“Ugh……”
Hyun Youngjae’s eyes shook anxiously. Baek Iseon continued speaking without restraint. His eyes curved into half-moon shapes.
“I just heard an interesting story from Lee Donghyuk. Haha, I didn’t know you had that kind of history.”
“Fucking…… Lee Donghyuk, that son of a bitch……”
Baek Iseon took out a cigarette from his back pocket and put it in his mouth. Soon the sound of the lighter’s flint striking could be heard and acrid smoke began to spread throughout the room.
“So I’m thinking of doing the same thing to you……”
“Haha, I’m already……”
“You submitted a leave of absence application this time, didn’t you?”
“……Wait, Baek Iseon……”
Hyun Youngjae raised his trembling hands and grabbed Baek Iseon’s clothes. He wanted to say something, but no words came out. He knew very well that no words would be of any use right now. Because it was the exact same situation as what he had done to Jang Juwon.
“Do you think there’s a company…… that would want to hire a slut like you?”
“……Baek Iseon!!”
“Aren’t you curious? I am.”
Hyun Youngjae grabbed Baek Iseon by the collar. That son of a bitch, acting like he knows everything when he knows nothing…….
“Haha, Hyun Youngjae……”
“Baek Iseon…… You, why…… Why do you always get in my way!”
Hyun Youngjae screamed. The strength left the hand that had been gripping Baek Iseon’s collar, and his body collapsed to the floor. Hyun Youngjae lay face down on the floor and began crying miserably.
“Get in your way? Me?”
“Yes…… You always have!”
“That’s funny. You’re nothing to me. You’re just a bug that’s not even worth interfering with.”
“Fuck…… Die, just die, Baek Iseon……”
“I’m afraid that won’t work. If I die, that kid will be sad.”
“Hnngh…… Sob……”
“Contact that kid right now. Tell them you’ll get lost on your own so they don’t have to worry about anything.”
“……I can’t reach them anyway.”
“Why? Did you get blocked in the meantime?”
“……”
“Ha, fuck. You really do all sorts of things……”
Baek Iseon went to Hyun Youngjae’s desk, picked up any random book that caught his eye, and ripped out a page. It was filled with notes that Hyun Youngjae had clearly put effort into.
“Here.”
The paper fluttered down to the floor. Hyun Youngjae watched with his own eyes as the paper fell helplessly.
“Hngh…… Fuck……”
Baek Iseon was a bastard to the end. He must have torn the book deliberately to show off. But right now, he had no choice but to do as he was told. Hyun Youngjae picked up a pen with trembling hands and began writing on the paper.
“Write. Ah, don’t mention me.”
“……”
“……”
“……Why?”
“……”
Baek Iseon couldn’t answer. And Hyun Youngjae keenly caught on to the reason. Soon a sneer appeared on his face.
“Pfft! Baek Iseon…… You…… You don’t want Jang Juwon to find out.”
“……Shut up.”
The face that had looked so composed throughout instantly crumpled.
“That you’re this kind of thug……”
“I told you to shut your mouth.”
Baek Iseon pressed Hyun Youngjae’s face down to the floor. His hands were trembling. Hyun Youngjae exhaled heavily and laughed quietly.
“You…… Do you like Jang Juwon?”
“What the hell are you talking about.”
Baek Iseon bared his teeth and growled low.
“I didn’t know you were into that too, haha! I didn’t know.”
“……”
“That kid will notice eventually too…… True nature can’t be hidden, ha, haha……”
“Then should we ask Jang Juwon who’s more disgusting—a bastard who fucked his hoobae at their place, or a thug?”
“Wa-wait……!”
Baek Iseon, who had barely suppressed his anger, was already regaining his pace. When Baek Iseon made a gesture of fiddling with his phone, Hyun Youngjae frantically tried to snatch his phone away. Baek Iseon lightly lifted his phone upward and said to Hyun Youngjae.
“Youngjae-ya…… Do you know how pathetic you look right now?”
“……Ugh, sob…… Fuck……”
Tears began flowing from Hyun Youngjae’s eyes again. Baek Iseon kicked the pen rolling on the floor with his foot. The pen rolled and stopped right in front of Hyun Youngjae’s eyes. Hyun Youngjae wasn’t stupid enough not to know what that meant. The hand holding the pen trembled.
