Time flowed by so quickly it was regrettable, and it was already June. It was less than a week before the June mock exam, the nationwide joint academic evaluation. Regardless of class time or break time, the classroom burned with academic fervor, and the students’ anxiety and sensitivity reached their peak. Even the guys who in March wouldn’t even glance at or ignored universities that weren’t SKY or on the Line 2 or Daehangno line, now clung to their studies with the desperate psychology of just wanting to be a 4-year university ‘in Seoul.’
After that day, Kkotmoa no longer gave me flowers as tutoring fees. Unlike my concerns, things between us didn’t become awkward and were no different from usual. It was just that the flowers I received every Wednesday and Friday disappeared from between us.
Kkotmoa studied memorization subjects excluding math and English at school, and at the cafe only studied English and math. Still, Kkotmoa sought the English god and math god when studying English and math, and I rode a roller coaster while sharing the energy of the study gods.
I clearly felt that Kkotmoa was smart. He never asked again about things I explained once or things he asked about once. He didn’t get similar types of problems wrong either. However, the problem was that since he had continuously been a mid-level student, the amount he had to study for the CSAT was enormously vast. Still, he followed along well while doing reviews so diligently it was admirable.
Kkotmoa was that kind of kid. A sincere and upright person hard to find in today’s world, who didn’t hope for luck like taking an elevator or escalator but steadily and calmly stepped up the stairs given to him one by one.
That’s why he looked even more different. What even was university—others were enthusiastically devoted to private education even by taking out loans, enjoying things beyond their means while riding on their parents’ support. However, Kkotmoa, who said he had two dads—I thought if you have two dads, wouldn’t the economic power be better?—but Kkotmoa, who said his family circumstances were difficult, asked me if I could teach him to study. When asking, he wasn’t servile and wasn’t shabby. He truly purely requested help. That appearance looked radiant.
“Do Teacher, how do you solve this? This is solved with a formula I don’t know, right?”
Kkotmoa asked from the corner seat of the cafe that had now become our designated spot. When I glanced at the problem, as he said, it was a type of problem Kkotmoa had never encountered before. His left hand, as calm as his right hand neatly holding the mechanical pencil, was covering my hand. It was time to share the energy of the math god.
The type he asked about was a somewhat tricky and difficult type. Since it either wouldn’t appear on the CSAT or even if it did, it was highly likely to be one problem, most liberal arts kids chose to give up on that problem instead. Rather than wasting time clinging to a problem that might or might not appear, they dug more into memorization subjects with potential.
However, Kkotmoa didn’t skip over even this problem. Because of his diligence and upright tenacity, I wanted to explain this problem to him. So I wanted to enable Kkotmoa to solve problems similar to this type. Even if it unfortunately didn’t appear on the CSAT.
The CSAT type analysis notes I made for him had edges worn ragged from how much he reviewed and studied hard. Every time I saw that, I felt proud and my chest swelled. However, the notes didn’t have this problem type. It was because I, like other kids’ thinking, focused on Kkotmoa raising his score, so I excluded types unlikely to appear. The hand holding the mechanical pencil was rummaging through the math part of the notes looking for the type.
“It’s not there.”
“Huh? Isn’t this important? But I still want to solve it……”
The tip of the mechanical pencil went between his lips again. Unlike his gentle and docile-looking face, he was a guy with surprisingly tenacious and upright corners. Since there was no type, I had to explain while writing the solution, which meant I had to pull out my caught right hand. I didn’t want to detach our touching hands even for a moment.
“Try writing as I dictate. Then you’ll see the solution.”
Whether knowing or not knowing my shallow selfishness of not wanting to let go of his hand, the small head nodded. I slowly dictated the solution so he could write it down, and smart Kkotmoa quickly understood and wrote down the equations. However, he couldn’t solve that problem to the end. A small vibration rang somewhere. The source of the vibration was Kkotmoa’s bag front pocket.
“Huh? Sorry, just a moment.”
I chose the side of explaining only with my mouth, giving up even on writing the solution to share the energy of the math god, but his neat hand that had been overlapping on the back of my hand immediately disappeared with one phone vibration. The back of my right hand that had been held full of warmth the whole time suddenly became cool. And Kkotmoa’s face receiving the call changed beyond cool to cold, then soon turned pale.
“Ah, yes, yes. Yes, I’ll go right now too.”
Before even hanging up the call, Kkotmoa got up from his seat and ran out of the cafe. I didn’t even have time to catch him. When it comes to running, I don’t fall behind anywhere either, but he really disappeared like an arrow. When I opened the cafe door following him, the taxi he got in was already departing. Since my bag and all of Kkotmoa’s belongings were inside the cafe, I couldn’t immediately follow.
