“……Not at all.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not even excited that I’m going to cook for you?”
“……What are you going to make?”
Honestly, it would be a lie to say he wasn’t excited at all. He asked while trying to act as uninterested as possible, but once again Baek Iseon didn’t give a proper answer.
“There’s something.”
He revealed his refreshing smile and pressed hard on the accelerator.
* * *
‘Is the situation in front of my eyes right now actually real?’
Jang Juwon, sitting at the dining table, couldn’t believe the scene placed before him. The food Baek Iseon had prepared was truly jaw-droppingly shocking. He didn’t even dare think of picking up a fork.
“Eat, it’ll get cold.”
“……”
Baek Iseon was nonchalantly cutting the meat covered in sauce with a knife. As the meat split in half, steam rose up from inside.
Jang Juwon barely managed to pick up a fork and stabbed it into the thick piece of meat. The dark-colored sauce dripped down below and spread over the pale flesh.
“……What is this?”
“Chicken breast steak.”
“……”
It really looked like it would kill even an existing appetite. Chicken breast boiled in hot water with steak sauce on it. It was an unheard-of combination. This was what he meant by not being able to eat regular food?
Jang Juwon picked up the knife with trembling hands. Either way, he had no choice but to eat it. First, he was hungry, and second, he wasn’t thick-skinned enough to ignore the effort put into preparing it.
When he cut a piece and put it in his mouth, naturally it tasted exactly as expected. The bland, dry chicken breast and the thick steak sauce didn’t blend together at all and played separately in his mouth. Nevertheless, Baek Iseon was diligently cutting and eating ‘it’ like someone without a sense of taste.
“Do you normally eat like this often?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I’m just tired of eating regular food now.”
“……Why did you ask me to eat with you today?”
It was a statement close to resentment. It was a question containing the meaning of why he had to go so far as to call him out and make him fill his stomach with this tasteless food. He thought he’d get back some meaningless answer like not having friends or not wanting to eat alone, but unexpectedly a frank and affectionate answer came.
“If not today, I won’t be able to see you for a while.”
“That…… is it because of that part-time work thing?”
Jang Juwon asked cautiously while stabbing at the meat with his fork. Even though it wasn’t a big question, he felt strangely nervous.
“Yeah.”
“……That’s it? What kind of part-time work is it or……”
“It’s not something I want to do.”
“Is there a reason you have to do it?”
“Yeah. I get scolded by a really scary person.”
“Your parents?”
“No. Want something to drink?”
“Ah, yes.”
Baek Iseon poured the transparent liquid with rising bubbles into the glass cup in front of Jang Juwon until it was full. Thinking it would be sweet carbonated soda, the drink he drank had no taste at all. It was sparkling water. As he swallowed the bland drink down his throat, Jang Juwon couldn’t shake the feeling that he kept being deceived by him.
‘I guess he doesn’t want to tell me after all.’
He wanted to confront him and ask why he hid so much about himself, but when he thought about it, he remembered that Baek Iseon had never asked him anything either. A relationship where they weren’t curious about each other and didn’t answer each other. That was the extent of their relationship. So maintaining this distance now was right. But then why……
‘Why does this piss me off so much?’
The appetite he never had completely disappeared. Thud. Jang Juwon put down his fork.
“Not eating more?”
“No. I want to go home now.”
“……”
Baek Iseon’s brow furrowed slightly. He looked at Jang Juwon with puzzled eyes as if he couldn’t understand why he was suddenly acting sulky.
“What’s wrong?”
“With what?”
“Whatever. Let’s go, I’ll take you.”
“It’s fine. You said you were busy.”
“……Are you angry?”
“No. Why would I be angry?”
“……”
He said that, but to Baek Iseon, Jang Juwon’s tone was cold and he was acting like someone who was angry somewhere. He couldn’t understand. He could clearly see that he was gradually falling for him. He couldn’t appease him since he didn’t know why he was angry.
“I’m going.”
Jang Juwon stood up from his seat. Baek Iseon also stood up. Even though he clearly said he wouldn’t be able to see him for a while, he was acting like this.
“You can’t go. Tell me why you’re angry.”
“I said I’m not angry.”
“Is it because you didn’t like the meal?”
“It’s not that.”
“I even made time especially for you and you keep……”
“Why? We’re not even in that kind of relationship!”
“What?”
“Weren’t we just people who only meet to have sex?”
“You……”
Baek Iseon could finally understand why Jang Juwon was angry. Jang Juwon was now wanting a deeper relationship with him. The corners of Baek Iseon’s mouth began to twitch. He’d fallen for him, completely. It was very obvious that he was showing his hurt feelings alone over something trivial and acting as if he wanted his feelings to be understood. He seemed to think that getting angry would hide it, but he didn’t seem to know that the more he did that, the easier he was to read.
“Kuk, kukukuk……”
“What, why are you laughing?”
Baek Iseon found it hard to hide the laughter bursting out. He covered his face with one hand and laughed, kukuk. From now on was the real game. If he acted like he’d noticed his feelings here, this little lamb would quickly run away. So he had to very slowly continue the affectionate act. Until he realized and acknowledged it himself first. When that time came, he would surely come clinging to him asking to be held first.
“Jang Juwon, come here.”
“……I don’t want to.”
Jang Juwon glanced at Baek Iseon with suspicious eyes as he suddenly laughed alone like a crazy person. However, Baek Iseon didn’t care at all and approached him, then hugged him snugly in his arms. The refreshing scent of cologne wafted over, tickling his nose.
“I’m sorry for calling you out.”
“……”
“I did it because I missed you.”
“……”
Jang Juwon couldn’t push away from his embrace. He felt embarrassed at himself for acting childishly over that one trivial statement he casually uttered—that he missed him. Jang Juwon buried his face in his shoulder and inhaled his scent. His heart melted softly like snow melting in an instant. He wanted to hear those words “I missed you” just one more time. And he wanted to say the same thing back to him. Hoping that he would want to hear those words too. But he also knew that now wasn’t that moment.
Would he ever be able to say it? That he missed him too. No, that couldn’t be possible. The other person was Baek Iseon. Someone more frivolous and selfish than anyone. And the relationship he probably wanted with him was something like a sex partner.
‘Fuck…… I’m screwed……’
By now, he couldn’t help but acknowledge it.
‘I think I like him.’
Jang Juwon hid his reddened face in his embrace.
Blackout
Once he acknowledged his feelings, everything after that felt so awkward he could die. If he was conscious of it, he felt like he’d show that consciousness and he’d notice, and if he pretended not to be conscious of it, unnatural words and actions came out that anyone could see. So the best option was to do nothing at all. That’s why Jang Juwon kept his mouth tightly shut and didn’t say a single word the entire ride home in his car. Baek Iseon chattered away by himself and for some unknown reason seemed to be in a very good mood.
“I’ll contact you.”
“……Get home safely.”
Baek Iseon left. Jang Juwon dropped his shoulders and let out a big sigh. What was he doing repeating the same thing again? He was pathetic. Especially, he had no face to show Shin Jisu. After absolutely saying no……
“Juwon-ah.”
Just then, a voice that had now become quite familiar was heard.