When Hyun Youngjae finished writing, Baek Iseon snatched the paper away.
“Good job, Hyun Youngjae.”
“Now…… get out……”
Baek Iseon raised his hand, ruffled Hyun Youngjae’s hair, then left without lingering. After the door was completely closed and he was finally alone, Hyun Youngjae lay face down on the floor and cried for a long time. Hyun Youngjae had no choice but to admit that he had been completely defeated by Baek Iseon.
And he recalled his past that Baek Iseon would never be able to know.
* * *
The first time Hyun Youngjae made that choice, it wasn’t just because of money. He had grown up in a fairly well-off family, receiving no less love from his parents than anyone else.
However, he was always plagued by feelings of inferiority. It was probably due to his innate disposition. Hyun Youngjae always wanted to be better than others and to excel. He had one particular source of pride. It was his grades. Hyun Youngjae had never once lost the top rank in his entire school.
But that alone wasn’t enough. He wanted to be loved. Ever since that day in middle school when he realized his inclinations, he had wanted someone who would love him. But no one wanted him—short and ordinary-looking as he was. Everyday things that came naturally to others were so difficult for him. So he began to crave love more and more.
Everyone had said it. That he’d get a lover once he went to college. But it was complete bullshit. At university, there were far more people who were better than him. Once they took off their uniforms, the distinctions became even clearer. And at age 20, after his first semester ended, Hyun Youngjae had even his last remaining bit of pride trampled on. He lost first place for the first time.
It would have been better if the person who took first place from him had been a nobody. But unfortunately, he was someone Hyun Youngjae hadn’t expected. His name was Baek Iseon, a thug who was always at the center of groups, monopolizing attention. Men and women alike all liked him, and there were always people around him. This was too unfair. It was the moment Hyun Youngjae’s inferiority complex exploded. What pissed him off most was Baek Iseon’s attitude. On the outside, he smiled like a nice person, but his eyes always seemed to say that all of this was bothersome. Yet these idiots didn’t notice that at all and flocked around him because they liked him. Hyun Youngjae was the only one who saw through his true nature.
‘Why did it have to be that bastard.’
At first, it was simple hatred. And every time he caught sight of him, that hatred only grew. He resented the attitude of someone who was born lucky enough to have everything and took it all for granted. It didn’t take long for hatred to turn into loathing. Hyun Youngjae now began to loathe Baek Iseon. He found Baek Iseon, who strutted around believing in his own greatness, so disgusting he couldn’t stand it. Things that had been so difficult for him, Baek Iseon accomplished far too easily.
And the incident happened in the season when he was just finishing his third year. On a dating site he had joined as a last resort, there was a man who wanted him, and Hyun Youngjae slept with him. Then he came face to face with the landlord who happened to come back. Hyun Youngjae and his eyes met. Lee Donghyuk. He was a first-year freshman this year. The eyes looking at him were turning red.
Everything happened in an instant. Hyun Youngjae could no longer attend school. Wherever he went, contemptuous stares and terrible whispers followed him. He had only wanted human warmth. The price for him was harsh. On the day he submitted his leave of absence form with swollen eyes, he crouched in a dark alley and cried quietly.
And then he encountered that kid. Hyun Youngjae knew him. Lee Donghyuk’s classmate. A kid who drew people’s attention in a different way from Baek Iseon. But always humble. When Hyun Youngjae hurriedly tried to hide his face, he readily extended his white, slender hand. And asked if he was okay. He seemed not to recognize him. It was perfect goodwill for a stranger. So this kid was worthy of Hyun Youngjae’s recognition. His white skin shone even whiter under the faint streetlight. Hyun Youngjae grasped his hand tightly. Hyun Youngjae felt fate that day.
* * *
Late in the morning, Jang Juwon, who was about to leave through the front door to go to school, discovered an unfamiliar piece of paper stuck in the doorway.
“What’s this?”
When he pulled it out and unfolded it, it was a page from a dynamics textbook densely filled with notes. Jang Juwon knew the owner of that handwriting. It was because they had studied together amicably until just recently. He felt disgusted. Did he want to leave traces of himself this badly?
Just as he was about to crumple up the paper, he saw words written small in the corner in shaky handwriting. Jang Juwon read it.
“I’m sorry. I’ll act like it never happened. Don’t worry and…… take care?”
