Soon, when the water finished boiling, Han Inju skillfully made coffee and held it out to Eunchan. It was the sweet mix coffee he often enjoyed with Hyungsik in the office. The familiar coffee scent pierced his nose.
“Please drink it.”
“I’m leaving. Do as you please.”
Refusing the cup Han Inju held out, Eunchan slung his bag over his shoulder and turned around. He was sick and tired of everything now. He’d have to give up on getting an apology from those people. They weren’t the kind of humans who could understand or empathize with anyone from the start. If they had a conscience, they wouldn’t have started in the first place.
“Fate isn’t something you can avoid just by running from it.”
“…”
Even at Han Inju’s bullshit, Eunchan didn’t stop his steps. At the attitude that seemed to declare Miro as his fate, Eunchan quietly whispered “crazy bastard.” It was absurd that he’d say such a thing when he didn’t know anything. When Eunchan roughly grabbed the door handle and flung the hospital room door wide open, he heard a farewell from behind.
“Take care.”
He’d been worried about being stopped from leaving, but contrary to his thoughts, Han Inju easily let Eunchan go. If he doesn’t let me go, what’s he going to do—I guess he’s scared of being sued for unlawful confinement. Still, there was a belief that since he was a lawyer, he wouldn’t do anything illegal.
Eunchan ran down the corridor, trying hard to soothe his uncomfortable feeling. He wanted to disappear quickly before Miro came. Passing through the empty lobby, Eunchan arrived at the elevator and quickly pressed the button. He stomped his feet as he watched the slowly rising numbers. His sneakers hit the floor with a tapping sound. It’s like the sound of my anxious heartbeat.
“Eunchan, where are you going?”
When about five floors remained until arrival, Miro’s voice was heard from far away. When he turned around in surprise, Miro was approaching from the end of the corridor.
“…”
“Is your stomach f-fine now?”
Though anyone could see he looked like someone trying to leave, Miro calmly asked about Eunchan’s physical condition first. Eunchan only stared blankly at Miro without answering. It seemed like he would keep him trapped in the hospital like he’d done with Jang Heewoo.
“Eunchan-ah,”
The elevator door opening and Miro standing before Eunchan were simultaneous. Eunchan got into the elevator without responding, and Miro also naturally stepped inside.
“Why are you getting on?”
“T-to take you home.”
“How do you know where I’m going?”
“You’re going home, right? Won’t you be too c-cold? Y-you should wear warmer clothes…”
Though it was no different from having stolen and worn Miro’s clothes when leaving, he instead worried about Eunchan being cold and buttoned up his coat more securely. Along with the affectionate worry that he should wear something warmer.
“Miro-ssi, hyung.”
“Yeah.”
“…I can’t forgive hyung. I never wanted to meet again either. Hyung did a lot of wrong to me.”
Hyung was the one who promised to become family but abandoned me first, and hyung was the one who deliberately dug into those wounds even knowing my weakness. After doing that, how can you, so shamelessly stand before me again? Eunchan poured out his feelings to Miro with aggrieved eyes.
“Back then, there was something going on,”
“I don’t want to understand hyung. I don’t want to be with you either.”
Creating a guardian, giving him a name. It felt like he’d become Miro’s pet. Eunchan fully showed Miro his dirty feelings without hiding them. As if he would never show them again if not now.
“It’s okay, hyung can u-understand everything.”
“Until now you’ve done everything your way, Miro-ssi. Now grant my request.”
It was the last request he’d make. Eunchan gathered his breath while looking at the descending numbers. He was so exhausted he just wanted to sleep to his heart’s content.
“…”
“Never appear before my eyes again.”
“I-I don’t want to.”
“Even if you don’t want to, do it. And clean out that room too.”
At Eunchan’s words, Miro hastily snatched the bag slung over his shoulder. It seemed like a hostage, or perhaps like grasping a lifeline.
“I’ll take you home…”
“And stop pretending to be my hyung too. I’m going to throw away the name too.”
He planned to cut out all the traces as if they’d never existed. Yeah, this actually worked out well. It seemed like now he could easily throw away even the lingering attachment he’d been holding onto.
“Don’t do that, I, I said I love you.”
