After finishing the meal and washing the dishes, Yoonjo leaned halfway on the living room sofa and stared blankly at Seonwoo reading a book beside him. Though there was a tremendous distance between opposite ends of the sofa, Yoonjo casually closed the gap as he always did. Yoonjo hugged Seonwoo’s waist tightly.
“Hyung.”
“…What. And get off.”
Seonwoo, who had been pushing Yoonjo away with his fingertips with all his strength, sighed at the body that wouldn’t budge no matter how much force he used.
“It’s hot, so don’t stick to me.”
“Ah, should I turn on the air conditioner?”
Yoonjo, who got up quickly and turned on the air conditioner, stuck right back to Seonwoo again.
“You really…”
After trying a few more times to detach Yoonjo, Seonwoo eventually gave up. It was because he wouldn’t budge at all, like someone who had spread adhesive on their skin. He thought it would be better to pretend not to know rather than waste energy on such things.
Yoonjo, who had been pushed back like a wave and repeatedly returned to his original position, dropped his eyebrows downward at Seonwoo’s action of obediently starting to read his book. Holding Seonwoo’s waist tightly with his chin on his shoulder, Yoonjo finally grumbled.
“Hyung, do you remember what day it was yesterday?”
“……”
“It was my birthday, and I got rejected.”
Yoonjo, who deliberately emphasized “got rejected,” glanced at the refrigerator. He wondered when on earth he should drink the beer inside, but the answer was quickly drawn out. Not knowing how to be cunning, and having a disposition that had to say straightforwardly what was good when it was good, there was no beating around the bush this time either.
“I really, really want to drink alcohol.”
“By yourself…”
“With you, hyung. No, what kind of pathetic thing is drinking alone? Right? I’m upset about being rejected on my birthday, and you want me to drink alone too?”
Eventually Seonwoo sighed and closed his book with a thud.
“Drink and go home.”
“Yes!”
Though he spoke brightly and cheerfully, that wasn’t Yoonjo’s true feelings. Struggling to hide his complicated expression, he curved his eyes and smiled showing his teeth slightly.
Yoonjo pushed away beer bottles around him, then pulled his knees up and hugged them. He wasn’t the type to get drunk from just a few drinks, but strangely the intoxication came today. Right in front of him was Seonwoo. Compared to the swaying Yoonjo, his face was utterly normal as usual.
“Hyeong…”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s play a truth game… If you don’t want to answer a question, one shot!”
His tongue was twisted so even when he spoke, it didn’t come out properly. His words kept trailing off, so Yoonjo chewed his mouth and blew out breaths. A sweet scent flowed out mixed thickly with alcohol.
“Let’s do it. That…”
At the words reeking of alcohol, Seonwoo’s gaze fell from the small dining table to the floor. One bottle of soju and two cans of beer rolling around. Yoonjo, who said it was so delicious drinking after a long time, had repeatedly pushed bomb shots down his throat. The result of his actions was clear, and the Yoonjo visible to Seonwoo’s eyes now was clearly a drunk face.
Because he was so red and ripe, his skin had become like bread in the oven rather than freshly baked bread, but there was no way Yoonjo would know that.
“Yoonjo-ya, you’re drunk. Let’s drink again next time.”
“I don’t want to.”
He wondered why he was being stubborn for once. Eventually Seonwoo sighed and picked up the beer can placed in front of him. Sweet things weren’t his taste, but the beer Yoonjo made himself had a strong alcohol taste rather than being sweet. That’s why you’re drunk, he thought, taking a sip and quietly watching Yoonjo who had finished a bomb shot in one go.
“Since I drank, I’ll ask first…”
“What could be so curious that Yoonjo drank?”
“Hey! I have a lot! So many! Hyung is a totally curious person!”
His tongue seemed twisted as his speech was quite something to see. Seonwoo leaned his back against the sofa and fiddled with his beer glass.
“Anyway, I’m gonna ask!”
“Go ahead. Acting like you weren’t going to before.”
“Have you dated a guy, hyung?”
“Yeah.”
At the answer that came out obediently, Yoonjo’s eyes grew huge. At the honest expression that would wag busily if only he had a tail attached, the corners of Seonwoo’s mouth curled up slightly.
“Wow, woah… wow… Then of course, hyung.”
“You’re done. It’s my turn.”
Seonwoo, who had been fiddling with the slippery beer cup, asked while looking at the restless Yoonjo.
“Are you gay?”
“No?”
“Then why did you say such things? When you’re not even gay.”
Yoonjo kept mulling over Seonwoo’s question and rubbed his cheek against his knee. His vision spun from the alcohol. Only after breathing out hot breaths several more times could he answer Seonwoo’s question.
“I’m not gay, but I like you, hyung.”
“Have you slept with anyone else?”
“Wow… this hyung really asks without any filtering.”
“If you don’t like it, drink.”
It was embarrassing to say now that he had no experience. Yoonjo immediately emptied a drink and slowly made a bomb shot.
“Then that actor who came… were you two dating?”
At the unexpected question, Seonwoo was silent for a moment before emptying his drink. Wiping the moisture remaining around his mouth with his fingertips, he poured some soju into his cup and asked.
