Unlike his usual immediate responses, when there was no answer even after a long while, Raon pushed the porridge he’d scooped into his mouth. He’d eaten abalone porridge, but the first thing he tasted was the savory flavor of sesame oil. That’s how all commercially sold abalone porridge is. You could say the abalone only took a brief shower before passing through.
“No.”
Raon’s hand, which had been scooping up porridge again after swallowing what was in his mouth, stopped right there.
“We go into dungeons together and drink together, but there’s no future?”
Although he’d placed the porridge Raon hadn’t touched in front of him, a long sigh finally escaped from Jaehwi’s mouth, who hadn’t even picked up his spoon.
“Team Leader-nim.”
“What.”
“Let’s rest a bit. Both Team Leader-nim and I are people who need a break. Can’t we just eat without thinking about anything, have snacks, and watch a movie if we’re bored?”
Unlike the two of them who kept getting sharp and then softening repeatedly, Bbobbo’s voice tickled Raon’s ears as he flew around noisily by himself, seemingly so excited, going “Ppippippyo!”
“Bbobbo. Stop making noise.”
“Ppiyong?”
“I’m fine, but Jaehwi’s ears will hurt. Stop flying around and come here.”
As expected, Raon pressed down the words rising to the tip of his throat, talking to Bbobbo instead of Jaehwi. When he turned his gaze to Bbobbo for a moment, only then did he catch a glimpse of Jaehwi picking up his spoon.
“Huh? Hey!”
I definitely called you. Words came out sullenly toward Bbobbo, who was lying sprawled not beside him but in Jaehwi’s porridge bowl, who had just scooped up a spoonful of porridge. Whether he said that or not, as if he didn’t care at all, Bbobbo pushed at Jaehwi’s large hand with his nose.
Whether he’d been keeping minerals in his pocket, the hand that wasn’t holding the spoon briefly went down below the table, and when it came back up, it held something sparkling. Raon was dumbfounded at the sight of Bbobbo quickly eating that mineral like a pet receiving a treat and purring while acting cute toward Jaehwi.
“He followed me.”
“He came to find me when it was urgent, and I took care of him while Team Leader-nim was receiving treatment and sleeping.”
“Hey! Bbobbo. You just drained my energy earlier!”
“Ppyoong?”
He stuck out his small tongue and licked around his mouth thoroughly, then lifted his front paw to groom himself, and Bbobbo was only making incomprehensible sounds.
“So there’s no one on my side in this house, is that it?”
“…That’s probably not true.”
It was a voice not much different from before, but Raon didn’t miss the laughter that had seeped between that seemingly calm voice. The slightly raised corners of his mouth and the subtly lowered corners of his eyes were telling of his emotions.
He’s only just turned 20.
Instead of storming out of this uncomfortable conversation, the kid sitting there steadfastly deserved praise just for that, yet Raon had almost pushed him again out of his own greed.
When their eyes met as Jaehwi was petting the grooming Bbobbo, Raon scooped up more porridge with the spoon he’d only been stirring. It felt like Jaehwi’s eyes that met his were saying, “Stop it and just eat your porridge, won’t you? Eat and rest.”
He’s always the one pushing. It was like that last time too, and he’d almost repeated the same mistake this time. There are things that can just be left to flow as they are, but it was his bad habit of liking everything to be certain and exact answers to be derived. Human relationships aren’t things where anything gets defined. This lukewarmness, these relationships overflowing with unresolved variables—it made him uncomfortable.
Bbobbo, who had been quietly receiving Jaehwi’s touch while staying close to him, cried out “Ppiyu.”
Raon wasn’t mature enough as an adult to accept the silent sulking of two little kids. He was closer to a lone wolf pretending to be an adult.
It was Bbobbo who looked at him first. Animal instinct, you could say? He seemed to have been the first to notice that the atmosphere was changing.
“Ppyoooo.”
Making a small sound, Bbobbo walked stealthily across the dining table and lay down beside his porridge bowl. Raon placed his hand on top of Bbobbo’s small back. Want to appear golden right now? While stroking the soft, shining golden fur, Raon didn’t take his eyes off Jaehwi, who was silently just shoveling porridge into his mouth.
“Min Jaehwi.”
“Yes.”
A voice came back with a strong feeling of answering reluctantly. It was full of the sentiment: Please stop this uncomfortable conversation now and eat your porridge first.
“I have so much I want to say, and so much I want to make clear. But since you saved me, took care of me, and even took care of Bbobbo, I’ll honestly tell you just one thing.”
“Team Leader-nim.”
