“You’re good at studying, right?”
I thought, what kind of question is this all of a sudden from a guy who faithfully sleeps every class period? Kkotmoa, who used to doze off even in the very front seat, now openly laid his head down and slept constantly once he got to the very back seat. Each time, I stole glances at his white nape. These days he only took notes very occasionally. Having realized he wouldn’t open them to look at anyway, it seemed he’d changed his strategy to just comfortably sleep. So it was a bit absurd that he was talking about studying with such bright eyes.
“Who said that?”
“Junwoo. He said you’re always first in class and have never fallen outside the top 5 in the entire school. Isn’t that right?”
Our school had up to 18 classes per grade, so it had quite a large student body. The reason I’d never fallen outside the top 5 in the entire school was simply because I didn’t want to hear my parents nagging, and to be more honest, it was the power of private education. Considering the amount of money Father poured into private education for me, it was impossible to fall outside the top 5 in the entire school. Of course, it was possible for Kang Junwoo. That airhead bastard poured even more money into private education than me yet was barely maintaining the middle of the school ranking. No, maybe that bastard was at least maintaining the middle because he poured that much money into private education.
Anyway, for us as third-years, the bragging point we could show off most was grades directly connected to college. I felt good enough to think Kang Junwoo had done something pretty for once in a while. Because Kkotmoa now knew that I was good at studying. Even though I didn’t know why that was something to be proud of, it was clear I felt good.
As I just stared at him without answering, Kkotmoa seemed to take it as affirmation and worked his lips before spitting out words somewhat difficultly. It was far from his usual appearance of fearlessly chattering away quietly with whatever he had to say. It seemed unlike him to be reading the room.
“I have a favor to ask.”
If he asked for a favor with a face like that, anyone would grant it. I’d always only seen other kids asking favors of Kkotmoa, and had never seen him ask anyone for a favor, so I felt pleased for no reason.
“What is it?”
“Could you possibly teach me studying?”
“…It’s going to be May soon, don’t you think it’s too late to start now?”
It was still mid-April, but May would come quickly. And the college entrance exam would come quickly too.
“Uh, um… I’m not really that bad at studying. I’m about average in class.”
Isn’t that being bad? With classes up to 18, being average in one of those classes sounded like nothing but being bad at studying no matter how positively I tried to think about it.
“What about tutoring or academy?”
“It’s a bit of a financial burden to do it that seriously. My family’s circumstances aren’t very good.”
Don’t flower shops make quite a bit of money? Ah, come to think of it, I remembered their flower shop was extremely small. But this kid openly confessed his family situation to me without a care, something most nineteen-year-olds would want to hide. Even if there were kids with difficult circumstances among our classmates, I’d never once heard those kids say it directly. That had been the case throughout high school and in middle school too. It wasn’t something to hide, but it wasn’t particularly something to brag about either, so there were no kids who confidently said their family circumstances weren’t very good like this. Unless they were very close friends.
Ah. Then does Kkotmoa think we’re very close friends?
“My goal isn’t that high either. I just need to be able to get into any college in the Seoul area with a scholarship. A junior college is fine too. I’d like to go to floriculture to take over the flower shop, but since not many people work in their majors these days, I can just go to whatever department fits my grades. But I definitely want to go somewhere in Seoul where I can get a scholarship.”
His appearance adding supplementary explanations, as if he thought I’d refuse, seemed almost desperate. That’s when I could understand Kang Junwoo.
‘She says her family’s fucking struggling so she has to get a scholarship to go to college. I almost got slapped when I said if she dated me I’d recommend her as a sponsored scholarship student for our group. She’s so fucking pretty but has a temper.’
Because I wanted to say the same thing to Kkotmoa right now. Leaving out all the context before and after, just that I’d recommend him as a sponsored scholarship student for our group. It wasn’t pity. I just wanted to see him attend college comfortably without hardship. There were absolutely no other ulterior motives. Even if I kept stealing glances at Kkotmoa’s nape, I’d never had strange thoughts. However, I couldn’t bring those words to my lips. Because what I’d thought Kang Junwoo deserved to get hit for had boomeranged right back to me.
“Actually, I wasn’t planning to go to college, but Dad said he’d kick me out if I didn’t go to college.”
