Chapter 8
“Meeting for the first time today… that’s not bad. I understand why you’d feel embarrassed.”
Just as I was thinking Hajin had some common sense unlike Hahyun, the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.
“However, understanding and accepting are two different things. Between people who have to live closely together, isn’t it a bit much to be embarrassed about something like this? So our good Juwon should adjust, right?”
Was it my imagination that his gentle tone made me feel like he was really saying, “You better understand what I’m saying”? Maybe the urgent situation had given me telepathic abilities.
Seo Hajin, whom I’d thought was a madman with some degree of common sense, was actually more frightening because of that common sense. He was the type who knew he was doing something wrong but did it anyway.
Realizing compromise was impossible, I finally gave up and quietly closed my eyes. His hand returned to my waist. Startled, I grabbed his wrist and tried to appear as pitiful as possible.
“I-I’ll adjust. I can do it. Of course I can. But I think it would be hard to adjust if we move too fast all at once.”
Hajin’s eyebrows furrowed dramatically. His blue eyes shifted sideways. Feeling like something was about to happen, I swallowed and focused on him. A forced smile slowly spread across his previously cold face.
“You’re saying it takes time to adjust.”
“Yes, yes, that’s right.”
Hajin seemed to understand what I was saying to some extent, but I was still anxious because, as he’d said, understanding and acceptance were different things. So I decided to play a card I’d been saving for a situation like this.
It was a linguistic technique called “scatter language.” In a movie I’d once worked on as staff, there was a scene where someone used neurolinguistics to bypass a criminal’s critical thinking and extract important information. I’d found the method fascinating and memorized it.
Scatter language was a technique of simultaneously dispersing several words that evoke similar feelings regardless of actual content, thereby leading the other person in the desired direction.
I looked straight into his eyes and spoke slowly, as if hypnotizing him.
“Even between people who love each other, it takes time to engage in skinship. First holding hands, then hugging, pressing lips together, kissing… But since I met you for the first time today, it will take time to share warm body heat with someone I might come to love.”
By consecutively using words like “love,” “skinship,” “hugging,” “pressing lips,” “kissing,” and “warm body heat,” the statement sounded like a love confession on the surface, but the real purpose was to make him accept the command “take your hands off my body.”
Hajin, who’d been biting his lower lip, slowly removed his hand.
“Skinship… kiss… people who love each other… haha.”
Seeing him repeat my words and laugh as if pleased, I felt relieved. But that was short-lived—his next words were something I hadn’t anticipated.
“Our Juwon, there are times when you tell me your true feelings… amnesia seems quite good. So, how far shall we go today?”
“…What?”
“I mean, what you’re saying is that you want to take it slow, right?”
“That’s correct.”
“It doesn’t suit my impatient personality, but since you say that’s how people who love each other do it, I have no choice but to adjust to your pace.”
“Yes, I see.”
At my lifeless response, Hajin’s gaze turned fierce.
“Why are you answering like that? When someone asks a question, you should answer properly. I asked how far we’re going today.”
Everything in my head vanished at once. I kept stuttering, “Um, well, you see…” and then, with a “whatever happens, happens” attitude, I finally said:
“Starting with holding hands…”
My voice came out small because I felt awkward suggesting holding hands with a man first. Hajin looked at me with a displeased expression.
Why is he acting like this? I didn’t reject him, my voice was just quiet…
When I lowered my head slightly to avoid his gaze, I heard Hajin sigh above me.
“Juwon, if I didn’t mishear, did you just suggest we hold hands?”
Since I couldn’t understand why Hajin was acting so twisted, I couldn’t say yes or no. From the atmosphere, he didn’t like my answer, but I couldn’t understand what the problem was, which was frustrating.
After pondering, I quickly asked a question to divert his attention, afraid I might provoke his temper if I stayed silent.
“Why?”
“Are you asking because you don’t know? What does ‘progress’ mean? Moving forward, right?”
“And?”
“What I’m saying is, we’ve already held hands, so why hold them again? If you said you want to make progress, we should move forward, not backward.”
