# Chapter 8
After making him that way, he was once again searching for him.
‘If only I weren’t there, you could be that happy…’
He was shameless. He wanted to curse himself as the bad guy. Jaehee was angry at himself. With what nerve was he looking for Geonwoo? How could he long for him?
Yes, that shouldn’t be happening. He absolutely shouldn’t be doing that.
So he shouldn’t act like this anymore. He needed to change. For Geonwoo’s future, too.
‘…so…, I won’t look for you anymore…’
No matter how much he wanted Geonwoo, no matter how much he wanted to be by Geonwoo’s side. Now he had to turn away from all those feelings and ignore them.
The more I want you…, the more unhappy you become…
‘Don’t worry. I won’t repeat the same mistake.’
A sudden regression.
The clear memory of his death.
It felt like a sign to return Geonwoo to his rightful place. Now that he’d been returned to the main character he was before falling in love with Lee Jaehee, Jaehee should stay away. Don’t be greedy. Don’t let your greed cause Geonwoo’s death again.
It seemed like he’d come back alone with all his memories just for this purpose.
‘It’s okay…. This time I won’t let that happen…’
Jaehee made a promise while looking at Geonwoo.
He would protect him by becoming the villainous sub-bottom Lee Jaehee in front of him, not the Lee Jaehee who loved him, nor the Lee Jaehee whom he loved. This time, I’ll protect you. He swore so.
So, Geonwoo.
Don’t hurt anymore….
Don’t die in front of me like that ever again….
I can endure anything as long as that doesn’t happen.
I’ll be fine.
Jaehee recalled his memories with Geonwoo one by one. He had been so happy by his side. Thank you for loving me more than I deserved, for cherishing me so much, for protecting me… I was so grateful.
Stopping himself from overflowing with lingering attachment, Jaehee bid Geonwoo a final farewell.
I love you.
So very much….
I love you so much.
So, Geonwoo….
Let’s break up…, us.
The separation that Geonwoo had not wanted, even choosing death over it, was now being carried out by Jaehee who had returned to the past. And he was doing it while looking at the present Geonwoo who didn’t love him.
‘…Goodbye. Geonwoo…’
The tears that had been pooling could no longer be held back and poured down. Jaehee hung his head heavily. Below Jaehee, silent pains fell drop by drop as tears.
Jaehee cried so sorrowfully, wishing that all the pain of separation would flow away and disappear.
Mixed in that crying was self-pity as well.
It was pitiful. It was heart-wrenching. That he couldn’t love Geonwoo freely. Those warm memories that he alone had to keep. It made him feel so sorry for himself.
He didn’t want to be… a sub-bottom…
“…Do…hyun…. Let’s, go back…”
A voice saturated with moisture rang in Dohyun’s ear. With the hiccupping and trembling body looking so pitiful, Dohyun didn’t know what to do.
He’d brought him here to make him feel better. He’d brought him here to stop the pain. But Jaehee’s pain had burst. It was resignation, it was giving up. Giving up what? Dohyun couldn’t understand that. The current situation was so frustrating it was maddening.
Not knowing anything, he couldn’t even offer hasty comfort. All he could do was clench his fists and endure this frustration.
Dohyun slowly approached Jaehee. Then he could see Jaehee forcefully pulling up the corners of his mouth.
“I’m…, okay now…”
Jaehee smiled.
The fact that the corners of his lips were trembling severely. The fact that his nose, cheeks, and eyes were all flushed red. Both Dohyun and Jaehee knew it, but Jaehee said he was fine and smiled.
“Alright. I understand, so stop smiling like that. You look stupid.”
At Dohyun’s words, the corners of Jaehee’s eyes curved even more. The tears that had been pooling flowed down faster.
Dohyun’s pretense of not noticing, of casually moving past it, made Jaehee’s tension release. Today had been too difficult. It had been such a hard day.
“Come here.”
Dohyun said that and embraced Jaehee. The small body collapsed into his arms. Jaehee’s tears soaked Dohyun’s clothes. Dohyun placed his hand on the back of Jaehee’s small head and pulled him closer.
As if saying to soak all your pain here. As if saying he would accept it all.
Dohyun picked Jaehee up in his arms. Usually when lifting Jaehee, he’d feel awkward and sling him over his shoulder like a load, but now he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t even think of doing that.
Like he might disappear at any moment, the current Jaehee looked fragile. As if he might break.
