“I, I…… ah, told you no……”
“……”
“Huk…… hngk……”
Tears came from the misery. He was humiliated. He wanted to glare at Baek Iseon looking down at him, but because of the moisture filling his eyes, his face looked blurry. For a moment, it even looked like he was smiling.
“Fuck…… as expected, so fucking delicious……”
Squelch. He collapsed limply on top of Jang Juwon’s body. The fluid Jang Juwon had released splattered everywhere, wetting both their bodies.
“Aht, you bastard…… huk……”
“……”
“Go die, Baek Iseon……”
“……”
“I like you.”
“……”
“I said I like you, you fucking asshole.”
“……”
Jang Juwon let out words that would be both the first and last time. It was a confession that impulsively burst out, thinking if not now, there would never be another chance. Naturally, Baek Iseon didn’t move at all. Jang Juwon barely pushed him away and lifted his trembling buttocks, pulling out his cock that was still inside him by himself.
His waist, his buttocks—his entire body ached everywhere. His body covered in semen felt particularly pathetic today. He couldn’t go home like this, so he barely moved his trembling legs and entered the bathroom. As soon as he turned on the shower, his legs gave out and he sat down on the floor. The cold tile floor cooled his stinging buttocks.
“Huk…… hngp…… Fuck……”
Baek Iseon was indeed a fucking bastard. But more than anything, the biggest asshole was himself. He embraced him and went all the way with him even though he knew that having sex with him would only leave scars. Jang Juwon sat there under the water until the tears stopped. Clumps of semen, he didn’t know whose, were sucked into the drain along with the stream of water.
After finishing his shower, Jang Juwon took out a towel and wiped the wet sheets and Baek Iseon’s body. He hoped he wouldn’t know who he’d spent the night with. He wanted to erase all traces of himself. Jang Juwon scrubbed hard to wipe away the hardening semen.
‘Serves you right, Jang Juwon.’
He thought he’d cried it all out earlier, but tears came again. This time it was closer to wretchedness than misery. He wanted to beat up Baek Iseon, who was sleeping knowing nothing, but he couldn’t in case he woke up.
Having roughly finished cleaning, Jang Juwon finally left that place without any lingering attachment. The walk home alone was unbearably lonely. It was the perfect moment to give up on his feelings.
* * *
The morning sunlight was dazzling. Baek Iseon frowned and opened his eyes, dizzy with a hangover. His head hurt as if it would split. When he barely managed to sit up, he saw himself completely naked. He thought he might have thrown off his clothes in his sleep, but for that to be the case, the sheets were strangely damp.
“Urgh……”
Clutching his throbbing head, he tried to recall his memories. He remembered drinking last night. Jang Juwon had been sitting next to him…… He’d gotten needlessly upset about him ignoring him and drank more than usual. And after that…….
“Damn……”
He couldn’t remember. How he got home, why he was naked, why the sheets were damp—everything was a mystery. Since he didn’t have work today anyway, he thought about sleeping more, but his body felt strangely stiff. He felt muscle aches here and there. He wanted to shower with cool water.
He pulled off the sheets, threw them in the washing machine, and headed to the bathroom. When he entered the bathroom, water was left here and there on the tile floor. He wondered if he’d showered last night before sleeping, but given the uncomfortable feeling, that didn’t seem to be the case.
“……”
Clearly, something had happened during the night. Baek Iseon turned on the shower and tried to recall his memories again. As the cold water poured over him, his throbbing head cleared and a scene flashed through his mind.
‘I, I…… ah, told you no……’
‘Huk…… hngk……’
There was Jang Juwon, completely naked, looking up at him with a tear-soaked face beneath him. And, and…… he couldn’t remember again. Every time he tried to force himself to recall, a severe headache attacked. Baek Iseon’s pupils began shaking anxiously.
