The next morning.
When day broke, Baigarten, who hadn’t moved all night, told Ruslan to go down and eat breakfast.
Ruslan hesitated and said he’d bring Sunbae-nim’s portion too, then cautiously looked back at Sarka’s bedroom and said if it was okay, he’d bring Sarka’s as well.
Baigarten had a momentarily thoughtful expression, but nodded briefly.
Ruslan diligently ran down to the dining hall and put food on a plate.
Sarka hadn’t been able to eat much food for several days, so he wouldn’t be able to chew anything hard. Ruslan poured warm water into the soup to dilute it, then carefully placed it on the plate.
When Ruslan entered the room, Baigarten stood up from his seat. Looking down at the plate, Baigarten soon picked up the diluted soup bowl and spoon that Ruslan had separately ladled out and looked at the bedroom door somewhat hesitantly.
Baigarten walked over carefully and knocked softly on the door, but no answer came from inside.
Baigarten hesitated then carefully opened the bedroom door. Ruslan also craned his neck and cautiously peeked inside.
Sarka was sitting on the sofa, deeply asleep. His soundly sleeping face was relaxed, and the sheet that had been covering his chest had rolled down slightly. Even though there was a sound of the door opening, Sarka didn’t move at all. He looked completely knocked out.
Having not been able to sleep properly for almost a week due to pain, plus having spent a night full of excitement and tension, it was natural that fatigue had taken over his entire body as soon as the pain disappeared.
Sarka had fallen into a drowsy sleep as if half-unconscious, breathing deeply. His chest faintly swelled and slowly subsided.
Baigarten looked toward the bed hesitantly for a moment. He had a conflicted expression about whether it would be better to lay Sarka on the bed to sleep comfortably, but seeing the remains of the restraints still hanging on the bed headboard, Baigarten soon changed his mind. If he was moved by someone’s hands while sleeping and woke up again in that bed, Sarka would have terrible thoughts.
Baigarten walked over carefully, picked up a pillow from the bed, walked to Sarka’s sofa and set down the soup bowl on the table.
Baigarten, who had slightly lifted Sarka’s head hanging toward his shoulder, propped the pillow behind his neck and adjusted it slightly so Sarka’s neck wouldn’t be bent.
Sarka was sleeping so deeply that he didn’t wake even as his neck was moved. Ruslan held his breath watching the sleeping Sarka’s face.
Though he looked exhausted and tired, Ruslan was somewhat relieved to see that the blue vein marks remaining on Sarka’s nape had disappeared. Sarka’s left hand hanging over the sheet had returned to a white color. Though the wounds remaining on his face and wrists hadn’t disappeared yet, at least the poison that had been tormenting his body had completely vanished. Though Sarka was a bit pale, he had returned to a complexion that now looked more or less like a living person.
Baigarten also checked Sarka’s complexion and let out a faint breath. Baigarten pulled up the sheet that had slipped down and covered Sarka’s chest well again, then walked to the bed with muffled footsteps, removed the remains of the restraints, and silently pulled out the bag from under the bed.
Picking up the bag, Baigarten quietly exited the room with muffled footsteps. Sarka slept making faint breathing sounds without any movement.
Ruslan stared intently at the soundly sleeping Sarka’s face, then reluctantly turned his head when the door closed.
Having left the room, Baigarten looked down at Ruslan for a moment, then quietly walked to the table.
The two had a late breakfast in silence.
Having emptied his plate with a tired face, Baigarten spoke lowly when Ruslan finished eating. His voice that had stayed up all night was slightly cracked and locked.
“You should go now. ……You don’t know anything about yesterday’s incident. Even if you meet the Headmaster or others, don’t act like you know. ……The skill you showed yesterday should be enough.”
Ruslan unconsciously nodded his head while reading the room a bit. Baigarten said they’d see each other at lunch and sent Ruslan out.
Ruslan looked back at Sarka’s bedroom before leaving the room.
As the tension released, Ruslan couldn’t tell what state of mind he’d attended class in either. Half-dozing, he barely came to his senses after being pointed out by professors several times, but his whole body ached continuously and drooped limply. Bruce’s gang laughed imitating the sickly chicken-like appearance of Ruslan, but he was too sleepy to even hear it.
Having napped lying down in a corner of the library during every break, Ruslan finally recovered a bit of energy around lunchtime.