“Ah! I know. I know. While we’re staying here, I won’t say anything more that will make things uncomfortable or make the atmosphere weird. I promise that.”
At the sight of Jaehwi sighing as if giving up, putting down his spoon, and leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, Raon put down his spoon.
“To be really honest, I want to become your Guide.”
“Eat your porridge.”
Even before he’d finished his words, Jaehwi answered decisively as if he’d expected it.
“I know our grades don’t match, and I know my guiding skills are lacking. A compatibility test! Let’s just do that once.”
“Team Leader-nim’s energy is uncomfort…”
“You were taken care of by my energy! I saw with my own eyes your torn skin healing!”
This time Raon cut off Jaehwi’s words. He’d seen it before regression too, and in Donghae as well.
At the words hastily spat out, Jaehwi uncrossed his arms and let out a short sigh.
“Fine, let’s do it. Since you don’t seem like the type to give up until you directly confirm how incompatible we are. If it comes out as compatibility mismatch, don’t ever bring up the ‘gui’ of guiding again, and no radiative guiding either. Got it?”
At the sight of Jaehwi pointing at himself with his index finger and speaking with an expression like he’d really kill him if he spouted nonsense again, Raon quickly nodded.
“Yesterday you were telling me to meet a compatible Guide and even form a bond, but today you’re saying you want to be my Guide. No matter how much I warn you it’s dangerous, you fearlessly enter dungeons alone without any fear. I’m really seeing a lot of sides of you I didn’t know before.”
At Jaehwi’s following muttering to himself, Raon quickly added words.
“If it turns out we’re incompatible, can I guide other Espers?”
Not missing the moment of hesitation, Raon continued speaking again.
“For me, it won’t work with just radiative guiding or holding hands like you. As you know, I’m C-grade. With radiation or just holding hands, I can’t guide enough to satisfy an Esper. Even hugging isn’t enough. They say I need at least mucous membrane guiding to barely cover one Esper of the same grade.”
Without avoiding Jaehwi’s gaze fixed on him, Raon smiled brightly. All the words he was saying now were an adventure. He was curious why he was being so kind, why he was being so considerate. There was definitely something that couldn’t be explained by the nonsensical reasoning that he was just being appropriately nice because Raon liked him.
Jaehwi wanted everything to flow naturally, but Raon didn’t have time. He too wanted to walk in step with him, but Raon knew what the result of the future he’d experienced once had been like. When that day came, he’d somehow prevent Jaehwi from entering the dungeon, but doesn’t no one know what will happen in life?
“It’s a conclusion I reached after agonizing with my guiding coach. I said that even though I’m C-grade, I want to become a Guide somehow. So I’m training in various ways. I’ve been steadily practicing guiding, so the amount of guiding is gradually increasing, and the quality is improving too. Still, I’m very lacking, so they say that to become an official Guide, I need to do at least mucous membrane contact guiding as a basic.”
“You said you’d never become a Guide your whole life, so why are you so desperate to do it now!”
“When did I?”
Raon, who had been answering immediately to Jaehwi’s words, made an ‘oops’ expression. Until he met Jaehwi again, becoming a Guide wasn’t in his plans. Until before regression too… He didn’t remember properly, but 10 years ago, when he was even more immature than now, he was certainly human enough to say such things.
Both young Jaehwi and pre-regression Jaehwi had said they didn’t need guiding or anything, just stay by their side. Just as young Jaehwi had wanted him by his side without any reason, Raon placed a small hope that the current Jaehwi might be the same way.
Watching him stand up from his seat as if there was nothing more to say, Raon tried to shake Jaehwi once more with the words, “Anyway, if I’m not compatible with you, can I guide other Espers?”
“As if you wouldn’t do it even if I told you not to.”
Giving a sigh-mixed answer and clearing away the bowl that hadn’t decreased, Raon put down the spoon he was holding.
“Eat more.”
“I’m full.”
He was clearly facing away from him, but perhaps sensing the small action of putting down the spoon and immediately latching on with words, Raon looked down at the porridge he’d only messed up with his spoon.
“You haven’t eaten anything.”
Even when pretending to be cold, Jaehwi’s true nature of being kind, gentle, considerate, and obedient was clearly the same. When he first saw Bbobbo, his reaction had been ‘why did you pick up such a thing,’ but it was Jaehwi who took care of Bbobbo while he was unconscious.
Even now, while clearing away what he’d been eating, he tossed a small mineral into the air, and Bbobbo, who had been flying around him, caught and ate the mineral as if performing acrobatics.
