* * *
Siwon stood under the stream of water pouring from the showerhead. Though the act was already over, he felt as if Ray Jun’s touch still lingered on his skin. Those large hands that had swept down his waist and firmly gripped his pelvis…….
“…….”
Kang Siwon scrubbed his body over and over as if to erase all those memories. Though he’d washed away all the traces left on his body, he didn’t stop his obsessive scrubbing.
Because of that, he left the bathroom much later than usual. Kang Siwon roughly shook the water from his hair as he headed to the bedroom. But there, an unexpected scene unfolded.
“……What the.”
He’d expected Ray Jun to be in the bedroom. Like a stubborn child who couldn’t sleep without their comfort doll, he always fell asleep holding Kang Siwon. The problem was the meal set up on the tea table beside the bed.
Soup and bread were one thing, but why was there a steak that looked to be easily 500g? So many dishes were piled on the already small tea table that if he bumped into it wrong, everything seemed precariously about to fall.
“It’s dinner.”
At this hour, it seemed closer to a late-night snack than dinner. But not wanting to have any back-and-forth conversation with Ray Jun, he headed straight for the bed. Whether he ate dinner or a late-night snack was none of his business. But Ray Jun, who was sitting in the chair in front of the tea table, grabbed Kang Siwon’s wrist and said.
“It’s yours.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Eat it anyway.”
“I said I’m not hungry. I had dinner. Didn’t you get the report from Gemma-ssi?”
“Yeah. I know, but eat it anyway. I saw earlier that you’ve lost too much weight. What if you collapse?”
“So you ordered room service at this hour?”
Kang Siwon let out a hollow laugh.
In the past, he might have found this aspect of Ray Jun affectionate. But now he was sick and tired of how he acted without even asking him, and his persistence in pushing even after being refused twice. Perhaps it was because the rose-colored glasses had come off. Though actually, he hadn’t been wearing rose-colored glasses even back then.
“If you’re doing this because it’s bothersome, should I cut it for you? Sit down. I’ll feed you.”
As if it was a good idea even by his own estimation, Ray Jun nodded and picked up a fork and knife. He really seemed ready to cut the steak and feed him.
It was trivial if you could call it that. But today especially, that unilateral attitude made anger surge. For a moment, Kang Siwon, who’d lost his reason, was about to throw the steak, plate and all.
“…….”
However, just before putting that violent impulse into action, his reason returned. No matter what, throwing away food that had been well-cooked and even appetizingly plated was something he couldn’t do. The hotel’s chef must have put effort into cooking it.
“If you hate steak that much, I should have ordered something else.”
“…….”
At Ray Jun’s words that completely missed the point, even the will to argue drained away. Kang Siwon took his hand off the plate and turned around. Ray Jun grabbed the hem of his pajamas and persistently urged.
“Okay. I won’t tell you to eat. But at least drink some juice.”
When he pulled away his hand and looked back again, a tall glass was placed in the center of the table. Seeing that the contents were red, it seemed to be watermelon juice.
“Juice before bed. You drink it.”
“Still. You like watermelon juice, don’t you. When we went grocery shopping together before, you couldn’t take your eyes off the watermelon juice section. The one we bought then only looked pretty but tasted fucking awful, so you were disappointed.”
“…….”
That had happened. But it felt strange that Ray Jun remembered it. More precisely, it was unexpected that he’d kept such a trivial scene in his mind and taken care of it.
“I heard today too, as soon as you bought watermelon juice, you spilled it all without being able to drink even a sip. How upset you must have been.”
So hurry and drink it—Ray Jun tapped the cup. The water droplets on the glass surface sparkled.
“Ha…….”
Eventually, Kang Siwon plopped down in the opposite chair. At times like this, Ray Jun seemed like someone who’d only learned consideration from textbooks. It was indeed born from goodwill, but somehow misaligned consideration.
That’s why sometimes he wondered if he was a sensitive and cynical person for not being able to accept Ray Jun’s goodwill positively. This was probably also why he couldn’t completely hate Ray Jun.
“…….”
Kang Siwon tilted the glass. Juice flowed into his mouth. It was sweet, fresh, and cool.
“How is it?”
“……It tastes good.”
At that lukewarm assessment, Ray Jun smiled broadly as if he’d won an award.
“Right? This is real watermelon juice. What we drank back then was pure fake. As expected, you shouldn’t add sugar.”