“I don’t understand the intention behind asking that. Are you that curious? Or is it because it’s fascinating?”
It was a somewhat sharp question, but Yoonjo just blinked his eyes. Then he giggled. He was just like a puppy except for not having ears. If Yoonjo had a tail, he would be wagging it mercilessly right now.
“I’m curious. I’m, hyung, curious and I like you!”
Yoonjo, who drank again, put down the beer cup with a thud.
“What happened with you after that, hyung?”
“…We’re nothing to each other. There’s nothing to happen or not happen between us.”
“Then… what was the wish you made to the stars?”
Yoonjo, who barely recalled that wish to be helped, asked as if muttering. After throwing the question and before even hearing the answer, he blinked slowly and yawned small, so instead of an answer, Seonwoo’s hand flew to his forehead and stuck there.
“You’re very drunk. Let’s go in.”
“Hyung, you know…”
Seonwoo’s cool hand moved as if stroking Yoonjo’s face. Because he liked that coolness due to the rising intoxication, Yoonjo rubbed his face against it and moved his lips. He had to say something, but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up.
That man who came then was clearly Seonwoo’s former lover. Though he didn’t answer, Yoonjo wasn’t so clueless as that.
Seonwoo’s voice, sounding tired and unwilling to deal with him, lingered in his ears. Thinking about speaking that way to someone he loved or had loved made his heart feel stuffy. At the thought that there would be no such kind attitude as now if he was pushed outside his boundaries, his throat tightened.
“I, hyung…”
His tongue tip tickled. No matter how much he spit out, the emotion that wouldn’t dry kept pooling in his chest. It felt like forcibly holding a stone so hot he couldn’t even grasp it in his hands. Even so, he couldn’t just hand it over to Seonwoo recklessly.
Whatever happened with that old person, from what Yoonjo saw, Seonwoo was someone with strong wariness. He was precarious as if he would crumble at any moment, yet solid. His behavior when that actor came was exactly like that.
He was anxious sometimes, worried that Seonwoo might lock the door tight and never see Yoonjo again. Though it wasn’t such a shallow feeling that he’d give up just because he was anxious, he felt like he’d be consumed by the heavy emotion surging in his throat.
He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself while fully feeling Seonwoo’s body temperature. Fortunately, Seonwoo’s pleasant scent helped Yoonjo.
“I like you so much, hyung.”
It wasn’t words that came out from fluttering, nor words swept up in his own emotions. The plain truth was unpackaged and raw.
At that moment, the Seonwoo visible to Yoonjo’s eyes had a face whose emotions were hard to gauge. His heart that should have felt no pain since he’d already been rejected last night was pricked repeatedly. Tears welled up chokingly but he couldn’t spit them out either.
He was scared that if he cried he’d look like a child again, and so he’d hear again that it was a childish emotion.
“I’m happy drinking with you, hyung… Just, let’s drink like this sometimes. It’s nice, hyung.”
Yoonjo, who turned the conversation another way, clasped both hands tightly together to calm his trembling body.
What else should he do? What should he do for Seonwoo to properly know his heart? A confession made simply with words had no power.
Yoonjo, who smiled widely, pulled down Seonwoo’s wrist and forcibly put strength into his eyelids that were getting heavy.
“Ah, there’s too much alcohol left. I’ll drink it all. I’m good with alcohol.”
Whether he drank it this way or that way, if it was all going into his stomach anyway, it was better to pour it in without giving any breaks. Yoonjo poured the half-remaining soju into the beer cup and threw it into his mouth in one gulp.
His throat felt like it would burn. Wondering why the soju had such high alcohol content, he barely opened his eyes to see a red cap. No wonder… it felt strong. The soju at Grandma’s house wasn’t the mild one Yoonjo occasionally drank.
Feeling his vision spinning, Yoonjo breathed out for a moment and moved to clear the table. Squirming, Yoonjo tried to put strength in his legs and stand up, but immediately fell. Without even time to make an “eok” sound, thinking he’d hit his knees on the floor, he reached out, but the impact didn’t come.
It was thanks to Seonwoo holding his waist. That suddenly made him feel miserable.
“You’re really very drunk.”
“Hyung, you know. You’re really great.”
“Go in and sleep. I’ll take you home.”
At the kindly touching voice, Yoonjo kept his lips pressed together before spitting out words.
“Ki Seonwoo is fucking ugly.”
“…What?”
With the absurd question that came back, Yoonjo straightened his waist and stood up. When he turned his body, Seonwoo’s face, close enough to touch his nose, came into view. Though it had been rigidly hardened until just a moment ago, now it was a smiling face as if asking when that had happened.
“Right. Let’s say I’m ugly. You’re too drunk, Yoonjo-ya.”
“Look even now. I cursed that you’re ugly but you’re smiling. Why is a person like that…”
Why are you so kind and nice? Yoonjo, who spoke as if muttering, lowered his head deeply and leaned on Seonwoo’s chest. At the same time, he crumbled as if the strength had left his legs. Seonwoo, who skillfully caught Yoonjo, smiled bitterly at the even breathing touching his shoulder.
