The emotions that had bubbled up and surged like water boiling over in an instant subsided. Contrary to himself gradually finding stability, Evan’s face darkened endlessly.
Evan’s thumb, cupping Siwoo’s cheek, wiped the tear-dampened cheek. Moisture appeared on Evan’s face as he wiped Siwoo’s wet face like that.
Instead of touching his face, Siwoo wrapped his hands around Evan’s hand that was touching his cheek. And rubbing his cheek against Evan’s warmth-filled hand, he tapped Evan’s fingers with his fingertips.
“Why?”
No sound came from Siwoo’s mouth, still choked up. Only his lips moved soundlessly.
Evan didn’t answer that question. He just slowly closed his eyes.
When Evan closed his eyes, thick tears formed droplets and flowed down his cheeks.
Siwoo stared at Evan’s face with his eyes closed.
Can I like you? Can I love you? If I regress, what kind of life will you live? In those memories of yours, will I be poison? Or medicine?
His insides churned. In the end, it’s all greed.
He consoled himself to let it all go. He even thought he had become good at letting go now.
But his overflowing greed couldn’t do that. He wanted to have both the position of top star and Evan. His choice might destroy Evan. There were countless celebrities who collapsed from dating rumors.
Whether the dating rumors were true or false didn’t matter. For someone in the top position, such scandals were close to the worst. Twenty years old now. It felt like he had grabbed Evan’s ankle when he should be spreading his wings wide.
“What’s so hard and painful?”
Opening his eyes again, Evan spoke as if muttering in a low, small voice.
“I’m fine.”
“No. You’re not fine.”
At Siwoo’s words that he was fine, Evan spoke firmly.
He bought plums. He had gone to great lengths to find and buy that plum farm Siwoo used to like.
It was truly an impulsive action. The current Siwoo might hate plums.
When asked what his favorite fruit was, Siwoo had written ‘watermelon.’
He just wanted to give them. Because Siwoo ate plums so deliciously, like a squirrel picking up acorns on an autumn day. Sometimes when he put a whole one in his mouth, his chubby cheeks were truly adorable.
The feeling when placing plums on the small hand extended toward him was indescribable. But Siwoo’s reaction was completely unexpected. As soon as he saw the plums, Siwoo frowned.
He seemed to dislike them, so he tried to take the plums back, but Siwoo’s hand clutching the plums moved faster.
And Siwoo cried.
He didn’t make any sound. Daehwan, who was driving, didn’t even know what was happening in the back seat. He wished he would make sounds and express his complaints instead.
The moment their eyes met with Siwoo shedding only clear tears, his heart tightened.
A sharp awl stabbed his heart countless times. A numbness spread through his whole body and a stuffiness rushed in as if his chest would burst. In that moment, Evan realized. That the emotion he was feeling right now was Siwoo’s. It was emotional synchronization he was experiencing for the first time since regressing.
Before regression, he had never felt it this strongly. He just read Siwoo’s emotions as naturally as breathing, and rather, it was Siwoo, not himself, who was swept away by his emotions. Evan became dizzy at those swamp-like emotions fiercely swallowing him up.
What hurts like this? Why is he in pain?
He was anxious. Perhaps Siwoo might really hate him. Might dislike him crazily.
If it’s Siwoo’s personality that he knows…….
He might have accepted those emotions he had forced on him all this time to avoid creating discord.
Unable to control his overflowing emotions, he had pushed them onto Siwoo. He constantly coveted Siwoo’s lips. He was desperate to touch him. In a way, Siwoo had completely accepted his immature behavior. What if all of that was a pretense?
Clearly Siwoo is not fine. There seems to be some problem. But his insides boiled at the sight of him spewing nonsensical words that he’s fine with a clear face as if he had never cried. The emotional synchronization that had been deeply connected without Evan being conscious of it had already ended.
He can’t back down. He doesn’t want the ring he barely got on to disappear from Siwoo’s hand. He can’t lose these eyes that look only at him. He wants to continue feeling the plum scent that drives him crazy even now.
Evan slowly closed his eyes and opened them.
“Coco.”
“The plums are delicious.”
After spitting out the seed, Siwoo asked if there were more plums.
‘What should I do?’
Evan couldn’t continue his words. Because perhaps what he needs to do is the breakup Siwoo wants. He was holding the end of a thin thread that seemed about to break at any moment. It was the kind of string that would fall helplessly whenever Siwoo cut it.
“Were the plums okay? If you want, I’ll buy more.”
Instead of what he wanted to say, he asked an ordinary question.
“Yeah. The plums are delicious but…… I think I don’t need to eat any more.”
With those words, Siwoo removed Evan’s hand that was still cupping his cheek.
“It’s not that I dislike them……. Plums are, well, kind of. They’re really good, but there’s a sad memory. That’s why. Were you very surprised?”
In the quiet space, only the sound of the radio that Daehwan had turned on could be heard. Siwoo, who had sat up straight, carefully spoke as if he felt he needed to explain something.
“Did I touch a painful spot?”
“It’s a bit sad but it’s a happy memory.”