Was that really so?
Back then, when he’d drunk the watermelon juice full of additives and watched Ray Jun complain that it was a scam, his heart had jumped. He’d thought that he himself was the real scammer, infiltrating while hiding everything from his identity to his nationality.
But thinking about it now, real didn’t necessarily mean it was always good. If the watermelon was too bland to be edible, wouldn’t it be better to pour in plenty of sugar instead?
Back then, both he and Ray Jun had been fake. But that Ray Jun who’d seemed to be sprinkled with sugar had been sweeter to him instead.
“……I’m going to sleep now. You eat what’s left.”
He lightly rinsed his mouth with water and headed to the bed. Ray Jun pursed his tightly closed lips, then followed Kang Siwon.
Ray Jun, who lay down on the bed together with him, turned off the light. Pitch-black darkness descended. In the midst of seeing nothing, it was funny that a delicious smell wafted faintly from beside the bed. A feast spread in a bedroom submerged in darkness—there could be no more ridiculous scene than this.
“Siwon, I have to go out tomorrow too.”
“…….”
“You can stay alone, right?”
Ray Jun asked quietly. Even if he said he wanted to go out too, Ray Jun wouldn’t allow it anyway, so there were no other words to give back. When Kang Siwon remained silent, Ray Jun pressed his body close and asked again.
“Are you going to keep ignoring me like that?”
“……No matter what I say, you’re going to do what you want anyway.”
“That’s too much. Did you already forget that I let you go out today?”
“Forget it. I can stay alone, so just leave.”
At the cold reply, Ray Jun was silent for a moment. Just when he thought he’d fall asleep like that, Ray Jun pulled Kang Siwon into his arms and whispered.
“Tomorrow I’m meeting someone who says they’ll support me. The situation is tilting in my favor, Siwon. My plan will come to fruition even faster than expected.”
“Yeah. Congratulations. It was worth infiltrating as a dealer while even hiding your name.”
His words kept coming out crooked. But Ray Jun also kept poking at the fact that he’d infiltrated while hiding his identity, so there was no law saying he couldn’t do the same.
“Yeah. That’s right. Thanks to that, I met you too.”
“…….”
“I think entering Sovereign Casino was the best decision of my life.”
The giggling laughter melted into the darkness. Despite his sarcasm, there was no sign of being hurt at all. Annoyed, Kang Siwon bluntly spat out.
“The best decision of your life was a scam?”
“It’s nothing new. My life itself was practically a giant scam anyway.”
He’d deliberately scratched at Ray Jun, but he didn’t expect him to admit it so readily. Ray Jun continued speaking quietly while holding the slightly flustered Kang Siwon.
“I mentioned it earlier, but I’ve been under threat since I was young. No matter how much we lived in different countries, they were such reckless bastards you never knew what they’d do, right? They had that much money and power, but no common sense.”
“…….”
“So from a young age, I had to become accustomed to hiding myself. I moved frequently, and there were times I lived apart from my mother.”
He didn’t know how to react when hearing such heavy personal history. Kang Siwon awkwardly formed an answer.
“……That must have been hard.”
“Well. I lived like that from such a young age that I thought it was natural.”
It was rather Kang Siwon who was troubled, while Ray Jun spoke dryly as if talking about someone else’s story.
“You know what?”
“What.”
“The name Ray Jun, it’s not actually just a simple pseudonym. I’ve lived disguised under that name for quite a long time. Maybe I’ve been called Ray Jun more than my real name.”
So when he entered Sovereign Casino, it wasn’t like he completely fabricated his personal information—Ray Jun whispered.
“That fake identity is also me. Living while hiding like that was my way.”
“……I see.”
“Well, that’s over now though.”
Ray Jun, who suddenly changed his voice to a bright tone, buried his head deep into Kang Siwon’s shoulder. Kang Siwon tried to shake him off out of habit, then just stayed still.
He’d felt it from before, but Ray Jun’s life was also quite turbulent. Though he still thought, who was he to pity anyone, it was true that a deep shadow was cast over Ray Jun’s childhood too. It was just a different texture from the misfortune he himself had experienced.
Perhaps Ray Jun’s inhumane aspects originated from this kind of upbringing. Of course, even so, Kang Siwon had not the slightest intention of unconditionally accepting his flaws. He just felt an indescribably complex and subtle emotion.
