<Dialogue between characters in the novel: Korean is marked with ” “, English with [ ]>
- Moving
Kwon Sungha
– Are you done packing?
“Yeah. Pretty much. I just finished.”
The empty living room was simply hollow. There wasn’t a single piece of furniture like a sofa or shelf that you’d find in any home. I passed through the empty living room and opened the balcony door. The balcony was small enough to fit only three or four people at most, but it was adequate for smoking alone.
– You just finished now? It’s almost 11 PM?
“I didn’t have much stuff, but cleaning before that took some time.”
– Ah, right. That’s what I’d expect from the Kwon Sungha I know.
Despite the word “expect,” the other person’s tone was twisted up. A jab followed about how much sweeping and wiping I must have done again. Even though I like cleaning and organizing, I think I only do as much as anyone else does, but Sora, whom I’ve known since middle school, always tells me I make a fuss. Why am I so obsessed with cleanliness?
– How long does it take from there to school?
“I have to leave an hour and a half before class.”
– You’re leaving that early?
“The distance is about 20 miles, but they say there’s heavy traffic toward downtown.”
– Going back and forth almost every day, will you be okay?
“I’m fine. You know I like driving.”
– Still, it’s too far. If the school’s in downtown, you should just get a place over there.
“This place is quiet and nice.”
The apartment I chose after careful consideration was quite a decent place. Instead of tall buildings, there were lots of trees, so the air was good, and it was quiet enough that you wouldn’t know who lived there.
And it was a convenient place to get around if you had a car—there was a big supermarket just a 5-minute drive away, and many Korean restaurants within 15 minutes.
Best of all, what I liked most was the price. A studio in the cramped downtown area was only 7 pyeong for $1,400, but this apartment with one bedroom and a spacious living room was twice that size yet only cost a $2,000 deposit and $850 a month in rent. It seemed wise to have given up on being close to school from the start and looked at the suburbs instead.
Of course, if this were Korea, I’d be criticized for what luxury it was for a college student to have an apartment costing 1 million won a month in rent, but there was a reason why it couldn’t be any less than this.
‘Your mother said she’ll visit often starting this year. Find a place that’s not embarrassingly shabby.’
That was the first thing that came back when I told my stepfather I’d been accepted to a university in Chicago. I hadn’t expected warm words of congratulation from the beginning, so I wasn’t hurt at all. I shouldn’t be hurt toward someone who would pay for my tuition going forward.
“And it’s easier to find work around here too.”
– Work? When will you have time while going to school? Are you doing it part-time?
“Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Just evenings for four days.”
– That’s specific. Did you already find something?
“Yeah. A Japanese restaurant run by a Korean person. I’m starting this week.”
– You found it fast. Who finds a job before cleaning their house?
Soon after, I heard a sigh over the receiver.
– Ah, fuck. I’m suddenly annoyed.
Rather than being surprised by the sudden curse, I laughed. The rough cursing I heard at the drop of a hat was so familiar.
– That bastard who does nothing but act like a hooligan spends thousands of dollars a week, so why do you have to live being so cautious?
“What cautious? Do you think I would’ve gotten an apartment like this if I were being cautious? This is a pretty decent apartment in this area. I should be grateful for this much.”
– You chose a place like that because you’re being cautious. Don’t I know what’s inside your head? You had to choose a place that’s reasonably okay to show your stepfather, but the downtown area is too expensive. So you worried about money again and couldn’t do this or that, and that’s why you went with that place.
Her intuition was sharp as always.
I got a father when I was 12 years old. Having never had a father since birth, I always had a longing for one, and until then, I thought I’d get an affectionate father who’d go to the bathhouse with me on days off like other kids’ families.
However, the person my mother fell in love with was someone who went to the golf course with important people even on his days off. Someone so busy he couldn’t even go to the supermarket right in front of us, let alone a bathhouse. The only person such a person devoted his best efforts to, even spending his precious time, was my mother.
My mother told me she was that person’s first love. And whether that was true or not, that person truly loved my mother. So much so that even now, after 8 years have passed, he still thinks only of my mother.
But what that person loved was my mother, not me. To that person, I was just a possession attached to my mother, like one of several cosmetics my mother brought. A being that didn’t matter whether I existed or not. Having such an insignificant being in front of him every day might have shattered his dream of wanting to live lovey-dovey alone with the woman he loved.
It was when I had just become a 6th grader. My mother, who had returned from accompanying my stepfather on a business trip to America, suddenly asked me if I wanted to study abroad.