Evan rubbed his face with his hand. It’s confusing. Even while regressing countless times, this was the first time it was this difficult. He thought he could just do it again. He thought he could try and challenge again. But all those thoughts were his own arrogance.
He didn’t know much about Siwoo before regression, and it was the same now. Caught up in his own emotions, he had rushed even more. Perhaps his hastiness had ruined everything.
It feels like he’s missing something important. What is it that he’s missing right now?
Evan’s gaze reached the rings on both their hands.
He covered it with friendship. Although it wasn’t the left ring finger, he was overwhelmed just by having something shared with him on his hand.
He could see Siwoo overlapping, constantly hesitating at the store.
“The ring…….”
At the same time Evan opened his mouth, Siwoo’s right hand touched the ring on his left hand. Stroking the smooth surface with his fingertips, he slowly turned the ring with his thumb and index finger.
“It’s pretty. Right?”
‘You can take it off if you want.’
It was something he didn’t want to say out loud, but he was going to say that Siwoo could take off the ring if he wanted. But he swallowed those words at what Siwoo said while looking at him with a bright smile while touching the ring.
“Yeah, the ring is pretty. Don’t take it off. I think I’d be upset if you did.”
“Evanie.”
“Yeah.”
Evan, who had hesitated for a moment, reached out to Siwoo and soon grasped Siwoo’s hand. Even though they’re touching like this, he’s anxious.
“If your feelings ever change, tell me anytime. I’m…… dating someone for the first time so I don’t know well. I don’t know how to make the other person happy, and I don’t really know what it means to treat someone well either. You might be very frustrated. And I really want to hide it.”
Because I don’t want it to be known and become an obstacle to your future. The world isn’t as beautiful as you know and purity doesn’t help at all. Everyone welcomes the friendly appearance of sharing friendship as members of the same group.
If their relationship deepens, the world’s perspective looking at them will change quickly. Moreover, Evan is an alpha and he’s not a beta, right? Well, even if he were an omega…… Siwoo wanted to explain to Evan as well as possible.
He liked Evan’s purity of being honest about everything and not hiding his emotions. The incident where their lips dangerously touched on set was probably only possible because it was Evan. If he considered and thought about this and that like himself, all that would remain would be regret.
So he matched his tempo for a moment. Right now, Evan was fast. So fast he couldn’t come to his senses.
“Coco, don’t think too deeply. Just do what you want to do. Don’t think about other people. Think only of yourself.”
“What are you saying. Then don’t think about me either?”
“Right. Don’t think about me either. Our 2nd album will do well. This winter, you might be able to choose and go to the music awards you want. We’ll start an overseas tour from next summer at the latest too.”
“What arrogance. I honestly admit our songs are good, but you have to open the lid to know.”
Siwoo spoke seriously to Evan, who was filled with thoughts that they could achieve everything. His words are right. Ocean will be like that. But there’s also the one-in-ten-thousand chance, isn’t there?
“You said you wanted to, so I’ll make it happen.”
At Evan’s arrogant words, Siwoo burst into soft laughter. He said he’d make him a top star if he wanted. Evan’s personality must all be the same.
At Siwoo’s sudden laughter, Daehwan glanced at the back through the rearview mirror. Siwoo, whose eyes met Daehwan’s in the rearview mirror, waved his hand slightly to indicate it was nothing.
Suddenly, he recalled Evan saying he would give him the world.
“Okay, let’s do that. Go to music awards, do overseas tours, and love you too. Ah!”
Siwoo, who had stopped laughing and was answering, made a small sound when Evan suddenly gripped his hand tightly. The tightly held hand hurt.
“I want to kiss you.”
Siwoo, who had been lightly hitting Evan’s hand to tell him to let go of his aching hand, raised his head to look at him.
“You must be crazy.”
Muttering like that, Siwoo glanced at Daehwan in front with a sidelong look. He was concentrating on driving while humming along to the song coming from the radio.
“Let’s just date publicly.”
At Evan’s words that seemed like grumbling, Siwoo winked. Then he unbuckled his seatbelt and moved closer to Evan.
I’m against public dating, but this kind of thing is okay, right? Siwoo’s lips briefly touched Evan’s lips and then parted.
“I don’t like public dating. But I do like kisses.”
“Kim Siwoo. Do you want to drive me crazy?”
The first time is hard, but the second time is easy. At first, he was satisfied with kisses that passed by like a touch, but now these kinds of pecks were just ticklish.
“Yeah. I want you to be crazy about me. As crazy as I am about you.”
Evan’s hand moved toward Siwoo. The moment he tried to embrace him, the car turned a curve, and Siwoo staggered and plopped down in place.
Soon after, Siwoo’s clear laughter rang out in the car. That laughter completely covered Evan’s voice muttering curses softly into his mouth.
“What’s so funny between you two? Let me know too.”
Siwoo held his stomach and laughed. Just then, as the car stopped at a signal, Daehwan turned around and asked.
“It’s a secret.”
Siwoo, who had barely composed his laughter, answered like that while gauging Evan’s reaction.