Anxious at Eunchan’s reaction, Miro whispered while biting his lips. Even though he said he’d stay by my side, even though he acted like he’d only like me forever… At Miro’s appearance as if he’d been betrayed, Eunchan swallowed a curse.
“I thought I did too, but I absolutely can’t. Who would like a crazy bastard? Huh? Who would love a bastard with no parents?”
Eunchan spat out cruelly, deliberately to hurt. He hoped Miro would writhe in pain like his past self, not a speck damaged. It was a game Miro had started first.
“…Don’t cry.”
“Fuck, hyung shouldn’t do this to me. Do you want to see me go crazy? Just get lost, please.”
But the more he hurt him, the more only Eunchan’s heart ached. When Eunchan finally couldn’t stop the tears from bursting and turned his head sobbing, Miro carefully reached out his hand.
“Hyung, please… I’m begging you.”
It was a cry like a prayer. Miro withdrew his outstretched hand and lowered his head. Soon with a ding, the elevator door opened and the busy scene of the first floor unfolded. Leaving Miro behind, Eunchan first stepped forward.
* * *
“Hyung, lunch, hyung?”
Hyungsik carefully poked at Eunchan, who was sitting blankly, and asked about meals. Eunchan was very strange these days. He did come to work without fail, but it was as if he’d left his soul somewhere and only his body was in the office. The boss also clicked his tongue at the absent-minded Eunchan and told him to just rest a few more days, but Eunchan stubbornly came out and kept his seat.
Since he wouldn’t open his mouth at all about what had happened, there was no way to guess. Though it seemed he’d been getting along well with that scary person, recently he hadn’t seen him contacting them either, so Hyungsik recalled Miro.
“Eunchan-hyung.”
“Huh?”
“Food.”
“You eat it. I don’t feel like it.”
Eunchan raised his powerless hand and waved it limply, then leaned back comfortably in his chair and closed his eyes.
“But, hyung, are you trying to change your name?”
“No, just.”
Name change office, name recommendations, good names. Hyungsik looked at the search history on the monitor and asked Eunchan.
“Why? Your name is fine, hyung.”
Saying it seemed better than the common name Hyungsik, Hyungsik made a regretful sound. Eunchan also had no complaints about his name in the past. The person who gave it was the problem. Eunchan patted Hyungsik’s waist standing beside him and urged him to go eat quickly.
“Then I’ll just order mine. If you feel like it, hyung, come share with me.”
“Okay.”
“Oh, right! I heard the agency in front here does phones cheap. I’ll bring you sometime, hyung.”
He knew all the people doing business in the neighborhood. Thanks to that, Hyungsik had put in the legwork for poor Eunchan who was living without a cell phone.
“Later.”
“Okay-“
However, Eunchan, who still didn’t feel like a cell phone was urgent, refused. Hyungsik left the tired-looking Eunchan behind and rummaged through flyers to decide on a menu. Since he’d order from nearby anyway, it was faster to call the restaurant directly.
A week had passed since leaving the hospital. It was both ‘already’ and ‘only.’ Miro had ultimately let Eunchan go and hadn’t contacted him since. He didn’t know if it was because his cell phone was with Miro, but if he wanted to, he was the type of person who would have contacted the office, so it was right that he intentionally didn’t.
For a week, Eunchan deliberately kept himself busy. He looked for other houses to move to, and came to work early to deep clean the office. However, that only lasted a day or two, and around the third day, even while being busy, he kept thinking of Miro. As if what had escaped from the hospital was only his body at that time, his mind remained there.
And he should have questioned Miro more, gotten angrier, but he was pathetic for not being able to. He kicked the blanket with belated regret, thinking he should have said this. It was because the IV he’d received at the time had painkillers and sedatives together, but not knowing this, Eunchan only blamed his past actions and writhed.
Both forming ties and severing them are truly easy. He hated Miro who had approached someone living well for no reason, torn him apart, and left. What was that about bringing up Muan? If you’re going to let me go, you should return all my stuff too.
All his precious belongings were at Miro’s house. He could cleanly give up on clothes and daily necessities, but he absolutely had to get back his treasure box. Miro would know well what he cherished, yet the sight of him staying quiet without contact was also hateful.
