The party ended safely. The fact that Bernard had to endure Liam’s fury afterward was a separate matter, but there was nothing special about it. To avoid Liam, who was yelling at the top of his lungs that he had nearly caused problems for the business, Bernard had to hole up in his room for several days.
Unlike the tense atmosphere at home, an uneasy peace continued at school. Chris, who would normally have shown his face right away, had been holed up for weeks. There wasn’t even a rumor about Bernard attending the party pretending to be Elliot. Thanks to that, Bernard felt anxious and walked carefully while looking around constantly, as if he had committed a crime.
“What’s wrong? You’re acting like you committed a crime.”
“Huh? Ah? No… there’s just something bothering me.”
“What, McGordon?”
There was a voice asking while naturally putting an arm around Bernard’s shoulder. Bernard, who had looked back in surprise, soon confirmed the other person’s face and relaxed. Rhino smiled loosely and looked over Bernard’s face.
“That’s…”
“You can’t say it’s not. You’re bad at lying, so I told you to give up.”
“No, um. There’s something else. Anyway, do you know? I haven’t seen him much.”
“He’s hospitalized.”
“Him?”
“Something happened.”
There was something strange about Rhino’s words. Bernard’s eyes blinked slowly at the tone that seemed to act as if he himself was involved in Chris’s hospitalization. However, as if not wanting to let Bernard’s thoughts flow elsewhere, Rhino soon grinned slyly and asked.
“So you went to the gathering instead of Elliot?”
“Well… I did. That’s why I couldn’t answer your calls. Sorry.”
Bernard quickly forgot the strangeness and answered. He could tell Rhino everything completely. Because the two were very close friends.
Bernard’s gentle drooping eyes were hidden under thick horn-rimmed glasses. Rhino glanced around once and then fixed his gaze on Bernard, whose shoulder he had his arm around.
Rhino McPherson. Bernard’s one and only friend and a famous figure on campus. There were those who sneered that he reeked of nouveau riche, but there were overwhelmingly more people on campus who admired Rhino. Many people desired to become friends with him, but there weren’t many who secured a seat beside him thanks to his characteristically sensitive temperament.
That Rhino had started staying only by Bernard’s side from one day on, and after that, all kinds of scandals circulated around campus. That Rhino was using Bernard like a servant, that Bernard was paying some kind of price to keep Rhino around—among all such baseless rumors, there was a separate rumor considered most plausible.
The rumor that Rhino was circling around the gloomy Bernard because he was interested in Elliot Weil.
Despite Rhino explaining several times that it was nonsense, the hypothesis was being accepted as the most likely fact to this day. It was also a fact that didn’t matter much to Bernard.
“I wish you’d told me in advance you couldn’t come.”
“Rhino, were you waiting?”
“Are you calling that an answer…? I begged you to watch the soccer game together.”
“Well, I always say this, but whenever I watch soccer with you, the team you’re rooting for always loses.”
“That’s just a problem with those bastards’ condition.”
“From my perspective, when they lose whenever I watch, it seems like my problem. Isn’t it a jinx? It’s not like that when you watch alone. Wouldn’t it be better to watch without me?”
Bernard’s voice stretched out more than usual. It was a softly relaxed tone unlike his usual tense state, but it was familiar to Rhino.
“That’s your misconception, Bernard.”
“I hear that too much for it to be that. That things went wrong because of me.”
“Who says that? Should I scold them?”
“…Never mind, I’m not a child.”
“Why aren’t you a child?”
A mischievous smile quickly spread across Rhino’s face. The words he added playfully were full of jest, but his eyes were serious. Before he could add anything after quickly scanning Bernard’s face, Bernard’s steps stopped abruptly. There was a familiar face not far away. Rubens Hurt. It was the man he had seen at the gathering.
“…Why is that man here?”
“Who? Ah… Hurt. I heard he’s sponsoring a graduate this time.”
Rhino, who spoke in passing, put his arm around Bernard’s shoulder and urged him to go somewhere else. Talk about Rubens Hurt had been circulating hotly within the university recently. Bernard, who lived apart from rumors, didn’t know, but it was a story Rhino roughly knew.