“…”
I’d played my last card thinking I couldn’t get completely undressed in front of a man, but things turned out this way. My mistake was underestimating Hajin. Having already said what I said, I couldn’t deny it now, which made it even more frustrating. In this no-win situation, I concentrated on finding a solution.
Having thought of a good approach, I placed my hand on the back of his and met his eyes.
“Hajin-ssi, skinship is like what I’m doing now—when hearts connect and body heat is felt, that’s when it truly takes effect.”
After saying this, I briefly paused and subtly gauged Hajin’s reaction. His expression remained cold. Still, I pressed on.
“But since I don’t remember the skinship we had before, aren’t we starting our relationship over?”
Hajin immediately replied:
“No, apart from before you lost your memory, what about the hand-holding now?”
“Hand movements filled with love and affection…”
“So we’ve held hands, then?”
“Yes! We’ve completed today’s progress.”
I clearly heard Hajin mutter “shit” under his breath as he turned his head, but I decided to pretend I hadn’t heard. Being brazen was better than having my underwear removed.
“I’m not going along with this because I’m stupid enough to be fooled, but because Yoon Juwon is pretty—you should know that.”
“Yes, yes… of course. Hajin-ssi, you find me p-pretty. Hahaha. Shall we wash up now?”
I hadn’t given it much thought while eating and lying around, but as soon as I considered washing up, my body started to itch. How desperate must I have been to escape for them to only wipe my body while I was tied up?
It was probably because in the original story, whenever Hahyun untied Juwon so he could wash comfortably, Juwon would try to escape and get caught several times. Tsk tsk… With such short-sightedness, he was quite unfit as a protagonist. A novel protagonist should maintain an unyielding mentality even in crisis and survive with strong willpower!
Just as I was about to wrap my arms around Hajin’s neck to be carried, Hahyun entered. Hahyun’s eyes narrowed sharply as he saw me, wearing only underwear, awkwardly trying to wrap my arms around Hajin’s neck.
“Hyung, what are you doing right now?”
“Can’t you tell by looking? I’m taking him to wash up.”
“Without me?”
“Do I have to explain everything? You’re not stupid enough to not anticipate my actions, are you?”
At Hajin’s sarcasm, Hahyun’s eyes changed from narrow slits to sharp diagonal angles.
“Ha! So that’s how it is? Just wait and see what I’ll do…”
Guys, guys, you shouldn’t be fighting like this here… I’m only wearing underwear…
No matter how much I screamed internally, there was no way they’d hear me. After the brothers’ staring contest—glaring at each other like they were about to start something—Hahyun’s gaze fell on me. Or more precisely, on my underwear.
“You said you were going to wash him?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why is he still wearing underwear?”
After crossing the big mountain called Seo Hajin, I found a turbulent sea called Seo Hahyun waiting for me. The method I’d used earlier would absolutely not work on Hahyun. This was really bad. In a life-threatening situation, taking off one pair of underwear was something I could just close my eyes and do. But as a heterosexual who’d read Kim Hyunju’s insane novel, I couldn’t think that way.
In the original story, when Seo Hahyun saw Juwon naked, that day became one of torment for Yoon Juwon. Hahyun hadn’t been like that from the beginning. Seeing Juwon’s extreme refusal to be intimate, Hahyun would rather hurt himself than hurt Juwon. He thought it would be more painful to be hated by Juwon than to not have a physical relationship with him. But then one day, Hahyun suddenly realized something.
That Juwon would hate him whether they had skinship or not, whether he endured and abstained or not. If it was all the same, wouldn’t it be less unfair to at least enjoy the skinship and then be hated…
The scenes that followed were so intense I could hardly bear to read them. For me, encountering BL novels for the first time, the shock of such graphic content was indescribable.
“Why is he still wearing it? This hyung keeps ignoring what I’m saying!”
In response to Hahyun’s words, Hajin, who’d been looking at me intently while just smiling, spoke playfully:
“Our Juwon wants to take skinship step by step, at the right pace.”
“What nonsense is that?”
“That’s what I thought too. He says anything he doesn’t remember is invalid because it lacked affection, or something like that.”
Suddenly, Hahyun tilted his head back and started laughing like a madman.
