* * *
Even though Hahyun had just showered, he stubbornly insisted on showering together again no matter what. So we had no choice but to shower together, and that’s when I discovered a wound on his buttocks that hadn’t even formed a scab yet.
“What’s this?”
I questioned him with shock, but Hahyun just grinned and kept fondling my chest. I swatted his hands away and grabbed his waist to turn him around. Hahyun jumped in surprise and pushed my hands away.
“Whoa! Hyung, I’m not mentally prepared for that yet. It’s a bit, a bit much.”
“What nonsense are you talking about?”
Because Hahyun was spouting nonsense, I smacked his back with a slap and examined the wound. At a glance, it was deeper than I had expected. It looked like he had been stabbed or scratched by something sharp, but he wouldn’t have gotten this at work…
“Don’t tell me you broke something else while I was sleeping?”
I asked this remembering the time he shattered a cup when he caught me with Hajin on the sofa. Hahyun didn’t answer but pouted with a troubled expression. When I pressed him again to speak up, he reluctantly opened his mouth.
“…Yes, I’m sorry. But I didn’t know I was actually hurt. Earlier, Hajin hyung kept making me angry…”
“Hey, you crazy bastard! If you were hurt, you should have treated the wound first.”
How angry must he have been to sit on glass shards he had broken himself? And how could I have slept so soundly without knowing anything despite such a loud noise? If I had woken up just a little earlier, this wouldn’t have happened…
I felt angry, as if Hahyun’s injury was somehow my fault.
“I told you! If either of you gets hurt while fighting, I won’t speak to that person!”
Hahyun waved his hands and then spun his waist around for me to see.
“I’m not hurt. Look, my waist rotates just fine, and there’s nothing wrong.”
I put my hand to my forehead and sighed.
“Haah… quickly dry off and come out. I’ll put some medicine on it.”
“What? But we haven’t even kissed yet…”
“Say one more nonsensical thing and you’re dead. Come out quickly!”
I gave Hahyun’s back one more smack before coming out first. When I brought the medicine box, I saw Hahyun sitting obediently on my bed wearing a robe. Seeing him with a gentle puppy-like expression while dripping water, my desire to scold him melted away.
“Hahyun, how can you sit when your butt hurts? You should be lying on your stomach.”
“Because it doesn’t hurt.”
What’s the point of talking to you?
Wordlessly, I removed Hahyun’s robe and made him lie on his stomach. I squeezed out some ointment and applied it broadly over the wounded area. Looking at it made my own face scrunch up in pain.
“No matter how thick-headed you are, how can you not even know when you’re hurt?”
“I really didn’t feel any pain at all.”
“Are you numb?”
Hahyun, who hadn’t been answering my questions, spoke in a small voice.
“This kind of thing doesn’t bother me at all. Like you would know what real pain is.”
I applied the white ointment on his round buttocks and waved my hand to dry it. It seemed like I’d have to wait a bit longer for it to be absorbed. During this time, Hahyun’s lament continued.
“Just because I reluctantly allowed it doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to be with someone other than me. It’s inevitable that it hurts every time I see it. It feels like my heart is being torn apart every day, so what’s a little cut on the skin?”
I stopped fanning and sat motionless for a while. His words about his heart being torn apart every day weighed heavily on me. I was gradually being colored by Hahyun’s pain. When I saw Hahyun’s wounds, I got angry, and when Hahyun cried, I wanted to cry along with him.
“Hyung, are you done? I want to see your face… can I turn over?”
Hahyun had already turned his body and was staring at my face as he spoke. I burst into laughter at the absurdity.
“If you’re going to do whatever you want anyway, why ask?”
“Because it puts my mind at ease. I think you’ll find me cute if I do what you tell me to. Oh right, hyung. Can I see your phone for a moment?”
It was such an unexpected request that I gave him my phone, wondering why. He casually unlocked it right in front of me as if it was the most natural thing.
“Seo Hahyun.”
Hahyun looked up at me with an expression that seemed to ask what was wrong.
“Don’t you know what’s wrong?”
“Huh? What did I do wrong again?”
Left speechless by his shamelessness, I gestured with my chin toward the phone. Hahyun looked at the phone and asked back with an even more confident attitude.
“What’s wrong with this? Surely you didn’t think we wouldn’t know about this?”
Suddenly, I felt the reality of my situation that I had forgotten. That’s right, I was a person who had all freedom taken away by the brothers… Hahaha, not knowing my place, I had been acting as if I had choices of my own. A sudden wave of realization hit me.