Bernard’s gaze wouldn’t leave Rubens. Perhaps noticing that gaze, Rubens’s gaze slowly came over.
“The professor called for you. Let’s go.”
“But he might need directions.”
“As if he wouldn’t know? He must know since he’s there alone. Let’s go, I said.”
Bernard awkwardly added words, but Rhino still had a sullen reaction. Then a polite voice interjected between the two. It was Rubens.
“Excuse me. May I ask you something for a moment?”
“Ah, yes? Yes… where are you trying to go?”
“I’m looking for the library.”
Strength entered Rhino’s hand that was around Bernard’s shoulder. Looking at the two, Rubens formed an amiable smile. His blue eyes stayed long on Bernard’s face among the two. Bernard’s gaze kept falling downward at the eyes whose inner thoughts couldn’t be known.
Today’s Bernard was different from his appearance at the party. His disheveled hair half-covered his eyes, and he wore thick horn-rimmed glasses and a shabby checkered shirt. But strangely, a desire for Rubens to recognize him struggled inside. Perhaps reading Bernard’s tension differently, a white business card was suddenly held out in front of him.
“I’m not a suspicious person.”
“Since you’re looking for the library, I’ll tell you. Go straight down that path and turn right, and it’ll appear right away.”
Before Bernard, who awkwardly took the offered card, could open his mouth, Rhino cut in. Rubens was silent for a moment, then soon smiled amiably, thanked them, and left. Rhino’s expression, which had been quietly holding position until he completely left, quickly contorted fiercely.
“Strange? You had an expectant face, didn’t you?”
“I’ll explain everything. Let’s move first. You said the professor called.”
Following beside Bernard who strode forward, Rhino glanced back. Rubens couldn’t be seen, as if he had completely left.
“Yeah, but I hope it’s an explanation I can accept.”
The hostility reflected in Rhino’s gray eyes was clear.
Bernard’s explanation was brief. At the explanation that he had attended the gathering not just participating instead of Elliot, but as his substitute, Rhino’s face crumpled. To the question of why he did such a thing, he saved words by compressing the entire situation with “I had no choice.”
Rhino, who knew Bernard’s family circumstances to some extent, didn’t ask more deeply but had an expression that looked quite displeased. At that, Bernard smiled awkwardly. He only guessed that since the person Rhino was interested in was Elliot, he must be displeased that he had acted as Elliot.
“You make others feel like this, but you yourself look too happy?”
“…Well, it’s because graduation is soon? You struggled with your thesis.”
Bernard smiled awkwardly. Rhino was always quick to notice. When it came to Bernard, anything.
“Is that really all?”
“Of course.”
Rhino examined Bernard’s complexion with gray eyes for a long time. They were eyes that seemed to read even more. Bernard avoided his gaze and touched the square corners of the business card in his pants pocket. When he just swallowed, feeling somehow embarrassed to speak of the fluttering in a corner of his heart, a short sigh was heard from above his head.
“Oh, and. I’m telling you in advance, but I don’t think I can go to the party at graduation.”
“There will be a lot of people waiting for you.”
“It’s not important. I’m telling you in case you’d be waiting.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Something came up at home, so it seems difficult to be away.”
“Then what about the graduation ceremony?”
“I have to go get my diploma.”
At Rhino’s behavior as if he just remembered, Bernard shrugged. This graduation ceremony was planned to have a party from the afternoon, renting an entire hotel. There were congratulatory parties every year, but they said they planned to hold a fairly large-scale party this time.
Since they rented all floors of the hotel, they said they planned to prepare so that those tired from enjoying the party in the hall could go up to guest rooms to rest. In the midst of everyone being excited about the generously held party, Rhino said he wouldn’t attend. There seemed to be quite a few people who would be sad. Since it was a party Bernard himself wouldn’t participate in anyway, he readily agreed.
“Right. Anyway, I’ll just hover around taking care of Elliot.”
