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“Help me pick out clothes later. Ah, should we just go shopping? Are you busy today?”
I asked Cha Geonhyeok in an enthusiastic voice. Cha Geonhyeok, who had cleanly emptied his bowl, shook his head while drinking water. There were so many things thrown out there that I couldn’t tell what he was saying no to. When I waited quietly, he removed his lips from the glass.
“Don’t go shopping.”
“…Why?”
I wanted to wear cool clothes. I didn’t have any stylish clothes suitable for meeting with Woogyun.
“Since it’s the first time, go out wearing something comfortable. Don’t wear new clothes and get more nervous for no reason.”
“…You’ve dated a lot, haven’t you?”
“As if a twenty-year-old could have dated that much.”
What should I call this? Should I say his self-objectification is too accurate? I stared at Cha Geonhyeok while bringing the soybean paste to my mouth that I’d been holding. What. He tilted up his chin and asked with his eyes. I slightly avoided his eyes and continued using my chopsticks.
Cha Geonhyeok got up from his seat. I thought he was going to watch TV, but he went to the fridge. Opening the freezer instead of the refrigerator, it seemed he chose ice cream for dessert.
“Lee Yunhae.”
“Yeah?”
“Look at this.”
At Cha Geonhyeok’s voice tinged with laughter, I stopped eating soup and raised my head. A strangely shaped Bibibig was held in his hand. It was the result of leaving the ice cream on the low table until sex ended.
“That’s why I told you to put it away yesterday.”
“It’s fine as long as it tastes good.”
Cha Geonhyeok came back after throwing the wrapper in the trash. Seeing him eat several bites without caring, the taste must be okay. But, there was only one Bibibig.
“Give me a bite?”
“…Yeah.”
Okay, I heard Cha Geonhyeok’s answer and diligently brought the remaining rice to my mouth. When I finished eating and put down my spoon, there was really only exactly one bite of Bibibig left. That greedy bastard. Next time I’ll make him drink a ton of alcohol and make him buy a whole pile of ice cream. I ate the one-bite ice cream while making such a plausible plan in my head. Maybe because it melted once and froze again, the texture was a bit different. But it still tasted good.
While Cha Geonhyeok, who moved the empty dishes to the sink, played music and washed dishes, I cleaned. It was work I chose because I felt like I’d just keep looking at the clock if I didn’t do something, but in conclusion it was a good thing. Time passed well, and the house became clean. It shone even more sparkling than usual after cleaning. It was thanks to the prepared worker Cha Geonhyeok earning his meal. He swept and wiped every corner I couldn’t reach instead of me.
After refreshingly finishing even the laundry, Cha Geonhyeok and I washed up in order and came out. I held him back as he said he’d go home now and carefully dried my hair. I fiddled with my styled hair while looking in the mirror this way and that. I took my hands away and crawled to Cha Geonhyeok, who was sitting as if lying down on the mattress watching TV and eating snacks.
“Is it okay?”
Cha Geonhyeok looked over my hair. He turned his eyes back to the TV.
“Your original hair is better.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s tacky.”
“…Don’t eat snacks there.”
I pointed at him and went back the way I came. I removed the part I’d painstakingly created with a bitter touch. I turned on the dryer and combed my hair with my hand to restyle it. A hairstyle similar to usual but a bit neater was completed. I decided to be satisfied with this and went in front of the wardrobe.
“Looking at the clothes Woogyun wears, just clean would be best, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Something like this?”
I held an ivory shirt with just a small logo against my body and showed it to Cha Geonhyeok. He, who put snacks in his mouth, nodded his head.
“Pants? Jeans? Or black ones? Beige?”
“Dark jeans.”
“Okay. Ah, this is your denim jacket. Take it when you go.”
I took out the outerwear Cha Geonhyeok left at the festival and hung it on a dining table chair.
“Can I go now?”
“Ah, look at how I am. And let’s go out together later. Okay?”
I said while taking off my short-sleeved t-shirt to try on clothes in advance. Cha Geonhyeok flipped channels with an annoyed expression. He didn’t give any answer, but Cha Geonhyeok didn’t leave.
As planned, I got nervous from three o’clock. I walked around frantically and couldn’t settle down, and I took out my laptop to escape to homework but couldn’t even press the power button properly. Cha Geonhyeok clicked his tongue watching me like that. As if he couldn’t stand watching anymore, he turned off the TV then came down beside me sitting in front of the low table. He put away the laptop and opened a notebook, drawing lines.
“…What is it?”
“Hangman.”
