Farewell
[Wow, finally. I’m done today. What about you?]
[I still have one more tomorrow.]
[Hmm, Ian. How about you? ……Ian?]
I snapped to attention at the voice calling me. My consciousness, which had returned to the present in an instant, still couldn’t distinguish reality and was flying through the air.
[Ah. What did you say?]
[I’m done with this exam today, and David said he has one more tomorrow. What about you?]
[I’m done today too.]
[Wow. Lucky you two.]
The only remaining class just needed the paper submitted, and I’d be done after taking two exams today. Something that would normally be good wasn’t pleasing at all.
Right now, exams weren’t important to me at all. No, they were very important, but something more important had come up, so I had no time to pay attention.
‘……Sungha-ya.’
Last night, as soon as I answered the incoming call, anxiety struck.
‘Is something wrong?’
‘……’
‘Mom.’
A silence that seemed to be holding back tears continued from the other end of the line. And after a moment.
‘……Yes, that’s right.’
The voice forcing itself to seem calm was pitiful.
‘……Something happened, to your father……’
When I heard that something had happened to Father, I first thought of an accident. What if he’d been in a car accident? For a moment, my heart felt like it dropped with a thud.
It wasn’t because I was worried about that person. It was simply because I hoped nothing would happen where the person Mom relied on would suddenly leave this world. After my biological father passed away in a train accident, Mom had such severe trauma that she wouldn’t let me go anywhere near train tracks.
‘They say the company might disappear.’
Hearing that, two thoughts occurred to me.
The first thought was relief that it wasn’t an accident. And the second thought was Sora’s words about praying for that despicable rich man to fail.
‘What should we do?’
Even if I asked for details, Mom clearly wouldn’t know anything, so all I could say was to stay calm for now. I just repeatedly said insincere words that it would be okay.
Finding out the situation was far too easy. As soon as I hung up, I searched the company name on the internet. Naturally, articles were already posted.
I’d thought the expansion business they’d been pursuing since last year was going well until recently, but in reality it was full of holes. It seemed they’d been desperately trying to cover up the losses that had suddenly snowballed from reckless investments. The last line said the details were still under investigation.
People who only saw the articles would think the company went under overnight, but in reality, things probably hadn’t been good for quite a while.
‘Apparently he said he’d be on a business trip to America soon. What, he was totally excited saying he seemed about to pull off something big? He apparently bragged loudly that as soon as that oppa comes to Korea, he’d get him a job.’
Were the America business trip my stepbrother mentioned and his worry about someone else’s employment lies told knowing the truth, or had he really not known?
Most likely he hadn’t known. That person would have maintained his pride even in front of his own child. Or no, he might have believed even then that he could turn billions of won in losses into profit.
When I opened my eyes this morning, it felt like a dream. Even now, it was still hard to believe, so everything felt like a lie. That’s probably why I couldn’t feel any emotion. I was neither happy nor unhappy.
What exactly was I supposed to do?
The exam ended.
After stopping by a cafe and sending my paper via laptop, I sat there blankly for a long time. I don’t even know how today passed.
On my phone screen were several unread messages.
Kang Sehyun: [Exam over?]
Kang Sehyun: [Contact me when it’s over]
I sent a brief reply.
Me: [It’s over]
I couldn’t remember the messages we’d exchanged this morning, so I checked again and they were eerily no different from usual.
Kang Sehyun’s reply asking when I’d come arrived quickly. Ah, we were supposed to meet. I’d completely forgotten something so obvious.
Me: [Going straight home]
Kang Sehyun: [Why]
Me: [Too tired]
After a moment, Kang Sehyun called.
– Did the exam go well?
“Yeah, well…… Just okay.”
– Did you bomb it?
“Kind of, seems like it.”
– Then why didn’t you let me come yesterday?
“I know, right.”
I’d deliberately stayed alone to concentrate. Although it was a difficult class all semester, I’d been scheming to somehow definitely get an A, but the result seemed ruined either way.
– Did you really bomb it?
– Your voice sounds really off.
He knew like a ghost at times like this. It was useless even though I’d tried my best to act like nothing was wrong.
