“If you hate it, then don’t even cum……”
The moment he spread open his palm to show it, semen dripped down. The feeling of semen flowing down his wrist was unpleasant. Unlike when the sticky semen had clung to the mucous membranes throughout his mouth, this time it was particularly watery.
Seonwoo frowned and was about to head to the sink when he looked down at Taejeong. Then he crouched down in front of Taejeong and vigorously wiped the semen on his shirt. It was a clear act of humiliation, but Taejeong’s aroused body seemed to accept even that as stimulation, trembling all over every time Seonwoo’s hand touched him.
“Ugh, huu, haah……”
“……”
Watching Taejeong panting with his eyes half-glazed over made him feel strange, like something was tickling inside his stomach. It wasn’t satisfaction from having humiliated Taejeong. This unfamiliar emotion that he couldn’t properly identify made Seonwoo feel unpleasant.
He left the room without even knowing himself why he felt upset. The confusion from not knowing the reason spurred on his negative emotions. Seonwoo stomped down the stairs as if he would break them. Unable to control his turbulent emotions, he left the house as if being chased.
He walked aimlessly. It wasn’t a feeling that would be resolved by staying still in one place. Seonwoo thought he was angry.
It’s just that it was strange how he couldn’t control his anger even though Taejeong having seizures like a crazy person wasn’t something that had happened just once or twice. Taejeong’s hot-bloodedness had infected him. There was no other answer besides that.
As he swept up his bangs and put his hand in his pocket, he felt something. It was the note with Seungho’s contact information. Come to think of it, he hadn’t run into anyone when leaving the house. Despite worrying so much, it seemed Seungho had quietly returned without causing a commotion.
“What the hell is the problem……”
Seonwoo muttered to himself while staring at the empty road. When Seungho had visited, he hadn’t carelessly let him into the house and hadn’t blabbed a single word about anything regarding Taejeong.
He could have treated it as if it had never happened at all. But what if, just in case, he really was someone who could help Taejeong? Seonwoo had tried to completely leave the choice to Taejeong solely because of that one possibility.
Because unlike himself, who was suffering in someone else’s house with no connections, Taejeong had someone looking for him.
“……”
Seonwoo’s footsteps gradually slowed and stopped at a certain spot. He missed his mom and dad.
Before he knew it, he had moved far from the house. If he went just half this distance more, it would be the hospital. Coincidentally, the place where Seonwoo had stopped was the midpoint between the house and the hospital.
The image of Taejeong sprawled on the bathroom floor came to mind, but he consciously erased it. What he wanted to see right now was his mom and dad. Thinking of his dad whom he could no longer meet, Seonwoo headed to the hospital.
“I’m her son.”
Seonwoo didn’t spit out his words hastily or raise his voice. Even his expression hadn’t changed much from usual. However, his low, sunken voice contained quiet fury.
“Yes. Normally we would contact direct family members first, but your contact information wasn’t registered……”
The nurse standing beside him explained the situation with a cautious attitude. Seonwoo had just arrived at the ward. He had been heading to the hospital room when a nurse at the station recognized him and called out to stop him.
That his mother’s condition had worsened over the past few days. That visits would be difficult for the time being since they needed to monitor her. Those words flowed past like ambient noise. They didn’t enter his head all at once.
Only after mulling them over several times could he understand. When he asked why they hadn’t contacted him, that was the answer he got back.
“……”
He couldn’t say anything. Because what the nurse said was right. Even now, he had been using the phone in his coat’s inner pocket without even knowing the phone number until now. Seonwoo searched through the phone settings to find the number.
“Please register the number written here. If something happens……”
For a moment Seonwoo hesitated, then chose his words again.
“Please be sure to contact me next time.”
He became cautious about even uttering words out loud, afraid they might become reality. There shouldn’t be a next time. As he walked to the hospital room, his feet felt like they were stepping on air rather than ground. Seonwoo walked sluggishly like someone who had lost their soul and plopped down heavily in the chair.
His mother was exactly the same as the last time he had seen her. She just lay there without moving. But perhaps it was because he had heard her condition had been bad? She seemed paler and more gaunt than before.
“……”
Seonwoo kept his mouth tightly shut and only swallowed dry saliva. He had nothing to say even if he had ten mouths. He was in no position to speak carelessly to the nurse. If he had come more often from the start, no, if he had visited every day, he would have been by his mother’s side.
While his mother was sick, he had been wasting time supposedly for Taejeong’s sake. And it hadn’t even helped. Nothing had changed. Seonwoo felt that everything he had been doing all this time was completely meaningless.
He hung his head deeply, having no face to show his mother. Beyond regret, he felt self-loathing. He was about to lean over onto the bed when he stopped, worried his coat might touch the sheets. Reluctantly getting up, Seonwoo headed to the closet. There was nothing inside except two hangers.
As he took off his clothes, the paper in his pocket caught his eye. Seungho’s face suddenly came to mind. While some people had no one to ask for help even if they wanted to, the handwriting that must have contained carefully pressed-down worry for his nephew felt needlessly spiteful. As if venting his anger, Seonwoo clenched his fist and crumpled it up. He threw the paper that had become no different from trash into the closet.
From that day on, he camped out in the hospital room.
The nurses were troubled by Seonwoo not leaving even after visiting hours ended. But that was only brief. After exchanging phone calls with someone from the station, from then on they treated Seonwoo like a piece of furniture newly brought into the empty space of the hospital room, as if he were there yet not there.
Having arrived without any preparation, all he had was his phone and wallet. He bought the immediately necessary things from the convenience store. Toiletries, a phone charger, and underwear to change into.
While he was at the convenience store, he bought a triangle kimbap. Even though he had no appetite, he forced himself to eat it. He got through a day’s meals with one triangle kimbap, but didn’t feel hungry. It was because he hadn’t moved his body at all.
Seonwoo merely existed in that spot. He did nothing. He would lean over at the foot of the bed, and when a nurse came in he would briefly step aside, then just repeated returning to his place.
Because his insides were noisy, drowsiness didn’t wash over him even when night came. The single-patient room with the lights off was silent. Seonwoo lay on the cot and blankly looked up at the ceiling.
The light faintly entering through the gap in the window curtains created shadows on the ceiling and walls. The beeping machine sounds at regular intervals, the sound of the humidifier emitting vapor, the sound of carts moving in the hallway. He could hear the noises that constantly reminded him this place was a hospital.
After tossing and turning for several hours, he finally fell asleep, but it didn’t last long. When he opened his eyes again, it was still dim and dark. His shoulder hurt too much. Seonwoo was rubbing his shoulder when it felt really strange, so he headed to the bathroom.
Standing in front of the mirror and taking off his clothes, his skin was swollen and mottled. When he approached closer to look carefully, it was in the shape of handprints. It looked like it would become blue bruises in a few days. As he slowly rotated his arm in a circle with his elbow, his shoulder ached as if he had muscle pain. Seonwoo muttered curses under his breath and repeated stretching.
His condition improved a little, but his sleepiness had completely flown away. Rubbing his stiff eyelids, he walked to the bed. Seonwoo would check on his mother’s condition from time to time. Whether the light cast on her face was sunlight or the dim night light, his mother always had her eyes closed without moving.