“…A.”
Cha Geonhyeok, who took out and bit a cigarette, drew a circle at the end of the gallows. What nine-letter English word doesn’t have the letter A? Click, the end of the cigarette lit. I crossed my arms and carefully chose letters.
When I’d hanged two simple-drawn people on the gallows and barely saved another one, Cha Geonhyeok put down his pen. When I said let’s do one more round, he showed me his wristwatch. It was three forty. Aaaah! I screamed and pushed him away, then quickly changed into the clothes I’d chosen. Even though it was only a 10-minute walk to the bus stop where we were meeting, my heart was urgent and I finished preparing to go out in about 2 minutes. I stomped my feet while watching Cha Geonhyeok slowly put on his top, then just dragged him outside.
The weather was nice. My mood floated lightly. I, with a smile blooming on my face, headed toward the intersection with the bus stop while having meaningless conversation with Cha Geonhyeok. I received a greeting from Cha Geonhyeok to have fun, and parted with him there. Cha Geonhyeok also lives alone. I don’t know where his place is, but seeing him walk, it didn’t seem too far. Anyway, that wasn’t what was important right now.
Once I was alone, it started to feel real that I was meeting Woogyun just the two of us. I shoved earphones into my ears and searched for and played music that would ease tension. I repeatedly turned my phone screen on and off. I felt like I was going to vomit my heart. Woogyun. Meeting Woogyun just the two of us. Can I even look at him? Can I speak properly? Whenever I’m with him, my head always goes blank. To what extent, you ask….
“Yunhae-ya, you came early?”
“……”
To this extent.
“Yunhae-ya?”
“Uh….”
Isn’t this beyond timid and an illness? My heart touched my ribs. Really, it felt like that.
“Why is your face so pale? You’re originally pale but somehow…. Oh, it’s turning red.”
Woogyun pointed at my face and laughed brightly. If only you can smile, I think I’d be okay even if my face were blue. Nonsensical thoughts bubbled up in my head. Haha, I couldn’t say those words so I smiled back like an idiot.
I barely managed to say thank you for coming out with me after taking out my earphones, and soon got on the arriving bus with Woogyun. Because it was the weekend, there were many people so I ended up standing apart from him, but I thought it was rather fortunate. It was an opportunity to calm my body that was stiffly tense.
I muttered “it’s okay” about 500 times in my head. Then, when I felt like blood circulation was smooth, we arrived at our destination.
We got off the bus and went to the art supply store Woogyun usually goes to. On the way, we had small talk about painting. I still stammered and usually had a stiff expression, but Woogyun didn’t ask me why I was like that and continued to speak to me comfortably.
The art supply store we arrived at before long smelled of old paper. I thought it suited Woogyun well.
Since I had a history of ruining watercolor paintings many times in art class in the past, I chose acrylic paint after much deliberation. I followed behind Woogyun and selected and put in art supplies that matched it, but when I tried to buy 32-color paint, Woogyun recommended 12 colors with less volume. He said I could gradually collect paints, so I should first check if I gain interest in painting. I took his words to heart and bravely asked questions about things I didn’t know. Of course, Woogyun gave me clear answers in a kind voice.
As I felt it, the atmosphere of the conversation was gradually becoming bright and smooth. I worked hard to maintain that atmosphere and successfully finished buying art supplies and left the art supply store. Even after spending a ton of money, my mood ended up being good. But I was a bit troubled. The plan I made alone was to go to a restaurant after leaving the art supply store, but it was still too early to eat.
“I was going to buy you a meal…. You’re not hungry, right?”
“You were going to buy me a meal?”
His smiling face was clear. I wanted to give him my entire wallet.
“Of course…. You helped me, buy paint and palette and brush and… those things.”
I said while adjusting my backpack. A rattling sound came from inside the bag with art supplies.
“Mm, I ate lunch a bit late so I’m not hungry. It’s awkward to go somewhere now, so should we walk around until we get hungry?”
“Sh-should we?”
“Let’s do that.”
Woogyun, who put a period on my rough answer to give certainty, turned his steps. He skillfully parted people and led me to a car-free street with many things to see. It showed he’d come often. What is this, he looked cool being proficient.
We walked slowly and looked at street vendors selling curious items. All the merchants were smooth talkers to the extent I almost opened my wallet as if enchanted. To show a frugal appearance of not making impulse purchases, and also thanks to my personality that doesn’t bring in things well originally, I didn’t buy anything new. However, while Woogyun went to take a call, I secretly bought a string bracelet he’d looked at closely.
