After eating lunch, when it became rest time, most of the kids took naps. Eorin and I went to where the puppies we’d seen when entering the training center were and played with the dogs. I wasn’t good at distinguishing dog breeds, but Eorin looked at them and said they were retrievers.
Eorin looked very skilled at handling dogs. So when I asked if he raised dogs, he said he had two shepherds at home and one cat too. I said I was envious since I’d never raised a pet, and Eorin said to come visit his house next time, and honestly speaking, I wanted to go incredibly badly, but on the other hand I wondered if that would be okay. I often forgot because being with Eorin had become so familiar, but Eorin’s house was a very distant place for me in many ways.
In the afternoon, there was an activity where we chose two out of five activities to do by group, and what Eorin, our group leader, chose was archery and survival experience.
“Eorin, have you done archery before?”
To the extent that the kids asked that, Eorin’s form was exceptional. Eorin shrugged his shoulders.
“I learned how to shoot a bow a little before. Just a taste.”
In our group, Eorin was the only one whose arrow stuck in the target. Woojin’s arrow didn’t fly at all because he kept holding onto the bowstring when releasing it. Junsu’s arrows all stuck in the grass next to the target, and two of mine fell to the ground and the rest flew into the sky. Watching Eorin stand at an angle and pull the bowstring, we whispered.
“Kim Eorin…… suddenly looks cool. No, he was always cool but……”
“People really need to know how to do things. These days it’s the multitasking era.”
“Is multitasking a word you use in times like this?”
“The meaning got across, didn’t it?”
“Well, that’s true but……”
The kids who had been making silly jokes had their eyes transform as soon as they moved to the mountain behind after the archery experience ended and put on survival game equipment. The only ones who couldn’t adapt to the suddenly serious atmosphere were me, who doesn’t play computer games, and Woojin, who has no competitive spirit. Eorin, Junsu, and Roh Jinho fearlessly went to the very front and aimed at the enemy team while sending some kind of hand signals from behind rocks. When Eorin, who had moved positions behind a tree, counted to three with his fingers and pointed to the back of the grass over there, the kids all shot paintballs at the grass as if they’d coordinated it. At the tu-ta-ta-ta sound, kids wearing orange vests popped out from behind the grass, and Eorin and Roh Jinho shot the kids who jumped out.
We annihilated the enemy team with only four out of twelve people sacrificed. Actually, it almost became five, and that was my fault. I got excited without realizing it and ended up enthusiastically shooting and hit one of our team members’ back. Fortunately, because the paintball colors were different, it was confirmed to be friendly fire and became invalid, but the kids didn’t miss the opportunity and excitedly teased me saying there was a spy here. Woojin didn’t shoot many times, so with the many remaining paintballs he drew a heart on the rock. Seeing that, Roh Jinho giggled and even drew eyes and a mouth on the heart.
After coming down from the mountain, we returned to the training center after shooting one more time at human-shaped targets as the final activity. Yesterday we received a lot of drills and got scolded a lot, but maybe because it was the day before we’d return, today there wasn’t much of that and the instructors even threw jokes occasionally. Our group, which had sweated buckets running around wearing helmets, vests, and various things because of survival, took quick showers in that short gap before dinner.
For dinner, the meat side dish that Woojin had been so eagerly awaiting came out. Woojin, whose eyes rolled at the stir-fried spicy pork, said he’d empty his tray and go get more, so I, who needed the bathroom urgently, decided to get up first. But Eorin followed behind me as I came out after organizing my tray.
“Aren’t you eating more?”
“No.”
Since I knew Eorin’s portions weren’t small either, I worried whether Eorin might have gotten heatstroke. Because he’d been running around excitedly wearing hot equipment. So when I tried to put my hand on his forehead to check for fever, Eorin half-closed his eyes and asked.
“Why?”
“To see if you have a fever.”
“……Because I ate less food?”
“Yeah.”
When I nodded while ruffling his bangs, Eorin suddenly sighed. The smooth forehead and the texture of the softly scattering hair felt good, so I unconsciously caressed Eorin’s forehead and then suddenly came to my senses.
“Ah…… sorry.”
“For what?”
Saying that, Eorin pressed his forehead against my palm and rubbed. Touch more, more. He said he raised dogs, and he was a bit like a puppy. Only when I giggled did Eorin raise his head.
When I returned to the room and came out after doing my business, Eorin was opening a Pepero. But as soon as he made eye contact with me, he made an expression like he’d been caught doing something bad. His wide-open eyes were really an expression I’d never seen before, so I couldn’t hold back and burst out laughing.
“You were lacking after all.”
“……No. This is…… people need to eat dessert.”
“Is that so?”
“That’s so.”
Eorin put the Pepero in his pocket and stood up.
“Where are we going?”
“There’s still an hour of break time left, let’s take a walk.”
“Okay. Should we go see the puppies?”
“Yeah.”