Baigarten, whom he met in the dining hall, also had a tired expression. When Ruslan worriedly asked Baigarten, who was putting food on his plate as if to bring it to Sarka, whether he had rested a bit.
Baigarten shook his head and answered in a murky voice.
“I have to leave right after bringing Sarka lunch. I have some things to do.”
“Sarka is……”
“He woke up a little while ago. His condition isn’t that good but… I don’t think it looks dangerous.”
The last expression was ambiguous. Ruslan’s chest swelled with relief and deflated.
Baigarten too had been guarding Sarka’s room in shifts all week and experienced last night’s tense incident, so it seemed fatigue was rushing in now that the tension had released.
Ruslan, who had been worriedly looking up at Baigarten rubbing his brow hard, hesitated and asked.
“Sarka’s lunch… shall I bring it? So you can rest even a little before you leave……”
Baigarten unconsciously started to shake his head but stopped. A faint thought suddenly flashed through his teal eyes.
Baigarten had a thoughtful expression looking down at Ruslan for a moment. A subtly gauging expression crossed his face, then changed to a slightly hesitant look.
“……Should we try that?”
That voice sounded exactly like he was asking himself. When Ruslan blinked, Baigarten, who had been absorbed in deep thought, experimentally handed the plate to Ruslan.
“……Try… bringing it to him.”
While handing over the plate, Baigarten stared intently into Ruslan’s eyes as if calculating something.
Ruslan made a slightly bewildered expression, but obediently received the plate.
When Ruslan went up to Sarka’s room, Baigarten silently followed Ruslan.
Though Ruslan hesitated and read the room, he only gestured with his chin toward Sarka’s room as if to say go ahead.
A strange suspicion-like thing dwelled on Baigarten’s face. It seemed he wanted to confirm a thought that had briefly occurred to him.
Before opening Sarka’s door, Baigarten told him in a passing tone.
“……Since waking up until now, he hasn’t said a word. I tried to align his story with yours about your memory, and asked if he’d rather just have your memory erased… but he didn’t answer.”
Ruslan blinked.
Baigarten looked down at Ruslan with a subtle expression, then gestured for him to go in.
Ruslan hesitated then carefully opened the door.
The living room was quiet. Ruslan awkwardly crossed the living room, stood in front of Sarka’s bedroom, then carefully knocked.
There was no answer. Thinking he might have fallen asleep again, Ruslan hesitated a bit then carefully opened the door.
Creeeeak.
At the sound of the door opening, Sarka, who was still sitting on the sofa, slowly turned his head.
Sarka had a languid face.
The pillow that had been propped at his neck had come down to his lap, and the sheet was covering his legs.
Though deep fatigue and drowsiness still remained on his face, Ruslan realized the fingernail marks on Sarka’s face had faded. It seemed his regenerative ability had returned a bit as his supernatural powers recovered.
The bruises and burst wounds on his forehead still hadn’t completely disappeared, but Sarka’s face was now more or less recovering its original shape.
Their eyes met. Ruslan unconsciously hesitated then muttered in a shrinking voice.
“I, I brought lunch……”
“……”
Sarka stared intently at Ruslan without answering. It was a face whose thoughts couldn’t be read.
Ruslan read the room then surreptitiously averted his gaze and walked to the table.
Ruslan, who was about to set down the plate on the table next to the sofa where Sarka sat, hesitated.
The soup bowl brought in the morning remained there with no signs of being touched. There wasn’t even a trace of the spoon being moved.
“……”
Ruslan, who had been fumbling, surreptitiously pushed the plate toward Sarka, hesitated, then picked up the cold soup bowl. Sarka was watching Ruslan’s movements without saying anything.
Sarka’s gaze that had moved briefly stayed on the plate. Ruslan, who had been watching Sarka’s mood as he remained silent without looking back at Ruslan, soon awkwardly turned around holding the soup bowl.
It was the moment when Ruslan, who had been walking surreptitiously, was about to grab the doorknob again.
“……What were you thinking?”
The voice that suddenly popped out was still unrecovered and murkily cracked.
Ruslan stopped and looked back.
Sarka sat on the sofa quietly looking at Ruslan, then asked coldly in a hoarse voice.
“Because of your trivial sympathy, hundreds of people could have died and that didn’t matter?”
“……”
“To satisfy your pathetic sense of justice, watching your own kind get massacred… did you think you could take responsibility for that?”
