“At this point, shouldn’t you call me hyung? I don’t want to compare or anything, but at times like this, I miss the old Hwi. I really miss him.”
“Are titles that important?”
“No. Not at all.”
Listening to Raon’s calm words, Jaehwi grabbed his wrist and pulled up his clothes. As his slender forearm was revealed, Jaehwi carefully examined his skin. Because he’d been continuously receiving IVs recently, needle marks along with bruises remained intact on the back of his hand, his wrist, and the inside of his elbow.
“What are you looking at?”
When he checked not just the left arm but the right as well, Raon grumbled and sharply pulled down the sleeve he’d raised.
“Are you really going to be a Guide?”
“I don’t want to fight with you right now.”
“If you say you’ll give up being a Guide, I’ll consider other relationships.”
Jaehwi grabbed the sleeve that had been clumsily crumpled and draped on Raon’s arm and neatly pulled it down for him. This wasn’t content to discuss at length in Raon’s office when they didn’t know who might come in when. Moreover, wasn’t Jay right outside the door?
“I don’t want to, and I’m going to do everything.”
“…I’m giving up one thing too, so Team Leader Kang should also give up one thing.”
“Hwi. Do you think I’ve ever given up on anything in my life?”
“Learning it this time wouldn’t be bad either.”
Jaehwi, who had even fastened the buttons, stopped in his tracks at Raon’s action of hurriedly grabbing his collar as he tried to step back.
“Hyung~”
At Raon’s words while suddenly looking at him and grinning, Jaehwi inwardly chewed out a curse and clicked his tongue. No matter what he did, he was in the palm of Raon’s hand.
Raon, who smiled brightly and brought his body closer, was tilting his head back fully and looking up at him. Raon, who slightly moved those lips he had just been biting and sucking on to say again, ‘Repeat after me. Hyung,’ was impossible to escape from within his palm.
“Hyung…”
“Team Leader Choi!”
“Hey! Kang Raon. No matter how much I think about it.”
The moment Jaehwi’s mouth opened, the door burst open and Hyukjin’s voice shouting as he suddenly barged in, along with Jay’s voice urgently trying to stop him, covered Jaehwi’s small voice.
“…Both of you get out.”
Raon spoke toward Jay and Hyukjin, but the one who didn’t miss the opportunity and disappeared was Jaehwi.
* * *
“Eat some more of this. When you’re sick, eating well is the best.”
Raon couldn’t help but laugh softly at Hajun’s action of pushing the braised short ribs plate that had been between them toward him. It was because all the main dishes were clustered in front of him.
“You eat too, hyung. You’re not thinking I can eat all of this, are you?”
“I’m not hoping for that much, so at least taste a little bit of everything. What did you eat for lunch?”
“This and that. Why did a busy person ask to meet?”
“Do we have to have business to meet?”
At Hajun’s affectionate words, Raon shook his head and brought over the bottle containing traditional liquor that had been in front of him. Then, before he could stop him, he filled his own glass.
“I’m all better. I’m not taking any medicine either, so don’t think about stopping me.”
Raon, gripping the bottle tightly in case Hajun might take the liquor bottle again, downed the glass he’d filled in one go.
“Alright. I won’t stop you, so drink slowly. Eat some meat too.”
At Hajun’s words as he withdrew his hand that he had clearly extended forward with the intention of taking either the liquor bottle or glass, Raon defiantly filled his glass again.
“You know why I came out when hyung said to meet today, right?”
“I know.”
“I really hate half-hearted, strange, and weird relationships. Will you just remain as a close hyung? Or should we become complete strangers? Choose.”
This was the reason he had responded to Hajun’s dinner proposal—Hajun who contacted him frequently, checked on his health, and tried to take care of his meals as if he really planned to marry him or something.
“Ah, was our Raon such a resolute person? You’re scary?”
“Don’t joke around. Even without hyung, I have a lot to think about and a lot of concerns. I’m asking you not to add to it.”
“That’s why I said I’m not rushing. Just occasionally eating and drinking like this. Would that be okay?”
“…I’ll refuse private meetings. I can’t help meeting at gatherings though.”
“Did you come out today to say this? I shouldn’t have spoken honestly.”
“Yes. You made a mistake.”
Raon didn’t speak roundabout. When Hajun took the liquor bottle, perhaps because the alcohol appealed to him as much as to himself, he ordered additional liquor instead of getting that bottle back.
