’m not that kind of person, really……”
He meant he had such a transparent and soft personality…… Eunha, who had been looking at Yeonjun—who was so gentle that instead of getting angry at him asking how he could arbitrarily devalue a perfectly fine person like that, he was only preoccupied with explaining his innocence—suddenly swallowed the sigh that had risen to the tip of his throat.
Why hadn’t he known until now? After questioning himself, he let out an empty, bitter laugh. No. It wasn’t that he didn’t know. He had just decided that what he saw wasn’t all there was, and never looked back.
Because he had lived his life frequently entangled with such shady people. What you are is what you see, after all.
As expected, it was exhausting. So exhausting he couldn’t breathe…… Perhaps interpreting that silence somehow, Yeonjun put strength around his eyes as if feeling wronged. His hardened gaze took on a slightly sulky air.
“I really am not……”
“……”
“It hasn’t even been long since I became an adult, how could I be a, sl…… that kind of thing?”
“……Right.”
Indeed, that couldn’t be the case. Yeah. That was natural. How promiscuous could someone who just turned twenty really be…….
In fact, if one wanted to, there was nothing stopping someone from being loose since their teens, but Yeonjun really didn’t seem like that kind of person. He seemed truly far removed from that. It was indeed a belated realization.
“……Though that’s not to say I could become like that just by getting a few years older.”
That kind of person. A slut, that kind of thing. Adding emphasis on his virtuous values, saying he would never deliberately pursue sexually promiscuous conduct in the future either.
Eunha, who had been carefully listing the expressions Yeonjun had brought up while making his defense, showed a subtle expression for a moment. Wondering if he was saying this while being aware of the fact that he himself had been frantically making out with precisely “that kind of person” until just a few hours ago.
It wasn’t that he was trying to blame him for not thinking about how the slut listening felt. His feelings weren’t hurt in the first place. There wasn’t even the slightest scratch. There was nothing more pathetic than protesting against a statement of fact without any malice. That would only be like spitting on his own face.
More than anything, Eunha was quite objectively aware that his own conduct wasn’t very proper.
It was just that he merely hoped Yeonjun would take that fact equally seriously. About the current situation where he, being “that kind of person,” had ended up entangled with Yeonjun in a rather unseemly way.
However, the face he was looking at was as clear as always.
……Well, if he had judged it to be wrong, they wouldn’t have gotten entangled this far in the first place.
“……Then, so that’s why you were so cold to me all this time?”
When he just tilted his head slightly without answering, the pitch-black pupils rolled down slightly. Lightly intertwining their clasped fingers, Yeonjun continued speaking.
“……You were always so cold, you know.”
“……”
“Every time I saw you, you only made stiff expressions.”
It was as if he had been somewhat hurt and disappointed.
“So at first I thought maybe you just had a bad personality originally…… But when I saw you with the part-timers at work, it seemed like that wasn’t it either.”
“……”
“You were so kind…… so I wondered if I had done something wrong without knowing it.”
Even without saying so, there seemed to be quite a bit that had accumulated, as he calmly extended his grievances. Eunha, who had been mulling over a certain part of it, let out a slight laugh.
“I seemed like I had a bad personality?”
As if asking what he meant by that, the pupils that had rolled over in bewilderment soon shook rapidly.
“—That’s not. Um. It’s not like that. Hyung.”
“You just said it clearly and now you’re saying it’s not.”
“……I misspoke.”
“Forget it. And I do have a bad personality.”
A hesitant reaction came back to his refreshing acknowledgment. A gaze that found it a bit strange was a bonus. As if he hadn’t known he could affirm his own shortcomings so nonchalantly like that.
As if that was such a big deal. Eunha continued calmly.
“……But, it’s also true that I try to be careful not to be like that with kids like the part-timers.”
“Kids like them?”
“Young kids.”
Eunha, who had briefly elaborated, crossed his legs.
“When they’re going to college and working hard to earn their own money, I can’t act according to my personality. It’s not like there’s just a year or two difference. Acting according to my mood would be…… too unpleasant a sight to see.”
He didn’t want to do that, and didn’t feel like it either. He wanted to treat them well as much as possible, and wanted to extend the minimum courtesy as an elder. Through that, he wanted to seem like a decent person. Like a plausible, reliable elder who had things to learn from. Like an adult who wasn’t completely disgraceful…….
By doing so, he wanted to preserve even a little of the dignity that he had given up on and let go, and that didn’t have much left now.
In short, it meant he had never even imagined in his wildest dreams doing something as shameless as rolling around with a kid who had taken off their school uniform just a few months ago. Eunha wanted to live just rolling around carelessly, not to become a subhuman existence to someone.
So did he even know how completely his insides were turned upside down right now?
He didn’t seem to know at all. Judging by the strange glimmer that suddenly filled the pupils he was facing.
Eunha, who made an awkward expression, narrowed his eyes.
“……Why are you looking at me like that all of a sudden?”
“I’m young too. Hyung.”
“……”
“……I’m probably the youngest?”
It was a sudden self-promotion. Eunha, who had been mulling over the claim that seemed to ripple with anticipation, showed an absurd laugh.
“So?”
“Just. I’m saying.”
“……”
“……I hoped you’d acknowledge it, even if it’s just now.”