“Fine, let’s not talk about it. Look as you please and think what you want.”
I had said it sarcastically, but Hahyun, oblivious to my tone, responded brightly.
“Okay!”
Hahyun examined my phone meticulously for a long time. I had nothing to hide or feel uncomfortable about letting him look. After all, the only people I had seen in this world were the brothers and people related to them.
But it didn’t take long for me to painfully realize that I was dealing with Seo Hahyun.
“What is this?”
Hahyun suddenly frowned and held out the phone.
“What?”
The screen showed my recent search history. Most of it was related to Seo Hajin.
I understood why Hahyun was angry, but feeling that I shouldn’t keep accommodating him, I answered confidently.
“It’s my search history. What’s wrong with that?”
As expected, Hahyun’s eyes began to redden. I firmly decided not to be swayed even if he cried. I couldn’t keep living with stress over such trivial things.
“It’s full of just Seo Hajin’s name?”
Hahyun clenched and unclenched his fist as if trying to control something. It was surprising that he didn’t start crying immediately as I had expected.
“Well… Hahyun?”
Hahyun’s pupils began to change slightly, and suddenly he came behind me and buried his lips in the nape of my neck. He mumbled with his lips against my skin, then suddenly bit down hard.
“Ow! That hurts.”
Even though I said it hurt, Hahyun didn’t let go of me. I struggled to break free but couldn’t.
“Loosen your arms. I can’t breathe.”
“I’ll let go if you tell the truth.”
Is this another of his delusions? Hoping it wasn’t, I cautiously said, “Okay.” Hahyun exhaled a hot breath on my neck, then licked it longingly.
“I don’t even have a heart left to be torn apart anymore. So just… tell me you were planning to run away with Hajin hyung. And tell me when, where, and how you’ll go. So I can follow you.”
“Silly, would someone running away tell all that before leaving?”
I resigned myself and went along with his words. I was even curious about what he would say next.
“That’s why I’m asking while hurting you deliberately. It’s torture.”
“…Fine, eat me alive. I don’t even care anymore.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
First he tells me to do something, then tells me not to, and when I say to do as he pleases, he says not to do that either? I was speechless at the absurdity.
“…”
“You make me feel bad when you seem like you’ve given up on everything.”
Anger surged up. I might not be able to overpower him physically, but I thought I could shake him off if I used all my strength. Just as I was about to tense up, Hahyun’s hot tears rolled down my spine. And then my heart softened again.
Right, I’m the one who’s a year older and more normal, so I should be patient.
I slowly began to soothe Hahyun.
“I can only say the same thing over and over. I have no intention of running away with Hajin-ssi, and as you know, the reason his name was all over the portal was because Hajin-ssi was in danger.”
The hands holding my waist loosened slightly. Thinking he had calmed down a bit, I tried to get up, but Hahyun’s hands began to tremble. I gave up trying to stand and firmly grasped Hahyun’s hand.
Eventually, Hahyun took my hand and kneaded it for a long time. His harsh breathing gradually became softer. Hahyun mumbled quietly.
“…Actually, I know too. That you were curious and searched because you didn’t know about Hajin hyung’s news.”
“Exactly. You understand well.”
“Haah… But you know. When I actually saw your phone filled with Hajin hyung’s name in the search history, I got so, so angry. I couldn’t think straight…”
I turned my upper body slightly to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were wet with tears from crying so much.
“That’s what happens when you suddenly look at my phone…”
Hahyun answered with a sullen expression.
“Because I kept thinking about it.”
“About what? My phone?”
Hahyun shook his head while hanging it low. Having already shown his true colors, what more could there be?
“You don’t need to know. No, please understand. I’m curious about everything about you. Down to the most trivial details.”
“Yes, I get that, but what did you keep thinking about?”
Hahyun abruptly raised his head. Looking at his wildly trembling eyes like someone who’d been caught hiding something, I said,
“There’s nothing more shocking, so you can tell me.”
“…”
“Hahyun, what makes me more frustrated than your insistence on absurd things is when you don’t even let me know what you’re thinking.”
“…I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”
“Have I ever said I was disappointed by anything you’ve said?”
Hahyun shook his head with his lips pushed out.
“Think about it. I get angry when you try to hide your pain from me, whether it’s physical or emotional.”
His round eyes looked at me with confusion. His expression showed that he couldn’t understand my words at all.
