People cheering for Ocean. The names fans call out. The styling created with the help of countless staff. The body moving dynamically until breathless on the glamorous stage.
The first-place trophy received on music shows.
Endless schedules.
When memories came to mind of the era when he wore a tacky pink awkward wig and wore a completely worn-out princess dress full of musty smells that had been piled up in the broadcasting station’s prop room, Siwoo’s closed eyes slowly opened. The luxury brand clothes he had just taken off outside the shower booth came into view.
Though both were cross-dressing, there was an incomparable difference between the past and the present.
He hadn’t had time to think like this for a while. But why was he suddenly feeling this way? It felt like standing alone in an empty field. The moment he had dreamed of was right before his eyes.
“Let’s not have useless thoughts. Let’s do our best as if this is the last time. You always have, haven’t you?”
After finishing his shower and changing into the clothes he brought, Siwoo stretched the turtleneck long without folding it in half to create natural wrinkles. It was fortunate it was a turtleneck knit. Though it didn’t seem like there would be severe bruising or marks left, the area around his neck was particularly reddened due to his body temperature rising from the shower.
A long sigh flowed from Siwoo’s mouth as he grabbed the doorknob to go out.
How am I going to face Evanie?
They hugged and slept together, hugged as if playing around, and kissed frequently.
Strangely, today his pheromones felt thick and deep inside his body seemed hotter than usual. Even after showering, the complex emotions and sensations Evan had created continued to remain.
“The tonic is the problem, the tonic. What on earth did you put in it?”
Siwoo pressed his forehead against the door with a thud, then slowly turned his body to look at the ceiling. After taking the tonic, his hands and feet had definitely become warmer. He, who felt cold more than heat, didn’t seem to have really thought it was cold at all until now.
Even knowing he had to go out, the time he lingered increased. Siwoo put his hand inside the knit and gently rubbed his lower abdomen. He couldn’t particularly feel heat on his skin. It was similar to his usual body temperature, but was it his imagination that the inside of his body felt particularly hot?
As he absentmindedly rubbed his stomach, he became hungry. Come to think of it, he had no memory of eating anything properly since being dragged around by the coordinator team since morning. The coffee he drank at the duty-free shop was all.
“Siwoo-ya! Where did Siwoo go?”
At the sound of someone looking for him outside, Siwoo shrugged his shoulders and straightened his body.
“Yes! I’m here.”
Opening the door and going out, Siwoo chuckled when he saw the slippers placed right in front. Because it was obvious who would do something like this.
“Where did our pretty Siwoo noona go? Siwoo noona, I missed you.”
“Chan-i hyung says the Siwoo noona he misses shouldn’t plan on seeing him anymore.”
Putting his feet in the slippers and going to where the members had gathered, Siwoo smiled and lightly retorted at Chan’s teasing words calling him noona.
“Why? I haven’t even gotten noona’s autograph yet!”
“Ah… Give us back our noona.”
Yechan, who had approached at some point, looked over Siwoo wearing loose knit with training pants suitable for a long flight, then shook his head and muttered gloomily.
“Stop it. If that noona comes twice, we’ll be mistaken for a co-ed group. Siwoo, what do you want to eat? We’re all hungry…”
“What do you have?”
When things were awkward, it was better to hang out with the members than be alone together. For a moment he thought it strange that his whole body had more heat than usual, but soon Siwoo forgot all the questions he had in front of food.
* * *
“Wow, this is no joke.”
Siwoo nodded slightly at Yechan’s words. It was Siwoo’s first time at a Music Awards too, but it was also the Ocean members’ first time. Whether it was because the regression point had changed, Ocean’s debut had also changed.
Based on Evan, he should have debuted at eighteen and be in his third year of debut by now, but they were rookies who released their first album this January.
Though they had been invited thanks to successfully running the road to success through their second album following their first, honestly he was full of thoughts that even just receiving a rookie award would be good. Everywhere they went they were busy greeting staff and singers they passed by with 90-degree bows, and from rehearsal, everything was in the very last order.
“Dude, why are you so unbothered?”
Unlike the members who gradually showed anxiety as the Music Awards time approached, Sangjun shook his head seeing Evan sitting on the waiting room sofa just fiddling with his phone.
There was no surprise from the start, no nervousness. Sangjun found it truly fascinating how Evan smoothly accomplished anything without hesitation.
“I just do it. What’s there to be nervous about?”
The corners of Evan’s mouth, who spoke as if it was nothing, rose slightly, and Evan quickly moved his fingers to type on his phone.
“Why aren’t you nervous? The stage is different, the stage.”
“Sangjun-ah, you still don’t know? That guy is on his third life. At least third.”
Chan, who had been standing still receiving the coordinator’s touch, turned his head to look at them.
“That does seem like it.”
“I’m not on my third… Yechan, when did you post this photo? It’s gone crazy.”
Though he seemed focused on fiddling with his phone, Evan, who had been listening to their conversation and answering diligently, looked at Yechan with a furrowed brow.