Knowing that Jaehee was showing at least a part of his pain because he was in front of him made Dohyun feel this way even more.
Because Jaehee’s insides must be even more rotten and festering than he could imagine.
Dohyun quietly cursed under his breath. But outwardly, he didn’t show it. He just carefully picked Jaehee up and headed back to the dormitory.
All through that night, Dohyun’s clothes never had a chance to dry, staying damp. Because Jaehee’s crying continued all night as if expelling all his pain.
“…Just for today…”
Just for today, let me cry….
Small, moisture-laden mumbling continued all night.
***
“Today too.”
Gloomy days had continued for several days.
Jaehee stood by the window, gently furrowing his brow as he looked outside. The sky had been dark for days. Dense dark clouds obscured the sky to the point of suffocation.
“I wish it would just rain heavily.”
So it could clear up again.
Thinking that, Jaehee turned away from the window. His eyes met Dohyun’s, and Jaehee grinned. Jaehee strode over to the table where Dohyun was sitting.
Yes, the important thing right now wasn’t the weather.
This is it!
Arriving next to Dohyun, Jaehee looked at the table and said,
“Hmm, it’s really hard to decide!”
He began contemplating with a serious expression. His narrowed eyes looked even cautious.
The table was covered with various restaurant flyers that Jaehee had spread out. Jaehee picked up one of the flyers and asked,
“Dohyun, shall we eat this?”
But soon shook his head side to side.
“No. I heard there’s a new good restaurant nearby. Should we go eat there?”
As if he’d never had a sullen expression, Jaehee now looked exceedingly excited. Whether thrilled at the thought of eating something delicious, he kept chattering endlessly in a voice one pitch higher than usual.
“Wait, where did they say it was?”
Then he picked up his phone and searched diligently. With a confident face, he held his phone up to Dohyun’s face.
“Here! What do you think? Doesn’t this look delicious?”
Jaehee’s phone screen was filled with appetizing food photos. There were small text reviews written below. A full course that would make anyone’s mouth water was set up.
Jaehee pointed at one of them and said,
“This one looks the most delicious. Let’s go eat this!”
He smiled brightly.
“If you want.”
Dohyun answered half-heartedly. His eyes couldn’t focus on the phone screen Jaehee was showing him and kept drifting to the side. Dohyun’s gaze was examining Jaehee’s face.
Jaehee had changed. After that, he didn’t look for Geonwoo anymore. He didn’t ask any questions about Geonwoo at all. He smiled brightly all day and didn’t stare with wet eyes anymore. Jaehee had brightened up to the point where you might think he was alright.
But Dohyun’s gaze was fixed elsewhere. On Jaehee’s eyes. Unlike his current bright appearance, Jaehee’s eyes were slightly swollen.
Dohyun’s gaze lingered for a long time on the evidence that he had cried silently alone, on the traces where he had cooled down the heat to try to hide it.
Jaehee was acting out a false peace like that.
Ever since they had visited Geonwoo, continuously.
But Jaehee didn’t know. He might think he was completely fooling Dohyun. But before presenting the small evidence in front of him, there was a fact that only Dohyun knew and Jaehee didn’t.
That Jaehee still had seizures every night.
But perhaps because he wasn’t in his right mind, Jaehee didn’t remember when he woke up the next day. That he cried sorrowfully all night calling only for Choi Geonwoo. That he shouted that he should die.
And that it had gotten worse than before.
Jaehee didn’t know. Only Dohyun knew.
It felt like the wounds that couldn’t be expressed were rotting away. Dohyun was worried. Afraid that no matter how long he waited, Jaehee wouldn’t get better because the wounds were festering beyond remedy.
What should he do…
In this suffocating play with no end in sight, his heart was painfully constricted.
But Dohyun couldn’t show such feelings. He didn’t want to plant more worries in that small head.
So Dohyun traced Jaehee’s smile onto his own lips. To hide his true feelings, just like Jaehee.
“Let’s go.”
Dohyun said that and rose from his chair. But before he could take even a few steps, Dohyun’s expression suddenly changed. The smile he had drawn on his lips disappeared. Despite Jaehee’s puzzled gaze, Dohyun’s expression grew increasingly cold.
Dohyun had sensed it.
Someone was coming.
The sharp senses of an A-class Esper warned of the presence of an unwelcome visitor about to arrive.