“You’re going to the party alone when I’m not even there?”
“Won’t I just attend?”
“…Mm, no. Cancel. Maybe I can go late too?”
“Aren’t you busy?”
Rhino looked at Bernard intently again. He pulled up the bag slung diagonally on his shoulder, then was silent for a moment.
“No, anyway I’ll try my best. It’s graduation, so I should still leave good memories.”
“Don’t overdo it.”
“I want to go. And take off those glasses when you go so we can take pictures.”
At Rhino’s playful tone, Bernard moved his steps pretending not to hear. Rhino, who stuck close, added a few words about party outfits, but Bernard’s interest had already flowed elsewhere.
At the graduation party, two people besides the participant could attend. Whether to attend the party alone or with someone was free. Usually people brought family, but there were also those who said they would bring close friends or special people. According to what Rhino said earlier, Rubens was sponsoring a graduate, so… perhaps he might appear at that place. Anxiety suddenly surged.
“No way.”
Bernard bit his lips, suppressing his suddenly bursting sincerity. However, the anxiety endlessly chased his tail like an unsolved case.
Once he recognized Rubens, he could easily encounter him on the internet and in various gossip. It wasn’t difficult to see things like how expensive the new watch on his wrist was, how great a position the woman in dating rumors held.
Looking at the photos inserted in internet news, his mood strangely stirred. Someone dating such a man must feel great.
“Lucky them.”
He convulsed in surprise at the words that suddenly burst out. Rubens was a very beautiful man. A person worthy of drawing everyone’s gaze, a person who could stand above everyone without hesitation. What would it feel like to receive such a person’s affection? It was an assumption unsuited to Bernard’s life.
The scene of him saving Bernard when he was about to be exposed to Chris’s violence was clearly embedded in his head. It was a tremendous moment. ‘That’ Chris ran away in fear. Right. He could have an appropriate admiration for such a Rubens. But emotions could catch fire from very trivial things and devour everything. Completely regardless of the person’s will.
***
It was a time when summer had fully ripened. After holding the graduation ceremony during the day, that group moved locations as is to the afternoon party. Rubens also attended the graduation ceremony. Watching camera flashes burst here and there, Bernard tried hard to suppress his anxious look. Since it was a party where partners could accompany, perhaps really, that man might attend even the graduation party. Didn’t they say the student receiving sponsorship bragged so much that Rubens was coming?
Normally Bernard would have declined such a place, but this time he stepped on the hotel lobby alone with a bit of anxiety and expectation. He just needed to see from afar once and make sure he didn’t encounter Elliot. Then there would be no chance of being caught that the attendee at that gathering was himself, not Elliot.
“Bernard, you’re coming to the party, right?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What are you saying! Let’s go together, it’ll be fun? You’re coming to pick me up anyway.”
He recalled Elliot’s excited face. Liam and Sarah, who attended the graduation ceremony during the day, asked Bernard to take care of Elliot, saying they had a couples’ gathering at night. Another reason had been added for why he must attend the graduation party.
“I don’t like such places.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll introduce you to my friends again.”
Bernard recalled Elliot’s innocent face again. Elliot’s friends? It was absurd. Because they were always at the center of the ostracism Bernard suffered.
“…I don’t need introductions. Anyway, I’ll go to the party. Since our parents are worried about you.”
“What does it matter? Then you’re changing clothes and we’re meeting at the party venue? I’m meeting the kids separately so I don’t think we can enter together.”
“Okay. See you at the hotel.”
Elliot’s happy face blurred in his mind. Bernard was thinking other thoughts while talking with Elliot. He fiddled with the business card he had carefully treasured in his wallet.
Even if Elliot and that man met, something big might not happen. Perhaps it could pass by uneventfully, and what happened at the party that day might not be discovered. But he absolutely didn’t want to be caught. He wanted to monopolize Rubens’s favorable gaze for himself alone. It was a rare desire enough to make himself flustered.
Like that, if possible forever… he didn’t want Elliot to find out about the lie of that night.