When did he take another photo like this without me knowing? On Yechan’s SNS was a photo of Siwoo and Yechan hugging tightly by the window in the airport VIP waiting room.
Moreover, the comment below was just one line.
[The beloved Siwoo noona we can never see again♡]
Entertainment news and fans’ SNS were buzzing with Siwoo’s airport fashion. Even now, photos of them taken by fans at the airport kept being steadily posted.
“Siwoo hyung said it was okay to post.”
Yechan glanced at Siwoo, who was receiving makeup while sitting in a chair. Only Siwoo didn’t notice, but that was clearly a plea for salvation asking Siwoo to save him.
“It came out well, right?”
At Evan’s words, Siwoo’s lips curved beautifully as he lifted his phone to check Yechan’s SNS. Looking at it like this, it really seemed like he was hugging someone else, not himself.
Evan’s eyebrows twitched as he looked at Siwoo and Yechan for a moment. Then, making an expression as if it couldn’t be helped, Evan clicked on his phone gallery. If even Yechan is posting, what reason is there for me not to post?
“But Evan hyung, you’re not on your third life? Then fifth?”
“No.”
“Then what number are you on?”
Yechan, who had already finished all preparations, asked while taking a sip of water to moisten his parched mouth from tension.
“Curious?”
“Yes.”
An absurd conversation took place in the waiting room. Siwoo also chuckled listening to their silly conversation. Even he thought it did seem that way.
For a rookie, Evan knew a lot about broadcasting-related things. He was someone who intervened to some degree in Ocean’s albums and schedules too. It would take quite a lot of time to learn about broadcasting. But if he was participating from the planning stage, he needed to have a lot of information about this industry.
But Evan had smoothly accomplished all those things.
In this life, Evan graduated early from high school in England, came to Korea, went through being a trainee, and debuted as an idol. The period he spent as a trainee and when Siwoo became a trainee for the group called Ocean were similar.
Regression. Though he himself was experiencing that countless times right now, in any case, their conversation was something that didn’t make sense.
“How do you count that?”
At Evan’s words spoken while frowning, fixing his gaze on his phone with a serious expression, Siwoo turned his head without realizing it.
Even at the words saying Siwoo-ya, look ahead, he couldn’t easily straighten his head.
“Count what?”
“Whether you regressed. How do you count that? You can count once or twice, but.”
At Evan’s answer without any emotion, laughter burst from Chan’s mouth. The staff who heard all their conversation also started laughing one after another.
“No, why are you seriously talking about such things? The one asking how many times you’ve regressed and the one answering that you can’t count it are the same, the same. Good grief, Evan, did you post a photo too?”
‘How do you count that?’
The words Evan just said kept circling in his head. That can’t be. Evan is a regressor? Siwoo, who had been looking at Evan, slowly made eye contact with Evan who was raising his head. As soon as their gazes intertwined, he quickly closed his eyes at the sight of him grinning and winking at him.
“Look this way. Keep your eyes closed.”
Siwoo faithfully followed the staff’s words to face forward and keep his eyes closed. His mood, which had been peaceful until just now, became strangely twisted. It felt like he could grab the end of something, but he couldn’t catch it.
“Siwoo-ya, are you hot?”
Feeling the soft brush pass across his face, Siwoo, who had been repeating the sentence circling in his head, opened his closed eyes. The staff’s hand, which felt a bit cool, touched Siwoo’s forehead.
“You don’t seem to have a fever. Do you have signs of a cold or any discomfort?”
At her words, the sight of Evan getting up from the sofa and approaching was reflected in the mirror.
“No, my condition is fine.”
Siwoo, who tilted his head for a moment, answered honestly. It was no different from usual. He had rested enough after the flight, and yesterday’s schedule was just the Music Awards rehearsal. He slept comfortably too, and there was nothing particularly uncomfortable.
The staff said that because Siwoo’s cheeks, which were closer to transparent rather than white, looked a bit flushed. Though it was easily covered by makeup, the staff in charge of makeup every day didn’t miss such subtle parts.
Evan’s large hand, who had approached from behind, landed on Siwoo’s shoulder.
“…Evan. Don’t you think it’s a bit much too?”
Not only his cheeks were red, but his nape, ears, and Siwoo’s fingertips were also redder than usual.
“Yes. It is a bit.”
Evan, who looked at Siwoo’s face reflected in the mirror, paused a bit before slowly answering. Then he lightly patted Siwoo’s shoulder under his hand.
Even until they woke up together this morning, there was nothing strange. It was a small change that anyone who wasn’t really close or always watching him would easily miss, but now he couldn’t ignore anything.
“I think it’s because I’m nervous.”
As people’s gazes focused on him, Siwoo shrugged with a slightly exaggerated smile.
“I’ll step out for a moment.”
“You have to go out to the hall in 30 minutes, so don’t be late.”
At Myunghun’s words, Evan left a word saying he understood and hurriedly left the waiting room.