Sarka’s voice was hoarse and locked, but faint strength had returned. In Sarka’s voice where reason numbed by pain had returned after getting sleep, his characteristic coldness and decisiveness had revived.
Ruslan looked at Sarka’s face rigidly frozen.
When Ruslan didn’t answer, Sarka narrowed his eyes.
The intonation without high or low notes fell strictly like frost despite the hoarse voice.
“I was planning to kill you.”
“……”
“For 7 days, every night I thought about how to kill you all. I was planning to make you die feeling all the despair and humiliation you could experience, in the most terrible pain.”
Ruslan swallowed dry saliva.
Sarka was looking straight into Ruslan’s dark blue eyes as if interrogating them. Sarka’s face was ruthless and stern.
Ruslan released the doorknob with trembling hands. Turning around slowly, Ruslan faced Sarka squarely.
Sarka’s gaze narrowing his eyes and looking straight into the dark blue pupils was cold. Ruslan silently looked into those green eyes, then answered lowly.
“……I understand.”
Sarka’s brow faintly furrowed.
Ruslan looked down at the soup bowl in his hands, then spoke slowly. The low voice trembled bit by bit, but sank calmly with conviction.
“Everyone… gets angry when crushed by force and controlled.
Humans, vampires, it’s the same. They’ll grit their teeth trying to break the crushing force.
……I did too.”
Ruslan, who had gently raised his gaze at the end of his words, calmly met Sarka’s green eyes.
Sarka was looking intently into Ruslan’s eyes with his mouth closed.
Ruslan steadied his breathing. The trembling gradually began to disappear from the voice that had become calm with conviction.
Ruslan looked straight into Sarka’s eyes and slowly pronounced each word one by one. The unwavering dark blue eyes reflected light quietly like a deep sea.
“That way won’t work.
Like that… being crushed by force, nothing changes. It’s only the repetition of endless power struggles.
This fight… will never end.”
Ruslan thought of the conversation they’d once had facing each other in the living room beyond that door. The sentence he’d spoken pleadingly to the glacier-like boy.
Ruslan spoke quietly, like someone dropping an anchor to the depths of the ocean.
“Someone has to stop fighting… and trust.”
“……”
Sarka’s green eyes wavered minutely, looking into Ruslan’s dark blue eyes as if observing an unknown object.
Ruslan looked at that confused face and thought of the boy’s gaze he’d seen yesterday. Those eyes that had looked at the gun barrel pointed at him with a wounded face.
[From the beginning, you never even thought to trust……]
[Could you trust a vampire?]
Perhaps, you…….
The dark blue eyes took on a blue tint reflecting the sunlight, like someone coming out of a long tunnel and suddenly looking up at the sky again. Ruslan calmly breathed in and continued speaking lowly in Frükan’s characteristically strong accent.
“People… should be judged not by <how they were born>,
but by what they <chose>…….
That’s what I… still think.”
“……”
Sarka was faintly frowning around his eyes observing Ruslan’s face. Doubt and confusion floated like suspended matter over the boy’s face.
Ruslan looked straight into those eyes and finally spoke in a tone like a captain who had anchored on a rock in the deep sea and stopped the sailing ship.
“I <chose> to save you. To try… <trusting> you.
So now the rest… depends on your <choice>.”
“……”
Sarka was still quietly looking at Ruslan with a faintly frowning face. Sarka’s eyes with faint doubt floating wavered minutely, slowly observing inside Ruslan’s eyes. Like someone trying to confirm what shape the rock the anchor caught on in the deep water was.
Ruslan met that gaze for a long while. As if opening up to his deepest depths to be verified against all doubt and suspicion, Ruslan didn’t avoid that strange gaze. Like a stopped sailing ship holding its position quietly on the waves without swaying.
After a long while, Sarka turned his gaze away. The thoughtful green eyes blinked without focus.
When Sarka didn’t look back at Ruslan, Ruslan waited for a moment then quietly turned around.
He felt a strange feeling on the back of his head opening the doorknob. Ruslan felt that Sarka was staring intently at his back, but didn’t turn his head. The prickling gaze stayed on the back of his head until the door closed, then disappeared.
When he left the room, Baigarten sent Ruslan a questioning gaze.
Ruslan tried to say something, then hesitated not knowing what to say and looked up at the teal eyes.