What on earth happened that the kid turned so pale and ran like that? Was it urgent enough to take a taxi without weighing the pros and cons while saying his circumstances were difficult? Does he have taxi fare……
When I thought that far, there was something I needed to check. Kkotmoa always put his phone and wallet in his bag’s front pocket. I, who ran into the cafe, checked Kkotmoa’s bag. His wallet was sitting there obediently. A worn and old wallet that seemed like it would be sold at a market, completely different from my luxury brand wallet. I had never looked closely when he took out money either, so I didn’t know it was this worn. I was worried about the guy who got in a taxi without even his wallet. It seemed I should follow. It was a matter of calling Kkotmoa and asking his location. Even though I knew now wasn’t the time for this, I had my hand on Kkotmoa’s wallet.
What was in the wallet was one check card I had never seen used, a bus card, student ID, resident registration card, and twenty-six thousand won in cash. I didn’t know what day Kkotmoa received allowance, but of the one hundred thousand won allowance, what remained to Kkotmoa was twenty-six thousand won. As someone with an unlimited black card, I felt strange. Perhaps I acknowledged it when I only heard about it in words but didn’t really feel it. Only now did I realize Kkotmoa’s family circumstances were really difficult.
However, what caught my attention more was the family photo. It was a very contrasting appearance from our family who took family photos with show-off smiles. I took out the photo and looked closely. The two adult men and Kkotmoa in the photo were really smiling happily. Jaea, held in the arms of a man I didn’t know, not the flower shop uncle, seemed a bit younger than now. On the back, in Kkotmoa’s round handwriting, it said ‘Spring 2007, the day I got a younger sibling.’ It seems they adopted Jaea last year.
I stared intently at the two adult men. Contrary to the pretty and gentle-looking flower shop uncle, Kkotmoa’s other dad, whom I had never seen, had a tall and refreshing masculine impression. At a glance, he didn’t seem to be a pure Korean. There was clearly not a single woman, yet seeing them look like a harmonious family was peculiar. Our family that shared blood looked less harmonious and happy than Kkotmoa’s family that didn’t share a single drop of blood.
I, who had been stupidly looking at the photo as if possessed, came to my senses at the phone ringtone. While answering the call, I hastily gathered Kkotmoa’s belongings. The moment I left the cafe, I had to hear a voice trembling with anxiety and unease.
-Hyeondo-ya. I’m sorry. You were surprised that I suddenly left without saying anything, right?
“Where are you?”
-Well, I’m on my way to the hospital right now…… I’m really sorry, but I’m so out of it……
“Which hospital? I’ll bring taxi fare. You didn’t even take your wallet.”
I judged it was better for me to speak first than to hear a request from Kkotmoa’s mouth. However, Kkotmoa’s request wasn’t that.
-It’s not about the taxi fare, I don’t have anyone else to ask…, I’m really sorry but could you go to the flower shop?
“The flower shop?”
-Yeah. Dad was so surprised he couldn’t take care of Jaea, so he seems to be alone. I was the same……
His voice became increasingly precarious. I couldn’t understand how urgent the situation was that they left a five-year-old alone. Of course, from what he said about going to the hospital and Kkotmoa’s appearance earlier, it seemed like a very urgent situation, but still, what kind of world is it these days to leave a five-year-old alone?
“Hey, what if a bad, customer comes, huk, how could you leave, that young, kid alone……”
Since I was already running to the flower shop, I was out of breath and couldn’t continue. It seemed I could only feel relieved if I arrived at the flower shop as quickly as possible and saw the five-year-old lump.
-Dad said people who buy flowers are good people. That they can’t be bad people……
“Haah, fuck. Are you, huk…, really saying, that shit……”
My lungs tightened with gasping breaths. I was disappointed that even while entrusting me with a small living creature, he didn’t tell me why he was going to the hospital. However, the worry for the lump with jet-black eyes overcame the disappointment. Instead of asking why he was going to the hospital, I chose to grit my teeth and run. The flower shop came into view. I could arrive in 10 seconds.
-Sorry. I’ll go back right away after checking the situation, so could you watch Jaea for just a bit?
Hearing the voice full of anxiety, I felt relieved seeing the lump visible before my eyes. The small lump was crouched in a corner of the flower shop playing with scraps of leftover ribbon. The lump holding a ribbon in his cute hands looked at me and said ‘hyung-ah’s friend.’ I felt so relieved I couldn’t even feel the sweat on my forehead or the sign that I might throw up from being too out of breath. I instantly regained composure and stability.
“How long will it take?”
-Ah, well…… I think I need to go see first…… I’m really sorry.
“Then just take care of business and come. Today I’ll take Deong-, no, your younger brother with me. I don’t know what it is, but if you’re going to the hospital, you don’t know how long it’ll take.”
-No, I’ll come pick him up even if it’s late, so if you could just stay with him for a bit……
“Never mind that, just tell me how to lock the door.”
The other side of the phone became quiet for a moment. I was listening to the phone while making eye contact with the lump’s clear, jet-black eyes. The lump was watching me talk on the phone and just blinking as if not to disturb the call. Looking at it this way, he seemed like an understanding five-year-old as Kkotmoa bragged.