Even if he said it like that, there were no parents who would actually kick out their child for not going to college. It was just an empty threat. But seeing the desperation containing earnestness, it felt strange, as if he’d really be kicked out if he didn’t go to college. His dad looked really gentle though.
“If you’re busy, I’ll ask someone else.”
If it were me, I’d naturally refuse this kind of proposal. Even with Kang Junwoo, whom I was closest with, I’d never even done tutoring together. That Kang Junwoo bastard had begged to do it together a few times, but I was the type who studied alone, and I preferred private tutoring that could be tailored to my skill level. So if it were me, I should naturally refuse.
“When.”
“Huh?”
“When, where, and how many times a week.”
I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. I was someone who was already overwhelmed just with successor lessons on Sundays, even without tutoring. After leaving school, on Mondays I had English tutoring with a native speaker until 10 o’clock, on Tuesdays and Thursdays I had college-level business administration tutoring until 11 PM, on Wednesdays I personally studied philosophy and psychology I was interested in, and only Fridays and Saturdays were free. Of course, if I felt tired, I’d laze around not just on Fridays and Saturdays but also on Wednesdays, the day I studied personally.
“Um… Twice a week after class, wherever’s convenient for you. But I have to help at the flower shop and take care of Jaea so weekends don’t work… I’m busiest on weekends.”
“…Do you have a conscience?”
“Ah, sorry. I’ll just ask someone else.”
Kkotmoa quickly backed down, perhaps feeling it was unconscionable to add all these restrictions when he was the one asking for a favor. Having directly seen how much he loved flowers, I couldn’t say it was incomprehensible.
But seeing the kid who was always bright and cheerful worrying lifelessly, it seemed studying really was a concern. Come to think of it, unlike the noisy March, now with May approaching, the atmosphere had formed and everyone was burning with academic fervor. It might be because of the rumor going around that the June mock exam scores were similar to college entrance exam scores. Even though if you cram for studying, you have to leave more than half to luck.
As Kkotmoa’s request fizzled out, first period started right away. The guy who seemed like he’d ask other kids surprisingly stayed seated in his spot every break and fidgeted around. When I looked at what he was doing, he was copying homework and memorizing English vocabulary. I almost told him they weren’t English words likely to appear on the college entrance exam, but stopped thinking it would only lower his motivation.
He looked almost admirable for not dozing off once during class today, as if studying really was a concern. He even ate lunch roughly and came back, swept up in the class atmosphere, to sit stuck like a fixture struggling with math problems. By my standards, if you understood the formula, it was an extremely easy problem. A problem that could be solved very easily by slightly applying the basic formula. However, the guy who couldn’t properly solve even one problem by the time lunch ended didn’t ask me until the very end.
Our school’s evening self-study system was literally voluntary. Because of the strong private education trend, when they tried to enforce it until 11 PM, parents went crazy. After that, it became completely voluntary. It became a system where only kids who applied stayed at school to study, and actually there weren’t many kids who applied for evening self-study even though they were third-years, unless they didn’t do tutoring or attend academies. I also had my schedule, and Kkotmoa didn’t apply either because he had to help at the flower shop every day. That meant we could leave school when it became 5 o’clock.
Homeroom ended and it became cleaning time. This week’s cleaning was for the third section kids. Kkotmoa and I, in the very back seat by the window, were in the first section. So that also meant we could just go straight home. But I was spouting words I had no mind for at all.
“Wednesday, Friday. After class at the intersection cafe.”
“…Huh?”
Kkotmoa, who’d been packing his bag, looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked back. This kid didn’t lack sense but really was someone who didn’t read others. At times like this, just understanding would be convenient for both of us, wouldn’t it? So I wouldn’t have to say it once more and feel embarrassed.
“You asked me to teach you studying.”
Actually, maybe I’d been thinking about only this all day today. Making the excuse that if I didn’t resolve this, I’d feel uncomfortable.
“Ah. That… can’t we just do it in the classroom instead of a cafe?”
“…Hey. I’m not telling you to pay. I study there on Wednesdays and Fridays anyway, so I’m just telling you to come too.”
Not even knowing why I was lying, lies to Kkotmoa were increasing. The lie about coming to buy flowers, the lie about it being Mom’s birthday present, and the lie about studying at the intersection cafe on Wednesdays and Fridays. My conscience was already pricked for lying to Kkotmoa three times. The act of lying to this clear and innocent kid itself made me feel like I was becoming a bad person.