Baigarten looked at the soup bowl Ruslan had brought out, then asked with a slightly anxious expression.
“How was it?”
Ruslan was lost in thought, then fumbled and replied.
“We just… talked a bit.”
“He talked?”
Baigarten asked in a strange voice. Ruslan nodded.
Baigarten looked at the door with a thoughtful expression, then looked down at Ruslan again.
Ruslan didn’t explain further.
Baigarten thought for a long while with a strange expression, then sighed softly, said they’d see each other in the evening, and turned around.
Ruslan returned to the dining hall holding the cold soup bowl, cleared the bowl, and had a late meal.
Bruce’s gang was picking a fight and laughing about something again, but Ruslan was lost in deep thought, barely hearing it.
Baigarten, who returned in the evening, looked somewhat busy.
When Ruslan read the room next to Baigarten who was eating at a fast pace with a bag full of documents tucked under his arm, Baigarten suddenly lifted his head.
Baigarten, who had been staring intently at Ruslan, suddenly asked.
“Will you bring dinner to Sarka?”
“!”
When Ruslan looked up with wide eyes, Baigarten looked quietly at Ruslan then briefly made an excuse.
“I’m a bit busy.”
“Ah… yes, yes!”
Ruslan hurriedly replied.
Baigarten looked at Ruslan with a strange gaze, then quickly finished eating and disappeared.
Ruslan hurriedly shoved the remaining food into his mouth and picked up a new plate.
Having put mostly soft foods on it and ladled up a bowl of soup, Ruslan carefully went up to Sarka’s room.
Ruslan, who had been hesitating with a slightly tense expression in front of the door, deliberately straightened his back and opened the door.
When he crossed the living room and knocked, there was no answer from inside. When he carefully opened the door, Sarka, who was still sitting on the sofa, slowly turned his head.
His face with the fingernail marks almost gone had recovered more than in the morning. Ruslan checked where Sarka had been looking originally and hesitated.
The lunch plate remained there with no signs of being touched. Ruslan, whose strength unconsciously drained a bit, bit his lips for a moment, then quietly muttered.
“I brought… dinner.”
Sarka didn’t answer.
Ruslan hesitated then carefully approached the table and surreptitiously placed the new plate down.
Sarka was staring intently down at the plate Ruslan had offered. His brow was furrowed as if absorbed in deep thought, and his mouth was set hard.
Ruslan glanced at Sarka reading his mood, then reached out to clear the cold lunch plate.
That’s when it happened.
Tap, Sarka’s hand moved and gripped Ruslan’s wrist as if blocking it.
Startled, Ruslan froze and looked down at Sarka. And froze completely in place.
Because Sarka’s gaze gripping his wrist was rigidly frozen looking down at his own hand, as if he too was flustered by that action.
“……”
Sarka’s eyes wavered. He had an expression of not knowing himself why he’d done such an action.
The eyes that bewilderment crossed blinked, then Sarka inadvertently released the wrist again.
Looking down at that hesitant hand movement, Ruslan unconsciously fumbled and muttered.
“If, if you were… thinking of eating… I, I’ll… leave it.”
Ruslan’s voice shook wildly with tension and bewilderment.
Sarka didn’t answer those words and scattered his gaze in confusion, half-frozen.
Looking down at Sarka turning his gaze away with a pale face as if he didn’t know why he’d done that, Ruslan suddenly thought of a very young child.
A very fragile and clumsy young child
who hasn’t learned to speak yet and reflexively tries to grip someone’s extended finger.
“……”
Sarka was frozen as if he’d committed a tremendous mistake, with his head slightly bowed, turning away from Ruslan.
Ruslan unconsciously turned his gaze away from him in turn, muttering in a half-cracked voice.
“I’ll… I’ll leave it.”
“……”
Sarka continued to be frozen without even turning his head. Ruslan turned around hesitantly and walked awkwardly like a scarecrow.
The suffocating stillness pressed down on his shoulders and nape with terrible weight. Throughout the walk, from some point on, he felt a prickling gaze on the nape of his neck.
Ruslan felt the urge to look back several times, but held back firmly and grabbed the doorknob.
Until the door opened and Ruslan left, there was only a strange silence behind him where even breathing was stifled.
Ruslan looked back at the bedroom door he’d closed half out of his mind.
Inside the room was frozen in an artificial quietness. As if desperately holding its breath.