“I’m tired from not sleeping much.”
– Got it. Then rest today.
I thought he’d naturally tell me to come rest at the officetel since we didn’t meet yesterday, but unexpected words came.
– I’ll come to you tomorrow when you’re all done. You can go straight to the airport from there the day after anyway.
“Okay.”
– Don’t do anything else and just sleep right away. I won’t contact you until tomorrow morning.
I was grateful. That I didn’t have to meet Kang Sehyun. I was grateful I’d been alone last night, and grateful I could be alone today too.
Right now, there was no room in my head to think about anything else. I just wanted to be alone, even for a very short while.
***
Even after finishing everything and coming home, I truly couldn’t do anything.
I hadn’t eaten lunch but didn’t even think about eating something, and although it would be good to at least sleep since I’d essentially pulled an all-nighter yesterday too, I absolutely couldn’t fall asleep.
I sat in front of the computer to do something. I slowly thought about what I needed to do next.
I still couldn’t grasp the situation accurately enough to know if it was right to continue staying in America or if I should go back to Korea right away.
However, if tuition support became immediately impossible for financial reasons, I’d need to submit a leave of absence and return to Korea first, so I downloaded the leave application in advance. And although I wasn’t certain, I thought I’d heard before that enrolled students could only apply in person, so I accessed the school homepage once more.
I don’t want to take a leave of absence.
Ideally, I wanted to return to Korea together with Kang Sehyun.
I was always strong in crises. So I thought I’d be that way this time too. It wasn’t the end of the world, so it would be okay. I believed that since it was a fairly large company anyway, the corporate loans would be the corporation’s responsibility, so the representative director, my stepfather, wouldn’t have a terribly serious burden. Even if the corporation went bankrupt, not all representative directors would be punished.
Even I thought it was contradictory. I hated that person to death, yet I hoped things would go well. And the only reason was money.
I soon came to hate myself.
Was this punishment for only thinking about myself? The next day at dawn, contact came from Korea.
– He’s asking you to come.
Again, he didn’t contact me directly himself.
I briefly wondered if the reason he boldly had his secretary do this even at a time like this was simply because he hated hearing my voice, or if it was because he was embarrassed, but the answer was still the former. There was no way that person would feel even slightly ashamed toward me.
“Do I have to go right away?”
– Yes. He said to come immediately, even tomorrow. Is there some problem?
“I don’t know how long I’ll be on leave, so I think I need to settle things where I’m living now.”
– Hmm. That’s true. I didn’t think that far.
“The apartment contract can be terminated immediately with just a penalty fee, but the rest of the furniture is a bit of a problem…… I can’t just leave it. I think I need to entrust it to people around me or sell it.”
– Then please settle things as quickly as possible. Since he said to come immediately, he’ll probably get angry the more it’s delayed.
“Yes. I understand.”
– And the chairman is having difficulty with calls right now, so if you have anything to relay, please contact me.
The secretary spoke as if I’d ever directly talked with that person even once. It wasn’t something he, who’d been the contact point on that person’s behalf all this time, should say.
I hung up and immediately called Mom. Mom, who answered in a nearly dying voice, was blaming herself for being unable to do anything.
– I should have known a bit earlier.
“It can’t be helped. How could you know unless he told you? Even people inside the company probably didn’t know.”
– Things were a bit strange starting about three months ago. He came home later, and sometimes said strange things when drunk. The company must have been struggling, so he must have been having a hard time too.
“……It’ll be okay.”
Who was comforting whom? It was words meant for myself, not Mom.
– Sungha-ya.
– Mom will somehow make sure you graduate. Don’t worry about things like that. Okay?
“I’m not worried about that.”
It was a shameless lie. After worrying only about myself until falling asleep.
Everything was too sudden.
As expected.
I’d never been wrong once. Just as I’d predicted, the happiness that had continuously accumulated brought misfortune all at once. Even though I’d prepared myself for absurdly unreasonable things to happen to me, I hadn’t made any mental preparation for the misfortune that came without warning.
At times like this, one person invariably came to mind.
So I waited only for the sun to rise quickly. To go meet him immediately.
