Chapter 11
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I looked back and forth between the two men, both staring intently at my lips. Honestly, what I wanted most was for them to sleep in their own rooms while I rested comfortably here alone. But knowing how they’d react if I said that, I needed to find another way out.
According to the original rules, today was Hajin’s turn. Should I just stick with what was already decided? But if I did that, Hahyun would throw a fit…
“Hyuuung… I want to sleep with you. I promise I won’t bother you tonight—I’ll let you sleep peacefully.”
“Do whatever you want. I don’t care either way.”
The brothers’ statements weren’t helping me decide at all. Was the question of who sleeps with who really important enough to agonize over this much? A wave of reality suddenly hit me.
As I stayed silent for a long time, Hahyun started hiccuping, his eyes anxious. He was always the more desperate one. Hajin was a bit more understanding…
While thinking this, I casually glanced at Hajin and froze at his expression—it was almost unbearable to look at.
For them, this wasn’t simply about who sleeps where for one night. It was some kind of test of affection.
Though I tried to look calm, cold sweat was pouring down my back. Unable to delay the decision any longer or rashly pick one of them, I ultimately chose to run away again. I didn’t know how long this escape tactic would work, but it was worth trying for now.
I took a deep breath and spoke with determination.
“My answer is the same.”
Both their eyes went wide at once.
“What?”
“The same? You didn’t answer before… Oh? Wait, could it be?”
Hahyun, realizing my answer was “both,” curled the corners of his lips into a suggestive smile.
“Wow, was our Juwon hyung into that? Hyung, losing your memory seems to be making you more and more interesting.”
At Hahyun’s words, Hajin shook his head with a disgusted look.
“Is that really your best solution?”
I nodded firmly. They looked at each other, exchanged glances, and without any signal, both climbed onto my bed. Whether they’d anticipated a situation like this or not, the bed was wide enough that it wasn’t cramped even with three men lying on it.
To keep myself from mentally breaking down in this absurd situation, I recalled a French film where one woman and two men shared the same bed. That movie with its beautiful cinematography was remembered by people not for its plot but for that single scene.
In the end, what matters isn’t the content but how it stays in the audience’s memory. When people think back on that film, they only remember the beautiful scene bathed in red tones, not the actual story.
I tried to calm myself by thinking about the movie, but rather than relaxing, my senses only became more acute.
Go to sleep, you need to sleep. Fall asleep, Kim Sojin.
I forced my eyes shut. After the rustling sound of blankets came deep exhaling. I tried not to feel anything, but with my eyes closed, my senses only sharpened, forcing me to open them again.
“Can’t sleep?”
“No… just a little…”
Hajin slipped his arm under my neck. At this sudden move, I glanced at Hahyun to gauge his reaction, but there wasn’t one.
“Every night, Juwon hyung would break things, get angry, and attack us.”
Hahyun’s voice, speaking as if retracing memories, was dry and tight. Eventually, Hajin added:
“When that didn’t work, he started hurting himself.”
I’d seen the wounds on Juwon’s body while bathing, but I’d quickly pushed them from my mind, not wanting to imagine anything terrible. I’d only thought the brothers had hurt Yoon Juwon for not listening—I hadn’t considered self-harm.
Of course, it was possible the brothers were lying and blaming what they’d done on Yoon Juwon, but Hajin’s voice was too grave for that to be true.
“So we had no choice but to restrain him. At first, we only tied his arms, but then he started kicking. So we tied his ankles too, and do you know what you did then?”
I just listened silently. No response was needed for this outpouring mixed with grief and resentment.
“He bit with his teeth, and when that didn’t work, he spit.”
At those words, Hahyun laughed bitterly.
“That’s right. Back then, I thought Juwon hyung was a genius. Who would’ve thought he’d attack with spit when all his limbs were tied? What did I say then?”
“You said you’d cover his mouth too.”
“Ah, right! But even then, he showed no fear at all, so I actually covered his mouth with my hand, and what did Juwon hyung do?”
Again, I kept quiet. The horrifying content beneath what sounded like excited voices made it impossible for me to say anything. I turned my head to look at Hahyun. The corners of his lips were turned up, but his eyes looked like they were crying.
“He bit my hand. That’s when I first realized it. That hyung hated me enough to just bite down without hesitation.”
Hahyun’s gaze shifted to my lips. I looked at his lips too. The way his red lips twitched, about to open but not quite, looked precarious. I turned my head away from his gaze. A deep sigh came from beside me.
My chest started to feel heavier. Though they spoke as victims, the brothers had committed illegal acts against Yoon Juwon, and what Yoon Juwon did to them was self-defense. But why did I feel sympathy for their words? A suffocating feeling washed over me, like a rock had been placed on my chest.
“But you know… with you lying here quietly between us like this… I’m so happy it feels like I’m dreaming.”
As Hahyun spoke with a catch in his voice, Hajin added as if he’d been waiting:
“Really, it would’ve been nice if it had been like this from the start. We… didn’t want to hurt you. Even though you kept pushing people in strange directions, it wasn’t on purpose.”
I couldn’t understand everything because so much was left unsaid, but Hajin’s eyes that seemed to trace his memories, the sighs he let out between words, and Hahyun’s desperate voice told me what they wanted to say.
After hearing the brothers’ words, I started to understand why Yoon Juwon’s soul had fled from his body, and why I’d been pulled into it. The level of pain Yoon Juwon felt in the original story was beyond imagination. His soul probably escaped, seeking a way to survive. The person suited for that body would be someone who could observe from a step removed from reality without fleeing the body entirely.
When I realized there was nothing I couldn’t understand if I tried to comprehend this insane situation and these insane brothers, my mind calmed a bit.
I took both their hands at the same time. In that moment, the two who’d been exchanging words fell silent at once.
“I don’t know why I went crazy or why I was cruel to you, but from now on, I won’t be. What’s important isn’t the past but the future.”
Because the past Yoon Juwon and the current me were completely different people, what had happened before didn’t matter.
Demanding normalcy from abnormal people only made them crazier. To get along with them, I had to become a little crazy like them.
First, for the brothers who were exhausted from Yoon Juwon pushing them away, I decided to start by not pushing them away. Whether to accept their blind love or not was something to figure out later.
But what if they wanted physical things?
The thoughts I’d organized so neatly until now suddenly became muddled all at once. Not pushing away would include physical contact… Could I accept their emotions but not their bodies? Since they weren’t demanding it right now, could I think about it slowly?
Hajin muttered as if talking to himself:
“We’ll carry the painful past.”
Hahyun agreed:
“That’s right, hyung. Just forget it. We’ll do better from now on.”
The words “don’t try to do better, just live naturally as housemates” rose to the tip of my tongue, but I just gave an awkward smile.
“It’s late. Let’s sleep now.”
Hajin’s large hand came over my eyes. My vision was completely blocked by that one hand, and everything before my eyes became darkness. Despite the darkness, strangely, my mind felt at ease.
“Good night, Juwon hyung.”
It sounded like there was a sob mixed in at the end of his words, and for no reason, I felt sad too.
Get it together. Whether this was a dream or reality, I couldn’t give up on life helplessly like Yoon Juwon had. For that, I naturally had to stay by the brothers’ sides, and accepting what they wanted—eventually turning their abnormal obsession into something normal—would be the only way for me to survive here.
Then someday, Hajin’s hand resting on my stomach and Hahyun’s body clinging tightly to my thin arm and refusing to let go might not bother me anymore. It wasn’t a hopeful expectation, but it was necessary to survive.