Perhaps because it had been a while since he drank, the alcohol went down especially smoothly today. Just as his lukewarm relationship with Hajun was wandering in a maze, so too was his relationship with Jaehwi. Just as he ignored Hajun’s contacts, Jaehwi faithfully ignored his contacts.
He was still avoiding him, and whether it was really coincidence or consideration for himself who was searching for him, even when they happened to run into each other, Jaehwi was no different than usual. He politely called him Team Leader Kang and only discussed work-related matters.
Just as unpredictable as Jaehwi whose feelings couldn’t be known, Bbobbo was also doing as she pleased. She would spend a few days with him, then at other times stick close to Jaehwi for several days. Yet every day she came to find him at the company and drained his energy—what was her intention…
Whether he asked Hyukjin or Jaehwi, or searched for information related to Gem Kittens, nowhere was there any mention that Gem Kittens ate guiding energy. Their staple food was ore, and their favorite thing was also ore. The ore Jaehwi gave her made her excitedly make all sorts of sounds—”Bboong! Ppyang. Pping”—and enjoy eating it, but from him she only took energy.
“Why are you so cold? You could think about it in a different way, even a little.”
New liquor arrived, and Raon, who had been about to pour himself a drink, looked at Hajun who took his bottle and filled his glass for him. Right now, he felt like he understood his feelings better than anyone else. Things like how hard it is to wait for contact from someone who won’t come, what it feels like to cling to someone who won’t look at you.
Jaehwi was also resolute with him, but couldn’t shake off the lingering attachment. If his own heart was like this, he wondered if Hajun felt similar emotions to himself. Probably not as desperately as himself. At least death wasn’t hanging in his future.
Besides, he had grown up like a hothouse flower. There were no hard or difficult things. It wasn’t painful, and it didn’t hurt. It was like that in the past, is like that now, and will be like that in the future.
“I know how futile false hope is. But I understand hyung to some extent too. People’s hearts can’t be defined in one way, and there’s no answer like a math problem. So hyung, don’t be like me. You can do fine without me.”
“…Saying you can do fine without me, that sounds quite hurtful?”
Not much conversation passed between the two. Although the alcohol was loosening his sharpened nerves, basically Raon wasn’t talkative and wasn’t a friendly person. He didn’t stop those who came and didn’t catch those who left, and as long as they didn’t make him uncomfortable, he didn’t attach much meaning to how others behaved.
It didn’t take much time for one glass to become two, one bottle to become two. Raon, resting his chin on the table to support his swaying body, stared blankly at Hajun. They drank together, but his posture was without disorder.
“Do you really like me? Until hyung spoke like that day, I didn’t notice at all…”
“Our little one is extremely indifferent to areas he’s not interested in.”
“…That’s true.”
Come to think of it, his 10 years had been filled with one person. Even though he wasn’t by his side, Jaehwi was everywhere. He had even tried something called effort to obtain things he could get more easily than others even while staying still, to obtain them faster and more.
He traveled, shopped, met people and socialized, but what led him to this point was one single determination to find the lost child. That child he searched for like that… Thinking of Jaehwi made his chest feel stuffy, so Raon let out a long sigh.
“What kind of psychology is it to run away when you like someone?”
“What? Are you trying to get relationship advice from me? You’re indifferent, cold, and even cruel.”
“You’re a doctor, hyung. Even if psychology isn’t your specialty, you must have learned it all.”
“My consultation fee is expensive.”
“I can just pay for this.”
Raon, who had started to be swayed by intoxication, spoke as if sulking with his lips jutting out.
“There must be a reason he has to run away.”
“There isn’t. He can’t do without me, you know?”
“As expected, our little one’s self-esteem is the best.”
Although Raon knew Hajun was teasing him, instead of retorting, he filled his empty glass with liquor. His hand shook and he spilled a little liquor, but Raon, who successfully gulped down the drink, widened his eyes.
Beyond the large window behind Hajun’s back, there were several people in the garden. Since it was common for people who had finished their meals to leave by crossing the garden, there was nothing surprising about people being in the garden.
However, it was eye-catching that there was someone with a good physique at least a head taller than average people. And all the more so if that person was someone he knew. He had said there was special training with Team A this evening. Recently, dungeons had become more unstable, and the dungeon occurrence prediction that had always been above 97-98% was also declining in precision.
As a result, the team members’ abilities and teamwork in conquering dungeons were important elements… No, that wasn’t it—anyway, the person who should be at the center’s training room was right in front of him.
