So even though it was a place where someone could appear from anywhere at any time, he forced through an act that should be done secretly in a space cut off from the outside. Seonwoo was certain he would have committed the same act even if the place where he reunited with Taejeong wasn’t the stairs but rolling around on the lawn beyond the glass window.
Then, if someone had caught them in the act, would he have stopped? It didn’t seem likely. Seonwoo wouldn’t have let go of Taejeong’s hand even if others’ contemptuous gazes were directed at him.
Seonwoo felt sexual desire for Taejeong and wanted to release it in some way. Was the dream he had a few days ago the trigger? Whatever it was, a hollow laugh came out at the fact that Seonwoo was so absorbed in the act with Taejeong that he couldn’t even think of his sick mother.
“…Where did you go?”
A powerless voice was heard in his ear. Heat rushed to his head and he felt dizzy. His vision spun round and round. Seonwoo couldn’t come to his senses and obediently answered.
“Mom’s hospital…”
“……”
Even while speaking powerlessly with energy drained, his pronunciation was accurate. So it should have been heard clearly, but Taejeong said nothing. Seonwoo was immersed in the afterglow. His toes tingled and his body felt languid. It had been so long since he felt this sensation. He leaned his slackening body against the wall and gasped hot breaths.
“……”
It was Taejeong who got up first. Just when he thought he would leave alone, he grabbed Seonwoo’s wrist. He said it felt disgusting because semen was on it, but didn’t let go. Where he dragged Seonwoo to was the bathroom in the second-floor hallway. Still without letting go of the wrist, he headed to the sink. He made him wash his hands like that.
Was it because of the sensation of cold water touching his skin? Or was it because he accepted reality? It felt like all the complicated thoughts were being washed away along with the stream of water. Seonwoo, who was obediently entrusting his hands, suddenly said,
“Don’t you have anything to eat at home?”
He hadn’t felt anything just moments ago, but suddenly he felt crazily hungry. Even his stomach made a growling sound.
“I’m hungry. I’ve been starving.”
It was an indifferent tone, but because of his noticeably haggard face in less than a week, his sincerity could be felt. He had purely not eaten of his own will, but because of his tone, it sounded exactly like he had been forced to starve.
“……”
Taejeong, with whatever wind had blown, took Seonwoo to the first floor. Then he opened the refrigerator and showed him. Side dish containers were piled full. On the upper shelf were various side dishes, and below were fruits cut into easy-to-eat sizes. There were various kinds like apples and oranges.
“Even when I say I won’t eat, she keeps making them…”
The housekeeper had made and piled them up every day before leaving. If Taejeong didn’t eat them anyway, they would be thrown away as is, but it seemed she didn’t care about that. She must want to feel at ease this way. To Seonwoo, it only felt like hypocrisy no matter what.
Seonwoo took out the side dish containers one by one and moved them to the dining table. The empty table was quickly filled. Even when Taejeong nagged him not to be greedy, he didn’t pretend to listen.
“Ah, you don’t eat.”
“I wouldn’t eat it even if you gave it to me. Crazy bastard.”
He didn’t like the idea of this going into Taejeong’s mouth. It was a pointless stubbornness. Seonwoo took out the side dish containers in a row but only brought chopsticks.
He sat down as is and picked at only the side dishes without rice. He didn’t pour even a glass of water. When he felt his throat getting blocked, he ate fruit. He ate japchae, then ate an orange, then ate braised potatoes, then ate strawberries… The meal combination was a complete mess.
Seonwoo didn’t move his hands hurriedly and chewed his food thoroughly even while his jaw hurt. Yet to others, it seemed like he was forcing himself to eat reluctantly. He himself was fine, but the person watching would get indigestion.
“……”
Taejeong looked at that sight unfavorably, then went up to the second floor. Seonwoo didn’t care and kept eating. Even after eating for a while, his insides felt empty, so there was no sign of the meal ending.
It was about 30 minutes after sitting at the dining table. Suddenly, sleepiness rushed over him like crazy. Seonwoo was already chewing food with his eyes half-closed. Even lifting chopsticks felt heavy, so his movements moved sluggishly.
Because his eating speed was slow, the food hadn’t decreased much compared to the time that had passed. Seonwoo stared blankly at the food that was still quite plentiful, then began to roughly push it aside to one side of the table using the back of his hand.
He was too sleepy to have even the strength to climb the stairs. He collapsed onto the table where he had secured a little space. Even though the smell of food lingered at the tip of his nose, his eyes closed. He thought about taking off his shoes at least, but couldn’t overcome the pouring sleepiness. Like that, Seonwoo suddenly fell asleep in the middle of eating.
ლ
The back of his neck was stiff. He tried to change position, but his arm was numb and wouldn’t move. Because of the discomfort recognized once while half-asleep, Seonwoo couldn’t sleep deeply. His body was uncomfortable but his mind was hazy, so an ambiguous state of being half-awake and half-asleep continued.
Suddenly, he thought he might experience sleep paralysis again at this rate. He tried to force his body up, but it wouldn’t quite cooperate. Seonwoo unknowingly made groaning sounds.
How long had he been like that? Suddenly his body floated in the air. The discomfort felt in the back of his neck and arm disappeared. As if replacing that, his chest felt stuffy. It felt like a stone had been placed on his solar plexus—no, it felt like something solid was supporting him from below.
His arms and legs were dangling in the air. He couldn’t distinguish whether he was experiencing sleep paralysis again or having a strange dream. His hazy consciousness cut off and returned repeatedly.
A regular sound was heard in his ear. It wasn’t just sound. The vibration that rang along with it permeated his whole body. After repeating several times, Seonwoo vaguely realized he was climbing stairs now.
When the vibration stopped, his body slowly tilted to one side. At the same time, something supported his head. Whatever it was, a broad sensation gently wrapped around his head. His body was laid down completely like that.
A soft sensation wrapped around his whole body. It was incomparably softer than the cot. His body no longer swayed nor did he feel vibrations. The consciousness that had been ambiguously awake completely sank.
ლ
As soon as he opened his eyes, something dark was blocking his view. It was close enough to touch the tip of his nose. When Seonwoo created distance and fumbled with his hand, it was a wall.
When he moved back a bit more, his field of vision widened. Though dim, it was a familiar structure. Seonwoo gradually recognized that the place he was lying down now was the bed in the second-floor room.
“……”
He slowly raised his body and sat leaning his forehead against the wall. His bangs were pressed upward in a ridiculous state. With his mouth even slightly open, anyone could tell he was someone who had just woken up.
Sitting blankly without moving, suddenly the back of his neck felt chilly. How long did I sleep? His two eyes, which had been loosely unfocused, snapped open. Both hands fumbled over the bed. But there was nothing to grab onto.
Seonwoo bent his body forward and fumbled around his upper body here and there. Then he pulled something out from his inner pocket. It was his phone. Suddenly the screen brightened, making him frown, but he didn’t avert his gaze. What Seonwoo immediately checked was the notification bar at the top.
Fortunately, there were no missed call records. No texts either. No news meant there were no particular problems. But Seonwoo couldn’t feel relieved. He immediately called the number he had saved together on the day he registered the guardian contact information.
“Mom, no, this is Park Seonmin’s son. The patient in the single room.”
He opened his mouth as soon as the ringtone was cut off. It was even before the nurse had responded with anything. When he asked point-blank about the patient’s condition, the nurse who answered the phone was flustered for a moment, then responded with a calm voice.