It seemed like it would be a bit chilly, so I put on a thin zip-up hoodie and went outside, turning to the back of the training center. I liked the rustling sound of the grass being stepped on underfoot. Since our class’s meal distribution order was first this evening, most of the other kids were probably still in the cafeteria, so the surroundings were quiet. While walking, Eorin put Pepero in his mouth and occasionally fed me one in my mouth too. After the Pepero ran out and the conversation was cut off briefly, the sound of insects chirping squeezed in between me and Eorin.
“……You know, Chiwon.”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe, um……”
When Eorin was about to say something, something flew from the side and hit my elbow hard before falling. Looking closely, it was a lighter.
“Yo, we meet again.”
It was Lee Jaeseong. This time he wasn’t alone. They were familiar faces. Faces I always saw in middle school.
“Yesterday was fucking cute. Hm? Don’t~, it’s violence~.”
When Lee Jaeseong mockingly imitated what I’d said yesterday, the kids next to him burst out laughing. Heat rushed to my face in an instant. Eorin grabbed me and pulled me to the side.
“Oh, what. Isn’t that yesterday’s ‘friend’? Thanks for yesterday?”
Lee Jaeseong giggled while rubbing the shoulder Eorin had pushed.
“Let’s go, Chiwon.”
Eorin, who had glanced at Lee Jaeseong, grabbed my arm and took a step forward. Then the kids subtly approached in front of Eorin and blocked the way. Every time Eorin tried to avoid them, they followed while giggling, and I could increasingly feel Eorin getting angry.
“Where are you going, hm? We met a welcome face so let’s talk a bit before you go.”
“Right, Chiwon. We haven’t seen each other in a while.”
Choi Gyuchan grinned and touched my cheek. I stepped back in an instant as goosebumps rose. Eorin smacked away the hand that was trying to approach again.
“Don’t.”
“Oh, so fucking scary.”
“Move aside.”
“Don’t want to.”
At the sarcasm mixed with laughter, Eorin’s jaw gradually hardened. Eorin, who had been clenching his fist, suddenly glanced at me, then released his strength and sent me behind his back while asking.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“What?”
“You’re standing here like this because you have business, aren’t you?”
They wanted to pick a fight, so they wouldn’t really have any business. What Lee Jaeseong imagined was clearly not this kind of conversation but hitting and fighting. If they kept provoking, Eorin, unable to contain his anger, would charge at them, and then they’d have the justification that this side started it first and would fight. It was just Eorin and me, but Lee Jaeseong had four friends with him. Once a fight started, they would have thought they’d win, but Eorin started a conversation, not a fight. When his expectations were thwarted, Lee Jaeseong made a flustered face.
“What, well……”
“You’re the one who said let’s talk. Don’t you have business? If you have nothing to say, I’d like to leave now.”
“……”
For me, it was fortunate that a fight didn’t break out. I was of course worried about Eorin getting hurt, but also because if I caused an incident, receiving the scholarship could become difficult. The foundation deciding to give me a scholarship was premised on me ‘having good grades and living an exemplary life without causing incidents or accidents.’ I was, so to speak, like a pilot program for the disadvantaged children’s scholarship foundation project that the foundation would gradually expand.
The one who spoke instead of Lee Jaeseong, who was fumbling and couldn’t answer, was Choi Gyuchan.
“It’s because we’re happy to see you, happy. We were Chiwon’s friends in middle school. Right, Chiwon?”
“……”
“How did you manage being lonely without me after going to high school?”
Choi Gyuchan was that kid who tried to drag me away saying he’d see if I got excited by his pheromones. After that incident, I desperately avoided Choi Gyuchan and graduated not long after, so it didn’t happen a second time, but Choi Gyuchan still seemed to have interest in me. When Choi Gyuchan subtly tried to put his hand on my side, Eorin pushed Choi Gyuchan’s hand away on behalf of me, who was frozen stiff.
“Why is this friend like this? Middle school friends are trying to talk, so don’t interfere?”
“I guess you can’t see he dislikes it.”
“What?”
“He dislikes it, so it’d be good if you didn’t touch him.”
Eorin’s tone was as calm as at the beginning, unchanged. Rather, that seemed to stoke Choi Gyuchan’s anger. Choi Gyuchan suddenly grabbed my elbow and yanked me while pushing Eorin. When Eorin tried to approach me, two people stepped forward and blocked Eorin.
“You dislike it?”
“……”
“Chiwon, you tell me. Do you dislike it?”
“Let go of that hand!”
For the first time, Eorin raised his voice. Being held by Choi Gyuchan’s hand reminded me of the past. My breathing was about to become rapid, but I didn’t want to succumb to that. I forcibly overlaid yesterday’s memory on top of it. My friends who smiled at me saying I was admirable.
“……I dislike it.”
“……”
“I have nothing to talk about with you guys…… I’m going to leave, so move aside.”
I turned my body to escape from Choi Gyuchan’s hand. I was planning to go to Eorin. But Choi Gyuchan grabbed the back of my neck. I took a breath.
“Really?”
Ah, that voice. I knew it. Knowing what would come next, I desperately held my breath. Choi Gyuchan’s pheromones seemed to crawl up my skin starting from the back of my neck and elbow that he was grabbing. My shoulders began to tremble. How long will this sensation bind me? When will I become okay enough to confront it?