“No way, did I……”
Baek Iseon clenched his fists. Why was he crying, why were all his clothes off. He’d only thought about wanting to hold Jang Juwon…… Did he lay hands on him while drunk? If he did…….
He needed to see him right away. He needed to know what happened. If he had wanted it too, he wouldn’t have cried with that expression. Probably, probably…… he seemed to have made a terrible mistake.
* * *
Baek Iseon rushed into the studio.
“Baek Iseon, what brings you here? Did you get the date wrong?”
Baek Huiseon, who recognized him, asked with a surprised expression. Baek Iseon ignored her and quickly scanned the inside of the studio. Even though there weren’t many staff members, he couldn’t find the person he wanted.
“Noona, Jang Juwon…… is?”
“Juwon said he’s not feeling well today and is taking a break……”
“Haa, fuck……”
“Baek Iseon?”
“I’m leaving!”
“Ya, Baek Iseon!”
Baek Iseon left the bewildered Baek Huiseon behind and rushed out of the studio. His hands on the steering wheel moved anxiously. He couldn’t understand why his heart felt so uneasy.
* * *
Bang bang bang. The sound of violently knocking on the door echoed inside the house. Jang Juwon, who had been groaning in pain from overdoing it the night before, opened his eyes at the loud noise. There was no one who would come visit. He closed his eyes to ignore it and sleep again, but bang bang bang, the sound of roughly knocking on the door came again.
“What……”
Jang Juwon barely raised his body. As he led his staggering body toward the door, he heard a voice calling his name.
“Jang Juwon!”
“……”
“I know you’re inside. Open the door!”
He couldn’t help but know whose voice it was. Gulp, dry saliva went down. He hesitated whether to open it or not. As he carefully placed his hand on the door handle, his heart began to beat like crazy with tension.
‘Why…… why did he come? Don’t tell me……’
If he remembered last night, it would be the worst. Maybe he came to confront him. He’d slept with someone who was drunk and not in their right mind. At the thought that he might blame him, he became frightened. As he stopped just before opening the door, his voice came from outside the door once more.
“Open the door, please…… Jang Juwon……”
“……”
His heart softened at that voice close to pleading. In the end, the hand holding the handle slowly turned. As the door opened slightly, his face could be seen through the gap. With a deeply furrowed face, he was looking down at him. Whether he knew or not, it probably wasn’t good news. A sigh came out. He wondered if he’d opened the door for nothing. He should have just pretended not to know and slept. But it was already too late. Jang Juwon steeled himself not to be hurt by whatever he heard from him and opened the door wide.
“Come in.”
Baek Iseon stepped into the entrance. Click, the door closed. Come to think of it, this was the first time he’d let him into the house. He felt strange. When they were together, that never happened, and now finally…… But what did all that mean? It was such a useless thought.
“Why did you come?”
“You said you were sick.”
“It’s just…… a cold.”
“……”
Baek Iseon’s eyebrows drooped downward. Unable to continue speaking right away, he squirmed for a moment then asked in a voice that seemed difficult.
“Is it because…… of me?”
“……”
Jang Juwon stopped mid-answer and hesitated. It was true that it was because of him. But he couldn’t say it was because they’d had sex all night. If he just simply answered no, it would end simply. But with a moment’s silence, he missed the timing to answer and it became neither here nor there. Baek Iseon seemed to take that silence as affirmation.
“Did I…… make any mistakes yesterday? I don’t remember.”
He asked carefully. Baek Iseon said he didn’t remember. Jang Juwon thought that was fortunate. His heart was relieved. And this time he thought he should properly play dumb.
“No. Nothing.”
“Ah, really? When I opened my eyes it was my house. The only person who knows my house…… is you.”
Jang Juwon flinched. Was that so? Well, since Baek Huiseon wasn’t there from halfway through, his words were probably right. Jang Juwon responded more nonchalantly than usual to hide his nervous tell.
“Ah, well…… That’s right. I took you home.”
“You really just took me home?”