‘Sungha. Remember I told you that you got an older brother? He’s in America right now, and they say there’s a lot of things you like there. Do you want to go?’
That person had a son two years older than me. He was studying abroad in America at the time, and my mother seemed to have developed a romantic notion about studying abroad after meeting my brother, who was practically a complete stranger. I don’t know how that person persuaded her, but at the time, my mother tried to convince me somehow, saying she wanted to show me a wider world. So even though I didn’t want it at all, I set out to study abroad amid everyone’s envy.
Naturally, while I was in America, that person never once came to see me. Even when I went to Korea twice a year, at my mother’s request, we had meals together once or twice, but he showed no particular interest in me. But just once, right after I entered high school, he called me aside to a place without my mother.
‘Now that you’re old enough to think for yourself, I have no intention of giving you everything for free from now on. You should be grateful that I’ve done this much for you, an outsider, until now. From now on, think of everything you use as a debt you owe me. You’ll have to pay it all back someday. Let me say it again: I will never think of you as my child.’
He spoke as if it were nothing while flipping through company documents. His tone was dry as always.
He said that for my mother’s sake, he would invest in me until I graduated from college because he had no choice, but I shouldn’t think of studying abroad comfortably during that time, and his goodwill could only extend that far.
It might be a story that would hurt or anger a typical high school student, but I wasn’t greatly shocked. I had never thought of what that person had as mine from the beginning, and I had never thought I could become his family.
When I answered that I understood, he added one more thing.
‘But don’t live so pathetically that you’d embarrass your parents anywhere.’
After saying all the money I use is debt, he tells me not to live in a way that I’d be looked down upon by others. He found the money spent on me regrettable, but he also had to care about his own reputation, so I should handle it appropriately on my own. The person who was my stepfather was truly a cruel person.
– Does that person’s secretary still call to ask how much to send when sending money these days?
“Yeah.”
– Don’t tell me every month?
“Yeah.”
– Crazy… I couldn’t do that even if it were annoying. They say people with money are worse… Why don’t you just ask for like ten thousand dollars or something?
“I have to pay all that back, you know?”
– He said to pay it back someday, but he didn’t say when that someday is. Just spend it all and act like you don’t know. Honestly, even if that bastard won’t acknowledge you as his son, he’s crazy about your mom, so would he really abandon you for doing that?
Even if that weren’t the case, I just didn’t like it. Not because of pride, but because I really didn’t want to freely spend money that wasn’t mine.
After that incident, the money that had been coming in regularly every month was cut in half. To be precise, only as much as I requested came in—always an amount that left no room for any leeway. I only received enough for bare living expenses, and I made up for the insufficient spending money by working part-time at a restaurant even on weekends.
It was only difficult at first, and once I got used to it, it wasn’t that hard. In a way, it was what many people do. Moreover, my situation was better than theirs. Although I always lived with the burden of money, my stepfather, if only for his own reputation, let me choose a reasonably decent place to live and car.
So while I, the person concerned, was fine, Sora, who knew my circumstances well, would get annoyed like this on my behalf then and now. While my only older brother in New York spent thousands of dollars a week, I had to count the tips customers gave me.
“Aren’t you going to sleep? Your classes start tomorrow.”
– My first class starts at 10 anyway. And the school’s right in front, who goes to sleep this early? Even when I had to take the school bus at 6 AM, I never went to sleep before midnight.
“True. That’s why you were always passed out at the cafeteria every morning.”
– Hey. Fuck, you…
Even with grumbling words going back and forth, the call with a comfortable friend was simply enjoyable. Normally, instead of moping alone on the balcony like this, we’d be sitting facing each other. It wasn’t even that long ago, but it somehow felt like it was ages ago.
– Ah, my Sungha. Thinking that you’re not here, I hate everything. What’s even the point of going to school?
“Since when did you go to school for the fun of seeing me?”
“Yeah. I went to school for the fun of seeing handsome Kwon Sungha, why?”
As if. She always said she’d never want to go even if a celebrity she liked attended.
“Anyway, have a good day. Tell me your impressions of what college is like too.”
– Okay. This noona will experience it first and tell you what campus life is.
Sora, who made a big deal out of classes starting just one week earlier, yawned long and finally hung up. When my legs felt stiff and I looked at my phone screen, nearly an hour had passed.
I stood there deliberately for a few more minutes because I felt bad wasting the cigarette I was smoking. It was already my third cigarette.
I need to quit this too.
Cigarettes were truly the greatest luxury I could afford right now.
